Ways to cope with losing both of your parents in the same year

[Miss Dee]

 Hello 2018 has been a rough year.  In January of this year my 87-year-old mom, who am I adored, passed away from complications of a very large hiatal hernia after two failed surgeries there was nothing more that could be done it was very hard and I had a hard time accepting her death. The next few months were terrible I found out that I have OCD and I had intrusive thoughts and rumination and lots of guilt mostly false but they’re  are always things you wish you had done or didn’t do,  anyway I lost 25 pounds and half of my hair fell out and with God’s help and counseling and support of my wonderful family I pulled  through that .   I was still grieving but not destroying my own life or health I; i will grieve for my mom forever I miss her so much.   While grieving for her and trying to accept the loss my sister and I focused on our dad who was just about to turn 90 at the time of our mom’s passing.  We spent almost every day with him and I was planning to work things out so he could move in with us.    We didn’t move fast enough on that nine months after my mom’s passing my dad  had an episode of sleeplessness and shortness of breath he ended up in the hospital and we found out he had 15% heart function and most of his heart was blocked they didn’t think there was anything they can do but the cardiologist sent his case to another cardiologist at UC Davis who studied the case and felt very confident that he could help my dad by placing stents (spelling ?). They sent him home from the hospital to wait for his appointment at UC Davis which was about a week and a half away. he had a home health nurse and a physical therapist and he had us but the weekend before his surgery week he passed away, it appeared he had tried to get out of bed and just fell back and passed away, it was so shocking because the doctors were so hopeful they could help him it was such a shock...  I miss my sweet daddy so much he didn’t make it to his 91st birthday.  He was such a dear sweet man and everywhere he went people loved him he cared about all of us so much.  I also realize that we depended on each other a lot after mom‘s passing maybe too much because now that he’s gone I feel more lost than ever he used to call me every night before he went to bed and say good night to me and that he loved me and that was even after I had been at his house in the evening after work for two or three hours we did depend on each other a lot to get us through the trauma of losing mom.   Anyway I didn’t react well to my mom’s death and adding my dad‘s passing on top of that in such a short period of time I am now struggling with periods of depression I feel OK sometimes but it doesn’t last very long it’s a real roller coaster.  My dad died this year October 27 so it’s almost been 10 weeks  but still feels like yesterday I still walk through the grocery store and see things I used to pick up for him and think I need to grab it and take it to him,  I still expect his call in the evening I miss going over and seeing him every day,   and mixing with that I’m still missing my mom I will always miss both of them I just don’t think depression should be a part of this and I’m asking for help on how to be rid of that part of it. being sad,  lonely and grief stricken are one thing but being depressed is another...  any help would be greatly appreciated . 

[reader]

Dear Miss Dee,

My deepest sympathies and condolences. I am so sorry to hear of the passing of both your parents.

Please don't be hard on yourself. It is devastating to lose both parents in such a short time. I think what you are feeling and thinking is normal part of grief. You were so close to both your parents it is only natural and normal to feel this way. Please know you are not alone.

If you want to maybe consider grief counselling or joining a support group in the community or through church. Please know we are all here with you.

I also found these websites helpful in understanding my grief.

Grief Healing Blog

Grief in Common

What's Your Grief

Grief Recovery Method

Aging Care

Take care of yourself the best you can. Thinking of you. Sending all my thoughts and prayers.

[Miss Dee]

Dear Reader,

thank you so much for your kind reply .  I so appreciate your comments they were very helpful.  I m so sorry for your loss also. I will be back in grief counseling next week so should help...thank you for the list of websites I will take a look at them and thank you again I won’t think I’m going crazy anymore.

[reader]

Dear Miss Dee,

I hope the grief counselling helps and makes you feel supported.

Take care of yourself. Thinking of you.

[Miss Dee]

Thank you so much

[reader]

Please know we are here with you. Wishing you peace and comfort in 2019.