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My dog died I can't get over it. I don't think I wanna live anymore


rari

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I am so sorry for your loss.  My Arlie was my "soulmate in a dog" it was him and I (my husband died 16 years ago this week) and I felt the same as you although he only lived to 11 1/2, I had him since he was nearly one.  25 year old Kitty followed 4 1/2 months later.  My son brought me a puppy, otherwise I do not know how I would have done this last 1 1/2 years during Covid isolation.  He was conceived when Arlie died, born on my birthday, it made me feel my Arlie had a paw in it somehow.

I hope this is of some help to you:
 

http://www.griefhealing.com/comfort-grieving-animal-lovers.htm

 

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I hear you.  I found you because I googled “is it okay to want to die to be with your dogs?” I am not suicidal, but if I had a terminal illness - I would be okay. If I could die for someone else that had a family, I would trade my life for their death.  I have never had human kids, and being without dogs in my life is miserable. I feel useless, unhappy, and deeply depressed. My “husband-like” friend - aka, boyfriend refuses to let me get another dog and if I do - I will have to leave. Things would be much easier if I could reconnect and be with my dogs. 

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I would not be with a man that "didn't allow dogs,"  just one of my many requirements (of course I'm single)!  I'm sorry he's made this ultimatum, I would be wary of someone who didn't understand what they mean to me!

If it results in your not having will to live or enjoyment in life, I think it's time to reconsider the value of your relationship...JMO.  :wub:  It doesn't sound like he is compromising or flexible, but controlling, a huge red flag to me!

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I lost my sweet girl of 10 years on Tuesday.  Her ears were bothering her, infected, and  she was acting lethargic.  Not herself.     She got sick a couple of times, but I thought it was her ears just bothering her.   She had lost some weight but I didn’t know how much, and we were trying to trim some off to help her knees. 
 

I rushed her to the vet because she stopped eating the night before, even chicken (which was not her at all). 
 

I was horrified to learn she developed a heart murmur (which was treatable) , but the worse news was she had advanced kidney failure and was anemic.   Vet gave her a 5% chance of survival.  
 

I lost it. 

I didn’t have any choice   I had to put her down, and as I asked her if she was done, Harper just laid her head on my arm.  

I went to the vet expecting bad news, but I got the worst.  I came home with a leash and an empty collar.

I feel so guilty that I didn’t recognize how sick she was.   This was the dog the my Mom got us to keep me and her company while I was her in-home caregiver.

Dad and passed of ALS in 2013. I lost my Mom in January 2019 to an infected open wound that wouldn’t heal.  And losing my sweet Harper, Tuesday has just rehashed Mom’s passing on top of that.
 

I’ve always been kind of a loner, and while I have a couple of friends,we don’t talk much.  
 

So the house is very empty now   And it hurts   I miss her so much.  I wish I had gotten her to the vet sooner  but I started a new job with more pay, and longer hours. Trying to improve our lives a bit.  She was smart and had a passage in and out of the house to potty.

it wracks my soul that she was her by herself feeling so bad; I’m having a hard time forgiving myself   
 

Thanks for letting me write   It helps   But I’m still hurting so much.   I feel alone for the first time in my life   

 

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I am so sorry for your loss!  It's the hardest thing in the world to lose your baby...I lost mine to cancer nearly two years ago.  I have found that intimate grief has a beginning but not an ending, but it does evolve into something we can eventually carry as the intensity of pain begins to lessen...the loving/missing them does not.    I still miss my Arlie each and every day.  I've lost my husband, parents, grands, sister, niece, nephew, cousin, many friends, 24 dogs & cats, but the hardest being my husband and my Arlie.  Those you are closest to, in your everyday life that you interact with, that are part of your routine, it really hits you.  :(

I've learned to take one day at a time, I can't handle more than that.

 

http://www.griefhealing.com/comfort-grieving-animal-lovers.htm
A Dangerous Villain: Guilt
http://www.pet-loss.net/guilt.shtml
http://www.griefhealing.com/article-loss-and-the-burden-of-guilt.htm
https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2019/08/pet-loss-when-guilt-overshadows-grief.html
https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2017/07/pet-loss-when-guilt-goes-unresolved.html

I hope this short video brings you some comfort and peace.

Not saying this was the case as it's rare, but a warning to dog owners, if left untreated, VCA states "A severe inner ear infection can actually spread to the part of the brain that controls your dog’s breathing and heart rate"  I have a neighbor who has never treated their dog's ear infection and he's deaf from it.

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Not saying this was the case as it's rare, but a warning to dog owners, if left untreated, VCA states "A severe inner ear infection can actually spread to the part of the brain that controls your dog’s breathing and heart rate"  I have a neighbor who has never treated their dog's ear infection and he's deaf from it.


We were testing it at home with wash, but it just wouldn’t go away.  And before I switched jobs , money was tight.   (Another guilt point). 

When she vomited a couple of times, I thought it was her ears bothering so. 
 

She’s had trouble with them since she was a puppy.    We’d wash and she seemingly felt better.  Would chomp down food   

Little did I know it was masking her kidney issues.  I just wish I knew sooner. 
 

I just miss her physical presence.  She was so sweet for a Cocker.  Even the vet would always say she’s as the calmest Cocker they’d ever worked with.  I was so proud of that.   And so ashamed I missed her illness. 
 

What little family I do have left offered a soft condolence and hasn’t checked in on me since.  Which makes me even more isolated. 

I’m due to fully return to work Monday.  And the drive to and home is just going to be so hard.   I would always put her up on the coach (which she would always move during the day) before I left to make her comfortable.  Not doing that in the morning is going to hurt beyond belief.

 

Thanks for the response   It helps  


 

 

 

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I fight ear infections in my puppy as well...I can't count the $ and times I've taken him to the vet, always in the right ear, it never seems to go away completely, I do my best to keep it in check, always cleaning it out so it doesn't take hold.

I am sorry your family isn't there for you.  It seems to be the case all too often, people don't know what to say so they avoid us.  Every friend we had disappeared pronto when my husband suddenly died.  I realize people that age are not accustomed to death but still, you wouldn't expect this on top of the overwhelming grief.  My family cared but did not have a clue what it was like and I'm sure didn't want to think about iit...it made them realize if it could happen to me, it could happen to them, so they preferred not to think about it.  Even all these years later, they have not a clue what it's like to go through life alone without that person who cares, leaves the garage light on, drives you to/from surgery, remembers your birthday, is your social life, and looks at you with adoring eyes.  That person that helps you bury your pets, shares in chores and income, and snuggles up to you at night.  In lieu of that, my pets are my life and losing them is much like losing him all over again, if that makes any sense.

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Hey @HarpersDad I am SO sorry to read about your loss of sweet Harper. 

