I don’t know how to help my mother in law

[Catie]

My mother in law is the best person I know. Hard working, loving, caring, and most selfless person I’ve ever known. I hate seeing her like this. 

 

Her mother fell ill 4 years ago, so her, her husband and two sons moved in with her mother and father (to help her father take care of her mother) in a BEAUTIFUL home. Huge home. They have 13 acres, mini horses, a successful business on the property, pool, separate apartment the whole 9 yards. Shortly after her mother passed away, her dad also fell ill. So she became his caretaker immediately after, with the occasional help from her husband when he wasn’t working (gas truck, long hours). He passed away on Valentine’s Day this past February. He has left her very well off, with the house paid off and much more. She was still coming down to work for awhile after and would just cry and mope around kind of. Then she quit gave herself 2 extra days off a week (we own the business) . She went on vacation with her husband (much deserved, considering they’ve been taking care of her parents for x amount of years and haven’t gotten any alone time), came back and me her and her son went away to a dog training course for a week, had a blast. Now she’s back in this huge house (major upkeep, exhausting and costly) and she’s not coming down to work at all, she’s laying in bed longer than normal, and is very paranoid she’s going to die. Always talking about wills and life insurance and if we’re gonna be okay and is just so stressed and worried about things she shouldn’t be worried about at her age and health(56) . She’s going to sell the house, she’s already gotten rid of all animals (which she loved) and today she got in her car and left took a 3 hour drive by herself to see her parents. I’m just worried and I have no idea what to say or do to help her and I’m worried. She’s drinking and gambling at night because she can’t sleep in the same room her father and mother passed away in so she runs on fumes everyday. She swears she doesn’t need professional help, and I’m just at a loss. I’ve just ordered two books today two day shipping but I couldn’t just sit here and wait for that so I came to this. Does anyone have any advice or has anyone been through a situation similar. She’s like my best friend and lately I feel like I haven’t seen her at all or even know her. And with holidays coming around I’m scared what she’s gonna do then. Any advice or words of encouragement are mich appreciated!!!!

 

[reader]

Dear Catie,

You are very loving and caring daughter-in-law. It is so hard to lose both parents in such a short time. Her whole life was immersed her in parents care so to suddenly have all this time and to think about everything that happened does take a toll. Please know there is no right way or wrong way to grieve.

Have you tried to express your concern directly to her?

I found this website Aging Care very helpful. There is forum for people caring for their elderly parents and for those that have lost their parents. Its filled with people that are compassionate and that understand the journey of caring for an elderly parent and the lost.

I also found this article that is helpful.

https://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/suddenly-i-was-an-orphan-1331122.html

Your mother-in-law is lucky to have your care and compassion.

Take care.