loss of adult child

[chickensoupboots]

I lost my 22 year old son Ben to a heroin overdoes June 20 2009. He had moved back home in April and one Sat morn we are drinking coffee and tea,  petting the dog ,  and talking about good fried rice. I left for work and at 10:30 got the call from my husband.

I can't stop crying. I don't know how to be in this world anymore. I feel so heavy.

[Guest]

chickensoupboots,

I am so sorry you have to be here, but I'm glad you found us.  I am sorry about the loss of your son.  My 28 yr old daughter, Stephanie, died on August 9, 2009 from an ATV accident.

There is a more active thread, which is visited more frequently (with more of us) on the loss of an adult child.  Please visit us, there.  You will find support, validation and comfort there, too.

You came to the right place!  This is a difficult journey.  It is the most painful experience any of us could have ever imagined.  In fact, it can't be imagined.  But, we do live.  And, there are moments of reprieve from the pain.  Life will never be the same. 

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

[hotsauce]

Dear BEN'S mom,

i am so sorry for the lost of your angel BEN.  the journey is long and lonely.  you have comes to the right place to be able to talk about BEN.the people here are great and very helpful.

as they say in TCF, keep coming back.

i lost my only child BRIAN, on 5-1-09 to leukemia.

hug

mary ann

BRIAN'S momdukes

[hotrod]

Hello Ben'sMom

I am so very sorry for the loss of your precious son, Ben.  Please know that you are not alone and many of us here understand your pain.

 I lost my only son Stephen to alcohol posioning 5-6-07.  He,  like Ben was at home resting and then he was gone.  It is a painful journey and I found coming here, posting, reading and just being surrounded by others who are expereiencing the same emotions really helped.

I am glad that it was suggested that you post on the Adult Child Thread as more people visit there and will respond to you.

I would love to hear more about Ben and see his picture so please keep coming back

Betty

Stephen'smom:) 

 

[namb1992]

so sorry to hear about your son Ben.  I lost my son Nate on 11/28/09.  Hard to believe it will be 8 weeks in about about 9 1/2 hours.  I really have no advice to give you but I know that this website has been helpful.  I do alot of reading and not much responding.  Just take one day at a time and visit this site when you need someone to help you thru the rough moments and days.

[momforever4]

I understand your pain.  On 11-7-08, I lost my son Jeremy to a motorcycle accident.  He was married for 6 months and trying for a child.  Yes, this is the unimaginable.  People whom have not lost a child can not even begin to feel our emotions, our emptiness,  how our lives changed that very minute.  A few things keep me living,  my thankfulness for being blessed with such a beautiful child, how could I have wanted more?  My grandchildren, family, praying for sanity, and probably the most important reason. That is, Jeremy would be so mad at me if I secluded myself and did not love my family.  I have so many blessings, yet, empty. You understand.  We have to go on, because, we just have too, plain and simple.  We are not whole anymore, but we are alive and we must love. A mothers love lasts for an eternity.

Bless you my dear!   Judy

[ericasmom]

Hey Ben's Mom, I finally found your post and am sorry I had not checked earlier. Ben's Mom and I know one another from when our kids were little, and I am so very sad that she has found this path. I wish that I could have made that not possible, but I could not. Ben is always your Boy, always your Son. Let me know how you are doing Sweetie, we are all here.

dee

[mikesmum]

[user=39205]chickensoupboots[/user] wrote:

I lost my 22 year old son Ben to a heroin overdoes June 20 2009. He had moved back home in April and one Sat morn we are drinking coffee and tea,  petting the dog ,  and talking about good fried rice. I left for work and at 10:30 got the call from my husband.

I can't stop crying. I don't know how to be in this world anymore. I feel so heavy.

You have found the place that might not have the answers nor take away that heavy ache left by losing Ben, but here you are not alone.

I am so sorry for your loss - I can say that knowing first hand how it feels to lose a child.

Pls come to the main thread for Loss of an Adult child......We are all at various times on this journey.

