Loss of a Teenager

[titoyginasmom]

Steffsdad, I have two surviving children after losing two in a car wreck last October. I have troubles with my 16 year old daughter recently, but was told by our family priest that it is more likely that it is due to her "dealing with her grief." He explained that some teenagers take months, or even years before they begin to grieve, and that often when they do they blame the parent(s) for not doing more to "save" their sibling(s). Perhaps this might be part of your situation? Have you tried talking to her? Have you asked her if she knows how much her attitude hurts you? I doubt she wants that! When I had a long open discussion with my daughter she began to see that we all "move on" in our own time. I might deal with things different than she does, but that doesn't make either of us right or wrong. Just two different people trying to cope. I hope this helps you some. You will be in my prayers....

Kathie/TitoyGinasMom

[kirksdad]

Steffsdad, I agree completely with Kathie. Kids handle this so differently. We all handle our grief in our own special way. Our daughter is still grieving for her brother. She didn't want to listen to us, but we just kept talking, sometimes saying things she didn't want to hear. We were very upfront with her about our grief and how we felt and let her know that we wanted the same from her. Openness is the key to any situation and your daughter shouldn't be dictating how you feel and a good heart to heart talk might help her understand that.

[steffsdad]

The problem is my daughter has a thicker skull than I do. She just doesn't want to talk about Steffanie, at least not to me. My wife has told me that Kirstyn thinks I care more about "dead Steffanie" than her. When I heard that I went into the clamup mode. She can be very hurtful about things.

All the while I feel like I'm losing Kirstyn too except in a different way.

[kirksdad]

Steffsdad, I know that it is hard. To many 2 years seems like a long time, but to us it is just a moment in time. Things will get better, but in the mean time I really do feel that talking about it openly, even if she doesn't want to listen, is the best thing. I know that we really had to stress to our daughter how much we loved her and how much she means to us. It is so hard to open ones heart after such a devasting loss and time really has no meaning now. I kind of think of it as life before Kirk's death and life after Kirk's death because for us there is such a change. That change doesn't mean we love our other children less, it just means that we have to take the time to adjust to our new reality. It isn't something any of us know how to do. Each adjustment takes time and each adjustment brings new meaning to a very changed life.

[steffsdad]

Kirksdad,

You are right. It's been over 2 years since Steff died (actually 28 going on 29 months) and the accident still seems fresh to me. I was watching the movie Mystic River couple of days ago and started crying about Sean Penn's character in the movie losing his 19 year old daughter to murder. It brought back some flashbacks to seeing Steff dead in the hospital lying lifeless on a gurney. My wife was in and out of the bedroom while I was watching it and she didn't even notice my tears. The problem is I'm still kind of "stuck" at a certain point and both my wife and daughter have "moved on".

[kirksdad]

Steffsdad, I know that your daughters may not have known each other very well and that is going to play a really large part in her grief. She may feel badly about not knowing her sister as well as she might have been able to. As far as your wife, not being Steff's mother, I am quessing I am right about that, I hope, she really has no idea of what you are going through and just isn't going to. I am guessing they have no idea how to handle your grief and feelings and therefore feel that you need to come around to their point of view rather than the opposite. Maybe a counseling session or if you have a compassionate friends closeby that might know of someone in your situation that you could talk to. It really helps to talk to others face to face who might understand your situation. Jim

[titoyginasmom]

I just had to post this morning to let everyone know what I just found out. Tito was to have graduated in January of this year before leaving for Iraq at the end of January; Gina would have graduated with the rest of the class this May 27th. The seniors at the school they went to have made their Senior Year shirst with an added saying on the back that says:

"We will never forget Russell, Gina, Matt, and Susan."

Russell was what my son went by at school, Matt and Susan were his friends. Anyway the school GAVE me one of these shirts as a gift. I will be going to the graduation to be there for all the kids that were friends of my children. I plan to take that shirt with me to let anyone who wants to sign it before I seal it. I am also getting just the cap so that can be signed as well. I am so very proud of the young kids that are graduating this year! They have all made sure our four kids will never be lost from their hearts and minds. They have even made this years prom theme "Friends..here and gone but never forgotten." I was so amazed when the school contacted me! At the graduation ceremony each of us three mothers will be called on to come up and accept our child's diploma. Now that is super sweet I think. I can't speak for Virgina (Susan's mom) or for Barbie (Matt's mother), but I am very honored. I wouldn't miss seeing these kids graduate for the world.

Kathie

[encouraged]

Kathie,

Thank you for sharing the story of what the high school graduating class is doing for Tito, Gina, and the two other classmates. High school kids (and their leaders) are some of the greatest people in the world. Tito and Gina are surely as proud of you as you undoubtedly must be of them!