It's really hard early on (obviously) with the loss of all the routines we have. I lost my cat very suddenly and with that physical absence you realize a big a role they really are in our daily lives. Everywhere you look there seems to be some memory or some ritual with them. :(  

I am sure today was rough for you. I wish I could say something of comfort. I understand the heartbreak and anguish. So I hope that is of some comfort. This horrible pain feels like it will be life from now on. It won't... but it does take time and patience to grieve such a devastating loss. 

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On 6/28/2021 at 2:56 PM, AJWCat said:

Hey @HarpersDad I am SO sorry to read about your loss of sweet Harper. 

It's really hard early on (obviously) with the loss of all the routines we have. I lost my cat very suddenly and with that physical absence you realize a big a role they really are in our daily lives. Everywhere you look there seems to be some memory or some ritual with them. :(  

I am sure today was rough for you. I wish I could say something of comfort. I understand the heartbreak and anguish. So I hope that is of some comfort. This horrible pain feels like it will be life from now on. It won't... but it does take time and patience to grieve such a devastating loss. 

Thank you.  
 

I got her ashes back today.   The vet had a lobby maintenance issue, and I had to get my girl back through the drive up window.  Like a McDonalds burger.  
 

it wasn’t their fault and they were so apologetic.   But it just added to the hurt.  
 

I don’t know how I made it back home.  I cried from the car to the front door.   
I cried a lot more inside.  
 

But having her back, even as a box of ashes has brought a lot of comfort.  

I don’t have to worry about leaving her behind.  I know she’s HOME.  And not in a box in the yard.  Where I can’t see her.  It’s brought some peace.  
 

I’m still sad and still miss the fire out of her.  And would trade just about anything to get her back. But she’s back home.  And I can take her anywhere, just like when she was here. 
 

Thank you all for allowing me to post. It helps.   And it probably won’t be my last.  I’m sure by tomorrow I’ll be a blubbering mess again. 
 

 

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20 minutes ago, HarpersDad said:

Thank you.  
 

I got her ashes back today.   The vet had a lobby maintenance issue, and I had to get my girl back through the drive up window.  Like a McDonalds burger.  
 

it wasn’t their fault and they were so apologetic.   But it just added to the hurt.  
 

I don’t know how I made it back home.  I cried from the car to the front door.   
I cried a lot more inside.  
 

But having her back, even as a box of ashes has brought a lot of comfort.  

I don’t have to worry about leaving her behind.  I know she’s HOME.  And not in a box in the yard.  Where I can’t see her.  It’s brought some peace.  
 

I’m still sad and still miss the fire out of her.  And would trade just about anything to get her back. But she’s back home.  And I can take her anywhere, just like when she was here. 
 

Thank you all for allowing me to post. It helps.   And it probably won’t be my last.  I’m sure by tomorrow I’ll be a blubbering mess again. 
 

 

I am truly sorry for your loss, I know just how much sweet Harper meant to you as I am still deeply grieving for my darling Payton. He left me March 12th at 1130am and my life took a deep dive down in grief and I am not just taking it hour by hour and sometimes minute by minute. Like you I also have my Payton's ashes here at home with all his toys and bedding and even his meds are still in the same container as mine........I don't know if it helps or not yet I talk to him out loud each day and tell him he is still my warrior and I love and miss him with all my heart. I like to think he is in heaven and hears me and is looking down on me. I know in my heart and soul  I will never ever forget him and I pray someday till we meet again.  Take care and may blessing come your way.

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I'm glad you have her ashes with you.  I was going to get mine cremated until I found out in my county they do them in batches so you may or may not get your own.  I elected to bury them in my backyard, it looks like a cemetary with all of the memorial stones, but they're all there, one right next to the other, including my husband's ashes.  It's where I want mine to be someday.  This is the place I've lived my life, for the last 44 years.

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My little Buttercup passed away the first Saturday of December 2020.  It was a sudden illness, and I had to rush her to the ER to put her to sleep.  I couldn't go in with her.  She was my service dog, my soulmate, my reason to live.  It is almost the end of July and I feel the same way since she left which is I don't want to be in a world without her.  Her ashes hang in a necklace over me every day, but I can't stop crying or living my life anymore.

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I am so sorry for your tremendous loss.  :wub:  It seems to me the cruelest most inhumane thing in the world to not let someone be with their dog when they pass, it makes me angry at those that don't care enough to sanitize afterwards, such little effort on their part and what a huge thing it'd mean to you.  Most of the vets are allowing it now for euthanasia.

My heart goes out to you, I am so sorry for your loss, but I'm glad you've found this site.  Please come here any time, there are others here that "get it."  I lost my beautiful sweet Arlie (cancer) 8/16/19 and it's forever etched into my brain.  The vet botched it royally, he went out in severe pain all because he was under anesthetized due to their scale being way off...the last look on his face was one of excruciating pain.  It breaks my heart to think of it.  To them it was just another dog, to me, he was my soulmate in a dog, my best friend, the best dog I ever had!  My heart.

Having lost my other soulmate, my husband George, 16 years ago, I knew I'd have to get through this much the same way and it's not an easy road, I won't lie to you.  It's one day at a time.  Ironically, the article I wrote helping others through loss of spouse lists getting a dog.  So what do you do when it's your dog you've lost?  Perhaps giving another one a bid on life someday, it's not the same, it does NOT replace your dog, never!  But it does help fill a void and give you some love in your life.  My son brought me a puppy a few months later...I guess he was worried about me...now he knows I'll do everything I can to stay alive to take care of my little one.  The same as I did for my Arlie.

I want to share an article I wrote of the things I've found helpful over the years, in the hopes something will be of help to you either now or on down the road.

TIPS TO MAKE YOUR WAY THROUGH GRIEF

There's no way to sum up how to go on in a simple easy answer, but I encourage you to read the other threads here, little by little you will learn how to make your way through this.  I do want to give you some pointers though, of some things I've learned on my journey.

