WHERE DO I GO FROM HERE?

[dianet]

HI, I AM NEW TO THIS SIGHT. I LOST MY SON "MATTHEW" MARCH 2ND 2010. EVERYONE TELLS ME IT WILL GET BETTER WITH TIME, I DON'T SEE HOW. I GET THE FEELING THAT PEOPLE DON'T WANT TO HEAR ANYTHING ELSE ABOUT MATTHEW OR SEE ME CRYING ALL THE TIME.HERE IS MY STORY: MATTHEW HAS HAD MIGRAINES FOR ABOUT 9 YEARS AFTER HE HAD A SERIOUS WRECK. HE HAS BEEN TO DIFFERENT DOCTORS OVER THESE 9 YEARS WITH THIS. I TALKED HIM INTO GOING TO A CHIROPRACTOR TO SEE IF THEY COULD HELP HIM. HE WENT AND THIS CHIROPRACTOR ADJUSTED HIS NECK WHICH STRETCHED BOTH ARTERYS IN HIS NECK WHICH IN TURNED PRODUCTED A BLOOD CLOT THAT WENT TO HIS BRAIN AND HE HAD A STROKE, HE DIED 6 DAYS LATER FROM THIS. THE DOCTORS SAID IT WAS BECAUSE HIS NECK WAS ADJUSTED. HE HAD JUST TURNED 27, HAS 2 CHILDREN (AGES 4 AND 10 MONTHS) HE WAS NOT ONLY MY SON BUT MY BEST FRIEND TOO. HIS 4 YEAR OLD HAS AUTISUM (MATTHEW SEEM TO BE THS ONLY ONE THAT COULD CALM THIS CHILD DOWN WHEN HE HAS WHAT THEY CALL "MELTDOWNS".) I KNOW MATTHEW IS IN HEAVEN NOW BUT IT STILL DOESN'T STOP ME FROM WANTING HIM BACK HERE WITH ME AND HIS FAMILY.

DIANE

[ericasmom]

Dearest Diane,

Matthew must be smiling on His Best Friend, His Mom, knowing that you are trying to find ways to survive and live in this new world. I am so sorry for your tragic loss. I am sure that the worry added to this grief with your Grandboy makes it harder for the plain and awful grief we must travel.

Please join us, Parents of Adult Children, on the specific heading so that you can be privy to all the others who share this journey with you but are just ahead of you as far as time. You are so new to this ache, and your reaching out now is a key to your being supported here. We support one another in ways that our old friends and sometimes family, no longer can. It is true for many of us that our contacts don't know what to say or do with us anymore, what a shame, but we need to keep talking about our Children, just as we did when they were here as evidence to our lives, the memories are evidence to them and in time, will help you carry on. But right now, no, it isn't going to get easisr for a while, each of us different and of course, each of us made different by the loss of Them. the love will always be present, do not worry about that.

I lost Erica Eileen Reith, My Daughter on July 14th, six days after her car was struck by an AMTRAK at a broken light in Kalamazoo, Michigan. She was19. So I am on this thread for nearly 7 years, and you will find Sherry on this thread for the same amount of time. We serve as those you can look to to see that you will one day find the light of day again, I promise you that. There are many on this road for 5 years, 4, and many form 3 years on down to just months ago. You will be supported from everyone at each stage of their grief, giving you evidence too, that we are here for a reason, and one of those is to live our best life in honor of our Child.

I am so sorry Di, so very sorry.

Dee

Go to Loss of Child, then look for Loss of Adult Child, and click there and you will see many of us, we are the biggest thread on Beyond Indigo.

[mikesmomrs]

Diane:  I am very sorry for the loss of your son, Matthew.  The grief that you feel is known and understand only by those who have walked this path...I lost my son, Mike, at the age of 34, in 2006, from brain cancer.  This was discovered when he started having trouble walking and thinking, and a trip to the ER.  Mike left behind a wife, and three sons, who are now almost 14, 13, and 5 1/2 years old, as well as all the reset of his family and friends, who love and miss him so very much. 

As Dee has said, the Loss of Adult Child posting has many of us there, helping each other through this journey, supporting, caring and most of all, understanding. We all understand the feeling that no one wants to talk about or listen to you talk about your child...we here will listen...we love to hear about each other's children, and any grandchildren or siblings that might be involved, as well.  Please come to Loss of Adult Child, where you will find all of us willing listeners, ready to help you walk this rocky road.

love and peace to you,

Carol mikesmomrs

[lolynbo]

OH MY GOSH DIANE, IM SO SORRY...YOU WERE TRYING TO HELP YOUR SON THATS WHAT US MOMMYS DO...YOU ARE IN THE RIGHT PLACE...OR MAYBE ITS THE WRONG PLACE EITHER WAY...YOU FOUND US...PLZ RESPOND ON LOSS OF ADULT CHILD...

