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Lost my mom 2 weeks ago


Blktx88

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My mother was 50 years old. She was in an accident 3 years ago that left her paralyzed from my waist down. Although that changed her life, she was happy. She was moved into a nursing home/assisted living where they assisted her with dressing, bathing, and getting in and out of bed. Other than that, she was a functional and rather independent woman. In august 2016 she had a sudden change in mental state. She slurred her speech, wasn't able to life her arms, feed herself, and no one seemed to know what was wrong. Over the next few months she would get better and then worse. They kept saying it was UTI'S. I saw her losing weight, looking frail, so I took action. I set up a care plan meeting where I was told they were feeding her and would be extra attentive. I went with my mom to all of her dr. appts. The transportation service would meet me at the place of her appt and pick her up after. On Nov 28th she showed up to a routine appt where I waited in the lobby. When she arrived, she was moaning in pain, couldn't stay awake, and looked terrible. When the nurse took her vitals they couldn't get a blood pressure, her oxygen was at 70, so they called 911. I spent the next 6 days and nights in the icu with her. The dr.s said she had severe malnutrition, sepsis, respiratory failure, and was on life support to breathe for her and agents to keep her blood pressure up. She slowly started to not respond to the medications. We didn't want her to pass away on machines, so we took her off of the machines. She passed 45 minutes later with her hand in mine. I am so distraught, angry, and confused. 

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Posted

So sorry for your loss, Blktx88.  Welcome to this space--I hope you find it comforting. 

It sounds like you were an incredibly caring child for your Mama.  She was lucky to have you.  It's so hard to dwell on those last moments and figure out what everyone could've done differently.  That stuff'll hurt the most.  Just know that we all do it.  I personally envy the fact that you got to hold your Mama's hand as she left.  I was 1000 miles away at the time, and am wracked wondering whether Mama knew she was going and/or wished I were there.

You're still so close to the loss--be kind to yourself in these days, and please post as often as you feel is helpful.

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