Your friend from Texas

[griffinsmom]

Kathie-

i have been grappling with the idea of going to graduation, as Griffin would have graduated this year. He grew up here with all his friends- some since infanthood, some from pre school, some from elementary and middle school. I did not know if I could handle it, although I would love to see all his friends graduate. I am still not sure if I will go, but the way you put it here makes me think I may be able to do it. You are a very good inspiration.

[4ever15]

Hello everyone - After months of being away (on the road hosting book signing events)I am back to stay. It has taken me this long (since Jan.) to catch up on everything and everyone. To say the least I was overwhlemed to see how many messages have been posted...much too many to read. So I take this time to acknowledge the loss of your teen child and grieve with you. I have walked the grief road for 10-yrs. now since the passing of my Teen Angel, Scott D. Silagy.

In his honor I have authored my first book titled "My Teen Angel" - a grief self/help book for those who have suffered the loss of a teen child. I want to extend an offer of a 45% discount to all the bereaved parents and families when ordering online at www.sdspublishing.com -

Because we all have a new title now, "Bereaved Parent", we must remember that even though we will forever be bereaved, we won't always be in grief.

I offer each and every one you tender compassion and understanding...

Warmly,

Sally Silagy

[BIJulie]

Welcome back 4ever15.

[majanay]

Hello,

My name is Majanay and I have lost 2 daughters. 30 years ago today I lost my 5 year old daughter Charnelle, she was hit by a car, her sister was born the following day as I went into labor due to the shock. 20 years later (1995) I lost her, Natasha, she was also in a car accident. I have not had caring individuals in my life to help me recover from my losses, I am still grieving and have PTSS.

I would love to hear from a sensitive person that will listen.

[tinasdad]

Majanay, I'm so sorry to hear of the tragic losses you have endured. In here, you are with people who have suffered deep losses, or like me, about to lose someone we love. I lost three of my cousins to a violent act, and my wife is in the final stage of an illness that will ultimately take her life. The pain of our losses can last a few months to many years. There is no easy way to healing. We each must take our own steps at our own pace. The beautiful thing here is all these people care about each other and are willing to help each other heal. Please feel welcome to come back and write as often as you would like. We all will be interested in hearing from you, and we care about the pain you feel. With best wishes for you at heart, Mark

[peitasmum]

I have just been reading some of the messages left by parents that have lost a child. Majanay, your pain must be unbearable, to loose two daughters.I suppose there are not many people that understand. I lost my one and only daughter 16 months ago, she was only 16 years old, she was hit by a car as she was trying to cross the road. I find it very hard to talk to people about it. It is so painfull. I don't know how to deal with the emptiness, the pain that is in my heart. She was all I had. It is such a stuggle to get up every morning because everything now is meaningless. When I think about the scene at the hospital where she went away I try to block it from my mind it's just too hard to think about. What happens from here? I am so lost and alone.

[Artina]

Majany,

I am so sorry for your losses. Please know that we are here to support each other for as long as each one of us need it. I can't imagine losing two children... and I can't imagine not having a support group to lift me up and carry me on days that I just can't seem to pull it together. I pray that we can support you and help you to get through each minute of each day.

Peace to you, Tina

[Artina]

Peitasmum,

I hear you... It has been three years and four months since I lost my son and I believe that the key to making it is to stay in the day. I couldn't think about where to go from that day, because that meant thinking about a future without my son, which would leave me feeling hopeless. I had to stop doing that. I needed hope in my life... Thus, one minute at a time. Try to stay in the minute. Be sure to eat, drink, sleep, exercise and spend time with somebody who will allow you to vent. I know this all sounds trivial, but it really does make a difference. I still hurt, it's just not as sharp. I have happy moments, sad moments, goofy moments, and hopeful moments. I miss my son sooo much!!! But it does get better.

Peace to you, Tina

[peitasmum]

Hi Tina

Thank you for your kind words. It's just sometimes soooo hard to begin a new day with nothing to look forward to. All I can think of is being with my daughter. She is all I had. It was just me and her since she was 1 1/2 yrs old. I know I am not the only one with this pain, I have read other parents messages and feel their hurt, but the emptiness is so painfull. I don't know how long I can keep being "OK". I miss her sooo much, I suppose you know how it feels.

[joshsmom]

Hi, I am writing here for the first time. I did write something on the court site but now wanted to write on this one, as I have been reading everyone's posts for awhile now and finally have gotten up the nerve to tell you all about our son, Joshua.

On May 31, 2004, Memorial Day, our 16 year old son Josh, passed away. It's a long story but I feel if I don't completely tell it, it's hard to know the circumstances and so here goes....

