My boy is gone and need to talk

[JRr]

New to forums all around and need to talk, vent, just to know someone is listening, something!! I’m like most men, who think they can keep it inside and swallow it when it gets too bad. Have to be strong for my wife, my daughter, parents, sister in law, the whole family. It’s catching up to me, have no one to talk to, for fear of upsetting them. Basically feel like this is my final hope, and I’m sure most if not all have felt this way. 

    I will start with my boy was 23 when he passed, some would say it was suicide, some say an accident. Alls I know is he is gone, and not coming through the door, with his classic smile and smelling of motor oil and cigarettes. That young man was a force of nature, could make my crappy day into the brightest sun lit day with him just being near me. I could go on for days on how he was such a influence on my life and everyone else he came into contact with. I know I will always have a part of my soul missing, and it will take the rest of my life on this earth to learn how to deal with the missing piece. What is the hardest part for me is watching the only light I have in this darkness, my wife, his mother, slowly slip away!! I can fix anything, but this is the one thing I can’t. I would give my life for her to have just one more hug, laugh, one more time for her to hear his voice say “ I love you, Mom”

[My girl is in heaven]

JRr. I am so sorry for the loss of your precious boy.  But your worries of having no one to talk to, understand you or to lean on are over.  This site is full of understanding and compassionate people who stand right in your shoes my dear friend.  Go back into loss of an adult child then page to 2453 or some number close and that will take to the site where we all post. All ages of children, dying in all different ways, we are young and old, from all walks of life, but yet we are all exactly the same in that we have lost a precious child.  You will be met with nothing but total acceptance for exactly where you are right now. Nobody will judge you or tell you how you should or shouldn’t feel.  I lost my 17 year old daughter almost 7 years ago very suddenly with apparent heart problems and I had no intention of being here  7 hours, 7 days and certainly not 7 years later.  In the hole, then crawling out, back in the hole again. It is always going to be a work in progress. But thru all the ups and downs, trying to help your family, the triggers that keep popping up, grief will begin to loosens it’s grip even just a little, pin holes of light , small but still there.  You don’t have to keep swallowing it, always pretending to be the strong one.  You lost your son you have every right to let it out. As long as your not hurting your self or anyone else, you do what feels right for you.  You will be held up here, no matter how many times you stumble and fall. My name is Luanne and I live in Ontario and my email address is ltaylor50@rogers.com. If you want to email feel free, or if you want to call on phone or I can call you or just join us on loss of an adult child site.  I will do anything I can to help you dear friend.  It is a long tough road but you never have to walk it alone.  Hold on to the hands stretched out for you, lean on me , lean on us.  The rest of the world won’t get it....but we do.  

Luanne.....Kira’s mama

[JRr]

It’s just a relief to know that someone is listening. Even though you are dealing with your own sorrow and pain, you took the time to respond and to let me know that I’m not alone. That is huge to me and shows how strong you are. Thank you!      As I said I’m new to forums, so I’m confused to the “ go back to loss of adult child, page 2453??? I thought I was in the right section?? I appreciate any info on this, cuz I don’t want to be in the wrong area.     Thank you again for your kind words

[shorty16]

JRr,

"It’s catching up to me, have no one to talk to, for fear of upsetting them. Basically feel like this is my final hope, and I’m sure most if not all have felt this way. "

That is why we are here.  All of us have traveled different roads to get to the same place.  We want to hear about your boy.  Perhaps your wife could also gain some help hearing how others have dealt with this horror.

My son, Brian died using a vehicle in a manner for which it was not intended...riding on the hood.  However our children died, it does not matter.

Join us on Loss of an Adult child.  When you enter go to the very last page for the most current posts.  You will find caring and a no-judgement zone.

Colleen, Brian's Mom forever

[Rebekahs mom]

Jr.

So sorry for the loss of your son.

We lost our 21 yr old daughter dec 17/17.

She was our oldest daughter.

My hubbs is her stepdad. 

His take on all this is silence so far...tells me that his mood influences mine. He's my everything. He's what keeps me sane 99% of time. I know men grieve differently...my husband can echo everything you are saying. Have yo7 considered counseling? 

I know you are the protector but you also have a loss. As a woman texting this to you....my hubs has 100% agreed with what u said...i cant break down i need to be strong..he has his own way of coping. If youd like to contact us let me know.

