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My dog died I can't get over it. I don't think I wanna live anymore


rari

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I can't do this anymore please someone f***ing help me. 

he was a Japanese chin and the best thing that ever happened to me. he had heart failure. **** the world. he didn't deserve that, and I didn't deserve him. 10,000 to keep him alive and he only lasted a year from when he was diagnosed. this is hands down one of the worst ways for an animal to die. he passed in October and here I am in February crying like a little bitch because he deserved better. I wish I could go back and do all the things I didn't do with him that I should've. I'm a horrible person and I can't do this anymore. I want my dog back. I didn't feel this way when it first happened and now I'm suffering. I got a new dog and I thought it would make me feel better better but I feel worse than ever and guilty. I WANT MY F***ING DOG BACK HE DESERVED BETTER 
 
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Oh Rari, I read your post and I get it, i mean I really GET it.  I won't bore you with all the details but if you go back and read some of my earlier posts about my dog Ava you will see I have had all of these feelings.  I have so so many regrets about the life I gave my precious girl,  I was not good enough and she definetly deserved better and I will live with the guilt of that for the rest of my life, but as someone said, it was the only life she know, she had nothing to compare it to, it was her life and she was happy with it.  it wasn't like she had a radically different, better life before me and I then gave her a horrible life, it was all she knew.  It doesn't mean I don't still have massive, massive regrets and still feel guilty but it has helped me to start to forgive myself.  I also know the pain you are in and what you mean about a new dog, you see before Ava I had another dog that died after 14 years together, I couldn't get over her and even tried to take my own life because I was in so much pain.  I got Ava but found it hard to bond with her because I felt I was betraying my old dog.  However, I kept her and we grew to develop every bit as strong a bond as I ever had with my last dog and now Ava's time is almost up I am beyound devastated and have so so much regret and guilt about her life and me as a person.  What you're feeling is the intense pain of unprocessed grief.  I have found this site has helped me, it's helped me to say all these things and have lots of really supportive people who understand and who are all going through the same pain.  Don't give up come here, vent, cry, ramble,tell stories about your precious boy and allow yourself to come to terms with your loss.

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 I still grieve for my first dog who passed in 2006. There are things I feel guilty about, things I want to take back, do differently - and I can’t - and here we are 12 yrs later and it tears me apart when I “go there”. I just recently lost a dog - I want her back. I get it. All of us get it. We understand the pain you feel and believe me, are here to listen. But Dogs, know... they do, how much we love them, how much we give for them, and they love us - unconditionally - forever.

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Rari,

I am so sorry!  It's good you found this place, it helps to express yourself and know you're heard, it doesn't bring him back but Lord knows grief is a hard journey to make your way through.  I know the new one doesn't replace the old one but I hope you give it a chance to at least help you through this.  
There are grief counselors that specialize in loss of pet, I sincerely hope you will find and talk to one, they're able to help guide us when we're at a loss to start.

 

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On 2/17/2018 at 4:53 AM, Sarah&Ava said:

Oh Rari, I read your post and I get it, i mean I really GET it.  I won't bore you with all the details but if you go back and read some of my earlier posts about my dog Ava you will see I have had all of these feelings.  I have so so many regrets about the life I gave my precious girl,  I was not good enough and she definetly deserved better and I will live with the guilt of that for the rest of my life, but as someone said, it was the only life she know, she had nothing to compare it to, it was her life and she was happy with it.  it wasn't like she had a radically different, better life before me and I then gave her a horrible life, it was all she knew.  It doesn't mean I don't still have massive, massive regrets and still feel guilty but it has helped me to start to forgive myself.  I also know the pain you are in and what you mean about a new dog, you see before Ava I had another dog that died after 14 years together, I couldn't get over her and even tried to take my own life because I was in so much pain.  I got Ava but found it hard to bond with her because I felt I was betraying my old dog.  However, I kept her and we grew to develop every bit as strong a bond as I ever had with my last dog and now Ava's time is almost up I am beyound devastated and have so so much regret and guilt about her life and me as a person.  What you're feeling is the intense pain of unprocessed grief.  I have found this site has helped me, it's helped me to say all these things and have lots of really supportive people who understand and who are all going through the same pain.  Don't give up come here, vent, cry, ramble,tell stories about your precious boy and allow yourself to come to terms with your loss.

whenever I feel like I just want to end my time here on earth, I think about your post, so I wanted to come on here and thank you for it. I wasn't honestly going to come back to website because it upsets me too much, and as I sit here crying while typing this just know I appreciate your comment so much. its been a month since I wrote that post and I feel even worse than when I originally wrote it. its been about 4 months since I lost my precious dog and I don't know why I'm 3000 times more broken now than I was when it happened. I only cried once when It happened. two months went by and I thought life was going to be fine but it all hit me at once and every time I think about my poor pup I tear up or cry completely. every time I see a photo or video of him I cry and wish I could go back in time and spend more time with him I honestly hate myself more than I ever have entire life. I was always beyond terrified of dying but now here I am for the first time in my life thinking it may not be that bad 

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14 hours ago, rari said:

its been about 4 months since I lost my precious dog and I don't know why I'm 3000 times more broken now than I was when it happened.

Maybe because so much more time has separated you.

Grief is strange, it can affect us all differently, and it can affect us in opposing ways at the same time.

I'm so sorry you are feeling so much pain.  I hope you will give it plenty of time to begin to heal...it's not time alone that helps us though, it's what we do with it.  Grief requires active work on our parts.  I REALLY hope you'll seek a professional grief counselor, there are those that specialize in loss of pets.  What you are feeling is very real and valid.  But please don't end your life over it...give yourself the chance to find something good in life and that takes work and time.  I know, I lost my husband Father's Day, June 19, 2005...he was my soulmate and best friend, he was the love of my life and I couldn't imagine living one week without him, let alone the whole rest of my life.  I got another dog in February 2009, after my Lucky dog passed away in November 2008.  He is my companion and best friend and the bond I have with him I can't put into words.  I know I will lose him someday, he is ten years old now and his breed lives to be nine on one side, 10-12 on the other, but when I do, I will go through it all over again and will once again have to employ everything I learned in going through the loss of my husband.

 I wrote this article based on my twelve year journey with grief, and I hope even one thing in it will be of help to you.
 

TIPS TO MAKE YOUR WAY THROUGH GRIEF

There's no way to sum up how to go on in a simple easy answer, but I encourage you to read the other threads here, little by little you will learn how to make your way through this.  I do want to give you some pointers though, of some things I've learned on my journey.

