Members ManicWolf Posted October 12, 2018 Members Report Share Posted October 12, 2018 It's been two days since he died. He died around 10pm (GMT) on the 10th and I'm lost. Apparently he phoned my mum (they're separated but still friendly) on Saturday to tell her he'd had been feeling bad all day. He had multiple sclerosis, so the occasional bad day was not abnormal, but this time he told my mum he was scared at how bad he was feeling. A couple of days later he'd been rushed to hospital with sepsis, and a couple more days later he was dead. He would have been 65 next month.... I have his birthday card and presents all wrapped and ready for then. My mum, brother and I went to the hospital to see him when he was ill. We were told on the second day that he seemed a bit better, his rapid heartbeat had slowed and he seemed more lucid...and then a few hours after we left we got a phone call telling us we needed to come in immediately. He was gone by the time we got there. I don't know what to do. I've always had a great relationship with my parents and visited my dad every other weekend. Despite his MS, and being confined to a wheelchair, was always happy and friendly to everyone. Always making jokes. I can't stop crying, can't eat, can't sleep. I know it's still early, but I don't think I'll ever feel normal again. I don't really have any friends (I have one close childhood friend who was also close to my dad) who came over to see me, but I don't know where else to talk about this. My brother is taking it worse than I am, and I'm worried about him too. I just feel lost. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members reader Posted October 12, 2018 Members Report Share Posted October 12, 2018 Dear ManicWolf, I am very sorry for your loss. I know its extremely difficult and sad right now. Just please know you are not alone and we are all with you. Just talk to us as much as you want. It's really raw and a terrible shock but everything you are feeling is part of your grief and is normal. Take your time to mourn. And don't be afraid to reach out there are many online, community and church resources that will support you, your brother and mum during this sad time. Thinking of you and your family. Sending all my thoughts and prayers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members AldairBlack Posted October 12, 2018 Members Report Share Posted October 12, 2018 Hello ManicWolf, so sorry for your loss. I felt the same too when my father passed, I couldn’t talk I couldn’t eat or work or see my friends and I would just stare at a wall and cry. Almost three weeks have gone by and everyday I wake up and it still feels like it never happened and it was a bad dream and then it hits me again. My father struggled with drugs and alcohol for most of my life and the past few years it just kept getting worse. It would get to the point where we would argue at his house or on the phone about getting him help but it seemed like he didn’t care or want any help when he was drunk. A week before he passed I didn’t speak to him properly for most of that week then I didnt hear from him that weekend. After the weekend I decided to visit him and I found him on the floor in the living room cold and blue and I couldn’t believe it. I broke down screaming and it was the worst day of my life. I felt like I took our time together for granted and I felt bad that we fought a lot. I feel bad that I couldn’t help him even though I tried. I still feel broken and lost and guilty. I just wish I could of at least had one more day with him to tel him how much I love him and that I wish things could of been better for him. just know that you are never alone and take your time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Gem 27 Posted October 14, 2018 Members Report Share Posted October 14, 2018 I'm so sorry ManicWolf, I'm about a month after my dad suddenly passed away, with no chance to say goodbye either, and I've been the same as you...couldn't eat, sobbing every day, knowing my world was changed forever. Shock, anger, regret, such deep sadness, we were so close, how could he be gone? It's just so hard. But it's getting a little bit easier, very slowly, only now. I know my dad would want me to take care of myself and not suffer like I've been. I feel your dad would want peace for you also, because he loved you so. Try to keep that in mind. He isn't ever truly gone, and still loves you. That's my belief anyway. Take care. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Gem 27 Posted October 14, 2018 Members Report Share Posted October 14, 2018 AldairBlack, I'm sorry for your loss as well, that must have been so difficult for you. It sounds like you really tried to help your father, and were a good son to him. I hope you can find some peace in that. You are in my prayers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ManicWolf Posted October 16, 2018 Author Members Report Share Posted October 16, 2018 Thank you so much everyone for the kind words. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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