wanting to forgive you daddy

[ict4give]

I am sixteen years of age. I go by Katie Grace

My father died.. I did not him.

I was raised by my aunt and step uncle. My mother was unfit so they say.  i began to ask question when i was eleven years old and could not get any of the answers i needed. i wonder so i took it upon myself to find the answers my heart yearned to know. and i did and i found that i was six years old when he died. when i found that out i cried then i got mad. because he had six years to contact me. and he didnt. everything hurt i felt num. all those memorys i could have had were never made. i began asking how a father can not see his daughter for six years.

i still ask these questions to this day. 

i have 1 picture of him holding me when i was just born and i am the spitting image of a man i have never met. im told constantly about how much we'er alike and it makes me sad to say that it makes me angry because they as no relation got to know him and his daughter did not.

so i wanted to see if i could feel that whole by knowing my the man who raised my father my grandfather. so i researched that and found him at a nursing home.

so i met him their and he told me stories of my father and i talked to him and he told me that my dad loved me with all of his heart and when i left the tears came down like rain in seattle. the pain was still there. he died and i am now at this moment looking at his living will. and i cant forget the that line "your dad loved you with all his heart" it hurts because all i've ever dreamed of is having a dad tucking me in, swinging me around, wanting to kill every boyfriend that seem not perfect and having a song. i hope when i go to heaven i can do that with my father. i dream it all the time. i wish he was here i wish i could know him i wish i could tell him that i needed him and he wasnt there and that i mad him and i cant forgive him. i wanna tell that i dont have anyone to walk me down the isle or do the father daughter dance. my father killed himself. my father killed us. it is now and will alwys be just me never us.

im sorry for those who have lost their fathers. but remember those times and be happy, smile for you are the luckiest of them all.

sincerly katie grace

[ict4give]

[user=40615]ict4give[/user] wrote:

I am sixteen years of age. I go by Katie Grace

My father died.. I did not him.

I was raised by my aunt and step uncle. My mother was unfit so they say.  i began to ask question about my father when i was eleven years old and could not get any of the answers i needed. i wondered so i took it upon myself to find the answers my heart yearned to know. and i did and i found that i was six years old when he died. when i found that out i cried then i got mad. because he had six years to contact me. and he didnt. everything hurt i felt num. all those memorys i could have had were never made. i began asking how a father can not see his daughter for six years.

i still ask these questions to this day. 

i have 1 picture of him holding me when i was just born and i am the spitting image of a man i have never met. im told constantly about how much we'er alike and it makes me sad to say that it makes me angry because they as no relation got to know him and his daughter did not.

so i wanted to see if i could feel that whole by knowing my the man who raised my father my grandfather. so i researched that and found him at a nursing home.

so i met him their and he told me stories of my father and i talked to him and he told me that my dad loved me with all of his heart and when i left the tears came down like rain in seattle. the pain was still there. he died and i am now at this moment looking at his living will. and i cant forget the that line "your dad loved you with all his heart" it hurts because all i've ever dreamed of is having a dad tucking me in, swinging me around, wanting to kill every boyfriend that seem not perfect and having a song. i hope when i go to heaven i can do that with my father. i dream it all the time. i wish he was here i wish i could know him i wish i could tell him that i needed him and he wasnt there and that i mad him and i cant forgive him. i wanna tell that i dont have anyone to walk me down the isle or do the father daughter dance.

 my father killed himself. my father killed us. it is now and will always be just me never us.

im sorry for those who have lost their fathers. but remember those times and be happy, smile for you are the luckiest of them all.

sincerly katie grace

[socal2010]

Hi Katie Grace - I'm so sorry to hear about your loss and your searching for your Dad. That's amazing how your found your Grandfather. I hope your Aunt and Step Uncle were there for you growing up. It sounds like you turned out to be a loving person so that's great. Maybe God knew it would be better for you to be raised the way you were than to deal with other drama. I don't know, but I know how hard it must be. I'm sending hugs your way.