  • Take one day at a time.  The Bible says each day has enough trouble of it's own, I've found that to be true, so don't bite off more than you can chew.  It can be challenging enough just to tackle today.  I tell myself, I only have to get through today.  Then I get up tomorrow and do it all over again.  To think about the "rest of my life" invites anxiety.
  • Don't be afraid, grief may not end but it evolves.  The intensity lessens eventually.
  • Visit your doctor.  Tell them about your loss, any troubles sleeping, suicidal thoughts, anxiety attacks.  They need to know these things in order to help you through it...this is all part of grief.
  • Suicidal thoughts are common in early grief.  If they're reoccurring, call a suicide hotline.  I felt that way early on, but then realized it wasn't that I wanted to die so much as I didn't want to go through what I'd have to face if I lived.  Back to taking a day at a time.
  • Give yourself permission to smile.  It is not our grief that binds us to them, but our love, and that continues still.
  • Try not to isolate too much.  
  • There's a balance to reach between taking time to process our grief, and avoiding it...it's good to find that balance for yourself.  We can't keep so busy as to avoid our grief, it has a way of haunting us, finding us, and demanding we pay attention to it!  Some people set aside time every day to grieve.  I didn't have to, it searched and found me!
  • Self-care is extremely important, more so than ever.  That person that would have cared for you is gone, now you're it...learn to be your own best friend, your own advocate, practice self-care.  You'll need it more than ever.
  • Recognize that your doctor isn't trained in grief, find a professional grief counselor that is.  We need help finding ourselves through this maze of grief, knowing where to start, etc.  They have not only the knowledge, but the resources.
  • In time, consider a grief support group.  If your friends have not been through it themselves, they may not understand what you're going through, it helps to find someone somewhere who DOES "get it". 
  • Be patient, give yourself time.  There's no hurry or timetable about cleaning out belongings, etc.  They can wait, you can take a year, ten years, or never deal with it.  It's okay, it's what YOU are comfortable with that matters.  
  • Know that what we are comfortable with may change from time to time.  That first couple of years I put his pictures up, took them down, up, down, depending on whether it made me feel better or worse.  Finally, they were up to stay.
  • Consider a pet.  Not everyone is a pet fan, but I've found that my dog helps immensely.  It's someone to love, someone to come home to, someone happy to see me, someone that gives me a purpose...I have to come home and feed him.  Besides, they're known to relieve stress.  Well maybe not in the puppy stage when they're chewing up everything, but there's older ones to adopt if you don't relish that stage.
  • Make yourself get out now and then.  You may not feel interest in anything, things that interested you before seem to feel flat now.  That's normal.  Push yourself out of your comfort zone just a wee bit now and then.  Eating out alone, going to a movie alone or church alone, all of these things are hard to do at first.  You may feel you flunked at it, cried throughout, that's okay, you did it, you tried, and eventually you get a little better at it.  If I waited until I had someone to do things with I'd be stuck at home a lot.
  • Keep coming here.  We've been through it and we're all going through this together.
  • Look for joy in every day.  It will be hard to find at first, but in practicing this, it will change your focus so you can embrace what IS rather than merely focusing on what ISN'T.  It teaches you to live in the present and appreciate fully.  You have lost your big joy in life, and all other small joys may seem insignificant in comparison, but rather than compare what used to be to what is, learn the ability to appreciate each and every small thing that comes your way...a rainbow, a phone call from a friend, unexpected money, a stranger smiling at you, whatever the small joy, embrace it.  It's an art that takes practice and is life changing if you continue it.
  • Eventually consider volunteering.  It helps us when we're outward focused, it's a win/win.

(((hugs))) Praying for you today.

 

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I'm glad my post helped, I'm sorry I haven't responded sooner.  Ava died 2 weeks ago yesterday and things have been hard, I knew it was coming but it's still hit me hard.  I understand what you mean about feeling worse as time passes.  During the first week I kind of made it through it but now as I go into week 3 it's worse, I miss her more as every day passes not less.   I know 4 months may feel like a long time but it really isn't and that's hard to take.

KayC is absolutely right about grief being strange and people reacting differently.  I think the idea of a pet counsellor is also a good one and one that I am considering, although I'm not sure we have them in the UK, we still live by this strange British quirk of the 'stiff upper lip' we're way way behind Americans in the therapy/counselling stakes.

I hope you're doing ok and don't give up.  Did you keep your new dog?

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I want to respond but I am hurting too much.  I know what you mean.  I don’t feel like living either.

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I love my Basset Hound
I can't do this anymore please someone f***ing help me. 
he was a Japanese chin and the best thing that ever happened to me. he had heart failure. **** the world. he didn't deserve that, and I didn't deserve him. 10,000 to keep him alive and he only lasted a year from when he was diagnosed. this is hands down one of the worst ways for an animal to die. he passed in October and here I am in February crying like a little bitch because he deserved better. I wish I could go back and do all the things I didn't do with him that I should've. I'm a horrible person and I can't do this anymore. I want my dog back. I didn't feel this way when it first happened and now I'm suffering. I got a new dog and I thought it would make me feel better better but I feel worse than ever and guilty. I WANT MY F***ING DOG BACK HE DESERVED BETTER   


So sorry for your lost, you’ve expressed exactly how I feel! F**k the world! F**k everything! Is my mood every day. I feel my baby didn’t deserve to leave the way she did and suffer all that pain before she left. It’s been exactly 12 days since I’ve lost my baby who I’ve had for 12 and a half years and its killing me so f**king bad. But I’m not gonna bore you with my story as you are in pain just as I am but to only tell you one things for sure is that he knows how much you love and care for him. Don’t feel guilty for anything your such a great person to have taken care and give the love you did with him. You made home feel so special and not all pets can receive this kind of love. Your not a horrible person! I know it’s hard with this guilt that you can’t shake off. I’m so sorry I’m not good with words but I know how u feel and just want to thank you for your story. I pray he visits you or shows you a sign that his in good hands. You will see him again, it’s just not your time. Until than he will be waiting having fun and not in pain. Take care.


Sent from my iPhone using Grieving.com
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On 6/3/2020 at 11:07 AM, Ronaldwes said:

I want to respond but I am hurting too much.  I know what you mean.  I don’t feel like living either.

I am sorry for your loss as well...perhaps you can post when you're more ready.  Sending healing thoughts from one who gets it...

