I could've Saved My Mom but Failed

[AnnM]

This is tough. My mom died a couple weeks ago. I was with her all day. She died of a bowel bleeding causing cardiac arrest. Though I saw the signs, the dark stool and vomiting, I didn't realize what was happening. I wanted to call 911 but she said not to do so--it's likely she didn't know the extent of her injury, also, as she kept saying it was gas/stomach cramps. I cleaned her up, fed her soup, and left her to rest and sleep through this, until I heard her call out my baby brother's name. I checked on her but she didn't reply, though I heard snores, and assumed she was sleeping. I now believe this was the moment she died, but I didn't call the paramedics until an hour and a half later when I checked on her, again and she didn't respond.

Long story short, I feel like the worst and stupidest daughter in the world. If I had gotten the paramedics hours before, she might have been saved. Now, I am burdened down with guilt, and haunted by her final day, perhaps for the rest of my life.

[KNP]

Dear AnnM,

I’m so sorry to hear about your mom. It’s hard enough to lose her, so placing the blame for her death on your shoulders is just too much. This is just my opinion, but from your post, you sound like you are a wonderful, caring daughter. Also, you mentioned you did try to help by telling her you’d call 911. No matter how things pan out, when a loved one passes, we always find something to feel guilty for. I hope those around you are telling you not to carry this burden. I doubt your mom would want you to blame yourself either. My beloved mom passed away a month ago. I do not know exactly how you feel, but I know there is more pain and loneliness than words can describe in losing your mom. It’s like losing a part of yourself too. Please try to eat and drink, and don’t pull away from the people that care about you. Be kind to yourself.

KNP

 

[reader]

Dear AnnM,

I'm so sorry for your loss. Like KNP said you sound like a very loving and devoted daughter. I know how much you miss your mom and only wished things could be different. Its not your fault. How could you know? You did what you thought your mom wanted. I can't tell you how many times I said the same thing to myself when my father passed. It's horribly painful. But I truly hope with more time, you will know you did the best you could with the information you had in that moment.

Please know you are not alone and we are with you.

[missjackielam1345]

Dear AnnM, 

 

I'm sorry for your loss. Do not blame yourself for what happened. You are an amazing daughter and cared for mother very deeply. Your first intention was to call the paramedics. But you couldn't have known the extent of her condition. You did what your mom asked you to do. I feel completely the same way about the passing of my mother. I re-run the situation of her passing over and over again to see if I could have seen her symptoms sooner because I felt like I took her to the hospital too late. I also told myself it wasn't a big deal and it was just a cough. I know its hard, and we are here for you.