  • Take one day at a time.  The Bible says each day has enough trouble of it's own, I've found that to be true, so don't bite off more than you can chew.  It can be challenging enough just to tackle today.  I tell myself, I only have to get through today.  Then I get up tomorrow and do it all over again.  To think about the "rest of my life" invites anxiety.
  • Don't be afraid, grief may not end but it evolves.  The intensity lessens eventually.
  • Visit your doctor.  Tell them about your loss, any troubles sleeping, suicidal thoughts, anxiety attacks.  They need to know these things in order to help you through it...this is all part of grief.
  • Suicidal thoughts are common in early grief.  If they're reoccurring, call a suicide hotline.  I felt that way early on, but then realized it wasn't that I wanted to die so much as I didn't want to go through what I'd have to face if I lived.  Back to taking a day at a time.  Suicide Hotline - Call 1-800-273-8255 or www.crisis textline.org or US and Canada: text 741741 UK: text 85258 | Ireland: text 50808
  • Give yourself permission to smile.  It is not our grief that binds us to them, but our love, and that continues still.
  • Try not to isolate too much.  
  • There's a balance to reach between taking time to process our grief, and avoiding it...it's good to find that balance for yourself.  We can't keep so busy as to avoid our grief, it has a way of haunting us, finding us, and demanding we pay attention to it!  Some people set aside time every day to grieve.  I didn't have to, it searched and found me!
  • Self-care is extremely important, more so than ever.  That person that would have cared for you is gone, now you're it...learn to be your own best friend, your own advocate, practice self-care.  You'll need it more than ever.
  • Recognize that your doctor isn't trained in grief, find a professional grief counselor that is.  We need help finding ourselves through this maze of grief, knowing where to start, etc.  They have not only the knowledge, but the resources.
  • In time, consider a grief support group.  If your friends have not been through it themselves, they may not understand what you're going through, it helps to find someone somewhere who DOES "get it". 
  • Be patient, give yourself time.  There's no hurry or timetable about cleaning out belongings, etc.  They can wait, you can take a year, ten years, or never deal with it.  It's okay, it's what YOU are comfortable with that matters.  
  • Know that what we are comfortable with may change from time to time.  That first couple of years I put his pictures up, took them down, up, down, depending on whether it made me feel better or worse.  Finally, they were up to stay.
  • Consider a pet.  Not everyone is a pet fan, but I've found that my dog helps immensely.  It's someone to love, someone to come home to, someone happy to see me, someone that gives me a purpose...I have to come home and feed him.  Besides, they're known to relieve stress.  Well maybe not in the puppy stage when they're chewing up everything, but there's older ones to adopt if you don't relish that stage.
  • Make yourself get out now and then.  You may not feel interest in anything, things that interested you before seem to feel flat now.  That's normal.  Push yourself out of your comfort zone just a wee bit now and then.  Eating out alone, going to a movie alone or church alone, all of these things are hard to do at first.  You may feel you flunked at it, cried throughout, that's okay, you did it, you tried, and eventually you get a little better at it.  If I waited until I had someone to do things with I'd be stuck at home a lot.
  • Keep coming here.  We've been through it and we're all going through this together.
  • Look for joy in every day.  It will be hard to find at first, but in practicing this, it will change your focus so you can embrace what IS rather than merely focusing on what ISN'T.  It teaches you to live in the present and appreciate fully.  You have lost your big joy in life, and all other small joys may seem insignificant in comparison, but rather than compare what used to be to what is, learn the ability to appreciate each and every small thing that comes your way...a rainbow, a phone call from a friend, unexpected money, a stranger smiling at you, whatever the small joy, embrace it.  It's an art that takes practice and is life changing if you continue it.
  • Eventually consider volunteering.  It helps us when we're outward focused, it's a win/win.

(((hugs))) Praying for you today.

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Just lost our 11 year old mini schnauzer early Monday morning at a local animal hospital. Had pancreatitis or peritonitis, plus murmur went to level 6 from 4. Got lethargic so fast, Im reeling, feel like I missed something. I miss our dog, he was everything to wife and I , just the 2 of us and him. So cute, 9 lbs.

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George, I am so sorry you lost your beloved dog, I lost my Arlie over two years ago, I don't know how I survived, much the same way as when I lost my husband.  I wrote about my dog's life and also his cancer journey, it helped, kind of a way of immortalizing him, I never want him to be forgotten.  I live alone so he was my companion, my best friend, my everything, so I get it.

Do you have a picture you can share of him?

 

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Katherine Arlene

Reading the comments here has really made me feel less alone. I truly believe my Sophie is my soulmate. When I was 13, I convinced my mom to let me get a little dog. I checked obsessively online until I finally found the perfect little girl for me. When I met her she was a 2 month old, tiny, 2lb, lil black and tan pomeranian/chihuahua mix. My whole life has revolved around her for 11 & 1/2 years.

I lost her a little over a week ago, on Christmas Eve morning. She was normal and happy the day before, running around and doing tricks for some chicken I boiled for her. Around 11pm on the 23rd I went to cuddle her and I noticed that she seemed to be breathing really shallow and fast. I've always had a lot of anxiety surrounding her health, so I couldn't tell if I was imagining things. When I saw my husband's reaction, I knew it was real. We rushed her to the emergency vet. They took her back to check on her, and when they brought her back, I felt like the news they gave me ended my whole world. My sweet little Soph was in heart failure. I still can't believe it. I'm so confused... It was all so sudden and I can't process it. They told me she could have 6 months, maybe even a year or two more with medication. My heart was crushed, but I was already planning to take her home and give her the best last days I could. They kept her overnight to give her oxygen and try to treat her. I went home and curled up in bed holding her two favorite toys and just begging the universe to let me keep my baby. I stayed up sobbing until I finally managed to somehow cry myself to sleep. The emergency vet called me at 7AM, just after I'd woken up to my alarm and as I was reaching to call them to check on my girl. He told me Sophie had only gotten worse and they recommended I let her go. It was so hard, but I couldn't let my baby suffer. I got there as soon as I could and spent the last moments of her life with her. She was too busy focusing on trying to breathe to even be able to acknowledge I was there. I feel traumatized after holding the love of my life in my arms as she passed. I am so broken. I would've done anything, payed anything, but there was nothing they could do to save my girl.

I feel so guilty. I wish I had spent more quality time with her and done all of her favorite things with her. I feel guilty for moving across the country with her earlier that month and putting her through stress she didn't need. My husband is in the army and stationed on the east coast, so I took her away from Arizona, the house she knew best and all her other family members who love her. They didn't get to say goodbye. My dad made me feel so guilty. I called him before I went to say goodbye to her and he begged me not to do it. I don't understand what he wanted me to do... I would never forgive myself if I had let Sophie suffer. But I already feel like I can't forgive myself for what happened. And I feel angry. I am angry at the dismissive people who don't understand the hole she left in my heart. I am tired of feeling invalidated because she was a dog. I love her more than any of the humans I have ever loved. Why don't they think that counts? It makes it so hard to get support. I'm feeling alone and wishing I could've just gone with her because I don't know how to exist without her. I wouldn't hurt myself, but I wish I could just hit an off switch and go join her. I've lost pets in the past and they were all devastating, but none of them hurt like my Sophie girl. People around me keep trying to relate to me by telling me about the dogs they have lost, but it's not the same. I don't think they understand just how much I relied on her and how my world truly revolved around her. More than a special dog, she is my whole heart.

I am still in shock. I have to keep reminding myself that it's real and not just a bad dream. I've been carrying her two favorite toys with me everywhere I go. I feel like I can't put them down. I still need my little shadow following me around and going through all the ups and downs with me. It hurts that she's not here to lick my tears and keep me going. Ugh. Even if no one reads this, it feels good to say it.. And to see people who feel the same way about the loss of their soul dog. Thank you for posting your experiences and making me feel a little bit okay.