Josh was a youngest child, he has a 20 year old brother named Eric. He was such a good kid! He just didn't think ahead about stuff and like all teenagers, he felt he was invincible! Anyway, there was a fair in our town for the Memorial weekend and while Josh was there with his 3 best friends, another 17 year old kid came up to them and offered them pills. Josh had never done pills like this before, although we know now that he had been smoking some marajuana occasionally. Josh accepted the 2, 10ml pills, as the kid told him, just take them, Josh, they'll give you a cool buzz! They turned out to be the kid's mother's perscription, Methedone. Josh was spending the night at his friend's house that night, about 2 blocks down the street from our home. The boys said he got sick a few times after taking the pills, but by the time they went to sleep, they said he was much better. Once he fell alseep, the pills caused his respertory system to shut down and due to lack of oxygen to his brain, he had a terminal sezuire and in the morning the boys could not wake him and called for their Mother to call 911. The police and coroner came to our home at 11:00am Monday morning to tell us that Josh was deseased! It was horrific! I don't remember much of the rest of that morning, until they made us go to the hospital and identify him. My husband went in the room, but I couldn't make myself go in to him. It was too painful! My husband had to be strong to be able to go to Josh. He spent a long time with him. I feel guilty now that I was afraid to be near my own son!

We have had alot of signs that I know are from Josh, and I know in my heart that he wanted to make sure we knew he was OK, before he left us! That had gotten me through these painful months.

We also have to deal with court, which is coming up soon. The mother has been charged with sistributing, 3 counts, to other people in local bars here. Her son wont admit that she knew he was selling her pills, so she cannot be charged for what happened to Josh, but the kid was waived into adult court almost immediatly after we recieved the autopsy report showing nothing in Josh's system except the Methedone and those 2 pills were enough to cause an overdose on him. The kids is being charged with 2 counts of ditribting, to Josh and another boy, (this boy had done other major drugs in the past and only got very sick from the pills.) The kid is also charged with 1st dregree Reckless Homocide for what happened to Josh. I am very scared that if htese 2 people don't get charged in the end with anything, that my husband and my son will deal with them in another way, We live in a small town and people here have made it clear to us that justice will be served one way or another and that scares me. I want the justice system to work here, not something else!

Joshua made a bad choice that day and was never given another chance. He paid for that mistake with his life and I still don't understand why! He wasn't eve in trouble with the law or gave us trouble. He always was home by his crufew time, which was only 9:00pm on weeknights, and he was only allowed to spend the night at a friend's house, one weekend night. He never complained about the rules we had and he never gave us any reason to think that we had to worry about him or what he was doing.

There are poeple that do drugs everyday of their lives and wake up the next morning to do it all over again. Josh took 2 little pills and died from them!

it's so unfair! He had so much time left to live!

Also, his school will not allow any of his friends (of which he had many), to memorialize him in anyway at school because his death was drug related. I have also been told that they will not remember Josh at the graduation ceremony of his class in 2006! I wanted to be able to go to that with his Dad and brother and watch all his friends graduate, knowing Josh would be remembered on that day. That's really not fair!

Thankyou for letting me tell you about my son!!

[Artina]

Peitasmum,

I can't imagine your loss... because every loss has variables that are different- making each loss unique. You see... I have a living child, who was twelve years old when my 19 year old son crossed over. My living son was the reason my feet hit the floor every morning. I don't even want to pretend that I know what you are going through. However, I will say that you are not alone, because we are here for you. Please don't look to far ahead, because I remember thinking some really bad thoughts... that I no longer think. It did get better. I never thought I would feel better, yet I do. I still miss my son, but my mind thinks differently now. Please write us whenever you feel the need to be heard. We will try to support you in any way that we can. Do you have any friends that you can pour your soul out to, without judgement? You don't have to be okay right now... you can be sad- you miss your daughter and it hurts!

We care, Tina

[Artina]

Joshsmom,

My heart breaks for you. I can understand your pain, your loss, and your frustration. I don't understand how people can get cought up in "how" a child dies, instead of the fact that a child died- period! It really doesn't matter to me how somebody dies- they died. Please know that your son sounds like a wonderful and loved child. I am sure that your son was and would have been a great citizen had he had the opportunity to live his life into adulthood. Children make choices as they grow through their teens- some bad, some good, and unfortuneately some that cost them their life. I made a few bad choices in my teens... and so did my friends and we are all great parents, citizens, and Spirits in the world. We were lucky enough to live through some pretty scarry choices. Shame on anybody that judges your son for his choice that day. He didn't know that his choice would result in the loss of his life, or he wouldn't have made that choice. His school shouldn't pretend that this didn't happen- they should use this experience to "teach" other children about RX drug deaths through a memorial in his name. I pray that their hearts will be touched and they will reach out to your family. And if they don't, when you are stronger, you can start a memorial in your son's name and teach about RX drug deaths(or have a friend take on this task for you).

