Not only did I lose my mother, she was my bestfriend.

[Missingmymom17]

The night of December 18, 2017, at 8:28pm, my life changed. I lost my precious mother to this nuisance called CANCER. Yes, i called it a nuisance because it destroys your loved one right before your very eyes. From weight loss to loss of hair to skin changes to physical changes all the way until it completely sucks the life out of your loved one. And the worse part is you, the person watching your loved one suffer, can't do anything to help the situation. My dear mother was diagnosed with stage 3 inflammatory breast cancer. Went through all the chemotherapy and radiation, even had her breast removed.The cancer still came back. This time it hit her liver and her lungs. I watched my mother grow tired and all I can remember her saying to me, her only dear child, was "Baby, mommy's getting really tired and I cant breathe. I can't breathe."I remember saying "Mom, please keep fighting. Your grandchildren and I need you here. Please don't give up." Her next doctor's visit, they put her on oxygen and she still had trouble breathing. Fast forward, she was rushed to the hospital and things immediately went left. The last night I spent with her, I will never forget. She couldn't talk but she could hear. All i could say was I love you mom. She held my hand so dear and tight like it was her last time. And it was. I just didnt know it yet. I went home to freshen up and get more clothes and on my way to the car, I received that fateful call. It was my aunt telling me to hurry and get to hospital. And of course of all times, traffic was hectic. A 15 minute drive turned into 30 minutes. I finally arrive and when I got to her room, she was gone. My dear mother had passed away. And all i could do was yell and cry. I cried so hard. I felt like all the wind was knocked out of me. Like I had no purpose to live anymore. I knew then that my life had changed and things will never be the same. My best friend, my eating partner, my love, my mother was gone.  I called her about everything in my life because I knew she would never judge me and she always gave me the best advice a mother could give a child. 5 months later, the pain is still fresh. I still find myself having sleepless nights and waking up crying sooooo hard because of dreams where we were doing the things we always used to do together, oh how my heart was filled with joy, until I wake up and realize it was only a dream. I am trying my best to be strong because I am a wife and mother of 3 beautiful children and one on the way. How do I go on with life? When my mom was here, it gave me something to do daily because i was over her house every single day. Not a day went by and I didn't see my mom. Now, outside of work, I have no one to check on each day, and as strange as this sounds, I'm still waiting on my phone to ring just to hear her ringtone. How can I not want her back and I'm about to deliver another baby knowing she is not going to be in the room when baby is born? Knowing she will not be able to spoil this one like she did her other granchildren. Or even to know she's not going to see my oldest graduate school? Death is so hard to bear. I have had people I know that has lost their mom, its been years and they still cry. So i know its going to be a while. My heart goes out to anyone who loss their mother because life will never be the same.

[sadandlost]

Dear missyingmymom17,

I'm so very sorry for your loss.  Reading your post made me cry.  I lost my mom a month after yours.  I too was extremely close to her.  Life does change forever you are right.  It will never be the same.  Its a huge adjustment being in the world without our moms.  I dream about my mom a lot too.  I miss her every day.  I still cry but it is better than last year when I was in a black hole of depression.  This year I accept the sadness will always be there but I am able to be in the world with the sadness and not let it cripple me.  I know how hard it is.  Its hard for all of us.  Thinking of you.

[reader]

Dear missingmymom17,

I'm so sorry for your pain and sorrow. I know losing a beloved parent is very hard.

Thinking of you. Sending all my thoughts and prayers.

[Missingmymom17]

Thank you both, sadandlost and reader for your encouraging words, thoughts, and prayers. Im so grateful for this site because we all get to be a part of each other's grief in a great way. Sending you both love through you all's grief as well. Losing anyone close and dear to you is such a tough pill to swallow.

Hugs

[Butterfly2017]

I am so sorry for your loss. I, too lost my Mom to Cancer last year. I saw her daily as live next door and now reeling as lost my Dad to it 2 months ago.

I have no words of wisdom, just wanted you both to know you are not alone. 

[Neer]

I too lost my Mom in December 2017 and I think for her almost every time . I made some careless medical negligency and hence it is hitting the most that my Mother's death could have been avoided if I was more careful ...Life seems shattered in pieces...