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My Best Friend


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Since the day I was born, my Mom has been my best friend of my entire life. Always there to help me, teach me, encourage me, help me out, cheer me up, take me places, lend me money when I needed it, buy me things, send me to the college where I wanted to go, done everything to help me try to make my dreams come true, encouraged me in all I want to do, cook for me, teach me to cook, sewn things for me (still don't know how to do that!), save things for me she knows I am interested in, make me birthday cakes, make me and hide so I can look for and find Easter baskets (even as an adult!), give me cards, call me, give me a place to live, travel together, cry together, laugh together, eat together,let me use her car whenever I need it and a million other things. She is simply the greatest Mom anyone could have. My best friend.

After having some swallowing problems and what she said felt like gas problems for the past few months, we went to the emergency room last month on April 23. A chest x-ray showed a mass in her lung. She was later diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer.

I could barely function the next day out of shock and sadness. It was like that all weekend and I have cried and cried and cried. It has gotten so intense that I have literally collapsed on the ground and lost all muscular control. I could barely drive at times.

She had a cat scan and and ultra sound in the hospital and was admitted to the hospital. She was released on Monday and had an MRI and another test on Tuesday and a PET scan before the appointment. The pulmonologist said it is in both lungs and that there are satellite tumors in the brain (which is causing short term memory loss; which I have noticed for months) and a spot in the liver. I prayed that this was not connected to the rest of it and can be treated. We never found out about that.

The pulmonologist will saw a board of cancer specialists who deal with cancer cases and tell us what they said and recommend. We saw a oncologist who said without radiation treatment she would only live about 4-6 weeks. We did a radiation treatment and it did not work. Then we did 2 for the pain in her back which is related to the mass in her lung. We went to another treatment and the radiologist told us to see the oncologist who told us not to keep the next day's radiation appointment and to start hospice. Please keep her in your prayers.

I have a difficult time doing anything and wanting to do anything. I have so much anxiety and fear like I have never had in my life about anything. Fortunately I have siblings who are helping her also. My Dad has been gone for 15 years and losing him was awful too. This is bringing up old emotions about him.

I am also crying thinking about things I did and said that I never should have and apologizing for them. And thanking my Mom for all she has done for me. In fact, I have been doing this for a long time. Way before any of this happened. I just hope my siblings are doing the same. Lately, I have been feeling like such a jerk for all the phone calls, messages she left, etc. that I completely took for granted. And for my selfishness and selfish behavior at times.

Knowing that she is going through this and knowing there is little that can be done is killing me. She is stronger than all of us and is being extremely brave (as my Dad was). I am trying to be strong and have cried a lot these past days. It is definitely anticipatory grief and mourning. I simply cannot imagine and cannot accept life without my best friend who has been in my life since day 1.

Sorry this is so long. I just had to tell my story. Any and all input is welcome. No, I am not a "Mama's boy". She is simply my best friend and always has been and always will be.


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June 07, 2010


Dear Members,


We’re excited to inform you that we’re moving to a new and improved message board at the end of this week. It may seem a little bit sudden, but we recently learned that the company that designed our current board is no longer in existence. Our new message board will offer enhanced profile capabilities and chat rooms with up to 20 people at a time (and more if we need it). All of your old posts and private messages will be migrated to our new message board. You may need to re-post your profile picture. Our new message board will feature:


  • Custom profile fields
  • Profile page customization with optional background colors, images, and tiling options
  • Facebook and Twitter integration
  • Multiple post responses via “mini-quotes”
  • Pinned discussion threads
  • Targeted board announcements (for entire board or certain sections)
  • Comprehensive search options enabling users to easily find all content created by a particular member (by clicking “Find Content” on the main profile page, or in the “Mini Profile” pop-up which can be accessed throughout the board) 
  • Enhanced privacy options that allow users to sign in anonymously, be hidden from the online users list, disable personal conversations, and deny user-to-user emails


You can access the new message board by visiting www.grieving.com or www.beyondindigo.com. Grieving.com is still 100% a part of Beyond Indigo; we just created a new Web address for Search Engine Optimization (SEO) purposes. We’ll do our best to redirect all existing URL’s to our new board, but if you have difficulty accessing them, just remember to visit www.grieving.com or www.beyondindigo.com to find your message board thread. We’ll of course try to make this transition as seamless as possible. 


Our new board will seamlessly enable us to grow our community and provide you with even more ways to interact with one other, and for that we’re very grateful. Please feel free to email feedback@beyondindigo.com with any questions, and thank you for being a part of the Beyond Indigo online community.


Kelly Baltzell, MA

President/CEO, Beyond Indigo



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Dear Members,

We are excited to mention that we are moving to a more new and improved message boards on MONDAY MORNING AUGUST 9th! The boards will be done for a few hours while we are making the conversation. Remember we posted information about this move a month ago. For some of you this might seem a bit sudden,  but when we were reviewing the site we determined the current message board you are using is out of date and the company that designed it is no longer in existence. The good news is this new message board will have new features that have been requested in the past like more fields we can add to your profiles and a chat room up to 20 people at one time. If we find the chat room is bursting at the seams we will add additional room for extra people. All your old posts, private messages and such will be migrated to the new message board. You might have to put up your profile picture again but not sure. The new company will be doing the migration for us. Here is a short list of some of the new features on the board:

- Custom Profile Fields

- Users can customize their profile pages by selecting a background color or background image, with tiling options.

- Facebook and Twitter Integration

- users can respond to multiple posts at once with "mini-quote"

- Pinned discussion threads - like welcome to our board etc.

- Announcements made across some boards or the entire message board

- Search: Users can easily find all content generated by a particular member, by clicking the 'Find Content' button that appears on the main profile page, or in the Mini Profile Popup which can be accessed throughout the board. The results page allows content to be filtered by application, as well whether the member created it or merely participated in it.

- Privacy: allows users to sign in anonymously, hiding them from the online users list. Users also have the option to disable personal conversations and user-to-user emails, as well as ignore other users if necessary.

The next exciting piece of news about the new message board is it will have a new domain name of www.grieving.com for search engine optimization purposes. It will still be apart of Beyond Indigo and can be found through www.beyondindigo.com. We will be redirecting your current URL's to this new domain name but we might miss a few. If that is the case simply go back to www.grieving.com or www.beyondindigo.com to find your message board thread. We will try to make the transition as seamless as possible.

The bottom line is the new board will give us room to grow our community and more options to interact better with each other.

If you have any questions please direct them to feedback@beyondindigo.com.

Kelly Baltzell, MA


Beyond Indigo Family

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