My dad died and I hadn't seen him in 5 years

[Mandy2005]

Hello all,

I'm new to the site. My dad died last night after a long illness. He dies in the same hospital that I was born in. How surreal. I knew he was sick and I didn't visit him to say goodbye. I had planned to travel and visit him after the holidays, but I was too late. I haven't seen him in over 5 years. We did not have the best relationship and it deteriorated over the last decade. He didn't approve of the way I live my life, my politics, my husband, etc. so I just kind of stopped speaking to him and my stepmother a few years ago. I recently started talking to him on the phone now and then. The last time I spoke to him, he had a positive outlook about his battle with cancer. 

When he was diagnosed with cancer, I had a hard time getting information from my stepmother about his health. My family was telling me that I had time. The tumor was responding to treatment. I didn't believe my sister when she called me last night to tell me that he had passed. I called the hospital and asked if he had been admitted. They put me on hold three times and I spoke with a couple different people. A woman finally picked up the phone and asked, "Who are you?" "I'm his daughter," I replied. She told me that I wasn't on the family contact list and that I needed to call his wife. Well, he really is dead and I'm not sure how to deal with the strained relationship between my stepmother and me. It's going to be a rough trip later this week. Does anyone have any advice? Has anyone else experienced a similar situation? 

 

Thanks everyone. 

[reader]

Dear Mandy,

I'm sorry to hear of your loss. During this difficult time please know there are no hard and fast rules. We all have to take it moment by moment and let ourselves grieve or mourn in our own way.

Most important part is to pay your respects and try to be supportive of your sister and step mother. 

Please know we are all here with you. I hope others will add their experience.

Sending my thoughts and prayers.