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The hardest thing of all is to lose a child, I hope this will help your pain


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Hello everyone. I came to Indigo to share my experience because it is important and I am suppose the share it. I lost my mom. I know you all have lost your children and that is even harder.  I had a very special experience that I am suppose to share. I hope it will help you with your pain.

I loved my mother so much. I was an only daughter so she was my mom, my sister, and my best friend.  One day she was in the hospital, she had emphysema and I knew that she did not have much longer to live.  I remember standing in the shower and saying prayers for her to get well. I live 400 miles away from her and could not be at her side.  At the very moment that my prayer ended I received a reply. The response came to me first from my heart and then to my head. It said, "Why all the prayers if you do not go see the person?"

At that moment I had greater wisdom then so many in my position. I ran from the shower dripping in a towel and hugged my husband in tears. I told him I have to go, my mom is sick. I have to spend as much time with her as I can.  He said go. Be with your mom.  I quit my job so I could spend as much time as possible with her.  From that point forward I had four wonderful years with her helping to ease her pain and fear before she passed.

And my story does not end there....

My mother did finally pass and of course I was devastated and beyond grief. I cried a solid two years. My heart would not heal. At night I would dream of her. She would be sick and I would be there praying for her to make it though it but she didn't and when I awoke, I knew the dream was for real. I had a very, very hard time moving on. I could not stop crying. Hardly for a moment. My face was raw from the salt of my tears.

And then again one night I was having another nightmare dream about her.  I remember sobbing in the dream. But this time a young man in a suit came a placed his hand on my shoulder.  At that moment I felt safe and I just knew that he was an angel.  I knew it was okay to go with him and I did. We began to walk and he spoke to me. I will never forget his words, "You have no idea how fortunate you are. You are going to have the opportunity to sit down and meet with God. So many people would love to have this chance that you are going to get. God wants to speak to you about your Mother. You are suppose to share this with others and he knows that you will."

Then we reached a room and he said, "This is not how it is, we have created this for your benefit. God will come in and he will look like an ordinary man." In this room was a big desk with a chair in front of it. I felt like I was in a job interview. I sat in the chair and I waited for a moment. 

A tall dark haired man came into the room. I could not tell you all his features just that he was wearing a very nice suit and tie and he had big loving eyes.  He knew my name reached across the desk to shake my hand and said, "Hello Nicole. How are you?" I must have squeaked a hello and a okay. Then I saw his big brown eyes. These eyes gave me a feeling of intense love. They seemed to look into my heart and shoot safe and soothing feelings at me.  And he said this to me....

"Nicole, I want you to know your Mom is okay. She's not alone. She's with me and she's happy. It's okay, she's not alone." He seemed to know that a huge part of my grief was that I was separated from her and I didn't want her to be alone without the family. I knew that was a big part of my grief. He kept stressing that she was with him and not alone. Then he said, "She's happy, she's not sick anymore and she can breathe." I was sobbing at this point just sitting in that chair. I could hardly look at him.  Then he asked, "Would you like to see her one more time?"

"Oh, yes, please, yes, yes, yes!" was my answer. 

"Okay, we're going to set that up for you." and he called the angel back into the room.  He told the angel, "We're going to go ahead and set it up for her to see her mom. Go ahead and take her to the room for her to see her."

I was brought to a big room. It was lowly lit with chairs all the way around the room like a reception room at a doctor's office. There was a door across the room and through that door came my mom! She didn't look sick anymore. She looked like she did back in the 1970's. She was so pretty. She ran over to the chair next to mine and hugged and kissed me.  I could smell her hair. I hugged her neck and kissed that favorite spot on her temple. I loved her so much.  I told her that over and over. She told me she loved me too. The she spoke sharply to me, "Stop worrying about me. I'm okay. I'm not alone. You have a whole life ahead of you and a wonderful husband. Go back and be a good wife to him. Be happy again!" She was kind of mad at me. All I could say was that I knew she was right.  Then she said she had to go back and I have to go back. I said okay. She got up and went back through her door and as she did, I turned and went back through my door.

As soon as I passed though my door. I could see my body sleeping in the bed. I sped like a bullet to it and as soon as I hit my body I woke up.  Then I went back to sleep and the whole dream came back to me the next morning.

I hope this will help others with their grief.  I have more to share if you think it might help. I don't know why I was chosen for this, I am an ordinary woman and not so perfect and good. I have sins too. But I do seem to have a special connection and I know that I am blessed.

