My father-in-law

[JapanPerson]

Hi there,

On New Years Eve, my father-in-law passed away, someone whose relationship with me most closely resembled that of a real father. The circumstances of which have created a lot of anger in me, which I seldom feel otherwise.

When I was a baby, my parents separated, and my real father died shortly afterwards. I never had a father figure throughout my childhood, though I was always keen to get to know my friends' dads. After I met my wife now wife, it took 6 years before I actually met her parents, because we lived in the UK, and they are Japanese and lived in Japan. Meeting him for the first time, even though we had some very obvious language barriers, we connected very well. He has a son, but his son is beyond obnoxious (he's a sociopath), and he was mistreating both of my wife's parents. My father-in-law and I shared a lot in common (something that I've not found in many people at all), and we shared some really happy moments together. That was our first visit to see my in-laws in Japan. At the time we also had 3 kids, so they all got to meet their grandparents. One of my most cherished memories, is when we went to a playground with the kids and my father, and he suddenly was not anywhere to be seen. I said to my wife "Where's your dad gone?!", we soon found out, when we saw him sliding down the 50m slide from the entrance to the playground to the actual playground, holding three ice creams. It really summed up his character so nicely.

Fast-forward to the beginning of 2018, and we decided to move to Japan. Something we had found before arriving, was that my father had been forced to leave his home by my brother-in-law, and was now living alone. My mother stayed hoping he'd come back, but was now the punching bag for my brother-in-law. Any mention of my father with my brother-in-law within listening distance would get him riled up, and he'd take it out on my mother. (This was of course all behind locked doors, and my mother would not admit very much).

My father was not allowed to return, and his belongings were slowly being dumped or burned by my brother-in-law. We had to save some of his things, and bring them to our home. My father now lived alone in a tiny single room apartment, and worked almost everyday (he was 73). He used to come to our house every so often, and bring things for the kids, and he'd sometimes bring some drinks for me, or something of his, like his old leather jacket which I wear everyday. We also spent some time out together as a family, and secretly brought my mother along with us, so that both my mother and father could spend some time together. We never went to his apartment, and my wife was worried about keeping his address in the house, in case my brother-in-law found it. Nobody knew where he was living. He was quite a private person, so my wife didn't want to intrude on his privacy by going to his apartment.

On the 28th, my mother received a phone call from his work, saying he had not come in that day. He was meticulous about keeping to his schedule. We were all worried, but we had to tread so carefully so to not let my brother-in-law know. My wife was working all day, and my language skills were not ready for this. We began scouring the house for his address, I drove my mother to the city where he lived, so we could find his estate agent, but it was closed. In our frantic filled search, we had a hint as to where he could live and checked if his car was there, but it wasn't. At this point it was the 30th, and we had to find him so we called the police, they found him in his apartment on the 31st, and told us he had died that day in the morning. My wife and I went to the police station to identify him. We are all devastated, but I feel this would never have happened if he was not forced to leave. In my eyes, my brother-in-law (or so called) murdered my father by forcing everyone into this situation of secrecy.

The funeral is on Sunday, and I don't know how well I will hold up. I really cared for him as though he was my own father, hence why I posted this into the father/mother section of this forum, and hence why I mainly only referred to both of my in-laws without the suffix. 

I miss you so much お父さん！I wish I could have spent more time with you, and that I could have solved this mess that led to this.

[reader]

Dear JapanPerson,

My deepest sympathies and condolences. I am so sorry to hear about the passing of your father-in-law.

I know its hard. You obviously adored him and wanted him the best for him. I know how much we all wish we could go back and change things. But no none of us could have known the future.

Take your time to grieve. Please know we are with you.

Sending my thoughts and prayers.