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I recently lost me nephew


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My nephew died in a car accident 49 days ago and I'm having a hard time. I have three kids so doing nothing is impossible. I love him so much and think of him all the time. I feel like I am faking most of my days since hoping they become real but it's seems as if it's getting harder. I don't know what to do or how to deal with this pain, anger hurt. I worry about everyone else's pain but at this point I have turned my phone off because I feel like I'm going to explode. I was there when he was born been through three mothers with him. I'm just lost. This is actually the most I've typed text or expressed.

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Hello, so sorry for your loss.  It sounds like you are very busy with your own children and may not have the time to grief.  The emotions can linger for some time, but not being able to talk to someone and let out your own grief must make it even worse as time goes by.  Even though you weren't his parent, aunts and uncles often have sort of a surrogate parenting role.  It's devastating to lose such a young, precious member of the family.  I don't know what your logistics are like, but I'd encourage you to seek grief counseling if you are unable to vent and grief in front of your family who are also journeying through grief.

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Your post stuck out on my search.  I lost my 26 yr old nephew to a tragic accident two weeks ago.  I have one older sister and she has two sons.  I don't have my own children.  So I adopted her boys as my kids.  But in reality.. they are hers.  And now her first born son is gone.  I, too, was at the hospital when my nephew was born.  It was my first experience as an auntie and my parents brought me along.  

A dad and mom have lost their son, A brother has lost his only brother and best friend, one grandmother (his dad's mom)  has lost a grandson only a year after loosing her daughter.  My mom, the other grandmother only had two grandsons.. now she only has one.  The family is a farming family, so they have no only lost a son, but their business partner and right hand man. 

Needless to say, there are a lot of hurting people and I know somewhere in the midst of them is Auntie Ruby.  Maybe you feel something similar.  Where  do I go to  hurt when there are parents, siblings and grandparents hurting so much too.  Does their pain override my own?  Where do I go to hurt.  

You have come here and that is good.  I have come here and that is good.  Together we share our stories and together we heal.  That is what this website is about.  Helping people heal.  

You are lost.  I get that.  I so get that.  I had a lot riding on that nephew of mine and now I don't know what tomorrow holds.  Now I am back to figuring out what today holds and leaving tomorrow where it is.  

I don't know if this feeling registers with you because I don't how how close you are in proximity to where you nephew lived.  But  have felt that in the last two weeks, I am on a movie set.  I am a character in a script and there are moments when I am directed to cry, to grieve, to hug, to help out with funeral arrangements... the list goes on.  But then I go back to my house and my job and nothing there has changed. I am off the set.  I have moments like yesterday, when I went out to seem my family.  I see the hole when I go to their farm.  I see Dad working to move the canola with the youngest, not the oldest.  

 I look around me and wonder when the director is going to call "Cut". 

We have similar losses, but different stories.  I hope you feel okay to share more of your story and I can share more of mine.  There is healing there.  

I have one question for you.  Where do you see God in this story?  

Auntie Ruby

(a sojourner on this journey) 




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I lost my 22 year old nephew 3 1/2 years ago to a drunk driver. I often wonder where I fit in. And Im sad to say that right now I dont. He was 27 days older than my own son. and in a tragic twist the driver that killed him has the same first name as my son. When my son left home to join the navy it was me and my nephew that drove from California to Chicago for my sons boot camp graduation. His parents had moved to Washington and he stayed here in town. He was living with his girlfriend and her parents at the time. But he was still a Huge part of our life. His parents and I would "trade" children all the time. and since our boys (they had 2 and I3-1 boy and 2 girls) were the only boys it worked out perfectly. I would get 2 boys for a weekend or a random night of the week and they would get to spoil their 2 nieces. Even when the kids got older they were always hanging out together. my kids and theirs. it was just a thing. When my nephew died I was already going through a kind of empty nest/ midlife crisis as the year before I had lost my job of 10 years and was still kind of grieving that loss and when I got the news I started to really shut down. His parents came to california and they held his Celebration of life, my son got leave to come to the memorial and aside from that it was a happy ish reunion. About 2 weeks later my husband got sick-very suddenly- When I got him to the hospital he was put in isolation and then he had to have emergency surgury. Turns out he had pnemonia- then a perforated bowel and he went septic. While he was in the hospital it was Very touch and go for about a month-my stepmom of 30 years died -also rather suddenly-. I Really shut down after that. I was alone and I didnt even have a phone or electricity for a few weeks. . I shut down and I dont think that I have fully come out of it yet. I aqm trying, because believe me...I am so very grateful that my husband got to come home-he ended up being in the hospital for 2 months. He was able to keep his job and we are still in our home with our electricicty on.. I think I might be in shock. Im not really sure. I have many days of confusion and much heartache over all of this. I hope my children and family know how much I love them. I just havent found a way to tell them how sorry I am for being a lot crazy and irresponsible I hav ebeen the last coupl eof years. I have turned to my religion for support but am still finding it hard to connect with this reality that I find myself in right now. I dont get it I guess. Anyway. I just want You to know that You do have love coming your way. I dont know how you are doing now but I hope things are well for you. I hope things are better than well in fact. -Blessed Be. 

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