 

 

 

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I am so sorry, she is beautiful and sweet you can tell from her eyes, her face, they say eyes are the pathway to the soul, I believe it.  My heart goes out to you in your loss.  I hope this brings you some measure of comfort and peace...

Comfort for Grieving Animal Lovers

 

 

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MichelleNuggets
On 12/15/2020 at 9:31 PM, Gary55 said:

I'm devastated, I lost my best pal Goldie on Saturday, he was a 14 yo lab mix who I had for 9 years. No renal function. He was my purpose in life and my whole day. Diagnosed with kidney probs 3 years ago. This became an obsession with me, I wanted to keep him going and we did at least 9 miles every day up till the Thursday. I think I may have deprived him of food he really wants, I feel so bad as it was more or less a special diet for years. I stopped taking him to the vet as it was doom and gloom even though he was still running about. Last week I kinda knew he wasn't right he had a sore mouth so wasn't eating much. But still wanted out a lot. So I kept going with him, even on the Fri he wants on a favourite walk and was slow but OK. Afternoon out again, but night didn't want out, first time ever. Slept but Saturday morning was quite ill, I had thought onthe Fri to get chicken and rice to build him up a bit and get him eating, as I wanted to try something myself to hopefully make him eat. I didn't want to go and hear that he had to be put down. But the Saturday he was clearly now worse. I feel so bad I made him suffer that last morning, I should have taken him the Fri and spared him that. But I thought I knew best. So after all the great days, I'm left knowing i let him down at the end I'm so sad I don't want to go on. 

Hi there Gary, you posted 2 years ago so may not see this. But I think your doggo was glad you took him out for one last walk before he passed. Even though there was a bit of pain the last day, for him it would have been worth it. Also when he passed he had you by his side. It was all he ever wanted, one last walk with his favourite person and getting to pass away with his favourite person. Please don’t feel guilty, he passed happily with love with you by his side.

My family dog who was a 14yo golden retriever just passed away today a few hours ago. I use to walk him everyday for the first 3 years while I was still in high school. But once I got into uni and started working and moved out of home, it decreased to fortnightly to monthly. He was an outside dog too so I felt like he always wanted to be inside with us. I’m filled with regrets.

im trying to find comfort with the happy memories. I did go back home the last few months and spent hours massaging him. Took him to the park and lied down for a few hours with him. That made my heart happy. But mostly I’m guilt ridden and my heart hurts so much at the thought he doesn’t know I love him because I didn’t see him as much.

there’s comfort knowing he’s no longer in pain and he died next to me, my sister and my dad who loved him dearly as well. I don’t know what to do,

I’m just hoping when I pass away as well that all my loved ones will end up with me. I picture myself lying on some airy comfortable surface with a nice breeze with little sun and no worries in the world. My partner is lying next to me. Around me are my parents, my close friends, my sister, my brother, their loved ones, my cats and of course  including my dear dog Sparkle.

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@Gary55 Bump

 

5 hours ago, MichelleNuggets said:

My family dog who was a 14yo golden retriever just passed away today a few hours ago.

I am so sorry, my "soulmate in a dog" was half Husky, half Golden Retriever, my best friend, my everything!  My perfect dog.  I am very sorry for your loss.  No time is a good time and none of them live as long as we'd like but neither do we want them here for us if it means their suffering.

You have a beautiful outlook, it will aid you well in your grief.  One thing that has helped me since losing my husband all too young was learning to take one day at a time.  Let yourself cry, in time the good memories will supplant the hard memories of today...my heart goes out to you.

I want to post this for you as well:
 

Comfort for Grieving Animal Lovers

 

 

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I am so sorry for everyone's loss on here.  I just lost 2 dogs within 4 mths.  I adopted Bindi to heal my heart from having to put down my older dog, Jax, who had liver cancer.  She became my best friend and complete companion!  She was diagnosed with Leukemia at 11 mths.  We went through chemo for 2 mths before it was time to say goodbye and let her go in peace.  My heart was broken.  I know she helped me deal with Jax passing so I rather quickly adopted another 6 mth old puppy I named Gidget.  At first I thought I'd never love her like Bindi.  But this girl was on me like glue, LOL.  I've never had a dog be such a cuddler.  Everyone that met her said "what a happy puppy!" she was just the sweetest girl.  She died in my bed Wednesday night.  Not even a yr old.  They are doing an autopsy to help me understand but I don't know how I will deal with this.  I have terrible guilt that I should have done better/seen something!  This is the most traumatic experience of my life.  I can't imagine even getting another pet and having to go through this EVER again.  But the other option is to remain alone forever :(  

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I am so sorry, @Kmk!  All I can think is what incredibly bad luck you've had, some never go through loss of them so young, but then another part of me says, "No, it was meant to be that you found each other and were in each other's lives."  I'm just so sorry it was so short. 

My soulmate in a dog passed 8/16/19, 4 1/2 months later I lost 25 year old Kitty.  It was rough.  I've had a long hard road since...I walked a neighbor's Chow for ten months, I fell in love with him!  They offered him to me but unfortunately he destroyed my hands, one with a hard yank and subsequent botched surgery, the other with a hard bite...I've had 8 bites inside two years, 4 from a dog I tried to adopt from a rescue that lied to me about his history (Jackson), Joe (the chow) twice, a neighbor's German Shepherd (more of a nip) and the worst of all, Enzo, a Husky my son had adopted and had to subsequently rehome.  I am down to 10% strength and continual pain.  I'll be 70 this year and until I was 57 I'd never been bitten by a dog before and I've had them all my life!  I adopted Kodie, my son found him for me before Kitty passed, and he's been like your last one, my shadow, very sweet and loving!  He's been attacked twice, once by Joe when he was just two months old, a little tiny ball of fluff, sleeping!  The other time by Joe's brother Kyro, very viciously, he was lucky to make it, and Enzo also tried.  I barely got Kodiie out of the way when Enzo went for me!  It affected Kodie even more than when Kyro attacked him, but it would have been his death had I not whisked him out of harm's way in the nick of time!  

So with us it's been attacks.  My son's dog Bruno is fine with Kodie, but he attacked Arlie (my late dog) eight times!  Two other dogs also attacked him.  

I am so sorry you find yourself once again with empty arms.  Once again heartbroken.  And I understand well your last sentence.

I remember when my GF lost her husband to death (as I did).  Years later she got to know a man who was wonderful to her and he wanted to marry her.  She was afraid to, afraid of losing someone again, having to go through this process once more.  She asked my advice...and I told her, "If you don't want to marry him, don't, but do not let fear stop you from living!   She married him.  They are so happy today, they've had seven wonderful years, and she's glad she heeded that advice.  If she has to go through loss once again someday, she can do it at least knowing she filled her life with wonderful love and memories.  