At this point it is important that you take care of yourself. I don't know about the justice system, but I am sure that it will be difficult for you and you need a strong support system as you endure it. Be sure to eat, drink, exercise, journal and vent to a unconditional and supportive friend.

Peace to you, Tina

[trubeliever]

Also, his school will not allow any of his friends (of which he had many), to memorialize him in anyway at school because his death was drug related. I have also been told that they will not remember Josh at the graduation ceremony of his class in 2006! I wanted to be able to go to that with his Dad and brother and watch all his friends graduate, knowing Josh would be remembered on that day. That's really not fair!

Thank you for letting me tell you about my son!!

Josh's Mom,

I am so sorry to hear of your loss and the battles that have taken over this time. This should be a time of reflection and healing, but instead you are in such turmoil. My son Brian would be 14 on May 30th, this is our first birthday without him. I know how you must feel and then with the anniversary and knowing the court dates are pending. At the school where Brian attended his nurse wanted to dedicate a tree in his honor, but she has been shown a lot of resistance at the middle school. Mind you, Brian had heart disease and was disabled. He was in this district his entire life so many people knew him in special education and main streaming classes also. The elementary school is going to dedicate a tree and bench to children who have passed, but they decided not to put names on the memorial. They want us to attend the unveiling. I do not know why at the education level these administrators cannot be more receptive to people’s requests and allow the healing process to take place naturally. It hurts me when I speak to these folks and they tell me what they are doing to try to get the memorials for Brian. I can only imagine how you feel when they cannot see the loss of Josh being prevalent over all other issues they may create. I am sure Josh wanted to live, and honoring that fact is very little to ask. Brian was not ready to go, his heart was. I feel thankful in a way, we had warning and most of the parents here did not. I worked hard the last few months of his life to remember everything, his smell, touch hugs and kisses……Just know there are many people praying for you and your family to find the resolutions and healing.........

4ever Brian’s Mom

[biadmin]

Your grief is your story. Talking and sharing your grief can be healing. Reading about other people's journey through the grief process can help you realize you are not alone. People want to read other people's stories. Do you want to share yours? Share yours at Beyond Story.

http://www.beyondindigo.com/stories/index.php

[momoftravis]

Hi My name is Lisa. I have posted messages in the past. We lost our son Travis in an Automobile accident. He was ejected from the back seat of a car as it hit a steam roller coming of of an exit in Gary, In. The accident happened on Nov. 13, 2004 and Travis died on Nov. 18th. He suffered head trauma and a ruptured spleen and kidney. Although he was unconscious, we got to see him and say goodbye while he was in the hospital on the respirator. Travis was 16. His school had there prom last week. At first I didn't think I had the strength to participate with the junior class parents in helping prepare for the post prom. I decided to go help the friday before. I went to take pictures of Travis's best friend Tom and his date to the prom. Travis would have enjoyed this day. I helped out with post prom from 1200 midnight to

330am. I wanted to be around all of his friends. Next thursday May 12th is Travis's Birthday. He would have turned 17. He was born on a thursday and mothers day was the sunday before his birth. I know it will be a difficult day. I may take some balloons to his grave site and have my other two children send him a note off to heaven. We miss him so much. It still doesn't seem possible that he is gone. He was such a handsome, well liked and athletic kid. Our community has been wonderful in remembering him and Kristin who also died. My heart goes out to all of you who have lost their children. The pain and emptiness is unimaginable. Life does go on, but a big hole is left in your heart. Cherish the memories and watch all the videos you took of your children while they were here on earth. It brings back memories of their voice and how they were. May God Bless all of you and your families.

Lisa

[Artina]

Lisa,

It's good to hear from you. Your message is very positive and hopeful for so many parents. Thank you for taking the time to express your love for your son.

Peace to you, Tina

[titoyginasmom]

I want to reply to both Majanay and to Joshsmom. First to Majanay, like you I also lost two children. I lost both the same day to a car wreck on 01 Oct 04. My son was 18 and my daughter was 17 years old. Believe me I DO know how you feel in the devestation! Another person that might be of help will have to speak up on her own as she has a small child born shortly before her son's death. You actually might help her learn how to deal with her tiny daughter in ways non of us really know how. Should you ever really want to talk to someone who will listen email me, or just post here. We all listen and care!