Respectfully submitted,


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Dear Nicolea,

Thank you for sharing your story with us.  I, for one, have heard that same scenerio at least twice before.  But I did not meet God.

My 16 year old son, Brian died on 6-19-2008.  Our family is forever fractured.  Almost 1 year after Brian's death, a co-worker of my husbands asked if she could walk him out to his car.  He agreed.  She began to tell Scott that she was told, by her heart, and mind not ears, that Brian was taken immediately after hitting the ground - he did not suffer.  That too was my biggest fear is that Brian lay on the side of the road, sufficating with massive internal injuries.

She asured my husband that Brian was with the Lord and did not suffer.

Terrese (her name) had nothing to gain by talking to my husband, especially about the death of a child AT WORK - She had everything to lose.

2 friends of Brians (independantly) came to us shortly after his death and told us of a dream they had that was so real, they could hardly belive it.

Tom said Brian came to him dressed all in white with a huge smile on his face.  He was zooming all around his bedroom.  When I asked Tom, "What did Brian say to you", He said "Nothing, he just smiled and zoomed then he was gone."

The second was our neighbor who was with us the night Brian was killed.  Her Mom called me to tell me of the dream Susan, her duaghter had.  Susan was looking over the accident scene and saw two Brians.  One was on the ground with parametics all around him and the other was dressed in White floating above the scene.  The Brian floating above the scene said to Susan, "It is OK."  Then she woke up.  She was 14 years old at the time.

I belive these stories.  I belive my son is much happier than we are.  I belive I will see my son again.

Colleen, Brian's Mother Forever

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Dear Colleen,

Thank you for your reply. I am so sorry to hear about Brian. He was so young and so handsome.  I know how much it hurts.  I had another experience that I explained under Loss of Parent. My thread is "I had an experience that might help you". I hope you will go and read about the part where I was so angry and said a prayer and the path it took me. There is more to the story of Jesus. Most people have no idea! It will bring hope to your heart.  It is so important to know all of God's story. It is a beautiful story. I left links so people can read and learn more about it.

Thank you so much for sharing your experiences with me. It meant a lot to me to read that others have had a heart to head experience. I have always wondered about that, because sometimes I think I must be going crazy.  But more and more I realize, I am not crazy. Just blessed by God, it is a blessing that I hold dear and with it comes the responsibility of "speaking without fear" of sharing with others. I will say a special prayer for you today. Take care of yourself.


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Dear Members,

We are excited to mention that we are moving to a more new and improved message boards on MONDAY MORNING AUGUST 9th! The boards will be done for a few hours while we are making the conversation. Remember we posted information about this move a month ago. For some of you this might seem a bit sudden,  but when we were reviewing the site we determined the current message board you are using is out of date and the company that designed it is no longer in existence. The good news is this new message board will have new features that have been requested in the past like more fields we can add to your profiles and a chat room up to 20 people at one time. If we find the chat room is bursting at the seams we will add additional room for extra people. All your old posts, private messages and such will be migrated to the new message board. You might have to put up your profile picture again but not sure. The new company will be doing the migration for us. Here is a short list of some of the new features on the board:

- Custom Profile Fields- Users can customize their profile pages by selecting a background color or background image, with tiling options.- Facebook and Twitter Integration- users can respond to multiple posts at once with "mini-quote"- Pinned discussion threads - like welcome to our board etc.- Announcements made across some boards or the entire message board- Search: Users can easily find all content generated by a particular member, by clicking the 'Find Content' button that appears on the main profile page, or in the Mini Profile Popup which can be accessed throughout the board. The results page allows content to be filtered by application, as well whether the member created it or merely participated in it. - Privacy: allows users to sign in anonymously, hiding them from the online users list. Users also have the option to disable personal conversations and user-to-user emails, as well as ignore other users if necessary.

The next exciting piece of news about the new message board is it will have a new domain name of www.grieving.com for search engine optimization purposes. It will still be apart of Beyond Indigo and can be found through www.beyondindigo.com. We will be redirecting your current URL's to this new domain name but we might miss a few. If that is the case simply go back to www.grieving.com or www.beyondindigo.com to find your message board thread. We will try to make the transition as seamless as possible. 

The bottom line is the new board will give us room to grow our community and more options to interact better with each other. 

If you have any questions please direct them to feedback@beyondindigo.com.

Kelly Baltzell, MA


Beyond Indigo Family

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