Members ksheja Posted August 27, 2010 Members Report Share Posted August 27, 2010 I'll try to make a long story short though that's not easy. 15 years ago I had a baby. I was not married to his father, who was an immigrant from Korea (not illegal). The last time I saw him he was 7 months pregnant, I had to go somewhere and when I came back he had left and I had no forwarding address (he had moved to another state to work). I had met one of his relatives a couple of times but did not know his name - they just called each other brother (though they were cousins - Korean custom). I did not know his SSN and there was no internet then, could not find him. Child Support unit in the county where I moved did not do a thorough job of finding him. Unfortunately his name is common and they served papers to someone with the correct name, but not the same birthday. I made efforts to find himself throughout the years by paying people (PIs) and found (probably) his family address in Korea and then someone found an address in GA. In my mind, I thought he was surely in Korea because he always said, multiple times, he was going back there, where his son from his first marriage lived. So I did not think the person in GA was him. I did not involve the child support unit. I just sent a letter there and I feel so stupid now because how did I know who would really see the letter. A lady called me and said she was his sister, he was in Korea and married with kids. I did not even think I had the right person because the lady, although Korean, had an American last name. Though my son's father had a sister in the US, she was not married to an American. Also, from the conversation I had with her it did not sound like the same person at all. I sent her pictures of him and asked her to verify ... never heard from her. Fast forward until this summer, when I asked a PI to investigate again, and came up with the same person in GA, but with the information that he was dead. He died in 2009, and the person I'd talked to could not be his sister - different maiden name. On my own I did a lot of research of the public records and learned he and she had been living in GA for at least 10 years, at various addresses - at some point they got married, not clear when. She had been married to an American, probably in the military, and had a son with him, that she had custody of.. so he was helping to raise her son while ignoring mine. Also there is a daughter, but don't know her name, not sure if she is his. He had told me he did not want to marry again or have more children... he lived in very poor conditions, working long hours, in NY, and drank too much and was unhappy. From 1995 to 2000 I don't know where he was because I have no record. I learned he took out a mortgage ($1800 a month) for a 4-bedroom 3-bathroom house (houses are much cheaper in GA than here) and she had a lease for a $970 a month luxury car... these things make me angry... because I was working enough hours for 2 people to try to make up the income, and struggle to pay for everything, no car, no house, and I never got any money from him and never got to establish paternity, which I realize is my own fault because I could have started a paternity suit 8 years ago. I don't know if the lady was acting on her own when she lied to me, or if he knew and she was covering for him. I just always believed he must have sometimes thought of me and my son all these years. If he had a half-Korean stepson living with him, how could he not think of his half-Korean son that he never saw.... Anyway they went bankrupt in 2005 with heavy credit card debt, not able to pay for the car or the house, lost the house, lost the car, but still were able to move into a nice new condo. But I guess his new life did not make him happy either. She almost divorced him in 2002, and the alcohol problem must have gotten worse... there are 3 DUIs from 2004 to 2006 and no license either. And then he died and I don't know what of yet, don't have the death certificate yet. I think I have no legal recourse now to establish paternity and at least get survivor's benefits from SS (he was steadily employed), The child support unit won't help me unless I can come up with his brother or sister who would be willing to take a DNA test. Sometimes they prove paternity after death using a blood sample or some tissue sample that might be available from the father, or testing of family members, but I don't have $5000 to retain a lawyer. When I get the original application for the social security number, which he got in NY, (anyone can get this if the person is deceased), it may have an address on it that I can use to track down his family members. I guess people can understand why I am angry and not why I am grieved... I did not want him to die. I knew if I had just managed to talk to him or see him he would have wanted to at least know something about my son. Even if I can do nothing legally I want to go there and find people who knew him and talk to them. And find his family members. And I just want the lady to know that I know she lied. He was right there for 10 years.. and I did not know. I was even in Georgia a few times myself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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