The need to believe

[Kitt]

When my mom was still alive, she believed with all her heart that she wanted to go be with the Lord. She loved him dearly. Seeing as we came from a Jewish family, I was brought up with 2 very different belief systems and so in the end, I chose to believe in Taoism. But not heavily into it at all. Just read the book and tried to follow a simple path.

Then my mom passed away and I didn't want to live anymore. I got very sick about a month or so later. Drs said I was run down and the antibiotics could only take me so far. I needed to want to live and honestly, I didn't. That morning, my breathing was very laboured, I was on my way out and peacefully (I didn't have any pain) when I went to a place that was all white with figures in the background. And I kept hearing "it's not your time yet, it's not your time, it's not your time yet, it's not your time". It sounded female and beautiful. It touched my heart and I made a decision that I would fight. So I did. I recovered. 

3 years have passed now and I still wish that I had just let go on that morning and gone to my mom. I need to believe that I will see her again. I have heard a lot of spiritual people who say that when there is a great loss or great hardships, people tend to flow towards spirituality and awakenings and I believe that to be true because of where I am at with my beliefs now. Anyone else with similar experiences? 

[reader]

Dear Kitt,

I'm so sorry for your loss. I know losing your mom was extremely painful and hard. I know we all sometimes feel like giving up on life after such a terrible loss.

My family did not have any strong religious beliefs, but even my own sisters like to believe that my father is in heaven as speak. We like to think he is with friend again, restored to good health and enjoying his coffee and papers.

And for those of us still here on this earth it is hard to carry on.  I haven't sought out any particular religion or spiritual guidance myself but I am open to all possibilities. I say do whatever brings you the most peace and comfort. It will be different for all of us.

I too hope to see my dad one day again. I hope it is true.

Thinking of you.