Lost My 3yr old only grandson

[joelandjorri]

We just lost our only grandson yesterday. He was 3 years old. How do you live with the pain? How can I help my son and daughter in law live with the pain and grief? What can I do to help them? What can I do to help me? I just want to shut out the world, curl into a little ball and ...

[ModKonnie]

We just lost our only grandson yesterday. He was 3 years old. How do you live with the pain? How can I help my son and daughter in law live with the pain and grief? What can I do to help them? What can I do to help me? I just want to shut out the world, curl into a little ball and ...

I am so very very sorry about the loss of your grandson. Of course you want to shut out the world; this is every person's worst fear. Go ahead and scream and cry and grieve your heart out. It's okay. You can be there to listen and support your son and daughter in law. My heart breaks for your family, truly. It's so tough to find words that will comfort or help, but we all wish we could. I will be thinking of your and your family in this terrible time. Come share your story when you are ready, and we will be here to help hold you up. There are many parents, grandparents, relatives and friends here who have experienced the loss of their children. They can help support you through this hard journey you now find yourself on.

Know that we will be here for you.

ModKonnie

[mrzed0416]

I am sorry for your loss. My four-year old son passed away after a sudden illness two years ago. In hindsight, I realize now that I was so caught up in my own grief -- my own little "ball" -- that I could not see that others -- beside my wife and I -- were grieving as well -- my parents, my brothers and sisters, my nieces and nephews, my other son, our friends. Your son and daughter-in-law will probably not feel like talking much over these next few weeks, if they were like me. I remember my parents getting upset that I was not calling them much in the weeks following James' death. No. I was not calling anyone of course. And barely speaking when anyone called me. I could not help my parents much in their grief, I could barely help my wife in hers.

Of course, that does not mean you should not communicate with them. Check in every few days, but give them some time alone. Let them know when you'll check in with them again. See if there are some grief support groups in your and their areas -- such as Compassionate Friends. They'll be able to help both you and them, but their particular group meeting approach may not be for everyone. Share the contact info with your son and daughter-in-law (my wife attended a few sessions, accompanied by a close friend of hers for support). I chose a grief therapist instead -- grief therapy helps and would probably be covered by most health plans. Reach out to your friends -- they'll be invaluable in helping you. If you are religious, seek out your minister, priest, or rabbi. A regular lunch or a dinner with a friend who gets you and cares for you will aid you immensely. See if your librarian can recommend some books on grieving. I read many -- some were gifts from friends and co-workers. If you find one your particularly like, buy it as a gift for your son. Lastly, do a project that memorializes your grandson. With donations we received, we built a playhouse at his pre-school in his memory called James' Place. Create a scrapbook. Or a photo album, using websites like Shutterfly or Snapfish. Keep busy. In time, your son and daughter-in-law may begin to feel that another life may help them in their grief. That's what we decided -- we now have a 3-month old. I've enclosed two poems that gave me some solace during my time of mourning. I hope they help some.

Grief Poems.doc

[Annette123]

I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my beautiful grandson Marley on 19 December 2010. He was 6 years old. It was very sudden - illness - gastric pnuematosis - which is a very rare fatal stomach disease. I still can't believe he's gone. I miss him so much.