Members Fruitloop60 Posted September 11, 2017 Members Report Share Posted September 11, 2017 Hey, ...I'm dying of cancer and I just want to let nature takes its course. I've had cancer for 18 years; Breast 2000, 2002, 2004, Cervical 2002, Lung 2009, Squamous Cell skin and Melanoma of the skin in May of this year and now - Melanoma of my eye! I've had 9 surgeries, chemo and radiation both twice and god knows how many other tests and procedures. And, I'm done. I don't want anymore. My overall heath is poor, including CKD (kidney disease) that is close to the dialysis stage, which I also am refusing. I even had a heart attack recently no one invited me to. I'm so used to pain I just ignored it. I don't want anymore specialists or tests. As it is, taking care of myself is hard work enough. I live alone (with my cat). I'm "low income" poor. I have kids but one's too busy and the other is abusive. I feel like I can't die soon enough for my family. They've heard about my cancers for 18 years and they're as tired of it as I am (or maybe more). I fought before because my daughter was just 5 when it started and I had to raise her alone. Well, now she's 23, graduated from college and barely gives me the time of day. All I want now is to be free to enjoy what I can before I lose all of my vision and then, my life (here). I firmly believe there is something after this existence so I have never feared death. I just have to convince these money hungry doctors to get me Palliative care and Hospice. Then, I'll just paint and watch cable and take it easy. Anyone where I am? Probably not many because first - I know I'm different from others and second because so many people are scared to death to die, which I don't understand. Dying is inevitable; no visitors return from the undiscovered country (Shakespeare) but, it is also as natural as the birth life begins with. Yeah, I don't like pain but, death is a 1:1 proposition. And, I'm dying to see what is beyond, my boldness is not weakened by fear. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ModKonnie Posted September 20, 2017 Members Report Share Posted September 20, 2017 Fruitloop60, I'm very sorry to hear of your long-term battle with cancer. Have you talked with your doctors and told them your decision? Do they believe you can recover from this current round? As far as your children, I am not an expert, but can you tell them how you feel? Would it help? Would counseling help you to deal with your physical battles? We will be here with you, ModKonnie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Fruitloop60 Posted September 20, 2017 Author Members Report Share Posted September 20, 2017 Yes, ALL my docs are aware and they put me in Palliative care. Of course being doctors they'd still love making a buck off me for Surgery or Chemo. I'm already in counseling and my kids, unfortunately are a loss, and I have to live with the knowledge of that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ModKonnie Posted September 26, 2017 Members Report Share Posted September 26, 2017 You have the right to refuse chemo and surgery. As for your children, I'm very sorry. Many people find that writing letters (even if they aren't sent) is a way to get some type of healing. Talk in the letters about how you are feeling, your thoughts, wishes, desires, etc. I don't know if that will help you (I'm no expert), but it's just a suggestion. ModKonnie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Sweetlorraine Posted January 18, 2018 Members Report Share Posted January 18, 2018 Hi, I recently was "suspected" of having a terminal illness. I am now in the testing and referral stage. I have already decided I do not want treatment and would like to go to another country and have assisted death, I do not want to waste away slowly and have all sorts of painful treatments. i too have kids that don't seem to care, one is abusive and the other doing his own thing. I have a husband who I thought was my "rock" but I am starting to question that as well. so it leaves me to be the one who makes the decisions on how I live my life and what I have left. I know I want to do it with the grace of a woman not the grief of a child. but I have my bad days and so I found this site to hopefully find support. when I read your post it connected to me. I share your pain. I'm hear to listen. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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