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Hello I've lost my beautiful  soft  gorgeous  doberman softest dog ever she was, y life been through all my eye ops and there for me after I had open heart surgery  in 2017 in london st thomas nearly a month broke my heart my husbands mum looked after her in the day when I was there I felt pain so much knowing shes such a big baby and would pine for me  coming home was the best  she went totally mad done zoomies everywhere was with me all the time and got me well again there for me husband was always at work but I love him dearly but she needed me hes a man he can cope.  Lost my lovley mum last September  was so close too then lost a horse before daisy  didn't thinkmid lose my baby this year she was 9 and a half came everywhere  with us never left her alone she doted on me  last November  she was diagnosed  with diabetes  as I have it too and insulin as well she had to have it twice a day she tolerated them but not keen  they told us she probably lose her sight in 6 months ... no  I thought not  my baby she cant...not even 6 months  4 months  I noticed catatacts I wanted to get one eye done  about 3 thousand they said  I was going to do it then found out she had dcm a heart problem  so bless her  it couldnt happen it broke me knowing she couldn't  see  I cried alone  not in front of her   but she was amazing  she got around really well  so clever  she knew all her  routes .  She  then stopped eating for a day with diabetis  this is a big worry with low sugar  then was sick  a little  so vet found in the end she had womb infection  said she had little chance with her heart condition  so we had to make that awful decision  my worst fear  happened I couldnt be with her due to  Clovis  was devastated she needed me the most and I was not allowed to be there that's devastating then an issue with an emergency vets  that gave her 3 injections  and made her worse  he  made  us very depressed what he did  how he made he go the last night in our house  he ruined it  horrible man it's now 6vweeks cant bare being at home so stayed in my tourer near my brother's  shop so could be with him most days  he took mums  little jack on when we lost mum he  loves  them too  I still cant cope back home today but still cant bear it cuddling her  Ted's smelling her fleece they still smell of her beautiful  fur cant bare  it still need help  dont want to live sorry guys it's a long story just still broken xxxx

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Hi, I'm glad you're here.  A bit hard to understand as a run-on sentence, but I did gather that your sweet dalmatian passed, following other losses you've had...I am so sorry for your losses!  I had a dalmatian/whippet, she was afraid of everything, we called her a Whimpet teasingly, she was so sweet and well behaved!  I lost my "soulmate in a dog" Arlie, it's a year in ten days, still not "over it" and never will be, best I could hope for was to try to adjust to the changes it meant to my loss, living w/o him here.  I lost my husband way too young, 15 years ago and Arlie was my life, my companion, best friend.  So I know how hard it is to try to go on, I cried my eyes out in the beginning, the tears eventually ran out but the grief is inside my heart and I carry it each moment of my life...As if that wasn't enough, I lost my 25 year old Kitty just a few months later.  I lost her sister four years ago.  So the family of four is now me left.

I hear your shock and pain, I wish there was something I could say that would help you, I know how hard it is.  This pandemic makes loss all the worse as people can't be with those they love when they're dying.  I pray it was peaceful and quick for her.

 

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Henry little man

I am so sad for all of you. Life sucks without my best friend. I miss how he snuggled me when we slept, he had to have at least one paw touching me. I want him to follow me and let me know that it’s ok. I want to find him and be with him. I want his fluffy ears on my cheek and I want to smell him. I want to talk him. 
I don’t want to feel so empty. I would be ok with going to find him, it’s kind of a very exciting thought but I know what it means to others and how it would destroy their lives and that is what thought I use to not go find him. I miss every moment of every day. Whenever something good happens I wish he was here to be part of it. I look forward to seeing him again one day. Henry the little man and the love of my life

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I just lost my 6 mos old pup. she got hit by a motorcycle. i keep blaming myself for letting her off leash. I was training her to walk with me reason she was off-leashed for 2 weeks already, and we go out only 4am that way it is too early not much vehicles were passing by. I never cross the road without making sure it is safe for both of us. I did see a light from afar as i estimated it, it was really far so I crossed the road thinking my pup is behind me, I looked behind and called her just as I saw everything, the motorcycle suddenly hit her, they were over speeding. My pup got thrown away, I ran to her and held her, but she was hit so bad her bones were broken. I was so sad about what happened. I felt that the driver was supposed to hit and run , if not one of the back ride tried to jump so they all fell just a few feet away where they hit my pup.   One of the driver was injured. There were 2 motorcycle together with 3 people riding in each, also learned hat they do not have a license.  The injured driver contacted me after 2 days to the police station asking for financial help for his treatment. The only fault I have is letting my dog walk without her leash. But I helped a little anyway. I felt pity for the driver, lucky for him the inspector  felt pity of him too that he was not given a ticket or penalty. But what I am dealing with is grief, guilt, self-blame, loneliness, depression. I can't help but cry every time I remember my dog. I see him in every corner of our house and I kept blaming myself for  what happened. I want to forget and forgive myself but it may take a long process. I cry everyday. I used to see her beside me when I sleep and when I wake up she was there. When I brush my teeth, she would usually ask me to brush hers too. I felt like I lost a child, it is even more painful than all my break ups. I do not know what to do, how to actually forget and stop from crying. I wanted to get another dog but, I am afraid that I might not be able to take care of one again, or I might think of my old pup all the time if get another one. I am even afraid to go out again when it is still dark, It could've been me, who got hit, Sometimes I wish it was me.  this is affecting me so much emotionally and mentally. I want a diversion, I tried everything. I still kept thinking of her and cry, I want to move on. I kept saying "I am sorry" to my dog. But it will not change anything. 

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Oh no what a tragic accident for everyone. I am so so sorry to hear about your sweet puppy. It's incredibly hard to lose them but especially so suddenly in such a shocking way. 

There really is no escaping our grief. You just learn to live with it day after day. You will eventually find some peace. It will happen you just need to give it time. And eventually when you are ready, you can get another dog. And you can take a horrible painful lesson and do things differently in the future.  

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On 12/5/2020 at 7:23 PM, Henry little man said:

Henry the little man and the love of my life

 

On 12/8/2020 at 9:23 AM, AnP said:

I just lost my 6 mos old pup. she got hit by a motorcycle.

I am so sorry you both suffered a loss.  For some reason this just now showed up today, I apologize for the delay.

