beyond myself

[crazybirdlady]

Sonu was 9 which is pretty old for a budgie. She got an intestinal problem two weeks ago and we worked really hard to get her better. She did get better after antibiotics and lots of tube feedings. The vet also found a growth on the base of her tail that needed to be taken out surgically. He didn't want to do the surgery until Sonu was completely well so we did just that.

Sony was all better Thursday, got her spirit and energy back, was chirping and interacting with me a lot. We were looking forward to getting the surgery over with the next day.

On friday, 7/17/2009, one-hour after the surgery (and she was already awake and alert), her little heart started struggling and fluid filled her lungs. She then went into cardiac arrest. They did everything they could but couldnt get her back.

I am beyond myself with pain, grief, and guilt. I just don't know what to do. I keep crying and wondering why she is gone. She was so healthy and happy...and then she died after the surgery. If she had to die, why couldnt it have happened while she was under anesthesia so she wouldnt have been in any pain? Why did she have to die at all?

And I wasn't even there with her by her side when she died.

I feel terrible.

We were so close. I used to scratch her little face and she used to dance and sing with me.

[maddysmom]

I am so very sorry for your loss. It sounds like you loved and took care of her with all your heart. You will see her in heaven and dance together again. xo

[PaulaR]

I'm so sorry to hear this. Nine years is a long time with a budgie, and your pain must be very great. Having just lost a budgie to illness, I share your pain, but my bird was only with us for one year, so I can't imagine the loss of a long-term companion.

Truly, I don't think you should feel guilty. I understand why you do, and I would feel the same way, but honestly you couldn't have known when and how she would pass. You arranged for surgery for her because you felt that was the best thing to do, and it's just a rotten shame that she went into cardiac arrest.

From what you wrote, in my opinion (I'm not a "budgie expert" but I have some experience and knowledge), it was just her time to go -- she was elderly and had been through some physically stressful things. Also, as you may know, birds work hard to not show illness, so it's often difficult to assess their condition.

Hugs and sympathy to you. Budgies really work their little ways into our hearts, don't they? It's a very difficult loss for you, and I hope time is helping you heal a little bit each day.