Share if you can and when you are able more about Ben's life....Take care Trudi

[mikesmomrs]

Yes. you have found a place to help you to heal...it won't bring your precious Ben back, but it will help to heal those terrible wounds that pierce your heart.  The scars will remain, but eventually, the pain will soften...over time---much time.  We have all been where you are now, sadly, and we truly understand your pain, your disbelief, your heartbreak.  Please come to Loss of An Adult Child and be with us...we will be there for you, always.

I lost my son, Mike, at the age of 31, on October 14, 2006, after he fought brain cancer for 17 months.  I still cannot fully believe he is gone, but I try to live one day at a time and sometimes it has to be one breath at a time.

love and peace,  carol  mikesmomrs

[mishty]

I loss my son Stephen on Sept. 14th 2008, there are not words for the pain. Reading all of your posts helps me feel less isolated.

Like someone else said it sometimes feels like one breath at a time.

I tell myself my love for Stephen is greater than my anger and pain.  It is the only thought that keeps me going when my grief feels unbareable.  Stephen loved his brother and sisters so much I have to find a way for them.

 

Wishing we all had no reason to be here.

Mishty

[lolynbo]

chickensoupboots,

 

IM SO SORRY ...UR IN THE RIGHT SPOT SISTER...WE ARE HERE FOR U...SUCHA S IT IS...MY HELL CAN BE READ ON MY PROFILE..CLICK ON MY PIC AND U WILLL SEE IT..

[rhonda43]

I am so sorry for your loss.. I know the feelings you have, My 24 year old daughter past away on Jan. 10,2010 due to a hemerage in her lung.. I can not stop crying either, and I have to now make sure that her 2 babies grow up knowing how much their mommy loved them..

feeling your pain,

Rhonda

[namb1992]

Hello everyone.  I have not been on in a while.  I have missed so many updates and birthdays for everyone.  So Happy Birthday to everyone I missed and I hope everyone is doing well.  I have not been doing well that last couple of weeks with Nate's death.  I feel like I am on a road that never ends the last few weeks.  I have pleaded with God to somehow bring him back to me but I know that its realistic.  I miss him so much and I just want him to walk in the door and tell me that it was a joke-he was vacationing in Mexico.  I feel like God gave me this burdent that is too much for me especially this week.  It will be 11 weeks on Saturday-it is so hard to believe.  I often wonder how I will make it thru the next weeks. 

I have to go to my griefshare group I joined so I hope everyone has a good night and even though I am not responding I am still reading and thinking about everyone.

[ericasmom]

Rhonda, Mishta, Nate's Mom, and MY Buddy Chickensoupboots,

please join us for loss of an adult child if you are able, we have a large and encompassing group. I wish we did not but we do, and we are at many different stages in our Loss, so I do feel that you will find others with very similar timelines and stages of grief.

Rhonda, you are very new to this, are you raising your Grandchildren now? We do have several Moms that are raising thier Grandies so you may find some assistance there. Nate's Mom, we have other parents that have lost teenagers so do not feel the heading, Loss of Adult Child, should keep you from coming in and joining us.

My heart to you all  as you uncover the ways in which to survive this terrible loss.

Dee

[ptalar]

I lost my son to a heroin overdose almost 6 years ago on August 11, 2004.  He was 21.  Its hard at first but as the years go by you learn to live with it.  Sort of like having a disease like heart disease or diabetes.  Only your disease is grief.  We use to always go to our sons grave in the early days but we rarely go now.  It won't bring him back.  We found some of the more effective ways of dealing with the grief is to converse on boards like these.  There is also a board for parents and family of drug overdose victims.  It is below:

http://www.addictionrecoveryguide.org/message_board/index.php

http://addictionrecoveryguide.com/message_board/index.php?s=388a4525449f3ddfb82a9d3ed3ac08fd&act=SF&f=22

