Loss of Mother 3 weeks ago- Need someone to talk to!

[kelliw]

Hello everyone, 

I just joined this site in the hopes of talking to people who can relate and give any guidance/ words of wisdom during this time in my life. I am 24 years old, and just over 3 weeks ago I lost my mother to a severe infection she wasn't able to overcome. I am dealing with go much sadness, guilt, regret and despair. Unfortunately my father isn't/ never has been in the picture and the rest of my family is pretty broken... Needless to say she was my number one person, best friend, and who I really considered my family. I am surrounded by wonderful friends and a boyfriend of over 3 years, but it feels as if no one I know has gone through something like this before. IM holding in so much resentment towards my boyfriend because he never took the time to meet my mother, or develop a relationship with her, and now its too late. 

I am here to seek out anyone to talk to, advice, kind words, or guidance through this rough experience. 

It feels like I'm in a fog and need somewhere to turn. 

[reader]

Dear kelliw,

My deepest sympathies and condolences. I'm very sorry for your loss. It is unimaginable to lose a beloved mother. I think its only normal to feel very raw. Please know you are not alone in your thoughts and feelings. We are all here to listen and support each other.

I found the first few weeks, months and year very hard. They say there is no right way or wrong way to grieve. I tried a lot of different things and read a lot but the pain was still there. Try to be kind and gentle with yourself and allow the tears to flow as much a you want.

Thinking of you. Sending my thoughts and prayers.

[Missingmymom17]

Dear kelliw,

I am very sorry for the loss of your mom. I know how it feels because I loss my mom too in December 2017 and it still feels fresh, as though it just happened. But just like reader said, we are all in this together and you are not alone. It will get a little easier to bear each day. Sending you great big hugs through this difficult time.

[mayjunejuly]

Hi Kelliw,

I'm so sorry that you're going through this. Seriously. And trust me, I know how it feels and I know that those words don't mean anything at all. I am 26 and my mom died 3 months, 3 days, 1 hour, and 37 minutes ago (Or at least, that's how long ago I walked into her room and found that she had left her body)- exactly one week before my 26th birthday. It's an experience and state of being that I wouldn't even know how to begin to explain to someone who hasn't gone through it- and I have tried to the best of my ability.

I don't really know what to say in terms of advice. I've been desperately searching and grasping for something, someone, to know what to say or do to make me feel better. The only thing that ever really makes me feel..."better?"...not really better....but relieves some of the pressure in my chest, or gives the pain some sort of honest acknowledgement, is talking to people who have gone through this before. Especially people who are our age and who have lost their mothers. It's a really unique experience. I imagine that grief is always hard, but there are special types of pain and devastation that come with these circumstances. And just knowing that someone else out there is doing it too, and that you really aren't alone, lightens the load a little bit.

If you want to get in touch and be able to talk more in depth, I would love to do that. I would be grateful to have someone to talk/listen/share/whatever with too. I have a younger sister and an older brother, a father who took care of my mom, my grandma and my aunt and my mom's best friend, but it's too hard to talk to them. They're all too close, and it's hard to let yourself really break down and be that vulnerable with your family sometimes.

If you want to connect, let me know. I'd be happy to give you my email, or maybe we could have each other's numbers to text whenever you just need to reach out and have someone know what you're going through at a given moment. My name is Julia, by the way :) 

[Jane Matters]

May 25th, will be two years for me. I lost my mom to a 16 yr battle with breast/bone cancer, I was 18 when she died. Really all I can say is it absolutely freaking sucks. No one should have to lose a parent when you're this young. There are times (right now) I just want to scream my head off. I am angry, so angry but I have nothing and noone to be angry at or to blame, and it is incredibly frustrating. But its not always this bad. My waves are triggered around anniversaries, holidays, mothers day, and her birthday. It IS a lot and is incredibly overwhelming, there is nothing anyone can say that will make the pain, anger, sadness, or whole in your chest go away. The point in me saying this is to tell you to let yourself feel, I didn't and kinda still don't, let yourself show how much pain you are in to your boyfriend, do not bottle it up and keep it to yourself. Talk about her, give yourself a place to go to think of her and talk to her, maybe that's a grave, or a special location you went with her, just make somewhere that is dedicated to her. Somewhere you can go when things get too over bearing. I know this probably isnt what you wanted to hear, I didn't, I was looking for things like you'll get over it, it wont hurt forever, you will not feel like this forever, and you won't, but for the first year and a half, I gotta say, that is what it is like. But it does get easier to live on without them as long as you acknowledge what you feel. You are in for one of the hardest fights of your life, and if you find yourself awake at 2am crying hysterically in the bathroom trying to hide your pain and anger fom people, call someone to talk to, they don't have to say anything, just talk to them. I guarantee you have someone that would talk with you, if you don't want to talk to someone you know, DM me and ill send you my contact info. Anytime day or night no matter what. It absolutely sucks, but it won't always be like this. The biggest thing you can do is talk about her, and give yourself someplace to go, my mom was cremated and spread through out the worlds oceans, so for me I drive 6 hours from north Texas to galveston to bee with her. I once drove down leaving at like 8 :30 PM got there at around 230 am ran two miles on the beach ate some waffle house and then drove straight back. You need to find something that will help you clear your mind and talk yourself through some stuff, for me that's driving or running, and on really bad nights its a trip to galveston to run on the beach. I found this somewhere 

" Grief is the price we pay for loving someone."

You will probably try to speed through the greif process and get frustrated with yourself for not being 'over it' please dont put that pressure on yourself, just focus on one thing after the next.

 

On a more somber note, get extra copies of the death certificate, its two years after my mom passed and something came up financially/legally that I needed her death certificate for. 

 

I hope you find peace. - Jane Matters

PS: Sorry for the length, and for your loss.