Joshsmom,

Does your school's system have a DARE program? Your son's death would be the PERFECT case to help teach young people the dangers of that "one or two little pills." This would be the best way I can think of to honor him, and help other young people not make the same mistakes. It might also save one mother from posting here. If it saves just one mother, isn't it worth it? Think about it. The DARE program is normally done in 5-8 grades, but doesn't really touch on anyone or anything the kids know. Since you say you live in a small area Josh may be able to help. Kind of a grass roots thing. I know after Tito, Gina, Matt, and Gennie's wreck there were a TON of parents who changed the way their kids were allowed to drive in my area.(Example:speed,distances, number of passengers) These were just a few of the radical changes made. As for his graduating class not being allowed to grieve for Josh, well I think that is rather close minded of your school district, and rather petty! Smart kids do dumb things too. That is how we all learn..from mistakes. Your son just never got the chance to learn from his.

God Bless

Kathie

[momofJustin]

MomofTravis,

I'll be right there with you May 12th, Thursday. My wonderful Justin was born May 12, 1988. He would have been 17 as well. Last year on Mother's Day we had a dedication ceremony for his headstone placement and a picnic in the park afterwards. We also live in Indiana.

Today...Mother's Day I am sitting in front of my computer not knowing what to do with myself. Don't you feel like we get double-whammied with grief? It's bad enough it's Mother's Day without our sons, but it's also their birthdays. Most of the time I can get through the really dark days of wishing things were different, but days like today and his birthday are just so hard. He should be here with me, his dad and sister. We all miss him so much.

Take Care, I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers Thursday.

Justin's Mom 4-EVER

[joshsmom]

I have been reading all the posts from everyone since I wrote about Josh.I want to say Thankyou.I think your suggestions are all very good!

I went to the Cemetary this morning also to leave a carnation and small turtle at his gravesite. We haven't been able to afford a headstone as of yet, but hope to be ableto, soon! That will be very gratifying for me!

His nickname was "Turtle", by alot of his freinds, and his whole area at the cemetary has all kinds of turtle items. It is so comforting for me when I go there and see a new turtle or something left by someone. Then I know that he hasn't been forgotten!

I am sending hugs to all the Mom's here today! If we group hug, through the computer, maybe it will give us all the extra comfort we need today!

Thankyou all again for your reassuring words!~

I am so glad I had the nerve to actually write! I hope that as time goes by, I can be a help to someone too!

JoshsMom

[kirksdad]

For all the mothers today, my heart go out to you. This is so hard to get through. My wife came home Friday with a new picture of Kirk that one of the paras at our school found in her boyfriends things. Her boyfriend was Kirk's scout leader and he took the picture of Kirk when he was in the 6th or 7th grade at a ceremony where he was in his full uniform. She just cried and cried, it has been so hard for her. The para that gave it to her started with the old stand by that she didn't want to upset her or make her cry, but my wife told her that they would only be happy tears because someone cared enough to give us a little of Kirk's life. It is strange how life takes on such new meaning now. Hope today was a little good with the understanding that our kids loved us greatly.

[Artina]

Jim,

I'm so glad that the para stepped forward and decided to take a chance- for your wife. A bit of a "hello" from Kirk... to his mom.

Peace to you, Tina

[jeanette60015]

I lost my son Carl 2 weeks ago..

Boy, 14, Electrocuted After Crashing Car

POSTED: 6:06 am CDT May 2, 2005

UPDATED: 6:09 am CDT May 2, 2005

LAKE VILLA, Ill. -- Authorities in Lake County said a 14-year-old Lake Villa boy died from electrocution over the weekend after crashing a car, being ejected from it and hitting power lines nearly 50 feet above the ground.

Lake County Coroner Richard Keller said Carl Schultz Jr. had borrowed a relative's car for a late-night ride. He apparently lost control of the vehicle near an intersection early Saturday morning.

Authorities said Schultz was ejected through the car's sunroof and hit the set of power lines.

Schultz, who was the only one in the car during the crash, was not wearing a seat belt. No other vehicles were involved.

The above is what happened to my son...I am unable to write it all myself without completly losing it again...

I found myself looking for anything that could possibly help me through this horrible time...I found this site..

It seems I found there are ALOT of people that are in my shoes...and have been for so much longer than me... (((((

[matthewsmom2001]

Hi Jeannette:

My heart breaks for you knowing where you are at right now. It has been almost a year since I lost my son, who drowned on the first day of summer vacation. Of course there are no words of any real wisdom at this time, but my strong suggestion to you is to find your local chapter of Compassionate Friends and go as soon as you can. I went to my first meeting three weeks after I lost Matthew and going every month has made a tremendous difference for me over the past year. I know you feel like you are no longer the same species as all these unbroken creatures roaming the planet. Finding other people who have traveled that road and are still walking and talking is really immeasurably reassuring. I know it may not sound like much right now but if you try it you might be surprised how helpful it is.