We also were able to what I believe make contact with our son through a medium.  There are mediums who are phonies but we were referred by another family who lost a child and went to a medium.  We decided to try it.  I was skeptical but I was desperate for any way to contact my son.  The experience we had was surreal.  My wife and other son were with me.  We went to see him a number of times and we now rarely go because, well, we feel that we have healed some what and going to the medium was very helpful.  The medium we went to see has his webpage below.  I would really recommend it.  It really helps you feel much better.  I truly believe we made contact with my son.   

http://timbraun.net/Tim_Braun/Welcome.html

 

There were other things we did like:

Take Grief Recovery classes/counseling sponsored by a local church

I tried to contact my son through EVP (electronic voice phenomena), was not very successful. 

Sounds crazy but every little bit helps you get through this. 

[debbief]

[user=39205]chickensoupboots[/user] wrote:

I lost my 22 year old son Ben to a heroin overdoes June 20 2009. He had moved back home in April and one Sat morn we are drinking coffee and tea,  petting the dog ,  and talking about good fried rice. I left for work and at 10:30 got the call from my husband.

I can't stop crying. I don't know how to be in this world anymore. I feel so heavy.

Hello Benn's mum I lost my son in a car accident on May 31st 2010 he was 19, I live in the UK, he was travelling home at 2.30 in the morning and I didn't find out until 6am, being asleep knowing he was gone and all alone is the worst feeling! I am coming up to a year in 7 weeks and I can't believe that Sam has been gone so long and I haven't seen or spoken to him for a year.  Some days are better now but the guilt of feeling better is so hard to control. We all take one day at a time and live that day the best way we can. Sam has an elder sister who has a 19 month old daughter, it is those two who have carried me along with my husband (my children's step dad), without them I don't think I would have made it this far.  You will see him again one day so hold that thought, I know my Sam is on another plane, I have seen some Mediums and each one has given me a message from Sam that only he could have said, the information I get makes me realise there is something else apart from this life, take care, I am new to this site and am finding it helps me, everyone is so understanding and caring.  Debbie x

[debbief]

[user=39205]chickensoupboots[/user] wrote:

I lost my 22 year old son Ben to a heroin overdoes June 20 2009. He had moved back home in April and one Sat morn we are drinking coffee and tea,  petting the dog ,  and talking about good fried rice. I left for work and at 10:30 got the call from my husband.

I can't stop crying. I don't know how to be in this world anymore. I feel so heavy.

Hello Benn's mum I lost my son in a car accident on May 31st 2010 he was 19, I live in the UK, he was travelling home at 2.30 in the morning and I didn't find out until 6am, being asleep knowing he was gone and all alone is the worst feeling! I am coming up to a year in 7 weeks and I can't believe that Sam has been gone so long and I haven't seen or spoken to him for a year.  Some days are better now but the guilt of feeling better is so hard to control. We all take one day at a time and live that day the best way we can. Sam has an elder sister who has a 19 month old daughter, it is those two who have carried me along with my husband (my children's step dad), without them I don't think I would have made it this far.  You will see him again one day so hold that thought, I know my Sam is on another plane, I have seen some Mediums and each one has given me a message from Sam that only he could have said, the information I get makes me realise there is something else apart from this life, take care, I am new to this site and am finding it helps me, everyone is so understanding and caring.  Debbie x

[Judgesmom]

