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Our Angel is Gone


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I got a call at work this morning.  It was one that I never wanted to get.  My beloved dog Brandy had been hit by a car.  My heart sunk and I bolted out to my car.  Not sure where to go.  I had no idea what vet she was brought to.  I sat in my car outside my office just sobbing, waiting for the call back to let me know where she was or how she was.  I started driving home and as I got close, I got the call and found out she was dead.  I could barely talk through the agonizing crying.  I sat in my car in the driveway just sobbing.  My husband came home soon after and took me in the house.  We felt lost.  There was an instant void in our lives. We wandered through the house not knowing what to do. Not wanting to do anything but lay down. I went through so many emotions during the day.  Shock, anger, disbelieve and the big one, guilt.  I was supposed to take care of her.  We had an underground fence but it had been having problems lately. We thought we had it fixed.  Brandy always wanted to see her ‘boyfriend’ across the street.  The two were so happy playing together.  She must have bolted across the street to see him at just the wrong moment. .  I still can’t believe she’s dead.  This is killing me.  I don’t know how I’m going to get through this. I’m devastated.  


The ache in my heart is unimaginable, it pounding so hard I feel like I can’t breathe at times.  It’s broken and feels like nothing will ever be ok again.  I knew that it would hurt whenever she did go but I had no idea it would be this bad.    I keep going to bed to sob.  I don’t have the strength to do anything or talk to anyone.  My husband buried her under the big magnollia tree in the back yard. I feel so bad that my husband had to see Brandy like that.  (I could not go look at her body.)


Brandy was our first dog (and may be our last).  I can’t go through this again.  We have no kids and I had wanted a dog for years.  I finally convinced my husband so we went to the shelter a few times and then we saw Brandy.  She was a 1 year old Chow, Golden mix.  I fell hard for her.  We have only had her for several years but she brought us so much joy. She never failed to put a smile on our faces every day.  Her tail would thump against the wall in the morning when she heard us wake up and come down the hallway.   She was so happy to see us when we got home from work that she would do the ‘puppy dance’ (jump and do a circle in mid air) and bounce from foot to foot while wagging her tail.  Then we would take her for long walks and let her chase squirrels.  She was so funny because she would see a squirrel, crouch and wait, perfectly still, in stocking mode. Her eyes fixed on the squirrel and nothing could distract her attention.  Then just when she thought it was the right moment, she would take chase. (luckily she never did catch one!).  And she would hop like a rabbit.  It was so cute!  All 4 paws would be in the air as she would hop 3 or 4 times through the tall grass. 


She had the most perfect disposition.  She rarely barked and loved people and other dogs.  Her fur was long and really thick and soft.  She was my living teddy bear!  Her color was so unique too, a soft orange color.  And she had a blue tongue.   She was happy all the time.  Her smile was heartbreaking and she had big brown eyes and eyelashes.   Her tail wagged so much that her whole butt would wag.  Being a chow, she had a furry tail that curled up and when she was standing up straight she looked regal.  She was our princess. 


Everyone loved Brandy and she would let anyone pet her.  For young children, she would sit pretty and patiently let them pet her.  She always was the center of attention.  She had many visitors during the day and she will be missed by all.  I hugged her all the time and spoiled her rotten.  There was nothing I wouldn’t do for her.  I can barely get through writing this.   I don’t know how to cope. What can I do to ease the pain?  I don’t know if I will ever snap out of this.  Someone else wrote, and I guess it's true, that unconditional love comes with a price of the horrible pain of loss.  We both loved Brandy so much.  Who knew she would steal our hearts so completely.  Good bye Brandy, my loyal friend.  You were an Angel.  We will always love you and miss you.  You’ve given us so many wonderful memories.  We know you’re doing your favorite things in heaven, chasing squirrels and treeing cats.   Love Cathy (Mom) and Mike (Dad)


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I'm so sorry to hear about your dog Brandy-wow was she beautiful!!!I know from experience how painful it is to lose a pet,mine are my only babies too.Please try and remember how lucky she was to have such a wonderful home and loving"parents".So many dogs will never have such a great home or the love your girl had.Her time here may not have been long enough,but at least it was spent in a wonderful home with loving people.