READ ABOUT MY ANGEL KOURTNEY LYNN IN MY PROFILE UNDER MY AVATAR PIC..

BLESS YOU

[debraf]

I am so sorry for your loss. I  lost my only son 1/9/10.  He was stuck and killed by a car.  He wasn't married and didn't have kids.  I as you feel I can't talk to others about him anymore (6mth tomorrow) they seem to think I should be moving on.  I am in so much pain and had to learn to hide it from others so they don't feel uncomfortable around me.  I was only 19 when my son Ryan was born... I put everything I had in me into him.  I am so proud of the man he became and was looking forward to sharing his adult life with him.  I wanted him to get his education before he had a wife/kids not what I did.  Now, I regret asking him to promise me to  not get married or have kids until he was done with school.  I never/ever imagined being without him.  I still can hear the state troopers voice telling me my son was killed.  I feel like I am in a never ending nightmare.  I try so hard not to cry in front of my 14yr old daughter but I am forever changed.  Have no idea how to go on and on to what? 

[josephsmom90]

Oh do I know how you feel! Isn't it just wonderful how we have to HIDE we are in pain? And especially so from those who claim to care about us? It makes me angry allright!!! I've no support, no family, no friends as I am new in the area I live in. One son at home, he is going off with his dad for a month and I am flipping out! He was gone like this last year when it all came down! He found his brother after he'd gone missing for six days. Six days Joseph was gone, and of all people who finds him? His then 15 yr old brother, and his (Joseph's) 19 yr old twin! The police could not find him, and he was a 100 yards away from the last place he was seen alive! Six days he was in a pond in southen Utah, and of all to find him, his brothers, his family, I got to hear it over the phone, I hate phones. Most of the time, I don't answer them. I can't use ring tones that remind me. I was alone with it all summer, as my 15 yr old wanted to stay in Wyoming with his dad and brother. And now here I am, alone again. All of this is being stirred up by his summer departure. It's killing me. . .

So I know how you feel, forever changed, a giant hole in your very soul! I remember twenty years later what it felt like to carry him inside of me, he and his twin. . . I tried so hard with those boys, from conception I tried, after my near death and divorce, I tried,  This is madness! What do I do now? Where do I go, to whom can I turn, there is no one.

[Kelly]

Dear Members,

We are excited to mention that we are moving to a more new and improved message boards on MONDAY MORNING AUGUST 9th! The boards will be done for a few hours while we are making the conversation. Remember we posted information about this move a month ago. For some of you this might seem a bit sudden,  but when we were reviewing the site we determined the current message board you are using is out of date and the company that designed it is no longer in existence. The good news is this new message board will have new features that have been requested in the past like more fields we can add to your profiles and a chat room up to 20 people at one time. If we find the chat room is bursting at the seams we will add additional room for extra people. All your old posts, private messages and such will be migrated to the new message board. You might have to put up your profile picture again but not sure. The new company will be doing the migration for us. Here is a short list of some of the new features on the board:

- Custom Profile Fields- Users can customize their profile pages by selecting a background color or background image, with tiling options.- Facebook and Twitter Integration- users can respond to multiple posts at once with "mini-quote"- Pinned discussion threads - like welcome to our board etc.- Announcements made across some boards or the entire message board- Search: Users can easily find all content generated by a particular member, by clicking the 'Find Content' button that appears on the main profile page, or in the Mini Profile Popup which can be accessed throughout the board. The results page allows content to be filtered by application, as well whether the member created it or merely participated in it. - Privacy: allows users to sign in anonymously, hiding them from the online users list. Users also have the option to disable personal conversations and user-to-user emails, as well as ignore other users if necessary.

The next exciting piece of news about the new message board is it will have a new domain name of www.grieving.com for search engine optimization purposes. It will still be apart of Beyond Indigo and can be found through www.beyondindigo.com. We will be redirecting your current URL's to this new domain name but we might miss a few. If that is the case simply go back to www.grieving.com or www.beyondindigo.com to find your message board thread. We will try to make the transition as seamless as possible. 

The bottom line is the new board will give us room to grow our community and more options to interact better with each other. 

If you have any questions please direct them to feedback@beyondindigo.com. 

Kelly Baltzell, MACEO/PresidentBeyond Indigo Family