 

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[JRr]

I truly am sorry that you guys lost your daughter. If you’re like me you get tired of hearing sorry, but there is nothing else people can say. We are going to counseling, and it does help, it’s a judgment free zone when we discuss how our boy passed. It’s so hard as a man and husband watching your wife fall part in front of you and not be able to fix it!! And I’m tired of hearing people say a lot of marriages don’t survive a loss, the percentages!! I know we are strong and we can get through this, because we have each other. We just have to keep our own selves sane, so we can be there for each other. Tell your husband that I too cope different, but to remember that he had you for the really hard times. I appreciate the offer, and I might take you up on it, and the same goes for you both

[Las]

Dear JRr

   I hear the pain thru your writing, my heart breaks for you. I lost my daughter in May of 2015, 11 days after her 37th birthday and 5 days after mother’s day. The 2 am phone call changed my life for however long time allows. She was my second child out of 5, she was the tough one, the outspoken one, you either loved her or not, there was no grey area where she was concerned. It doesn’t matter how she died, I just know that she did. I’m angry, I’m sad, I’m broken and there are times when I feel I just can’t go on, but I do, somehow. 

      It’s okay to cry, it’s okay to punch a hole in the wall and it’s ok to so inebriated that you can’t walk a straight line, I did just that. I laid on my bathroom floor and puked my guts up, slobbering and bitching out loud into the air, tears flowing and snot running in every direction. Sounds gross, but it’s real life, no sugar coating here. No pretending it didn’t happen, it did and it was ugly. I didn’t bath for 2 weeks, I drank like it was my job, I was argumentative and nasty to everybody. Everybody sucked as far as I was concerned. My children called daily, sometimes 5 and 6 times to make sure I was still alive. My husband fielded all the calls, telling them...moms sleeping or moms in the shower, when in actuality I was passed out on the couch. He was my rock and never once scolded me or told me to straighten up, he let me fall apart but stood close by. He held me, he sat in the bathroom with me while I hugged the toilet bowl, he helped clean me up, he was amazing

       It’s been 3 years since my Jodie left me, I never got the chance to say goodbye, never got the chance to hug her and smell her hair, I’d give anything to be able to do that, just one more time. I think about her daily, I think about the nonsensical phone calls asking how to make peanut butter blossom cookies for the 100th time. I told her, write the recipe down already. Well, going thru her belongings after she died, I found that recipe in her paperwork, she did write it down, it’s then I realized she just wanted to talk to her mom. She left 3 beautiful boys, I look at them and I see her, especially the little one. But life continues to throw curve balls at me, my third child..Jodie’s younger sister is a heroin addict, basically knocking on deaths door as I write this post. Jodie’s passing made Julie’s addiction 100 times worse, it’s a living nightmare.

    Just know that your not alone and there are kind people who will reach out to you, they will listen with no judgement. They will understand and they will hold your hand. Please, let your wife cry on you, just hold her and comfort her, she needs you. I will listen to you and I will share your sorrow and heartbreak if you want to. Please feel free to reach out, your absolutely not alone, no judgement, no condescending crap from me. Loosing a child sucks, it’s a feeling like no other, and  to those who never experienced this massive heartache will never truly get it. They won’t be able to say “I know how you feel”.....

      My thoughts are with you at this time and I wish you love and light. I pray you find peace and the ability to smile and laugh again. 

Please feel free to respond if your comfortable. 

   

[Tommy's mum]

las please join us on the Loss of an Adult child thread by Mom of Justin it is at the top of the page with the most views and replies. Just write a post and you are in. It is where all the bereaved parents meet in one place where responses are quicker and no one is left behind. It keeps us all together in one place and is a caring warm community of people who are going through what you are going through and totally understand the depth of loss of a child, the loss that still affects deeply even after years because we loved and lost our children. take care.

[Mermaid Tears]

Dear Las....please post your story/posting in Loss of Adult Child....your words and story will touch many...and we are here to hear you....

[Las]

I’m not sure how to move it..lol

Not savy when it comes to this stuff.

[BrianS]

JRr My boy is gone too. Matthew died last year on November 8th after a three month stay in the Intensive Care Unit. He was a good guy and he was living with my wife and i when he got terribly ill. We miss him badly and are having a tough time coping with the date of his passing rapidly approaching. I am so very sorry for your loss. i know, believe me i know you are heartbroken. I can relate to quite a few of the things you've mentioned in your post. I'm trying to be strong for my family as well. My wife is having the hardest time with this, the first year anniversary of her losing her beautiful son Matt. He was very close to her, they even worked together. Our lives will never be the same. Thank you for giving me the courage to say something. i've listened to you, and I know it wasn't easy to talk about what you've been dealing with. Again, I'm so very sorry for the loss of your lovey son.