It's the hardest thing in the world to lose our companion, they were with us 24/7, esp. in this pandemic time.  Arlie was my soulmate in a dog, he's been gone since 8/16/19 (cancer).  I want to share this short video with you both:

 

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I'm devastated, I lost my best pal Goldie on Saturday, he was a 14 yo lab mix who I had for 9 years. No renal function. He was my purpose in life and my whole day. Diagnosed with kidney probs 3 years ago. This became an obsession with me, I wanted to keep him going and we did at least 9 miles every day up till the Thursday. I think I may have deprived him of food he really wants, I feel so bad as it was more or less a special diet for years. I stopped taking him to the vet as it was doom and gloom even though he was still running about. Last week I kinda knew he wasn't right he had a sore mouth so wasn't eating much. But still wanted out a lot. So I kept going with him, even on the Fri he wants on a favourite walk and was slow but OK. Afternoon out again, but night didn't want out, first time ever. Slept but Saturday morning was quite ill, I had thought onthe Fri to get chicken and rice to build him up a bit and get him eating, as I wanted to try something myself to hopefully make him eat. I didn't want to go and hear that he had to be put down. But the Saturday he was clearly now worse. I feel so bad I made him suffer that last morning, I should have taken him the Fri and spared him that. But I thought I knew best. So after all the great days, I'm left knowing i let him down at the end I'm so sad I don't want to go on. 

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I feel similar in many ways. I want MY dog’s life back. He was so loyal and sweet.  He was 10 and had CHF and died in front of my kitchen stove on a carpet. He was playing with his toys just before his heart attack. His name was Wilson and I miss him running across the room out of nowhere jumping in my lap and licking my whole face to let me know he loved me. What a wonderful and cherished dog he was and he wanted to go everywhere with me. He was my service dog. He crossed the rainbow bridge November 21, 2020. I thought I was going to have a heart attack with him and I do have a heart condition. In ways, I wish we would have gone together. I miss him so much it does make my heart ache. 

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@Deanne B  I am so sorry for your loss.  It's one of the hardest losses I know, it reminded me of losing my sweet husband all those years ago.  I love and miss my Arlie each and every day, it's been over a year, but he was my soulmate in a dog, you don't get over that.  I understand wishing you could have gone together.  (((hugs)))

Gary, I'm sorry, I know how hard it is.  I, too, felt that I should have somehow been able to prevent Arlie's death.  I know it doesn't do any good to berate ourselves, they don't, they appreciate everything we did for them and know we love them.  But the xxx vets should have diagnosed him sooner, he had his physical just two weeks before, how come they didn't notice anything then?  Maybe it still wouldn't have made a difference, but he went in for all his regular checkups, I feel they let us down.  He was such a wonderful dog, he should have been able to live longer.  

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@Deanne BI'm so sorry, he sounds so wonderful and loving, and full of fun. It's these moments that we miss, the running jumping or barking. I'm like you, I wish I could have gone with my pal Goldie. I find writing helps a bit, it kind of seems to deal with thoughts as they come up.

@KayCyes you're right,i suppose they know we love them. We go round and round, I've had the same thoughts of what if, new thoughts, then old thoughts again. It's the emptiness that's so sad. I'm sitting on the bed now drinking tea, it's 1730 here, like we did most evenings. Soon it would have been time for the evening walk. I'm telling him it's soon time to go out. If only we could. 

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Continue to invite him on your walks, who knows?....

What-ifs are common in grief, it gets us nowhere but we still drive ourselves crazy with them!  It's our way of trying to find a different possible outcome, only there's only one outcome and that's the reality we're living now.  :(

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Yes Kay I think I will. I've been saying things to him occasionally, like when I came in from the shop that he'd get out in a while. If he's around me I should ask if he's coming if I go out. So thanks. 

I'm now on a Facebook page Karen Anderson Animal Communication, she seems good and I downloaded her book about the afterlife of pets. I'll try anything to make sense of it all. 

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I have a neighbor that does rescue and she has an animal communicator she works with to find missing pets.  I've never used one, keep us posted!

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My dog Penny was my life. I’m a single mom; my girls grown and gone. It was me and Penny. Then my mom moved in although Penny remained my main focus-she was my girl! I had a feeling God would take her from me so I would pay more attention to mom who just wants attention and to be taken care of . All of a sudden Penny got sick. Within 24 hrs. She had difficulty standing. Results came back- she was diagnosed with adrenal cancer that spread to her liver and lymph nodes. The vet said the absolute best thing would be to put her down. This all happened so fast. I wasn’t ready to say goodbye but of course, you are never ready to say goodbye. The vet came to my house that afternoon-Penny’s death was so quick and peaceful-she died in my arms. I am beyond devastated - just like everyone else whose fur baby has died which is all I want to do. I want to be with her so badly. Nothing is helping me. She died 3 weeks ago today and I am shaking my head asking did this really happen? Is she really gone? I can’t get into to see a therapist for a couple weeks. It helps reading other people’s stories. I am just heartbroken!!!

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I want to add that my favorite color is purple. When they placed Penny on the gurney, they laid her head on a purple pillow and placed a purple blanket on her. I told them it was my sign from Penny that she was okay and in heaven. The next day, on my way to get her ashes, I started to cry and right then there was a statue of a black lab in someone’s yard but right up at the road; then when I pulled into the parking lot to get her ashes, her name was on a billboard. The next day I took some food back and there was a dog that looked exactly like Penny when she was young. A few days later I went back to work and opened my drawer and there was my purple umbrella which was another sign from her that she is okay. I reached for my glasses - they too are purple. A couple days later I walked into a store and right as I walked in was a pair of gloves in the exact same color purple. My daughter moved into her new home a couple days later and as I walked into her porch, there in a crack was a Penny which I took as another sign. These signs are very comforting to me and I know I will receive more but it doesn’t lessen how much I am missing her. 

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BonBolinForever

Hello I’m currently 2 days in and it feels like a seesaw. My emotions are on the heavier darker side but then it’s outweighed by the lighter brighter side. Let me tell you this story, i keep trying to comfort myself with it, and it helps when it can. 2 weeks ago my boyfriend forced me to get Covid tested even though I was feeling fine, I had a bit of a sore throat for 2 days but he insisted on me getting tested. So I went to get tested and a day later my result comes out positive. I needed to quarantine for 10 days even though I felt fine. Little did I know this was scripted, this was in the book for my dog and I. To be together, to have eachother on his last days on this earth. God knew. My dog passed away on Wednesday morning. He lived his 13 years, he had gone through so many conditions. He fulfilled my life through it all. He was such a good boy. I was blessed to see his last days here, I was full of pain seeing him not want to eat anymore. He slowly faded away and passed in his sleep. I still have 2 days left of quarantine. God knew I needed to prepare myself, just as I need some time to mourn. We never know at what moment, we just wait for it and we hold on until we are in terms to let go. Ive been trying to remember him as he was. A happy, loving, boy who loves to eat so much ! I started piecing together a slideshow to help me cope. I’m trying to build that rainbow bridge in order for him to go in peace and in order for me to keep loving him from here. These past days have been painful but full of love. Bye bye my Bon Bolin. Up and down the seesaw we must go.

