My dog drowned last night and I feel so much guilt and shame

[Ciel]

About a year ago, my 15-year-old dog fell in the pool while outside alone and nearly drowned. The vet said he was developing dementia and that offered an explanation for some strange behaviors we'd noticed in him (like having a hard time navigating the house and backyard, not being able to find his food, etc). He pulled through the near-drowning incident and ever since then, we watch him closely when he's outside and he's never left alone for more than a minute or two at a time. Last night, I let him out and was watching him. He found his leftover dinner bowl and laid down and started eating his food. He's old and has a lot of trouble with his legs and eating takes him a while. I stood there for a minute and then went inside to get a drink. I peeked out the window at him and he was still eating, so I fixed a snack and looked out again and he wasn't at his bowl. I went outside to check on him and there he was in the pool. He was no longer swimming, but the water was moving as if he just was. I pulled him out and he was still alive, but not struggling, just calm. I tried reviving him the best I knew how and felt his body go completely limp and just knew he was gone. He died in my arms, which I'm grateful for, but I'm overwhelmed with guilt and shame for what happened and my negligence. I feel completely responsible for what happened. Had this been the first time he fell in the pool, I feel it would be more forgivable, but I just don't know how I'm going to forgive myself for this. I'm still in shock that he's gone and in shock over how he died. His health was definitely going down hill over the past 6 months, and we've talked many times about putting him down, but I haven't been able to bring myself to have him euthanized. I was waiting for his health to really force my hand, and then this happened and I just feel so incredibly awful. I don't know how I'll ever get the images of seeing him in the pool out of my head. I feel tormented.

[AJWCat]

@Ciel,I am so so sorry to read your story. I know how awful you feel. And I know with such a horrible, sudden death you are in shock. You are not the first person I have read here who this has happened to. I lost my cat to something that we think was poisonous. We were at a house for the summer on vacation and I still don't know what he got into. I blamed myself and I was heartbroken. So I do understand how you feel.  

Remember: you were a wonderful owner, you loved him, and your intention was never to harm him. So, please put your guilt aside. I know that seems impossible, but this was just a terrible accident. You mind keeps playing it over I think as a way to process, and deal with what happened. (I did the same thing after losing my cat, I was haunted by the last couple hours which were awful.)

You came to the right place to share. I wish I could say more to make you feel better. It is awful to lose your pet no matter the circumstances. But you must learn to forgive yourself. Begin working on it now. You deserve to grieve your loss, not to be punished. I am really sorry for your loss. 

[KayC]

I didn't realize this double posted and I responded to the other one so I hope you'll read it.

[AJT1995]

@Ceil - This almost exact thing happened to me a couple of days ago and I’m at beyond devastated. It was our beloved dachshund we’ve had for 20 years. I can’t stop crying. It isn’t so much that she’s gone, because I knew we didn’t have her for much longer. It’s HOW she died, drowning. Because of me, because I left her out. Just like you, she had fallen in before but landed on the stair so we were lucky.  How can I ever forgive myself for allowing it to happen again and make her suffer like that. I am completely wrecked! 

[KayC]

Double post here, will respond to other one...