My mother died a week ago

[Heavens_Angel]

My mother died a week ago while napping. She was 85 and had heart disease and would tell me she was in the generation to go next and that her health and heart wasn't the best. If she was saying these things to make me accept it better, I wasn't take the hint. 

I spoke to her nearly daily and drove to see her at least one per week. She was such a joy to be with. I took her death so hard the first few days but accept that if she hadn't died peacefully at home, the alternative may had been worse and that comforts me. I also find comfort in that she was a devout Christian and I know she is with Jesus. 

I was going to wait until after the holidays to go back to work but went back today for the distraction, but she was constantly in my thoughts. 

I am dreading the holidays and am not looking forward to cleaning out her things. Baby steps I know but I'd give anything to spend some time with her. I love her so much and miss her like crazy. 

[reader]

Dear Heavens Angel,

My deepest condolences and sympathies on the passing of your beloved mother. I am so sorry. I know there is a lot of pain and sorrow. Your mother was blessed to have you as her daughter. There are really no words at such a difficult time. This is also my first Christmas without my father. I am trying to put one foot in front of the other. I guess all any of us can do is take one day at a time. Thinking of you. (((hugs)))

[Heavens_Angel]

Thank you For the supporting words Reader. I wrote that yesterday which was a decent day but today has been emotional off and on. Like you say, one day at a time. 

[MayFGL]

I am so sorry for your loss, Heavens_Angel. Losing a parent is the hardest thing to experience. You are officially a member of this club that nobody want to be in. It's hard on us all losing someone near the holidays. It will be the 2nd Christmas without mom this year. Don't rush into things if you don't have to. Give yourself time to grieve.

Love & Hugs

May

[SJBK]

I am so sorry Heavens_Angel.  I feel the same way as you do. I feel so much guilt that I could have helped her more, though I had my family and worked full time.  She was 83.  She also was a Christian and I believe she knew it was coming.  But I can not accept it and do not know how to get through Christmas. I keep being crazy to my husband and son.  They are not emotional people.  I need some emotional support so bad. 

With regards to cleaning out her things, I am doing that now and it is very difficult.  She lived alone in a 4 bedroom house and every room was filled with "stuff."  I keep finding memories there. It is good to find memories but it also makes me very very sad.  Please keep in touch. if you want to exchange emails, maybe it would be good to shoot messages back and forth. I have no one right now that understands how devastatingly lost I feel right now.  I will pray you feel better.