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@Diane OI'm really sorry to read of your loss of Penny. In many ways nothing prepares us for what happens to our fur babies. We know mostly they will pass before us, but that is little comfort when the time comes. I'm almost 7 weeks after losing my boy Goldie, he had kidney problems for 3 years, but in many ways you would never have known. So although I knew he was slowly worsening, the end was very sudden. I'm totally devastated. You are certainly receiving many amazing signs, that's very comforting, although as you say we so miss  them.

@BonBolinForeversorry to hear of your loss. Indeed it does seem scripted, and you had the time with your lovely boy. My emotions are all over the place, the pain is awful 7 weeks on. A sideshow seems a lovely thing to do. I know they would want us not to be sad, but it's easier said than done. Thinking of you. 

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I am so sorry for both of your loss, I know the pain all too well.  Memorializing them in some way can help.  Talk to them, tell them you love them!  I believe we will be with them again, it's just that the meanwhile is so hard for us.  :(

 

 

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I don’t know how to respond to you individually but I want to thank you so much for responding to my post. I feel so alone without my Penny and still shaking my head; asking myself if that really happened; then I get so upset over and over.  It helps to re-read the responses you wrote.  Are we ever going to feel whole again? I have always had a dog; for the last 30 years, I always had two. When one died; it was terrible but I always had another to cuddle and comfort me. This time around, I only had Penny. My 93 year old mom moved in with me; now it’s just her and I. I feel terrible but my mom just wants all my attention to be on her and I am just missing Penny too much and don’t want to deal with my mom. I know I’ll feel bad when she is no longer here but my love for my dog was so much more; she was like my child.  I know we’ll all get through this horrible grief but I don’t know when. I am going to see a therapist as soon as my doctor gives me a referral. That is the only thing that is going to help me get through this. 

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To @bonbolinforver... I am so very sorry for your loss. I believe God is always with us and everything goes as he plans it. It is so wonderful you got to spend that time with your dog before he passed. I was able to just lay and cuddle and kiss Penny for the last 24 hours that she was with me. I am so thankful we were together and that she went so quickly; painlessly and peaceful. I know we will all meet our pets again when we get to Heaven but what to do until then? I think the only way that my pain will subside is to get another dog but then having to go through the pain again when it’s time for them to leave-I can’t bare the thought. Perhaps I am being selfish to get another dog to ease NY pain? I can’t get one because my mom is here alone while I work during the day so there goes that idea.  Please know that I am thinking of you and praying for strength to help you through this.  

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Gary55 - I am so sorry about your boy Goldie. You loss him 7 weeks ago? Have you done anything with pictures? I printed every picture I had and ordered and received a nice binder with her picture and name on it with dates 2009-2021 (birth/death)but I just can’t put it together yet. Too painful to look at the pictures.  This may sound very silly cuz I’m 62, but Penny & I would lay together and I’d cover us with a blanket. Now I scrunch up the blanket and cuddle that and it brings me a little comfort. I’d much rather be snuggling and hugging her! I can’t walk out my back door cuz she was always right there with me. The thought of going into the backyard without her makes me feel like I’m going to throw up and I get really dizzy. Is that normal to feel physically sick?

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@Diane O

Thank you Diane for your reply. I sent for pictures from my phone, you upload them to a site called free prints and they send them by post and you just pay postage. Its painful to look at the ones I've got. I've been so sad, I still can't believe it's happened. That's nice you can get some comfort from the blanket, and also it doesn't matter what age we are, I'm 65 and I often called him baby Goldie. I hope you and your mom can get along, although obviously your mind is still elsewhere. Ive been out but I can't face anyone around here who knows me. I've had at times a sickly feeling and it's like can't get breath although I've never had breathing problems. I think it's just all part of our grief. 

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Losing Arlie was very akin to losing my husband 15 1/2 years ago, Arlie was my soulmate in a dog, the perfect dog for me, so sweet, smart, considerate!  Very goofy and fun, always brought me a smile, the perfect companion.  He was my walking buddy, and if I needed to get a rock out of my shoe, I could hold onto him until I was done.  When I broke my right elbow, I continued to walk him and he never once pulled (he was 140 lbs and strong).  It's been 1 1/2 years and I miss him each and every day.  I had always had a dog but had bad experiences trying to adopt after him, I live alone...my son brought me a puppy 13 1/2 months ago.  I needed him, at that time we didn't know Covid was about to upend all of our lives and the life I'd built for myself was gone.  This puppy saved me, I really don't know what I would have done without him.  He is not like Arlie, he doesn't do the Husky talk, doesn't have Arlie's goofiness or consideration but still young yet, he is very attentive and wants to be with me all time, very sweet and loves everyone, human or dog.

We can never replace the exact bond/relationship we had with another, but instead they create their own spot in our hearts.  This is a good article but I do NOT like the "name" of it as one NEVER "replaces another!  Replacing a Pet

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On 17/02/2018 at 1:32 PM, MelsGone said:

 I still grieve for my first dog who passed in 2006. There are things I feel guilty about, things I want to take back, do differently - and I can’t - and here we are 12 yrs later and it tears me apart when I “go there”. I just recently lost a dog - I want her back. I get it. All of us get it. We understand the pain you feel and believe me, are here to listen. But Dogs, know... they do, how much we love them, how much we give for them, and they love us - unconditionally - forever.

Well this has pretty much confirmed my death. I suffer from depression and anxiety with multiple suicide attempts. I am convinced I cannot and will not be able to cope with the pain of losing my darling little daxy (she is 10 atm) 

I know how I am going to take my life this time, but am in a quandary as to when. I guess it will have to be straight after she has gone, there is no way I want to live with the pain coming to me :'(

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@Albert9999  I lost my beloved husband 15 1/2 years ago so I am no foreigner to grief.  It has become my life as I've aged...he was barely 51 when he died, we didn't meet until our mid-40s and he was my soulmate and everything in the world to me.  I know what it's like to FEEL suicidal in early grief, most of us, it occurs to us.  Planning it is something different.  I'd HIGHLY recommend getting help.  It's so hard to see/think straight when you're in the thick of it.  It doesn't seem possible that anything could ever change or there could ever be any more for you, but it can, we just have to make it past the hump until it can have a chance to play out and give us a ray of hope/light.  I've lost my parents, grandparents, cousin, aunts & uncles, many friends, 24 dogs & cats, my sister.  I know loss.  I know it well, we are on a first name basis.