Blessings,

Bonnie

[missingchris]

Matthews Mom,

Sighs, we lost our 17 year old to drowning also last summer. His birthday is May 30th, and his death date is August 2nd. I hurt for you and yours. Know you are in another family's thoughts as you head through a difficult time.

Chris's Mom

[kirksdad]

Jeanette60015, I am sorry about Carl. Two weeks is into this is just too much for anyone to bear. I know that your are mourning the loss of your son, as we all have, with such a broken heart. Just know that when you need to post or talk we are here and when you are able to tell us about Carl, please, don't hesitate. Jim

[Artina]

Jeanette60015,

I too am very sorry for your loss. Please know that we are here for you and offer our support to you.

Peace to you, Tina

Mother to Christopher, who died Jan 4, 2002, from injuries sustained in a snowmobile accident at the age of 19.

[trubeliever]

Jeanette60015, My heart goes out to you. I am at a loss for words on what happened to your boy. Just believe he was never alone, not ever. And neither are you. We lost our son Brian on October 1st, 2004 after a long fight with heart disease. He would be 14 on May 30th also. I miss him, I know you miss your Carl every second of the day. You have found a new home here.

4ever Brians mom

[melstep]

Hi everyone,

I'm sorry I've been MIA, but...well, I don't really have to explain to you all because we're all in this same, awful GRIEF BOAT, but life is just overwhelming at the moment...

Life's twists and turns really suck!...My Jeff died in this house that i'm living in and I was the one that found him, and as time has gone on (6 months) i've realized that living here is slowly killing me... suicidal thoughts had overtaken normal thoughts...

So I'm leaving here (Washington State) and making my way back to where I grew up and where my family is, in Massachusetts.... My hubby has to stay here for now cuz neither one of us are in any frame of mind to go through packing and moving and selling and buying and him finding a new job.... no way....

So - on June 6th, i leave here in my trusty Durango (my nephew is flying out to WA to make the trek with me)... and heading back to live with my mom for now... it's all up in the air what lies in the future, but we're just taking it a day at a time....

Sorry i haven't replied much or participated much, and I really miss doing so, but... well, I don't have to explain to any of you..... the LOSS of my Jeff is consuming so much time in my head.....

Love and Hugs to you all and to all of your Beautiful Angels,

Meredith, Jeff's mom

www.freewebs.com/jeffreypeak

[biadmin]

Make a Buddy Connection

Feeling all alone? Wish you could talk one on one to a person who has suffered the same type of loss as you? Or maybe you are ready to move one with life and meet people in your area who have similar interests? Find a Buddy that understands your loss.

http://www.beyondindigo.com/buddyfind/index.html

[Artina]

Meredith,

I think moving out of your home is a good idea. I hope that your husband will be able to join you soon. I can't imagine what you are going through, but hope that your move will help you.

Peace to you, Tina

[trubeliever]

So - on June 6th, i leave here in my trusty Durango (my nephew is flying out to WA to make the trek with me)... and heading back to live with my mom for now... it's all up in the air what lies in the future, but we're just taking it a day at a time....

Meredith, have a safe trip home. I know this a hard time for you and your family. I will be thinking of you. One day at a time is a good plan. One step at a time, minute by minute. take good care of yourself......

4-ever Brian's mom

[titoyginasmom]

I have also been MIA from the boards for a little while. Not quite myself. On top of grief, I suffer from seizures which have been kicking my rear lately. Not that I am really all that surprised with the stress of graduation, the award that was given in my son's name already, and the one to be given in June. It makes for a lot of stress when I have to relive the accident over and over. It just doesn't seem possible that it has been almost 7 months since I heard my sweet children's voices. Gina's laugh, Tito's chuckle as he pulled a prank, or even the two of them arguing would be better than this!

Truebeliever? I will make a deal with you. You keep ME sane on October 1st..and I'll do the same for you since that is my children's date as well.Ok? I have added a few things to the site where the kids died in the last few weeks. I added a flag pole with US flag, a flag styled spinner, more flowers, and even a set of wind chimes. This coming Tuesday the American Legion will be raising an Army flag for my son. My family thinks I am crazy, but since my kids were creamated I don't have graves to care for. This is as close as I can get. Besides since it is on a main road, I hope just ONE child sees it, remembers what happened, and slows down. If that happens it has all been worth it.

God Bless you all...

Kathie....always and forever TitoyGinasMom

[joshsmom]

Hi to everyone!

Spring was always one of my favorite times of year, the lilac bushes in our yard would bloom, and the scent would drift into Josh's bedroom windows, and in the morning when I would go in to wake him for school, it would fill his room!