Hello I used to come here when my beautiful son in 2002 passed over. He was killed by a drunk driver. I always come back around this time of year and just read and realize I am not the only one and somehow it is a comforting feeling. He was my heart and soul, I lived for him and him alone. When he first died I felt like going away with him and then I realized I would hurt so many people and I could not put my poor mother through the pain as it would kill her. I want to feel, kiss, touch and wish there was email or phones in heaven so I could here his voice again just to say "Love you kiddo" and he would say "I love you too" but no more it almost been 9 years and my heart still aches for him, I get mad that he had to go away, he died all alone in Alabama I live in Edmonton Alberta, he was traveling with his band Compromise on his way to my home in Toronto where he was going to New York to record a CD, the last sang he ever wrote was "Touch These Wings They will Never Fly Again" and the name of the CD would have been "Yesterday was everything" another boy died that night as well he fell out of the back of truck when the drunk driver hit them and was chopped in two, and the three other boys were seriously injured and are now well and getting on with there lives.  A year after his death my "husband" asked me to move back to Edmonton has he could not do the grief by himself, I did move back and lived in another apt and then move into the 7th floor of his apartment building and then moved into his place and we just got a condo toge ether this last March. Jordan brought us back together, we are best friends and I know Jordan would be proud. It is funny how live goes on, getting your hair done, nails, etc. but the heartache never ever goes away, we belong to a "club" of broken hearts. My Mom once told me "that i not only lost a grandchild I lost a daughter as well" as you are never the same after Jordan went away. I here to tell you that it doesn't get any easier the grief part it just gets easier to deal with, days just go buy until you can be with him. I don't show my emotion when I am at work or anywhere I talk about him to people that didn't know him, but the people that did know him are long gone, they could not deal with it or didn't know what to say. God Bless you all welcome to the "The Club"

Love

Carol-Ann

Judgesmom

xxx

[shorty16]

Judges Mom,

My Mother died of breast cancer 4 months before my son was killed (6-19-2008).  Your quote of "My Mother said she not only lost a grandchild, but a daughter" would have rung so true for me.

I have been on this site for almost 2 years, you would figure I would know how to quote just a portion of a post - Sometimes I am suprised I can get up and dressed in the morning.

Colleen, Brian's Mother Forever

[ericasmom]

Hi Judge's Momma,

it is an amazing journey I know. You are one year ahead of me on this trip, Eri left in July of 2003. I am happy for the ways that you have come to live y our life now and I agree, your Son must be smiling, and I agree, the ache of their leaving is forever.

My heart and best wishes,

dee

[Kelly]

Dear Members,

We are excited to mention that we are moving to a more new and improved message boards on MONDAY MORNING AUGUST 9th! The boards will be done for a few hours while we are making the conversation. Remember we posted information about this move a month ago. For some of you this might seem a bit sudden,  but when we were reviewing the site we determined the current message board you are using is out of date and the company that designed it is no longer in existence. The good news is this new message board will have new features that have been requested in the past like more fields we can add to your profiles and a chat room up to 20 people at one time. If we find the chat room is bursting at the seams we will add additional room for extra people. All your old posts, private messages and such will be migrated to the new message board. You might have to put up your profile picture again but not sure. The new company will be doing the migration for us. Here is a short list of some of the new features on the board:

- Custom Profile Fields- Users can customize their profile pages by selecting a background color or background image, with tiling options.- Facebook and Twitter Integration- users can respond to multiple posts at once with "mini-quote"- Pinned discussion threads - like welcome to our board etc.- Announcements made across some boards or the entire message board- Search: Users can easily find all content generated by a particular member, by clicking the 'Find Content' button that appears on the main profile page, or in the Mini Profile Popup which can be accessed throughout the board. The results page allows content to be filtered by application, as well whether the member created it or merely participated in it. - Privacy: allows users to sign in anonymously, hiding them from the online users list. Users also have the option to disable personal conversations and user-to-user emails, as well as ignore other users if necessary.

The next exciting piece of news about the new message board is it will have a new domain name of www.grieving.com for search engine optimization purposes. It will still be apart of Beyond Indigo and can be found through www.beyondindigo.com. We will be redirecting your current URL's to this new domain name but we might miss a few. If that is the case simply go back to www.grieving.com or www.beyondindigo.com to find your message board thread. We will try to make the transition as seamless as possible. 

The bottom line is the new board will give us room to grow our community and more options to interact better with each other. 

If you have any questions please direct them to feedback@beyondindigo.com.

Kelly Baltzell, MA

CEO/President

Beyond Indigo Family