Off my chest

[MariaChipsEater]

My mum died 8 months ago. Cancer. In less than 3 months she lost her sight, her hair, her mind, her speech, her weight.. And with her went a big part of me.

We were always a great family. I have my dad and 2 older sisters. We are all very close to each other. But our rock is gone.

I’m told to be a very strong and determined person, and I did the best I could to continue living an apparent normal life. Helped with all I could (money, funeral, burocracies, etc), took 1month off work and then tried to resume back to life.

But life was never the same.

I’m finding myself digging a big hole from which I don’t know how to get out and I don’t have the energy to come out of it.

Life lost its magic to me. Im indifferent to everything. I don’t want to go out with friends, I just want to stay home. My bf is the most incredible man on earth and lately I feel totally detached. I have always been very sporty and active. But Im gaining so much weight. 2 jeans sizes up now :( I stopped going to the gym. I used to jog a lot, even did one marathon and a few half marathons...but the idea of moving is too much for me. And I hate how I am starting to look. My clothes don’t fit me. 

And I know exercising would make me feel good...but I don’t know where to find the energy.

Only work and being with my family keeps me going. Im working a lot and when thats done, my day is over.

I don’t know why Im even writing this here. Im just seeing myself entering a very dark place and I don’t know what to do.

 

[reader]

Dear Maria,

I'm very sorry for your loss. I know losing your beloved mum was horribly shocking and devastating. Life is so hard. Part of grief is those feelings of indifference and low energy.

We all try and continue to go through the motions of life the best we can. Be kind and gentle with yourself. I know its a lot easier said than done but if you can, try and take one baby step each day. Try to go for a 5 minute walk. Just a little something.

I was very raw and tearful for my father. Nothing seem to really help me, but I started to reach out a little at a time. If you want to consider going to grief counselling, joining a support group through the community or church, a meet up group. I found these websites helped me understand grief better.

Grief in Common

What's Your Grief

Grief Share

Grief Healing Blog.

Please know you are not alone. And we are all here with you.

Keep taking your time to mourn and grieve your beloved mother. And try for a little self care as well.

Thinking of you.