The lilac's just bloomed this week and I can't begin to tell you how much heartache they have caused me!

I miss Josh so much these last few weeks, and also last week,I lost my Grandma!

She was 93 and lived a long and very good life, and I know she was ready! Unlike Josh! But my Mom was able to whisper to my Grandma before she passed, to give a big hug to Josh from all of us, and she understood!

I feel happy knowing that Josh was there to meet her when she passed over, but I also feel jealous that she is there with him and able to touch him and see him and hear him! It seems like every song on the radio makes me cry! It will be 1 year since Josh was taken from us, on May 31st, and then the jury trial for the Mother, whose pills were given to Josh, on June 1st and 2nd. I know she isn't being charged for what happened to him, but it will still be hard to sit there and see her face to face, hoping she suffers for what happened! She has no remorse for what happened and either does her son! She drives around town and once she was driving behind my older son and actually flipped him off!!! She also told my husband once to leave her alone, that she didn't kill our son!

I just pray that they get some conciquences to deal with after ruining our whole lives as a family!

Thanks for letting me vent! I just miss Josh so much!!! And I am so scared that nothing is going to happen to these people!!!

I hope too that each one of you that feel the pain I do, get some comfort from knowing that we are unfortunatly all in this together! We were sent here to go through things for a reason and I wont let Josh down by giving up on him! I remain strong so that when he sees me, he knows that I am being strong for him!

We get our inner strenths from our kids! They love us as much as we love them!

Thank goodness for this site!! I feel so much better when I write things down and know that you all understand!

Josh's Mom forever!!!

[momoftravis]

I am sorry for all of your losses. I lost my son Travis 6 months ago when he was ejected from a car that hit a steamroller off an exit in Gary, Indiana. We miss him so much. He was so handsome and touched so many lives. There is a website that you can create a memorial for your children. It is called

Memory-of.com. It is easy to set up a memorial. My son also has a website called Traviswoerner.com. It shows his pictures of his wonderful life and the people who were part of his life. The othe website is Whenyoudrive.com. It is good for all teens and parents to read.

God bless you.

Lisa

[kricesmom]

My daughter is Kristin Rice and she was killed in a car accident on November 13th 2004. She died at the scene and we never got to her to tell her we loved her, never got the chance to tell her how much we wanted her to stay with us, how much we needed her. She was told these things many, many times over when she was with us. She was so loved and such a beautiful, kind, athletic and compassionate young lady, she just sparkled. At 5' 4" tall she was a slender blonde beauty well known for her fabulous hugs and beaming smile. She was able to fill a room with sunshine with that gorgous smile. She had a heart as big as all outdoors and loved children and animals. We would go camping everytime our schedules permit and she loved it. She worked and she was a competetive swimmer all thru High School.

She died in an auto accident in which the driver was traveling too fast, the front seat passenger pulled on his arm and control of the vehicle was lost. Alchohol was also involved. Her side of the car smashed into a steam roller and her beautiful body was what took the force of the steam roller. She was then thrown out the back window of the car as it split into two peices. My beautiful daughter, all of 16 years old was killed. She was dead in the gravel at the side of the road. People drove on by as she lay there, later covered by a sheet. We had no idea, no chance to get to her. The accident happened 250 miles away. I miss her so much, she was everything to us. She left her dad, her brother, to whom she was the world, and me. she was my everything. Our world will NEVER be the same. We never got to hold her again, feel her in our arms, I ache for her presence in our lives again. There are no words to describe the emptyness in our home now. We were preparing for her to go to college, and prepare for her future and have empty nest syndrome. Not shattered nest. I miss her more and more with every passing day. Her birthday was Dec. 13th so we endured her 17th birthday without her only a month after she was killed, then Thanksgiving, her brother's birthday, Christimas, New Years, Valentines Day, Mother's Day.....Prom, Senior Pictures, Graduation of her friends, weddings of family and friends....her graduation would have been in 2006. She now has a Scholarship that bares her name. Such a sad Memorial to such a beautiful, compassionate, loving, baby girl.

I her her so much, I love her more...

[Artina]

Kricesmom,

Your baby daughter sounds like a wonderful person. I am so sorry for your loss. As you described your daughter... I thought of my son, who was 19 when he was killed in a snowmobile accident. Their energy sounds so similiar. My son died Jan 4, 2002 at the age of 19. I too was lost for his energy in our home. His presence was missing and there was no way to change that loss. However, one thing that we did that brought a lot of energy to our home, and healing for our youngest son, was to buy a puppy. Our dog's name is Duke and he is two months older than the day our son died. He is an amazing Spirit to have in our home. His energy is an energy that reminds us of our son's energy. We love him soooo much for helping us grieve in a healthy and communicative way. He didn't let us get lost in ourselves (even thought that's okay to do). He has bridged caps that I would have never thought a pet could do. I don't know what we would have done witout him in our home to break up the sadness.