I, too, chose to love another furry little creature and am so glad I did!  I didn't think I could love anyone as much as Arlie!  But I do.  For different reasons.  Arlie's personality and goofiness and making up games to play with me and his amazing (Husky talk) tonal language was the most encompassing and evolved I've ever seen! Those are gone...a tribute to his uniqueness.  But now I have this sweet little adorable loving dog and he's my life, just as Arlie was when he was here.

We only get once to live, once to fill our life (and theirs) with memories and love.

Multiple Losses
Getting another Pet
Comfort for Grieving Animal Lovers

 

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@MichelleNuggets

@KayC

Hi Michelle, I'm so sorry to read of Sparkle's passing. And thank you so much for your kind words. Living with guilt and regrets is awful. It's that we can't go back and do what we feel we could or should have done. He knows you loved him, and you did get to spend time with him towards the end. I now think that life is mapped out and we don't have as much control as we think. I also realise that these feelings are normal, and a part of grief. I know Goldie is with me, and death is not the end. Sparkle will be with you now too. Its 14 months now, and I got a Romania rescue on Saturday. Even now, I think its perhaps too early, but things came about through a friend. Anya is lovely, 1yo lab cross. I am sure Goldie was involved. 

Talk to Sparkle, say his name. You may be surprised how he communicates with you. 

Gary 

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@KayCthanks for the links. These are so helpful. They give the mind something to latch on to in a way. With grief the mind is all over the place. I read something, maybe it was on here, that grief takes up a lot of bandwidth. It leaves the mind with no free space, it's a jumble of thoughts and feelings. Reading these helps to focus. Thanks again.

Gary 

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Morgaine

Hi everyone,

Thanks for all the posts, it helps to see that somebody cares.

I am going through grief and most importantly guilt at this time. My dog had died in pain and alone, terrible death.

We left him at dog hotel for the first time in his life, along with out order dog. We were considering other options as employing a person to take care of him at home, because he would get quite stressed around other dogs. We could not do it, because he got some problems where he would pee himself while laying down two weeks before we left, and we decided he needs more frequent care than only hotel could give him. He recovered a week before the visit in the hotel, but since it was booked and we thought he would be well taken care of- we decided to leave dogs there as planned.  

When we arrived to the place- one day prior to our trip(they did not have the space for a trial day before), the stairway smelled of urine and the dog walker was a bit too dynamic walking the dogs. We did not want to stir a conflict with a place, but grew a considerable doubt instantly. As I am highly sensitive I thought all is fine, and I am probably just paranoid. At that point we could only cancel our trip and stay home, and because of our prolonged stress we really needed a getaway. We decided to check on dogs frequently and not cancel the stay.

It was a huge mistake that I will blame myself for forever. Only the second day of the stay, our older dog got a stomach twisted and spleen torn. The place took him to the vet, but they drove him to a normal working hours clinic on Friday which resulted them to be redirected to 24h clinic instead. Lost a lot of time and the first vet already told us the chance of survival is slim.

With the second place we decided to continue with the surgery anyway (painful but the only way of saving) and the surgery was successful, but the dog died in the night, because of the complications. It was simply too late for him. 

With my research and documentation I received I figured out there must have been some symptoms before, but they surely did not watch the dogs frequently enough to observe that. Also doesn't help they didn't know the regular behaviour of the dog at the time. 

I blame the place so much, but even more I blame us for leaving him like that in stress, that might have been one of the factors causing the problem. I would never have thought that something that serious can happen just as a result of stress.

The worst part is that my first instinct after finding out what happened was to regret that maybe we will have to go back home instantly. Thinking about lost vacation and money. To give this a little bit of context, me and my partner both suffer anxiety and highly stressful jobs, with unsupportive relatives and the circumstances that always had put away the plan to go somewhere on our own. So the trip was a huge deal for our mental well-being. Of course I still feel terrible for even thinking about it that way. And the most terrible about him dying like that. We knew his time would come in few years tops, but he was otherwise quite healthy, playful and energetic. It hurts so much not to be able to say goodbye and a notion that he was all alone and in a huge pain. I think that day a part of me died with him.

 

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6 hours ago, Morgaine said:

My dog had died in pain and alone, terrible death.

I am so sorry for all you went through, I just posted these links in another thread minutes ago, and want to give them to you also.  I want to point out what I went through with my beloved soulmate in a dog Arlie, to give another dimension to the situation of your dog being alone when he died in pain.

I loved my Arlie more that anything in the world, he was my sweet companion, a gentle giant, considerate, my protector and best friend since I lost my husband years ago on Father's Day.  Arlie was suddenly, unexpectedly diagnosed with inoperable cancer, his liver shutting down, just two weeks after his physical which he passed with flying colors!

This one honors his life in my desire he never be forgotten!

When it came time for his euthanasia to relieve his suffering/pain, my son and I took him to the vet.  The vet botched it.  I can never forgive that.  They hadn't calibrated their scales and they were way off, I didn't know that, however.  Consequently when they gave his first shot they under anesthetized him, so when they administered the fatal shot, his face contorted up, the most immense pain of his life!  He looked like he wanted to bite someone (which he'd never done in his life and didn't still).  This was my last memory and view of him.  I'd wanted to ALLEVIATE his suffering, instead he went out in the worst pain of his life, thinking ME BEHIND IT as I had brought him there and was right there next to him, holding his sweet face, all while causing this.  Okay the vet was responsible, but I'm looking at it from Arlie's point of view!  

I have to realize he always knew I loved him, I'd have done anything for him, if it came to him or my home, I'd choose him, he KNEW MY LOVE!  And I have to believe he had faith in me, even when things appeared at their worst.  And if not, I pray he forgives me.  I know them to be ultra forgiving, loving.  And I believe that's what you have to hang onto with your cat.

I lost 25 1/2 year old Kitty just 4 1/2 months later, but it went down much better.  My only regret with her was it started on Christmas and it was Jan. 6 before I could have her put to sleep.  She went out peacefully, for which I'm thankful.  My regret is not realizing everything sooner so the last 12 days weren't so much suffering for her!  

You might try writing stories of his life, I know it helped me.  This is a good group of people here, we'd read them.

Thinking of you in your loss.:wub:

Comfort for Grieving Animal Lovers
A Dangerous Villain: Guilt
http://www.pet-loss.net/guilt.shtml
http://www.griefhealing.com/article-loss-and-the-burden-of-guilt.htm
https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2019/08/pet-loss-when-guilt-overshadows-grief.html
https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2017/07/pet-loss-when-guilt-goes-unresolved.html

I hope this short video brings you some comfort and peace.