In Feb of 2009 I saw a picture in the newspaper of a Husky/Golden Retriever with the most beautiful smile!  I will post the picture so you can see what won me.  I knew I had to have that dog.  The shelter named him Arlington but that was much too formal/stuffy for him so I redubbed him Arlie.  He was MY SOULMATE IN A DOG!   He was perfect for me!  My smart, beautiful, sweet, considerate, funny, goofy dog!  My heart grieves him still and misses him each and every day.  June 6 2019 I took him in for routine dental cleaning, they did blood tests.  Instead of a routine cleaning to help him, instead he got a death sentence: cancer, inoperable, already metathesized, liver shutting down.  I provided hospice for him for two months, 10 days, before I had him euthanized.  It was the hardest thing in the world, seeing my beautiful boy go through that.  He was so guileless and sweet, he did not deserve that.  But I love/d him with all my heart and I had to put his comfort before my own.  

Here are his memoirs, it helps to write it out to immortalize them.  


Here is our story: 

 

I wrote this article ten years after the death of my husband.  

I want to share an article I wrote of the things I've found helpful over the years, in the hopes something will be of help to you either now or on down the road.

TIPS TO MAKE YOUR WAY THROUGH GRIEF

There's no way to sum up how to go on in a simple easy answer, but I encourage you to read the other threads here, little by little you will learn how to make your way through this.  I do want to give you some pointers though, of some things I've learned on my journey.

  • Take one day at a time.  The Bible says each day has enough trouble of it's own, I've found that to be true, so don't bite off more than you can chew.  It can be challenging enough just to tackle today.  I tell myself, I only have to get through today.  Then I get up tomorrow and do it all over again.  To think about the "rest of my life" invites anxiety.
  • Don't be afraid, grief may not end but it evolves.  The intensity lessens eventually.
  • Visit your doctor.  Tell them about your loss, any troubles sleeping, suicidal thoughts, anxiety attacks.  They need to know these things in order to help you through it...this is all part of grief.
  • Suicidal thoughts are common in early grief.  If they're reoccurring, call a suicide hotline.  I felt that way early on, but then realized it wasn't that I wanted to die so much as I didn't want to go through what I'd have to face if I lived.  Back to taking a day at a time.  Suicide Hotline - Call 1-800-273-8255 or www.crisis textline.org or US and Canada: text 741741 UK: text 85258 | Ireland: text 50808
  • Give yourself permission to smile.  It is not our grief that binds us to them, but our love, and that continues still.
  • Try not to isolate too much.  
  • There's a balance to reach between taking time to process our grief, and avoiding it...it's good to find that balance for yourself.  We can't keep so busy as to avoid our grief, it has a way of haunting us, finding us, and demanding we pay attention to it!  Some people set aside time every day to grieve.  I didn't have to, it searched and found me!
  • Self-care is extremely important, more so than ever.  That person that would have cared for you is gone, now you're it...learn to be your own best friend, your own advocate, practice self-care.  You'll need it more than ever.
  • Recognize that your doctor isn't trained in grief, find a professional grief counselor that is.  We need help finding ourselves through this maze of grief, knowing where to start, etc.  They have not only the knowledge, but the resources.
  • In time, consider a grief support group.  If your friends have not been through it themselves, they may not understand what you're going through, it helps to find someone somewhere who DOES "get it". 
  • Be patient, give yourself time.  There's no hurry or timetable about cleaning out belongings, etc.  They can wait, you can take a year, ten years, or never deal with it.  It's okay, it's what YOU are comfortable with that matters.  
  • Know that what we are comfortable with may change from time to time.  That first couple of years I put his pictures up, took them down, up, down, depending on whether it made me feel better or worse.  Finally, they were up to stay.
  • Consider a pet.  Not everyone is a pet fan, but I've found that my dog helps immensely.  It's someone to love, someone to come home to, someone happy to see me, someone that gives me a purpose...I have to come home and feed him.  Besides, they're known to relieve stress.  Well maybe not in the puppy stage when they're chewing up everything, but there's older ones to adopt if you don't relish that stage.
  • Make yourself get out now and then.  You may not feel interest in anything, things that interested you before seem to feel flat now.  That's normal.  Push yourself out of your comfort zone just a wee bit now and then.  Eating out alone, going to a movie alone or church alone, all of these things are hard to do at first.  You may feel you flunked at it, cried throughout, that's okay, you did it, you tried, and eventually you get a little better at it.  If I waited until I had someone to do things with I'd be stuck at home a lot.
  • Keep coming here.  We've been through it and we're all going through this together.
  • Look for joy in every day.  It will be hard to find at first, but in practicing this, it will change your focus so you can embrace what IS rather than merely focusing on what ISN'T.  It teaches you to live in the present and appreciate fully.  You have lost your big joy in life, and all other small joys may seem insignificant in comparison, but rather than compare what used to be to what is, learn the ability to appreciate each and every small thing that comes your way...a rainbow, a phone call from a friend, unexpected money, a stranger smiling at you, whatever the small joy, embrace it.  It's an art that takes practice and is life changing if you continue it.
  • Eventually consider volunteering.  It helps us when we're outward focused, it's a win/win.

(((hugs))) Praying for you today.

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Kay C-thank you so much for posting your article.  I find hope from reading that. I am now 4 weeks from having to put Penny down. I am still in disbelief and still crying. I knew I couldn’t have her forever but I didn’t expect her to leave me so quick. I am so very thankful to God that it did happen quickly as I wouldn’t of wanted her to suffer at all. Her death was so very peaceful but I still get dizzy and feel sick when I think about it and realize she is actually gone. I wanted to die which I think is very normal for pet parents. The only thing that is going to make me feel better is to get another dog. I can never replace Penny-she was one in a million-truly! But I need to fill the terribly void in my life. I will also be going to grief counseling which will help me. Reading these posts are also helping me; knowing I am not alone and so many have to go through this.  Thank you!!!