We have taken very small steps to the point we are at now. We hurt, we miss him, yet we do dream again. We dream of the day we will all be together again and we dream of the day our living son will have children of his own (he is just 15). You see... once we lost our son, we started to live a double life- one here on Earth and one in the Spirit realm. We talk to both of our children daily- one here on Earth and one in the Spirit realm. At first that wasn't okay. Yet, once I realized that I didn't have a choice, I choose to talk to him in the only method I could- I started writing to him about important events in our daily lives. It really helped me.

The most important piece to grief is to do what works for you and your family. Beyond Indigo parents are understanding and reach out and offer different coping skills that worked for each one of us in our own unique ways. Take what works and leave what doesn't.

Peace to you, Tina

[titoyginasmom]

KRicesmom, I am so sorry to read of your loss. I also lost two children to a car wreck. My son was driving, he had my daughter, his best friend, and his best friend's sister in the car with him. According to a witness, after trying to pass an 18 wheeler, my son was "spun out into oncoming traffic." From the damage to his car I know he was hit. He and another man, a father of two small children, hit each other. All five died that day. No one can replace our lost loved ones, but each day things get a tiny bit easier. My children died October 1, 2004...since then we have had many "firsts" without them. I just try to ask myself each day what would Gina or Tito want me to do in this situation? It helps a lot since my kids and I were close. I have two surviving children who still need a mother that is sane. No it hasn't been easy, no I know the worst hasn't come yet, but...I know I can make it through. I know because I WILL see them again in Heaven.

God Bless

[kirksdad]

Kricesmom, I am so sorry that you have to be going through this terrible time in your life, no one should ever have to go through this. The death of a child is the hardest thing a parent will ever have to go through, it is just unimaginable.

We lost our son Kirk just before his junior year in high school and those two years after his death were unbearable, completely devastating. The shock of losing him was so intense as we watched all his classmates go through those special times one goes through when they are just ready to go out in the world. Prom, graduation, all the mile stones one looks forward to and misses. It is like watching the world go by and wanting to jump in, but knowing there is just no way. We too have a scholarship for his high school, we give it to kids who will attend vocational school and it makes us feel good. Just know that in time the pain lessens and one can look back on all the wonder that our children had become. This is a good place to talk and release some really heavy burdens. Jim

[kricesmom]

I just miss her so much. That little teenage whirlwind of a girl was my life. She was so close to us, was such a good person, so kind, so loving, it's just not something that can be imagined. Let alone coped with. I can't even begin to think of the rest of my life without her, although it is starting to creep into my consciousness. She loved life and was not a risk taker. The one time she was with friends and left town, she died. She was never that far away from us, ever, by hersself. She had a cell phone yet didn't call, although she text messaged a friend and said, she couldn't leave, did that mean she was being made to stay? or that she just couldn't leave them? I'll never know. I miss her more than ever. The questions, no answers......................

[Artina]

Kricesmom,

I understand. It's just not fair... I see risk takers everyday move through life and they don't miss a beat. I just don't understand. my son was not a "risk" taker, yet he died snowmobiling (only his second time on a snowmobile). I wish I would have never allowed him to go. I know, logically, that he was doing something that he wanted to do and that he didn't know he was going to die, or he wouldn't have went snowmobiling. Accident's happen that way.

Your daughter's energy lives... I know that doesn't help, but I just had to say it. I feel my son's energy often, because he was bigger than life. I will never, never, be over him. I think of him now and it brings a smile to my face more than tears, but that took about three years. I'm not sure how I arrived at this place, but it has gotten better.

Peace to you, Tina

[biadmin]

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[titoyginasmom]

Last night was graduation. Honestly one of the more difficult days/nights I have had to go through since losing the kids in October. The ceremony was beautiful! I was so proud to watch the kids I have known, and watched grow for years walk across that stage. There was a table with my children's pictures on it, my son's retired ROTC Drill Rifle, a shadowbox of memories, and some of the awards the kids had earned. There was a single wgite rose in each of the seats researved for the kids, and a scholorship was even awarded in their honor. The seniors chose the song "I Will Remember You" as their class song, and I cried as it was played. I yelled, cheered, and hollered for each of my kids' friends as they crossed the stage...as I did when my kids' names were read out as graduates "in rememberance." I had as many seniors as I could sign one of the Class of 2005 tee shirts. I will be sealing it away today until the 10th reunion. I reminded the kids to contact me for it then. It was a beautiful, painful night all told.

Kathie.....Tito y Gina's Mom