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dave w

 I lost my dog (Angel) and am in so much pain. I can't go into detail at the moment, I just want to die. I know how pathetic that sounds, particularly as I have been through this before. I don't know what to do with myself

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@dave w It doesn't sound pathetic, it sounds broken hearted...we've been there.  There is a thread called "I wanted to dig my dog up out of the grave"...I could have posted that!  I felt that so strongly two weeks after he died, I just missed seeing his beautiful face and kissing him!  I loved him so much.  (My son asked me, panicked, "You DIDN'T, did you??"  No I didn't.  I know what happens to decaying bodies in the ground, I didn't want that mental image in my brain, but oh God, I felt like it!

This is the hardest thing in the world.  I lost my husband/best friend/soulmate 17 years ago on Father's Day.  Losing my Arlie (Husky/Golden Retriever) felt just like that!  I called him my soulmate in a dog.  I've lost 24 dogs/cats in my life, but this one hurt the most.  Partly because he was so perfect for me, partly because I'm old and alone now and my dog is my constant companion and best friend.  They never let you down, they're loyal, loving, you can count on them.

I borrowed a neighbor's Chow to walk, fell in love with him but he bit me, twice, and yanked hard on my hand another time, causing me injuries.  They offered him to me but I can't have a dog that bites.  I'm left with permanent hand injuries and loss of strength.  It'd sounded like a win/win (for him, for me) but turned out to not be, it broke my heart even more.  Arlie never would have bitten.

Grieving the Death of a Pet...It's NOT just a pet, it's a family member.
Comfort for Grieving Animal Lovers

 

 

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dave w

Thank you Kay, it is very kind of you to take the time to reply to so many people who come on here. I'm in bits really, the house feels so cold and empty without Angel, and I see her everywhere I go. I haven't experienced as many deaths in my life as a lot of people have, but I don't deal well with it at all, but I guess who does? Life can be so vey cruel at times

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foreverhis
20 hours ago, dave w said:

I know how pathetic that sounds, particularly as I have been through this before.

No, it doesn't sound pathetic, not even a tiny bit.  You know why?  Because it isn't pathetic to share a deep love and have that bond be more than we could have dreamed.  And because it isn't pathetic to grieve with every cell in our bodies, mind, heart, and soul, when we lose that love here on earth.

Of course people in our lives often don't, can't or refuse to understand.  That can make grieving harder when we're constantly expected to "put on a brave face" or "act happy" or whatever stupidity people think. The thing is that I don't think we're supposed to be able to deal with these losses well.  Heck, I'm surprised I've stayed (mostly) sane these last few years.  The risk we take, no not risk, but certainty, when we give our whole hearts is that our grief will be every bit as deep as our love if or when we lose them.  It doesn't matter at all whether we are grieving for a person or an animal.  Love is love.  It simply is.  It is not quantifiable nor "less than" when the love we've lost is our soul mate in an pet.

Here, everyone understands, everyone has gone through or is going through the kind of grief that often makes us think, "What's the point in living now?"  Here is a safe space to talk when you're ready, to question, to rant, and even to "scream" if that helps.  You will find only members who will listen and comfort when we can and give advice if asked.

I'm so very sorry you have a reason to be here.  I'm sorry any of us do.  But this is a really good place to be. 

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CharliesM0m2012
On 2/17/2018 at 8:07 AM, rari said:

I can't do this anymore please someone f***ing help me. 

he was a Japanese chin and the best thing that ever happened to me. he had heart failure. **** the world. he didn't deserve that, and I didn't deserve him. 10,000 to keep him alive and he only lasted a year from when he was diagnosed. this is hands down one of the worst ways for an animal to die. he passed in October and here I am in February crying like a little bitch because he deserved better. I wish I could go back and do all the things I didn't do with him that I should've. I'm a horrible person and I can't do this anymore. I want my dog back. I didn't feel this way when it first happened and now I'm suffering. I got a new dog and I thought it would make me feel better better but I feel worse than ever and guilty. I WANT MY F***ING DOG BACK HE DESERVED BETTER 
 

Even though I have 1 remaining dog; I am feeling a little like this about Charlie who passed on 30/04/2022.  I’ve been in floods of tears + haven’t been able to function with everyday jobs without her.  I’ve heard someone say to me “I’m afraid life has to go on…” I took it the wrong way at first I got the impression I was being told “not to grieve,” I know what they meant but it’s only been 2 weeks.  I’m contemplating getting my other dog another companion when the time is right . 

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CharliesM0m2012
On 7/1/2021 at 3:02 PM, KayC said:

I'm glad you have her ashes with you.  I was going to get mine cremated until I found out in my county they do them in batches so you may or may not get your own.  I elected to bury them in my backyard, it looks like a cemetary with all of the memorial stones, but they're all there, one right next to the other, including my husband's ashes.  It's where I want mine to be someday.  This is the place I've lived my life, for the last 44 years.

Charlie came back as a casket / ashes last week.  We used an independent cremation company who carried out a personalised, individual cremation.  The casket’s so small and light because in life Charlie was tiny.  She’s home where she belongs.  Our vet was very helpful + kind and arranged the cremation and collection as we were all too upset to drive that distance ourselves.  

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dave w

Thank you foreverhis, there are a lot of good kind people on here. I lost my Angel 2 days ago and I can't bear it. i am going through all the emotions you read about, I am reading a lot about other people's stories, but it is so raw and so personal it is almost impossible to try to come to terms with. I am semi retired and work from home so we spent so much of the day together. There isn't any part of the house I can go without thinking of her. I went for a short walk yesterday to get out of the house but of course that felt so painful too. I know I will stop crying at some point but I don't think it is going to be anytime soon

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CharliesM0m2012
1 minute ago, dave w said:

Thank you foreverhis, there are a lot of good kind people on here. I lost my Angel 2 days ago and I can't bear it. i am going through all the emotions you read about, I am reading a lot about other people's stories, but it is so raw and so personal it is almost impossible to try to come to terms with. I am semi retired and work from home so we spent so much of the day together. There isn't any part of the house I can go without thinking of her. I went for a short walk yesterday to get out of the house but of course that felt so painful too. I know I will stop crying at some point but I don't think it is going to be anytime soon

So sorry for your loss.  Charlie my girl Patterjack passed 2 weeks ago.  I’ve been in floods of tears at many times, I have just sat at home depressed unable to function to do everyday things.  Charlie had the run of the house and followed us everywhere, she slept with me, sat with me while I ate, watched TV, got ready for work, etc so I have felt a deep sense of absence like there’s this big hole where she once was and still should be.  My family have told me “life goes on I’m afraid;”.  I think they told me that too prematurely.  Charlie was with us 9 and a half years until a blood vessel cancer made her very ill and overwhelmed her spleen.  We made the decision not to pursue any treatment that would only prolong her illness and she was peacefully taken over Rainbow bridge. 😢 

BDC7851B-D2CF-4982-AC29-7E8318D69162.jpeg

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dave w

I am so sorry for your loss CharliesMom2012. I lost my Angel 2 days ago so i understand the raw emotion you are going through. I also can't stop crying. My house is so quiet, the atmosphere in it has completely changed. It has been just me Angel and the 2 cats since my grown up daughter left home, but I was so happy with my little family and the time we shared together. I tried so hard to make the most of Angel's last days, I wanted to bottle up the moments of hugging her and being with her but you can't and now it is agony. I hope you can try to find some peace sooner rather than later

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3 hours ago, dave w said:

I wanted to bottle up the moments of hugging her and being with her

I wish we could and then eke it out.  I still have that longing for Arlie, so strong, it's been three years in May.  It still feels surreal.  

