Members emilyjoy Posted November 20, 2018 Members Report Share Posted November 20, 2018 So about 11 months ago, my father died of a heart attack. It was sudden and no one was expecting him to go that fast. I was 19 when it happened, I’m 20 now although it may just be a year, I’ve changed in countless ways. Even my face. You can see that I aged from it and the way I think and the way I go on with life. My mom had always planned to move back to Michigan which is about a 12 hour drive from where I live now. Our whole family lives there and I have always wanted my mom to go back too, because of all the memories we have there and because I wanted her to be happy. She and I have been through so much and I wanted her to be okay. I’m a sophomore at college and I stay there all year except for in the summer and breaks. I hate it so much when I have to leave my school because I don’t have a place to go home. I have options of places to stay like my moms best friend where I settle in her basement, I have my step-moms house which is where my dad lived, and I have friends that I can stay over with but it’s not home. I’m supposed to be doing laundry right now. I’m supposed to be packing. I’m supposed to be cleaning up my apartment but I can’t get up. All I can think about is my ex boyfriend who I broke up with because I didn’t think he was right for me as I grieved. But he is the only person that I think of when I think of anything close to home. He got with me just 2 months after my dad died. I didn’t start really grieving until August of 2018, 8 months after he died so it’s safe to say I was in shock and denial and just so so lost. Now I’m taking care of myself but I’m still not handling any of this well. I don’t want to spend thanksgiving with a side of the family that I’m not even related to but a side that my dad married into. I don’t want to go into her house and look at her because she just cries and I don’t know how to handle it. I don’t want to talk to her about when the inheritance will be sorted out even though it’s almost been a year. I don’t want to go into the house that I used to see my dad in watching tv with my puppies. I don’t want to stay in the basement of my moms best friends house. I want to be home. And I don’t have one. I miss having two homes where I would visit my dad every other weekend and I miss going home after work to him playing the guitar. I miss when things were easy and I didn’t have to grow up so fast. I feel so pathetic and so incredibly lonely. My self esteem has dropped even lower than I thought possible. All I know how to do is run back into the person that made me feel warm once upon a time. A fantasy that I replay in my head that doesn’t exist anymore. I just don’t know how to live and be Emily again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Callyprays Posted November 21, 2018 Members Report Share Posted November 21, 2018 Oh my gosh this sounds so painful. I am so sorry for your loss, Emily and everything you are going through. I hope and will pray that you have a good Thanksgiving no matter where you go and that soon, you can have that place you consider like home to go to for holidays. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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