I need my husband but his family needs him more.

[NMRNO]

The back story, my mom died 6 months ago and my dad unexpectedly died 4 months ago.  I went into a totally numb shock.  I could not cry, I did not want to leave the house.  My husband did not like my parents.  They were not the best parents, I was not super close to them.  He just pretty much said "that sucks, I'm sorry" and went about life as if  nothing had happened.  I felt alone.   When I finally broke down and told him that I needed him and that I felt alone,  he apologized that he had not  been there for me.    However, the day after that,  his dad went into the hospital for stage 4 cancer and was released to home hospice.  That was when he needed to shift his focus to his parents.   His parents were more like parents to me than my own.  Seeing his dad go downhill so fast made my grief even harder on me.  However, his parents needed him, so, he spent all of his free time with them, while I stayed home with our kids pretending to be okay.  His dad passed away Friday.  We are all a mess.  I think both of my parents deaths and his dad's death all hit me.  I keep breaking down and crying. I need my husband more than ever, but he needs to be there for his mom and adult brother.  I have three grieving teens who just lost their 3rd grand parent in 6 months, they also need their dad more than ever.  This is a lose/lose situation.  I feel so guilty for needing my husband.  I feel like a single mom.  I rarely see my husband anymore. He is not here for us emotionally.  However, he just lost his dad and needs to be there for his mom and brother.  I wish he had been there for me like he is there for them.  He went into help mode and care taker to them when his dad grew ill  but at the same time stopped being the helper and care taker at home to his own children.  I don't really know what to do. I am heart broken about my father in law.  I just really wish I was not alone to deal with it. 

[reader]

Dear NMRNO,

I'm very sorry for all your losses. It is an extremely difficult time and only normal to want the support and love of your husband.

I hope you can find the additional support through caring friends and family during this sad time. Please know there are supports in the community and through church.

We are also here with you.

Take care. Sending all my thoughts and prayers.

[Riddhi Taneja]

I think the best thing you can do for your husband, kids and yourself is to shift with your husband's family. You and your children can spend time with your husband. Your husband will feel happy as he needs you the same way you need him. Together you all can help each other and share love & care with each other.