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foreverhis
14 hours ago, CharliesM0m2012 said:

Charlie came back as a casket / ashes last week.  We used an independent cremation company who carried out a personalised, individual cremation.  The casket’s so small and light because in life Charlie was tiny.  She’s home where she belongs.  Our vet was very helpful + kind and arranged the cremation and collection as we were all too upset to drive that distance ourselves.  

I’m glad your Charlie is home again. We opted for cremation for our two soul pets. We had options to keep or have them scattered. We chose to have them scattered (more than 3 years apart) in the vineyards nearby. Sometimes I wish we had kept some of their ashes at home.

I’m torn when it comes to my husband John’s ashes. I chose a handsome burgundy leather cylinder for him.  I put him on top of our old entertainment center with a framed snapshot of him with our granddaughter that I took during a visit only 2 months before he was diagnosed with aggressive cancer. I say, only half jokingly, that it’s so he can keep an eye on me. The thing is that he wanted to have his ashes scattered in a few of his favorite places. I say I haven’t done that because it’s too costly to get to them, which is true, but it comforts me to know he is there.

(As an aside, I did drive the 3 miles by myself to pick him up. Big mistake. I had to pull over multiple times—on a straight road with no obstructions. I couldn’t see through my tears and I sobbed so hard I was shaking. You were right not to do that.)

 I hope having your sweetheart home gives you a little comfort.

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14 hours ago, foreverhis said:

I did drive the 3 miles by myself to pick him up. Big mistake. I had to pull over multiple times—on a straight road with no obstructions. I couldn’t see through my tears and I sobbed so hard I was shaking. You were right not to do that.

Oh my gosh, I can't imagine doing that alone!  For me it was 65 miles away, my sister drove me.  No way in hell could I have driven myself!  It was so hard.

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CharliesM0m2012
On 6/16/2021 at 2:40 AM, Pippin1220 said:

I hear you.  I found you because I googled “is it okay to want to die to be with your dogs?” I am not suicidal, but if I had a terminal illness - I would be okay. If I could die for someone else that had a family, I would trade my life for their death.  I have never had human kids, and being without dogs in my life is miserable. I feel useless, unhappy, and deeply depressed. My “husband-like” friend - aka, boyfriend refuses to let me get another dog and if I do - I will have to leave. Things would be much easier if I could reconnect and be with my dogs. 

So sorry for your loss.  I know how you are feeling as just two weeks ago I lost the female dog who’d been with me for nearly a decade.  Charlie had been off her food + sleepy for a few months + she eventually saw the vet who confirmed the bad news - untreatable cancer of spleen + liver and we decided the kindest thing to do would be to peacefully send her over Rainbow Bridge.   Her “brother,” a JRT called Perry, 6, was initially upset and a little subdued in the few days following the death of Charlie. Perry seems to be keeping himself busy following my dad around, he comes to me when he wants to be with me tbh, he’s Mr. Independent.  Charlie was my first dog I’d had from a pup and I got her when I was 22 and in my first permanent job.  Charlie and I grew up together and shared many happy memories, so I am still very devastated and the house feels almost shell like without my little shadow following me + sitting by me.  My dad has also been in bits.  
 

In the future I would like to give a home to another female dog of the same or similar breed, I never say never, but I’ve been told it’s too soon to do so now.  I have had to get used to her not sleeping with me, not sitting by me on the sofa and I was crying so much I felt a physical painful pull as if something was being forcefully ripped from inside me.  I try to find one purpose for every day I have left because every day without Charlie is very hard.  I don’t want to celebrate my birthday or Christmas this year because Charlie won’t be here to celebrate with me 

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foreverhis
9 hours ago, KayC said:

Oh my gosh, I can't imagine doing that alone!  For me it was 65 miles away, my sister drove me.  No way in hell could I have driven myself!  It was so hard.

Of course you couldn’t even contemplate 130 miles round trip! Nope, I wouldn’t have tried that. I just figured it was only 3 miles each way and I had been in complete hermit mode. Our sister and brother (by choice) had had to go back home and were coming down again in a couple of weeks. In a weird way, I wanted, needed to pick him up on my own. We had been so much “just us” at home and throughout his illness: it needed to be “just us” one final time.

There were quite a number of unhappy, but understanding people later that day. They got why, but worried about me driving even that far. It didn’t help that the song “Perfect” by Ed Sheeran came on the radio. I had never heard it before, but the sentiment alone absolutely flattened me. I pulled over for the second time and completely lost it when this chorus came on:

 Baby, I'm dancing in the dark, with you between my arms
Barefoot on the grass, listening to our favorite song
I have faith in what I see
Now I know I have met an angel in person
And she looks perfect
 I don't deserve this, you look perfect tonight
 
It’s still hard to think about that day. Maybe it always will be.
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With Arlie, my son was with me and drove, we didn't have him cremated, we buried his body in the backyard, my son broke his augre trying to dig a hole big enough for his huge body, I remember uncovering his beautiful sweet face and kissing him one last time before we placed him in the ground.  :(  My sweet beautiful boy.

15 hours ago, CharliesM0m2012 said:

I’ve been told it’s too soon to do so now.

Everyone is different, there are no rules!  Some choose to get one immediately, some wait, some never.  Go by what YOU feel is right for YOU.  No rules.

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KVictoria

I've been reading all your comments, so comforting, I hope you're all doing ok. Two days ago I made the decision of putting my bestfriend of 13 years to sleep. She had her first seizure in May 2021, blood tests were normal and she was okay the next day. She had another one 4 weeks ago and again was okay the next day. The last week she would just go to toilet as she walked, when I kissed her she would cry  or yelp. I took her back to the vets where they tested her and told me she had a tumour in her liver which had spread to her spleen. They told me they could put her on steroids for end of life care at home or put her to sleep. I went to subway and bought her chicken and kissed her and again she yelped. I new it was time to put her to sleep and out of pain. She gave me a huge kiss and fell asleep. I now feel like I've betrayed her, by not bringing her home but then at the time it felt like the right thing as I didn't want her to suffer anymore. Honestly do not know how I'm going to keep going without her, she was my bestfriend, my child, she didn't judge. When I was sad she refused to eat, she would lay by my bed until I got up. Please tell me it gets better? 😪 I just want her back.

