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United and then Separated


PeacebyGrace

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My wife and I dated for 7 years, living in different cities, only seeing each other on weekends, before marrying 2 and a half years ago. We both had established careers. We prayed for a way to merge homes in one city, under one roof without having to give up one income. She has a young daughter who is established in her school. I have one of those careers that is regional. For me to move, I would have to continue running my business from 155 miles away. A huge burden, but one that was worth being able to be with the one I love the most. I finally made the decision to move so that she could keep her job and her daughter in the same school. In May of 2018, we finally bought our beautiful home. During the move from her condo, I made plans to restructure my business, renovate her condo and started getting rid of 18 years of unwanted things at my home, so that we could merge our belongings under one roof. The amount of work was enormous and kept us busy over the entire summer. My house was also getting upgrades over the summer. I uprooted my career, and friendships to be with her, but I say, it was well worth it. In Sept, she needed to go to the E.R. with chest pains They kept her overnight doing numerous tests, I stayed with her. They determined is was pneumonia and sent us home over the weekend. Monday morning, I unloaded the last box off the truck from my house. Finally, we can begin our life together under one roof. We went to lunch to celebrate. after lunch, the E.R. calls back to tell her that she needs to come in for a bone marrow biopsy. We were floored. She had AML Leukemia and they wanted to keep her in the hospital for 30 days. I was there with her every day and running her daughter to and from school. Sometimes I stayed overnight. She lost her battle 3 weeks later from complications from the chemo that weakened her body. I am so lost and disoriented. New home in a new city with few friends and a business 155 miles away. Moving right now is not an option. Other than grief share, I am looking for a support group, to develop community.

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I am sorry that all happened so suddenly and you lost your wife. I also lost my wife to cancer, it was lung cancer. She battled for a year and 8 months before she passed away.
My heart go
es out to you.  

 

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@PeacebyGrace  Wow, you have been through so much!  I am so sorry!  My husband and I met in our mid40s, married, and 3 2/3 years later he suddenly died, we didn't know until that weekend he even had heart trouble!  His third day in the hospital he died, awaiting surgery.  

You find yourself living away from your business...do you have her daughter?  If not is it possible to stay near your business during the workweek?  I felt, like you, that we had just put our lives together, only to have it all abruptly end!  It's very hard, surreal.

I hope you find a good grief counselor and grief support group.  Here's a couple of articles on it...also, hospice often offers grief counseling the first year.

http://www.griefhealingblog.com/2012/10/seeing-specialist-in-grief-counseling.html
http://www.griefhealingblog.com/2010/04/finding-grief-support-that-is-right-for.html
https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2012/11/grief-support-groups-what-are-benefits.html
https://whatsyourgrief.com/grief-support-groups-positives-and-pitfalls/

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@PeacebyGrace I am new here, but your story touched me, and I relate. I tragically lost my husband 2 weeks ago. He was 33 years old. We met while he was in the military, were together for 2 years before we got married, and had been married for just a year and a half. We were both away from our families when we met, then uprooted and moved across the country so he could further his career. Not even 2 months later, God's hand came down for him and he passed away outside of our front door, after doing the noble deed of walking a female friend of ours to her car late at night. The total shock and utter incomprehensibility of such a loss at a young age is more than one can fathom. Here I am, 31 years old, a widow, in a foreign city where I have few friends and 3000 miles from "home". Luckily I have the help from the government, but I would trade everything, literally, to have him back. I'd trade it all. I don't know how old you are, nor does it matter, but I hear you so much. When the love that is so fresh and building a life together is suddenly taken, when you finally find the one, and then he/she is no longer there, and you give up yourself for that person, the pain is piercing. I would love to continue speaking with you. I am so sorry for your loss. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

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JocelynMH
I am so sorry this happened to you. I just had to reply back to you as soon as possible. Please stay in touch and write as much as you need to, to communicate what you are feeling. It's so hard being so far away from home and new in town. It's very isolating. But you are my new friend here. Your tragedy, nightmare sounds a lot like mine. Shocking. It almost feels like we got tricked. The love you had for each other sounds strong, and I know you are suffering right now. Please know that I am praying for you. I want to keep in touch with you. This is so tough. I will write more in a bit, but I wanted to send this to you right away so you know I am here, and I hear you.

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@JocelynMH  I am so sorry for your loss, so young, it's very unfair and shocking.  I pray this site brings you much comfort as we walk this journey together.

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@PeacebyGrace  That is so heartbreaking.  After all you two did to finally be together on a daily basis.  I am so sorry for your loss.  This forum was a great outlet for me and continues to be in this unfair journey so I hope it helps you and you can use it in whatever way you can to bring even the slightest bit of comfort.

 

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@JocelynMH I'm so sorry for your loss.  I know what it feels like to lose the love your life at an age you would have never expected to.  I'm 38, just passed a year since I lost her.  She was 37 at the time and it still feels as raw as it did then.  This forum has been very good to me for those days where I need an outlet to voice anything going on in my brain especially for those of us who don't have that support system at home.   I hope it helps you the same way it has helped me get thru some very dark days.   Don't be afraid to reach out when you need to and voice whatever it is that you need to shout from a roof top.   Many good hearts here ready to listen.

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