I buried the best part of me

[CMR]

I am new here. On August 14^th, 2018, my 15 year old daughter was in a single-car accident and died on the scene. My husband and I just happened upon the wreck, so we were there on the side of the road, praying and begging God to save her, while we watched helplessly as the first responders tried to free her from the vehicle. We knew it was bad, they told us she was very badly injured and that they had called for the helicopter to transport her to a trauma center. We watched them land the helicopter in an adjacent grassy area… what seemed like hours later, but actually was only minutes, we heard the helicopter “gear up” like it was about to take off and I think I breathed for the first time since we arrived on scene… I thought we had passed our first hurdle, I thought they had gotten her loaded up and headed for help. I looked up and three State Troopers were walking towards us; when they got close, they all three took their hats off. That’s when I knew my baby was not on that helicopter…

She had a provisional license which carried an 8:00 pm curfew; we were so, so strict about that curfew. She was trying to get home to get her bag packed to spend the night with a friend and she knew that if she wasn’t in and out of the house by 7:30 that we would not let her go… so she decided to speed, really fast, through an S-curve. I have been beating myself up and I know it wouldn’t change anything, but I can’t seem to stop… if we weren’t so strict about that curfew, maybe she wouldn’t have driven that fast…

She was an artist and a rising sophomore in high school. She had just gotten back from a summer session at the Savannah College of Art and Design. She was so beautiful and so kind… she could not see the fault any anyone, just the good.

I have a 24 year old son and a 22 year old daughter remaining; I don’t know how to help them deal with this. I am barely keeping my head above water. I am terrified that this is going to destroy my family and I am helpless….

[Stacy bottroff]

I'm so sorry for your loss . I lost My 16 year old son on 9/23/18 he was thrown from the hood of a car his friend thought going 60 mph with him and another boy on the hood would make for good social media . It is truly the worst pain and misery I can ever imagine . I still have not been able to work or even try to pick up the pieces . I have a 13 year old daughter and a fiance and we were all at the scene as it was just down the road from our home . I stood by helplessly and watched my son die as first responders tried saving him it was a horrible scene that is burned into my memory and keeps replaying every day in my head as well as for my daughter and fiance . A ambulance rushed him to the ER where they revived him 9 times before I was told there was no hope and I had to stop the reviving he died seconds later . I have sought help from a therapist who is treating me for PTSD and giving me some tools to try and cope with this I too am afraid of losing what is left of my life . My son Chase was a godsend a great son student athlete you name it he was it just a sweet boy with a huge compassionate heart ,a mom could not ask for more . I do not have any answers for how to get through this although I can say this is a good place to start . To have people who can relate with you on some level is sad but helpful.  Seeking therapy either one on one or in a group setting for grief counseling is a huge help as well . My days are filled with what if's and whys and before I know it it's time for another day . I just want you to know you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers . This is a tough uphill battle filled with two steps forward and one step back but I know it will get easier with time . Do not rush anything the grieving process is hard but we must go through it at our own pace . I hope my words are a bit of help in what feels like a helpless situation . Take care and know there are people out there who are sending you positive strength filled prayers .

Chases mom ❤

[CMR]

I am so sorry, Chases mom... you are even more new at this than I am. Are you still angry? I haven't totally lost my faith, but I am just so angry at God! I had two miscarriages to get her; she was very much wanted. It's hard turning to Him for comfort when I know He could have prevented this had He wanted to....  Her 16th birthday is coming up on November 14th and I am absolutely dreading it...

[Stacy bottroff]

I'm very angry, angry at God and at the boy who did this to him . Chase was born a year after my first child a son named Hunter was born full term stillborn he died 8 hours before delivery so I know your pain of wanting this child so very much . Im also getting ready for chases 17th birthday and it is November 14 I'm at a loss for words right now it seems we are going through very similar nightmares . When I was at my sons side I was only able to touch him for a brief moment they were working on him and kept me away so they could do so . When I was standing in the distance watching him I prayed I prayed so hard but my prayers were not answered and for that I'm angry . I do need to reconnect with God as I feel now he was not what took my son from me . My sons life was taken by a young man who thought it would be funny or I guess cool to scare my son for social media status . A friend who I thought cared for my son. I know anger is a stage of grief we have to go through I just hope it's not for long as my son was so kind he would not want me to hold on to this anger . 

 

[Mason’s Mom]

I understand barely keeping your head above water, I am still just treading and my head still goes under.  The life flight helicopter never made it for my son, his heart had stopped.  I do remember pulling up to the scene and seeing the paramedics standing outside the ambulance without lights.  

Our son was 21 and had made decisions that we couldn't understand, for a few years we had been so frustrated with him.  Many things were said and done that I wish we could take back, but as parents we were just trying to guide him and help him be a responsible adult. Don't place blame on yourself for being strict with her curfew. 

She sounds like such a wonderful and talented young woman. We had a golf tournament in Mason's honor and the benefits will given as a scholarship to a student that has his interest and the same attributes.  He had such a BIG HEART and seemed to single out the kids that needed a hand up.  

Perhaps you can find a way to honor your daughter and keep her memory alive with others, because as a grieving Mom I want everyone to remember his smile and BIG HEART.

[Tommy's mum]

stacey and cmr I am so sorry for your losses of your children it is an appalling thing to have to go through. Anger is one of the stages of grief do not worry. Losing your faith is also common and some people are able to regain it and get comfort from it again. I am still angry with God and cannot have any part of religion in my life. I even feel annoyed when someone tells me they are praying for me because it seems all so pointless. I guess he is my choice for my anger because there is no one else to blame and we need a scapegoat dont we? Sometimes justice is served and sometimes not it seems random. My son was 24 and fell from a tall building trying to save his suicidal friend from jumping. He climbed out onto the ledge and held his friends hand and promised him it would all be ok if he came back in. The window broke as they were climbing back in and they both fell. My Tommy died from his injuries his friend survived. Nothing can change what happened to our children we just have to keep our heads up and moving forwards trying to honour our children in good ways that help others.