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Loss of a child


debbief

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:( I am new to this site and find it abit daunting seeing so many people in so much pain over the loss of someone, never thought I would be here doing this sort of thing especially for my beautiful son Sammy.

He was 19 and died in a car accident last year on the 31st May 2009, he was alone and it was instant, so I am told. Sam was going to see his girlfriend Saturday night in a little village about 6 miles from me where he lived, I didn't want him to stay for reasons he knows but he was adamant so I didn't worry when he didn't come home. I had a knock on the door at 6am Sunday my husband (his step father) and I were told that he had been found around 3.30am in his car and had had the accident around 2.30am, so my beautiful son had been all alone in his car for over an hour while I slept!!!! My world changed that moment, that second, that day, that year, I became someone else! I rang his sister who is older and his father who lives in Singapore, my brain was like runny jelly, my body worked but my head was mashed. How can this happen? why did this happen? he loved life and lived it to the full every day, he had so many friends more than I ever realised, his funeral was bursting at the seams, people were so kind.

I am dreading the first year anniversay, how will I feel? what will the day bring? how am going to cope with this each year? Will it make me a better person? some people say it does but how? I am here now for my daughter and granddaughter otherwise there would be no reason, people tell me that you are lucky you have a good husband, friends and family around you, which I do know and without them especially my husband I wouldn't be here today, BUT what is life if you don't have your children around you and you can't protect them.  I feel I have let my Sammy down, I should have been there for him and held him and told him I love him, just one more time, why is life so cruel?

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Debbie - I'm so sorry for the loss of your precious son.  Its true, there is much sadness and pain here.  Parents here at a various stages of loss.   One thing is the same for all of us....our worlds changed forever.

The yr of firsts is hard, no doubt.  How we handle it is as individual as our children.

Loss of an Adult child is where you will find support, understanding and be surrounded by those who know your heart...

Please share your memories of your son when you can, if you want.

Its been over 3yrs for me.  My eldest son Mike died in Jan 07.  My life changed forever.  I never believed the pain would subside.  It couldn't.  It has though softened, eased and found its place.

We take one breath, one heartbeat one day at a day.........Our children are so much more than that one last day......

Trudi

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Thank you Trudi for replying, how nice it is to have contact with other people that understand and across the world, the world is so small now but the pain is the same where ever we are.

Debbie

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Debbie - I am so sorry for the loss of your son, Sammy.  My 28 yr old daughter, Stephanie, was killed in an ATV accident last August.  She, too, died alone.  Please come to "Loss of an adult child" thread.  It is a bit more active, and you will find support and love.  I would love to hear more about your son.  In the meantime, I offer you the saddest of welcomes.  There is hope for us.  Our journey does get easier.  It is made so by all the support of those who walk this path with us.

Blessings,

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

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Debbie

I am so very sorry for the loss of your beautiful son Sammy.  It is so special that he loved his life and lived it to the Max.  I do believe that many of us have said that about our precious children. 

I lost my only son, Stephen nearly 3 years ago and although I do still miss his beautiful smile and laugh, each and every day, the pain is softer and has become a part of who I am.  Yes , I have been changed and have become more compassionate and kinder as a result.

You are not alone  you have found a place where we  understand your loss and pain.  As has been suggested, please come here often and post to the Adult Child Board.  We love to see pictures of our children , so  please post his  picture and share that lovely life with us.  It does help.

Betty

Stephen'smom:)

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Dear Members,

We are excited to mention that we are moving to a more new and improved message boards on MONDAY MORNING AUGUST 9th! The boards will be done for a few hours while we are making the conversation. Remember we posted information about this move a month ago. For some of you this might seem a bit sudden,  but when we were reviewing the site we determined the current message board you are using is out of date and the company that designed it is no longer in existence. The good news is this new message board will have new features that have been requested in the past like more fields we can add to your profiles and a chat room up to 20 people at one time. If we find the chat room is bursting at the seams we will add additional room for extra people. All your old posts, private messages and such will be migrated to the new message board. You might have to put up your profile picture again but not sure. The new company will be doing the migration for us. Here is a short list of some of the new features on the board:

- Custom Profile Fields- Users can customize their profile pages by selecting a background color or background image, with tiling options.- Facebook and Twitter Integration- users can respond to multiple posts at once with "mini-quote"- Pinned discussion threads - like welcome to our board etc.- Announcements made across some boards or the entire message board- Search: Users can easily find all content generated by a particular member, by clicking the 'Find Content' button that appears on the main profile page, or in the Mini Profile Popup which can be accessed throughout the board. The results page allows content to be filtered by application, as well whether the member created it or merely participated in it. - Privacy: allows users to sign in anonymously, hiding them from the online users list. Users also have the option to disable personal conversations and user-to-user emails, as well as ignore other users if necessary.

The next exciting piece of news about the new message board is it will have a new domain name of www.grieving.com for search engine optimization purposes. It will still be apart of Beyond Indigo and can be found through www.beyondindigo.com. We will be redirecting your current URL's to this new domain name but we might miss a few. If that is the case simply go back to www.grieving.com or www.beyondindigo.com to find your message board thread. We will try to make the transition as seamless as possible. 

The bottom line is the new board will give us room to grow our community and more options to interact better with each other. 

If you have any questions please direct them to feedback@beyondindigo.com.

Kelly Baltzell, MA

CEO/President

Beyond Indigo Family

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