My brother didn’t visit when Dad was dying

[KarinBe]

My Dad recently passed away and my brother didn’t come to his deathbed.

It was just me there.I called him and sent him messages many many times during the last 24 hours before our Dad passed away, but he just kept saying he would come visit the next day, and during that night our father passed away.

I’m so angry and disappointed!! My heart is breaking for my old sick dad who didn’t get to say goodbye to his son:(

 

How do I cope with this?? I was there, yes, and I’m so glad I was able to say goodbye to Dad.

But afraid that one day soon this will make my brother feel so guilty and bad.

Anyone got the same kind of experience with their siblings?

 

 

[reader]

Dear KarinBe,

I am sorry to hear of the passing of your beloved dad. I know how much you wanted for your dad to have both his son and daughter there. It is very hard.

Sadly for me I never anticipated that my father would pass so quickly. I walked away from his hospital bed thinking I would see him tomorrow. If I had known how close he was, I would have called my siblings and made sure they were all there. One lived too far away but maybe we could have had FaceTime or Skype, but I will never know.

Even though one has siblings, we are all so different in how we think and behave. Maybe your brother was sacred or in denial or maybe he didn't want to remember your dad in a hospital room. Try to forgive him if you can.

Thinking of you during this difficult time. Sending all my thoughts and prayers.

[KarinBe]

Thank you so much for your kind words!  I´m sorry for what happened when your father passed..I can tell you that I did almost exactly the same thing when my Mum passed away five years ago.. I sure was in denial..

I have already forgiven my brother, but I feel so so sad because I know that this will be hard on him later on and I know what it´s like to live with guilt afterwards.

Thank you dear, for takong the time to respond.

 

 

 

[reader]

Dear KarinBe,

You are very kind sister. I know you wanted to spare your brother the additional pain. I know guilt and regret is very powerful but I feel like sometimes regardless of what we do these feelings are inevitable part of loss.

Thinking of you and your brother.

Take care. Sending all my thoughts and prayers.

[Auburnazd]

My brother did the same thing when my Dad died.   My Dad did EVERYTHIG for him.  He is extremely bi-polar but that is no excuse to me.  But what I have learned is that it is his burden to bear.  It will be his regret and his pain to carry around.  You can’t carry it around for him.  Be strong for yourself and surround yourself with strong and supportive people to love you and help you.  If you ever need to talk, please contact me!

[KarinBe]

Thank you so much for sharing this, Auburnazd. I’m sorry to hear you experienced it too though, because I know it hurs..You ate absolutely right, I can’t carry it around for him, I guess that is my lesson to learn. My brother is a drug addict  and that means some days ok and some days he is a totally different person. Hard to deal with. Wish you all the best, and again thank you for your advice!

 

[Riddhi Taneja]

@Auburnazd, Agree with your answer. You handled things very nicely. It's better to let it go. Your brother will later realise it for sure.