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I despise the title to this article as we NEVER "replace" a pet, they cannot ever be replaced, but "get another" is a better term.  But still, I'll post it in the hopes that the content is of help to you.  https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2013/01/replacing-pet-who-has-died-when-is-it.html

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On 2/5/2021 at 3:03 PM, KayC said:

@Albert9999  I lost my beloved husband 15 1/2 years ago so I am no foreigner to grief.  It has become my life as I've aged...he was barely 51 when he died, we didn't meet until our mid-40s and he was my soulmate and everything in the world to me.  I know what it's like to FEEL suicidal in early grief, most of us, it occurs to us.  Planning it is something different.  I'd HIGHLY recommend getting help.  It's so hard to see/think straight when you're in the thick of it.  It doesn't seem possible that anything could ever change or there could ever be any more for you, but it can, we just have to make it past the hump until it can have a chance to play out and give us a ray of hope/light.  I've lost my parents, grandparents, cousin, aunts & uncles, many friends, 24 dogs & cats, my sister.  I know loss.  I know it well, we are on a first name basis.

In Feb of 2009 I saw a picture in the newspaper of a Husky/Golden Retriever with the most beautiful smile!  I will post the picture so you can see what won me.  I knew I had to have that dog.  The shelter named him Arlington but that was much too formal/stuffy for him so I redubbed him Arlie.  He was MY SOULMATE IN A DOG!   He was perfect for me!  My smart, beautiful, sweet, considerate, funny, goofy dog!  My heart grieves him still and misses him each and every day.  June 6 2019 I took him in for routine dental cleaning, they did blood tests.  Instead of a routine cleaning to help him, instead he got a death sentence: cancer, inoperable, already metathesized, liver shutting down.  I provided hospice for him for two months, 10 days, before I had him euthanized.  It was the hardest thing in the world, seeing my beautiful boy go through that.  He was so guileless and sweet, he did not deserve that.  But I love/d him with all my heart and I had to put his comfort before my own.  

Here are his memoirs, it helps to write it out to immortalize them.  


Here is our story: 

 

I wrote this article ten years after the death of my husband.  

I want to share an article I wrote of the things I've found helpful over the years, in the hopes something will be of help to you either now or on down the road.

TIPS TO MAKE YOUR WAY THROUGH GRIEF

There's no way to sum up how to go on in a simple easy answer, but I encourage you to read the other threads here, little by little you will learn how to make your way through this.  I do want to give you some pointers though, of some things I've learned on my journey.

  • Take one day at a time.  The Bible says each day has enough trouble of it's own, I've found that to be true, so don't bite off more than you can chew.  It can be challenging enough just to tackle today.  I tell myself, I only have to get through today.  Then I get up tomorrow and do it all over again.  To think about the "rest of my life" invites anxiety.
  • Don't be afraid, grief may not end but it evolves.  The intensity lessens eventually.
  • Visit your doctor.  Tell them about your loss, any troubles sleeping, suicidal thoughts, anxiety attacks.  They need to know these things in order to help you through it...this is all part of grief.
  • Suicidal thoughts are common in early grief.  If they're reoccurring, call a suicide hotline.  I felt that way early on, but then realized it wasn't that I wanted to die so much as I didn't want to go through what I'd have to face if I lived.  Back to taking a day at a time.  Suicide Hotline - Call 1-800-273-8255 or www.crisis textline.org or US and Canada: text 741741 UK: text 85258 | Ireland: text 50808
  • Give yourself permission to smile.  It is not our grief that binds us to them, but our love, and that continues still.
  • Try not to isolate too much.  
  • There's a balance to reach between taking time to process our grief, and avoiding it...it's good to find that balance for yourself.  We can't keep so busy as to avoid our grief, it has a way of haunting us, finding us, and demanding we pay attention to it!  Some people set aside time every day to grieve.  I didn't have to, it searched and found me!
  • Self-care is extremely important, more so than ever.  That person that would have cared for you is gone, now you're it...learn to be your own best friend, your own advocate, practice self-care.  You'll need it more than ever.
  • Recognize that your doctor isn't trained in grief, find a professional grief counselor that is.  We need help finding ourselves through this maze of grief, knowing where to start, etc.  They have not only the knowledge, but the resources.
  • In time, consider a grief support group.  If your friends have not been through it themselves, they may not understand what you're going through, it helps to find someone somewhere who DOES "get it". 
  • Be patient, give yourself time.  There's no hurry or timetable about cleaning out belongings, etc.  They can wait, you can take a year, ten years, or never deal with it.  It's okay, it's what YOU are comfortable with that matters.  
  • Know that what we are comfortable with may change from time to time.  That first couple of years I put his pictures up, took them down, up, down, depending on whether it made me feel better or worse.  Finally, they were up to stay.
  • Consider a pet.  Not everyone is a pet fan, but I've found that my dog helps immensely.  It's someone to love, someone to come home to, someone happy to see me, someone that gives me a purpose...I have to come home and feed him.  Besides, they're known to relieve stress.  Well maybe not in the puppy stage when they're chewing up everything, but there's older ones to adopt if you don't relish that stage.
  • Make yourself get out now and then.  You may not feel interest in anything, things that interested you before seem to feel flat now.  That's normal.  Push yourself out of your comfort zone just a wee bit now and then.  Eating out alone, going to a movie alone or church alone, all of these things are hard to do at first.  You may feel you flunked at it, cried throughout, that's okay, you did it, you tried, and eventually you get a little better at it.  If I waited until I had someone to do things with I'd be stuck at home a lot.
  • Keep coming here.  We've been through it and we're all going through this together.
  • Look for joy in every day.  It will be hard to find at first, but in practicing this, it will change your focus so you can embrace what IS rather than merely focusing on what ISN'T.  It teaches you to live in the present and appreciate fully.  You have lost your big joy in life, and all other small joys may seem insignificant in comparison, but rather than compare what used to be to what is, learn the ability to appreciate each and every small thing that comes your way...a rainbow, a phone call from a friend, unexpected money, a stranger smiling at you, whatever the small joy, embrace it.  It's an art that takes practice and is life changing if you continue it.
  • Eventually consider volunteering.  It helps us when we're outward focused, it's a win/win.

(((hugs))) Praying for you today.

Wow thank you so much for your reply and for sharing your story, it has given me plenty to think about! 

