From Day 1 to now, there is HOPE

[ModKatB]

I started this journey 369 days ago and my life has been turned up side down a couple of times. When I found this forum I had gotten to the point where I did not want to live anymore and would have been okay if I had died but all of that has changed now. I still have times where I miss my husband just like I did in the beginning but after I cry for a while it seems to get better. I have found that writing about what I am feeling helps me to be able to handle some of the ups and downs that come with all of these intense emotions. This journey is painful, long and something none of us want to do but we get thrown out here anyway and have to figure out which way to go. I have found as many that I met here had told me in their comments, that grief has no particular order you have to follow and it has its own time table. We all understand that there is pain and that the emotions are overwhelming in the beginning and we also understand that each of us has our own way of handling those feelings, so what works for me might not work for you. I felt so lucky to have found that there were so many that understood I was hurting and they shared their stories with me so that I could know that there was hope even though I did not feel like it at the moment. I also learned that I did not have to worry about being tough and moving on. If anything I found out it is okay to fall apart and if I could only do it hour by hour or even moment by moment that was okay too. I am not over the death of my husband and in all honesty I will never be "over" losing the one person in this life that was my soulmate, the one that was perfect for me, but I have found that I am able to think about him and our life and love without always crying. I am learning to deal with this life that is mine now without him and yes I still have some very hard days in with the good days. There are times I am able to remember him and laugh at some of the funny things he did or said and I am now able to look at our pictures without falling apart. I guess what I am trying to say is that there is HOPE for times in the future where you can be happy and that while you will never forget them it will just be a little bit easier to remember them.

As always my wish is that all of us can find peace and maybe a small reason to smile.

 

[Janaki]

Hi,

Its very nice to know how you are able to handle.  For me just 3 months are over.  Its very painful and frustrating.  I am also finding my ways to keep busy, have good colleagues, friends, siblings.  These are the days when I have everything but there is a huge emptiness in the heart.  Missing my heart forever.  Your post is giving me some home.  Thank you and lot of hugs to you too to handle yourself.

[JES]

@KatB   Your post is so real and so encouraging to others. No matter what we are going through we always need hope, and you have showed us that it can still be there for the future. We desperately need that now more than ever. Thankyou for sharing. 

[KayC]

I felt your message was so timely, arriving with Valentine's Day.  Thank you for sharing, Kat! I also love your poems and have saved them all!