Six Months Since Mom's Passing and Very Depressed!

[Splash1970]

It's been almost six months since the passing of my mother from Ovarian Cancer and yet I can't seem to get myself to go out with my friends. I know I'm isolating myself but I don't have the energy to pick myself up and see anybody. I'm afraid that I'm just not going to be happy and don't want to bring down my friends. I am on anti anxiety medication and speaking to a therapist, but I'm still unhappy. I spoke to my father today and he says its time to move on with my life and how my mother wouldn't want me to sit at home and wallow, but that's easier said that done. He is already dating and he doesn't seem unhappy even though he lost his life partner of 45 years.

Why is this so hard for me? Here I am 40 years old and single and yet I don't want to go out and meet anyone new or socialize with my friends. They're starting to worry about me and I'm starting to worry about me.

I started journaling and trying new hobbies like needlepointing to try to get my mind off of my Mom, but I dream about her every night and think about her all the time and every time I think about her, I start to tear up! I think the problem is that her death was so quick and took all of us by surprise. I didn't even get to say Goodbye to her. She was diagnosed with Ovarian Cancer in December of 2009 and by May of 2010 she was gone. She was in the hospital after her third chemo and I said "See you tomorrow Mom, I love you" and that night, she turned blue and never regained consciousness! I believe that not having the closure I needed is keeping me from moving on!

This is all new to me as I have never been this depressed before so any advice would be appreciated!

Thanks!

[ModKonnie]

It's been almost six months since the passing of my mother from Ovarian Cancer and yet I can't seem to get myself to go out with my friends. I know I'm isolating myself but I don't have the energy to pick myself up and see anybody. I'm afraid that I'm just not going to be happy and don't want to bring down my friends. I am on anti anxiety medication and speaking to a therapist, but I'm still unhappy. I spoke to my father today and he says its time to move on with my life and how my mother wouldn't want me to sit at home and wallow, but that's easier said that done. He is already dating and he doesn't seem unhappy even though he lost his life partner of 45 years.

Why is this so hard for me? Here I am 40 years old and single and yet I don't want to go out and meet anyone new or socialize with my friends. They're starting to worry about me and I'm starting to worry about me.

I started journaling and trying new hobbies like needlepointing to try to get my mind off of my Mom, but I dream about her every night and think about her all the time and every time I think about her, I start to tear up! I think the problem is that her death was so quick and took all of us by surprise. I didn't even get to say Goodbye to her. She was diagnosed with Ovarian Cancer in December of 2009 and by May of 2010 she was gone. She was in the hospital after her third chemo and I said "See you tomorrow Mom, I love you" and that night, she turned blue and never regained consciousness! I believe that not having the closure I needed is keeping me from moving on!

This is all new to me as I have never been this depressed before so any advice would be appreciated!

Thanks!

Splash,

I'd like to first offer you my sincerest condolences on the loss of your mother and then welcome you to our forums. Have you tried talking to anyone about your depression? Do you think it's time you perhaps considered a therapist or discuss this with your family doctor? Depression is normal, but sometimes we need help moving forward through the dark hours. Your father is probably dating because he is trying to move forward. My father died a year ago--my parents were married 54 years. My mom talks about hoping to meet a companion. She is very lonely. And after spending 45 years with someone, I'm assuming your father is too. He realizes your mother can't come back, so he has to learn to cope until he sees her again.

Her sudden departure may be a factor in your lack of moving forward. Perhaps someone here who has been through a similar experience will be able to guide you through this aspect of your grief. There are many people here who have lost their precious mothers, so they may be of support and encouragement to you.

We are always here waiting,

ModKonnie

[natalieirene]

Splash,

My fathers death was very sudden as well. I dropped my daughter off on Friday night for the weekend, and Sunday morning i got "the call". I cant offer much assistance as it has only been 2 weeks since he passed, but i believe i know how you feel. Depression has set in and i feel it has moved in to stay. You seem like you have many friends, use them as support and get out there. Not to date...just start with a girls night. Girls nights have always made me feel better. 1 question for ya....have you had a full blown good cry? I havent really been able to cry. I have 3 small children, whom i try to act normal around, but they are suffering as well from my depression. If this continues longer i will seek thearapy. My wishes for a happier life are extended to you. Of course since you have been dealing with this longer then i, please fill me in if you have found an easier way to cope?

[ModKonnie]

Splash,

My fathers death was very sudden as well. I dropped my daughter off on Friday night for the weekend, and Sunday morning i got "the call". I cant offer much assistance as it has only been 2 weeks since he passed, but i believe i know how you feel. Depression has set in and i feel it has moved in to stay. You seem like you have many friends, use them as support and get out there. Not to date...just start with a girls night. Girls nights have always made me feel better. 1 question for ya....have you had a full blown good cry? I havent really been able to cry. I have 3 small children, whom i try to act normal around, but they are suffering as well from my depression. If this continues longer i will seek thearapy. My wishes for a happier life are extended to you. Of course since you have been dealing with this longer then i, please fill me in if you have found an easier way to cope?

Hi Natalieirene,

I want to welcome you to the board, and tell you how sorry I am for your loss. I also wanted to say to you, that when my dad passed--I bawled my head off in front of my kids for days. I think it helped all of us. They cried and cried, too. I guess it let them know that it was okay to cry during their hurt. My sons and daughters were crying hysterically with me at the funeral, but I have to say, we are doing okay now. It's been a year, and while lately I've been going through a rough period of missing Dad, I am moving forward and can remember with love and fondness some of my best memories with him.

So, you go ahead and cry. Your kids will understand. And depression or feeling beyond blue is normal at this stage of your grief journey. It's only been such a short time. You will run a gamut of emotions as you move forward.

I wish you the warmest of wishes,

ModKonnie