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John/Wendy

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Life at the end...

How fast this has all gone. When your young and you see old couples in the park, walking hand in hand or a movie showing old couples sitting in rocking chairs staring into a sunset, looking into eachothers eyes with complete eternal love. That’s what we all wanted. That was the plan. How cruel life can be for all of us hopeless romantics. I wanted the “Note Book” ending. To die in each other’s arms. Looking back and having memories and photos, it all seems so surreal now. How did I get this old and what in the world did we do to deserve this ending? I’m left with all the “whys”. But I’m also left with all the “buts”. Why all the suffering and loss and loneliness. But...what about all the blessings of finding the love of my life and 31 years of marriage and healthy children and grand children and living in this day and time with all the luxuries and joys we lived with? How can I feel cheated when there are so many in history and living now in the world who never had half of what we had? The truth is I can’t. I won’t hate God or Fate. I am grieving a lose that can’t be replaced. My dreams. My “Love” has moved on. I won’t have her look down on me constantly crying and wishing things could have been better or different. I will learn to forgive myself for all of the things I “could” have done differently, that “could” have changed our lives. “But”, I will rejoice in the times we were given and the lives that we lived. It is beyond what I can deal with most days. The loss of a partner in this life, is like nothing life can prepare you for. It is a once in a lifetime journey that no one thinks about or dwells on when we are in a relationship. I remember getting life insurance and briefly saying to my wife, “ I want to make sure you and the kids have something when I’m gone”. But never did I dwell on let myself think about how my death would impact there lives. “They’ll get over it” is about as far as I would let myself think about it. Now, being the one alone all I can think about is how is my wife feeling now? She never thought of herself dying. So from now until my time comes, I will try and live my life with the responsibility of showing my “Love” that what we had ment the world to me, that I won’t let this grief destroy what’s left for me here and that what she gave me will strengthen me until me meet again.

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@John/Wendy

thank you for this.  Beautifully written.  Just what I needed to read this difficult morning before going to work.  I will definitely come back and read this again :)

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20 hours ago, John/Wendy said:

Life at the end...

How fast this has all gone. When your young and you see old couples in the park, walking hand in hand or a movie showing old couples sitting in rocking chairs staring into a sunset, looking into eachothers eyes with complete eternal love. That’s what we all wanted. That was the plan. How cruel life can be for all of us hopeless romantics. I wanted the “Note Book” ending. To die in each other’s arms. Looking back and having memories and photos, it all seems so surreal now. How did I get this old and what in the world did we do to deserve this ending? I’m left with all the “whys”. But I’m also left with all the “buts”. Why all the suffering and loss and loneliness. But...what about all the blessings of finding the love of my life and 31 years of marriage and healthy children and grand children and living in this day and time with all the luxuries and joys we lived with? How can I feel cheated when there are so many in history and living now in the world who never had half of what we had? The truth is I can’t. I won’t hate God or Fate. I am grieving a lose that can’t be replaced. My dreams. My “Love” has moved on. I won’t have her look down on me constantly crying and wishing things could have been better or different. I will learn to forgive myself for all of the things I “could” have done differently, that “could” have changed our lives. “But”, I will rejoice in the times we were given and the lives that we lived. It is beyond what I can deal with most days. The loss of a partner in this life, is like nothing life can prepare you for. It is a once in a lifetime journey that no one thinks about or dwells on when we are in a relationship. I remember getting life insurance and briefly saying to my wife, “ I want to make sure you and the kids have something when I’m gone”. But never did I dwell on let myself think about how my death would impact there lives. “They’ll get over it” is about as far as I would let myself think about it. Now, being the one alone all I can think about is how is my wife feeling now? She never thought of herself dying. So from now until my time comes, I will try and live my life with the responsibility of showing my “Love” that what we had ment the world to me, that I won’t let this grief destroy what’s left for me here and that what she gave me will strengthen me until me meet again.

Love this 

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