I am an atheist yet still appreciate your prayers very much. My partner is a pastor of 50 years and echos much of what you have said. I have also told my GP and mental health team of what I have planned, there's not much they can really do, which also reminds me th of the cold hard truth that only I can get myself out of this mess. Thank you again, your post really helped x

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@Albert9999I'm concerned reading your original post. You clearly have a special bond with Daxy. You can have many happy days together, and enjoy life. I'm sure Daxy would not want you to harm yourself in any way in the future. My boy Goldie passed 8 weeks ago, and although I've been sad I think to myself that Goldie would want me to be happy. I've had him in my dreams, clear and colourful, and had a couple of signs from him along with one night where his smell was strong on my bed. I know he's still with me because of this. This is a lovely place to talk. 

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This really has little to do with religion except my faith does see me through...faith is believe in what we cannot see.  My parents were atheist so I wasn't "raised" to be a Christian, but I've always believed....my parents changed before they died, my mom when I was 20, my dad just three days before he died.  I realize not all do.  But when we look at videos of the beyond galaxies, it leaves me (and others with no particular belief) the feeling of being part of something bigger, unexplainable...I realize we have less answers than we do knowledge as there exists so much mystery, a part of me finds comfort in that, for it lends us hope for what we can't even define.  ;)  I choose to believe we'll be together again, I can't fathom the contrary!  We found each other once, I believe we will again.  Having lost so many, and I've lost 24 dogs/cats besides, I can't imagine their spirits no longer being.  It's these bodies that give out, way too soon.  If anyone could defy death, it would be my Arlie.  I love the Rainbow Bridge, it may be a simplistic way of looking at it, but it provides comfort/hope.  I'm all for that.

I do hope that you will reach out for help should you ever find yourself planning your end prematurely.  I know there is a place of inner pain that we go through in early grief, but if we but hold on and go through it, the pain begins to lessen little by little until it's more copeable and we learn to carry our grief, at least I have, and I carry much.

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Your posts bring me hope. Penny’s been gone just over 4 weeks. Last night was the first time I walked into the house and didn’t start crying. I no longer have the feeling that I can’t live without her and realize now that I can. I will always miss her. I will still talk to a therapist because when she died it seemed to have brought up other loss issues that I never dealt with. I know there is a heaven and we will all be together again but, for reasons we don’t know until we pass, we must wait until God decides when it is our time to be called to Heaven. The only thing that will help my broken heart is to get another dog. Penny wants me to be happy and knows that I need to adopt another dog, perhaps two or three. As with everyone else, we all have a huge chunk torn out of hearts when we lose someone but, we have to carry on; move forward just one step at a time until we start feeling better again and we will. 

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Diane, I am glad to hear it, you're seeing a ray of hope shining through the immense pain and loss.  

Last night Kodie cuddled with me for maybe 1 1/2 hours, licking my hands/wrists where they continually hurt, until they felt better.  He is always in whatever room I am in.  He entertains himself while I'm on here, sometimes bringing me a toy to show me or share with me, sometimes wanting to sit on my lap for a minute while he kisses my ears and side of my face.  He's such a little cutie.  Is he like Arlie?  No.  Those things retired with Arlie and I will always miss him.  But I have needed this little guy in my life to go through this social isolation with, his life expectancy is 16 years, which would take me to age 83, after that, I will be ready to go, whenever my time comes.  But this little guy keeps me in the here and now and is incentive to keep going.

My two guys, Kodie on the top, Arlie on the bottom.

 

Kodie 112820 sm.jpg

Arlie running free XS.jpg

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They are beautiful!!! I had another breakdown today. I’m writing a letter to Penny starting with how I came about adopting her. It is quite long. I am to the part where I have to write about our end together and I just can’t do it yet. I know when I wrote the last few pages , I will have to really accept she is gone. I know I have to do it and it’s gonna be tough. I’ll wait til I’m ready. My first appointment with my counselor is next Thursday. Besides this huge, heartbreaking loss of my girl, it has also brought up that my girls are grown and gone and I feel so alone. I raised them as a single mom. I never got over my husband leaving me either so I have some other loss issues. I know I will have to get another dog to get over my loss of Penny. I know I never will get over it, but I know another dog is the only way I will. I wondered about the age issue. I am 62 so I should be around another 20 years. I’m so glad to hear that you did.

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Just now, Diane O said:

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This is my Penny. She was such a beautiful girl! Such a sweetheart!

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23 minutes ago, Diane O said:

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This is my Penny. She was such a beautiful girl! Such a sweetheart!

Penny was 70 pounds of pure love. I want to get a small dog just like your Kodie! He is sooo cute! 

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Diane, thank you for sharing, your Penny is beautiful, my first dog was a black lab, when I was five, he lived 15 years but my parents had him put to sleep without telling me beforehand.  That was very hard.  

I wrote about Arlie's life here and also our cancer journey.  It is therapeutic to write.  I hated entering the last entry.

 

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so just came across this after googling the same exact feelings/story I am experiencing. My dog Sammy passed away this past October from heart failure as well, 2 months before his 10th birthday. He died one week after getting sick. The worst feeling ever, and the grief has been getting worse everyday since he he died. I recently just got a puppy as well thinking it would help me in my grief but it hasn't. Here I am in February as well wondering how I'm gonna keep going forward. Hope life got better for you, I'm still wondering if it will for me.

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My Penny got cancer. She seemed fine and then boom! Couldn’t stand up so I put her down immediately as my vet said it was the kindest thing to do; adrenal cancer is a difficult surgery, etc. It all happened too fast. I miss her terribly. I am so very sorry for your loss. You said getting the puppy isn’t helping you? This new one needs you and you need him. You won’t forget your Sammy. You’ll have your cherished memories and, Sammy doesn’t want you to be sad. He knows how much love you have that you can give your new puppy. Have you thought about therapy? My first appointment is next Thursday. I found with losing Penny, That I never got over my grief of my girls growing up and never getting over my husband dumping me for another woman. 

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I'm sorry for your loss.  I lost my Arlie 8/16/19 (cancer), he was my soulmate in a dog, the love of my life along with my husband who died 15 1/2 years ago.  My son brought me a puppy four months later, give it time and it'll grow on you, it does NOT change your grief over your current dog, you continue to miss them and the special things you loved about him are gone but if you give your little one a chance, it can also grow on you for their own special qualities, it takes time to form that bond.  I STILL miss my Arlie and always will and can't wait to be with him again someday...but right now I have an adorable little dog that loves me and I have to stay alive for him and give him the best life that I can. (I posted pictures of both of them above, you can see how different they are in every way).

 

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Thank you Diane and Kay. Your words help. I may consider therapy in the future, but for now I'm just taking it one day at a time. Although my new puppy Mia has not helped with my grief, she has brought back life into an empty house.

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