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14 hours ago, KVictoria said:

I now feel like I've betrayed her, by not bringing her home but then at the time it felt like the right thing as I didn't want her to suffer anymore.

You, as her dog parent, absolutely did the kindest thing for her...at YOUR expense (missing her).  You took on a broken heart to save her suffering and pain.  You are a truly good dog parent.  

Dogs are so wonderful, loyal, loving, sweet, wonderful companions, it is VERY hard when we lose them.  My heart goes out to you, I know your loss is tremendous and I am so sorry.  

14 hours ago, KVictoria said:

Please tell me it gets better?

The intensity lessens in time to something more bearable but still it hurts, there's that dog shaped hole in our hearts. :(  I remember about two weeks after my Arlie died, I had the strongest urges to dig him up, just to see and kiss his face one more time...thankfully I didn't.  We can know with our brain what happens under ground, but our hearts are breaking and the feelings are so strong!  I was so surprised when someone else started a thread with that in it because that was what I'd felt.

 

We all go through the what-ifs in early grief, as a way of trying to find some different possible outcome than the one that happened because this one is too hard for us to absorb, but there is only one reality and that's the one that happened, it takes much time to process it.  I lost my husband 17 years ago, suddenly, unexpectedly, way too young, and I went through all the what-ifs too, and also with my animals that have passed.  Death is very hard for us to process, it's traumatic to our brains.

Comfort for Grieving Animal Lovers
A Dangerous Villain: Guilt
http://www.pet-loss.net/guilt.shtml
http://www.griefhealing.com/article-loss-and-the-burden-of-guilt.htm
https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2019/08/pet-loss-when-guilt-overshadows-grief.html
https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2017/07/pet-loss-when-guilt-goes-unresolved.html

I hope this short video brings you some comfort and peace.

 

 

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CharliesM0m2012
On 2/17/2018 at 8:07 AM, rari said:

I can't do this anymore please someone f***ing help me. 

he was a Japanese chin and the best thing that ever happened to me. he had heart failure. **** the world. he didn't deserve that, and I didn't deserve him. 10,000 to keep him alive and he only lasted a year from when he was diagnosed. this is hands down one of the worst ways for an animal to die. he passed in October and here I am in February crying like a little bitch because he deserved better. I wish I could go back and do all the things I didn't do with him that I should've. I'm a horrible person and I can't do this anymore. I want my dog back. I didn't feel this way when it first happened and now I'm suffering. I got a new dog and I thought it would make me feel better better but I feel worse than ever and guilty. I WANT MY F***ING DOG BACK HE DESERVED BETTER 
 

I know how you feel; following the sudden passing of Charlie, 9, to a rare and aggressive blood vessel cancer, I was devastated and I told myself at times it should have been me in a wooden box not my Charlie girl.   I have been in floods of tears over the weeks since she passed but have been trying to do many things to cope like going to my local leisure centres and finally starting up a side hustle, something I tried to do a few years ago but logistics meant I couldn’t.  Charlie passed 30 April 2022, just under 4 months shy of her 10th birthday.   We are all in bits and I have had a few wobbles, I function thanks to a combination of stronger anti-depressants and a willingness to build “something new,” whatever that may be, but whatever it is it will be in a world without Charlie 😭 

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Overtherainbow27

I came across this page after doing a search on Google cause I am struggling so much. First of all I want to say I totally understand what everyone is going thru with the loss of there pet. It is truly devastating. My dog Barney passed away a few days ago. I rescued him when he was 14 yrs old & had him for a little over a year and a half. I got him knowing he was an old man that needed a place to spend the rest of his golden years, I just wish I had more time with him. He had a lot of health issues up front,and we really had no idea of his history. His vet always told me to just keep him comfortable, as long as he was eating and drinking he would be okay. The last few weeks before his passing, his health started to decline rapidly. He was losing weight so fast, not interested in any food. We would try everything. From store bought dry/wet food, to homemade food, to toppers ... Pretty much anything to get him to eat. He would take a few bites and lose interest. He was drinking but still not half as much as he used too. All he wanted to do was sleep, and he was sleeping so profoundly too. He then had a seizure episode and went more down hill from there. He used to absolutely loveeeeee his squeeky toys, no matter what was happening around him if he heard the squeeker, he would get so playful like a young puppy all over again.. so when he started to lose interest in that, I knew his time was coming soon. I couldn't see him struggling anymore. I made the most difficult decision of my life to have him crossover the rainbow bridge peacefully with me by his side, and he did. Even though I know it was the best thing to do for him, it still hurts. Despite me having him for the last year and a half of his life he meant the world and more to me. I believe he truly was and always will be my soul dog & I miss him like crazy. I just hope he knows how much I love him & I hope it really is true what they say, that we can be together again soon & he's waiting for me. I rescued him but I think it was truly the opposite, he rescued me. It hurts so much & hope it gets easier. 

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foreverhis

@Overtherainbow27 I'm so sorry you lost such a sweet, lovely soul.  In my experience, it does get easier (though never easy) with time and the help and comfort of people who understand.

Barney knows you loved him and love him still.  I believe that; I really do.  It's amazing how our soul animals rescue us as much as we rescue them, isn't it?  I do believe that we each have as soul dog or, in my husband's case, cat or other pet.  Even though you found each other late in his life, what matters is that you did.

You have a true and loving heart to rescue a dog (any animal really) to make his last months and years on earth filled with comfort, fun, and safety.  For some animals, it's likely the first time in their lives they've truly been family and feel pure love.  His last moments would have been peaceful and special for him because your surrounded him with what he needed most: you.  I've mentioned in other threads that I read an interview with a woman who rescues dogs and cats for hospice where she said she realized that, when the time comes, it's not putting them down or to sleep, but rather lifting them up out of their suffering and pain so they can go to the next life, where they will be waiting for us when it's our time.  It's the greatest gift we can give them because we do it out of love, knowing how much we will hurt when they take a piece of our hearts with them.

You have my sympathy as I send you a huge (virtual) hug.

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Of course it hurts, and 1 1/2 years with you is everything, to him you were his all for the rest of his life and I personally think you're amazing to adopt an older dog.  It's how I felt with Joe, my neighbor's dog that I walked everyday for nearly a year until he caused me a hard yank on the left hand and later a severe bite on the right hand, I then had a botched surgery and live with pain and numbness the rest of my life.  But it broke my heart every day when I'd see him staring at me with a sad look on his face.  I could no longer walk him even if I could risk it.  The day he was euthanized I learned about it on FB, I didn't get to say goodbye.  I love that dog so much!

To me the fact that you opened your heart and home to Barney says so much about you...and the harder we love, the deeper we seem to grieve (factored in with our own personality and resilience).

I wish so much blessings and comfort for you.

Comfort for Grieving Animal Lovers

 

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