Give yourself some time,but maybe when you are ready you will be willing to open your heart and your home to another dog.Another dog will never take the place of Brandy,but I have learned the hard way that it does ease the pain of the loss you are experiencing.After every loss that I have had I always think-I will never love another cat the way I loved this one,but amazingly one finds its way into my heart and home and before long I'm in love again.Take care of yourself-HUGS-Butterfly

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Thank you Butterfly13,  I am grateful to have the supporting words.  All the cats that have come into your life are very lucky to find you.  I guess that is desiny at work.  I hope I can open my heart fully to another animal like you did with your cats. 

Friday was very bad and by Sat we decided we had to get out of the house.  I was just mopping around, back and forth to bed anyway.  So we went to the beach with some friends and stayed the night.  I didnt' know if I could be around anyone.  I  was not able to socialize very well.  But I managed, and after going out to see a band I started to feel a little better.  The pain has subsided just a bit and I'm trying hard to keep guilt from taking over.  I am hoping to be able to think of all Brandys special qualities and smile instead of cry. 

The next morning I felt quite a bit better.  Everyone else went back to town and my husband and I went to sit and watch the calm waters on the Gulf.  I still had some shaky break-down moments when I saw other dogs running on the beach.  I keep thinking of all that she would miss. 

We visited some friends on the way back and they gave us support too.  It all helps.  

For anyone else going through this nightmare right now, I think breaking the cycle of bad thoughts by doing something different (like a short trip) may help you too.  Get out of your normal environment for a while if the grief seems to be consuming you. 

I'm just taking this one day at a time and it seems to be getting a bit better each day.





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Dear Members,

We are excited to mention that we are moving to a more new and improved message boards on MONDAY MORNING AUGUST 9th! The boards will be done for a few hours while we are making the conversation. Remember we posted information about this move a month ago. For some of you this might seem a bit sudden,  but when we were reviewing the site we determined the current message board you are using is out of date and the company that designed it is no longer in existence. The good news is this new message board will have new features that have been requested in the past like more fields we can add to your profiles and a chat room up to 20 people at one time. If we find the chat room is bursting at the seams we will add additional room for extra people. All your old posts, private messages and such will be migrated to the new message board. You might have to put up your profile picture again but not sure. The new company will be doing the migration for us. Here is a short list of some of the new features on the board:

- Custom Profile Fields- Users can customize their profile pages by selecting a background color or background image, with tiling options.- Facebook and Twitter Integration- users can respond to multiple posts at once with "mini-quote"- Pinned discussion threads - like welcome to our board etc.- Announcements made across some boards or the entire message board- Search: Users can easily find all content generated by a particular member, by clicking the 'Find Content' button that appears on the main profile page, or in the Mini Profile Popup which can be accessed throughout the board. The results page allows content to be filtered by application, as well whether the member created it or merely participated in it. - Privacy: allows users to sign in anonymously, hiding them from the online users list. Users also have the option to disable personal conversations and user-to-user emails, as well as ignore other users if necessary.

The next exciting piece of news about the new message board is it will have a new domain name of www.grieving.com for search engine optimization purposes. It will still be apart of Beyond Indigo and can be found through www.beyondindigo.com. We will be redirecting your current URL's to this new domain name but we might miss a few. If that is the case simply go back to www.grieving.com or www.beyondindigo.com to find your message board thread. We will try to make the transition as seamless as possible. 

The bottom line is the new board will give us room to grow our community and more options to interact better with each other. 

If you have any questions please direct them to feedback@beyondindigo.com.

Kelly Baltzell, MA


Beyond Indigo Family

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