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Loss of a Teenager


katebe

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Last week was one of those higher than high and lower than low weeks. First of the week we won our Science Olympiad regional. I was on such a high only to come home and find out that one of Kirk's friends mother had died at 49 of lung cancer.

We knew she was bad, but you don't want that news. Then the next morning to go to school and find out about Adam. We thought by Friday that things were better, but then he developed pnumonia and on Sat, while we attended Lori's funeral I guess they decided to put him in the coma because he wasn't responding again. It is hard to understand life. Right now I just want to crawl back into bed and hibernate for a couple of days. Jim

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Jim,

I am sure that those highs and lows are very difficult for grieving parents to endure. They were hard for me prior to losing my son, however I just don't have the "hope" and "rosy" glasses that I used to have and thus stay in the lows much longer than the highs. Hang in there my friend and take care of yourself-first!

Peace to you, Tina

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It has nearly been 12 weeks since my 17y/o son was killed in a auto accident

There was an article in our newspaper that related our wrestling team winning the state championship to the memory of my son who was a varsity wrestler.Why

is it when I read his name that I was stunned and shocked to see his name when I know he is gone?Is that a part of denial?I feel that I am still struggling to

accept what has happened and people think I should be pulling it together.How can you pull it together when you can't even begin to accept the reality?

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tylersmom,

I am so sorry for your loss. Please be easy on yourself and take the time you need when you need it. Twelve weeks is such a short time. I don't believe that at twelve weeks the veil of shock had even barely begun to lift. I lost my 18yr old daughter Ashley on 7-4-04 in an auto accident. I still have days that I just can't accept that she is gone. She was so alive, so vibrant. The people who think you should be pulling it together just can't understand the overwhelming loss. The road ahead is rough, but know that there are people who understand and who care. Peace to you and yours,

Dottie

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tylersmom,

My 19 year old son died in a car accident on May 1, 2004. At first I thought "Surely I will feel better in a few months." And I do, at times. Other times, the pain is very fresh and sharp, just like it was at 1 week or 2 weeks or a month. Then I thought, "Surely I will feel better in a year." As I near the one year mark, I'm starting to accept that this is a long process, and you can't get around it. (Now I'm on a 5-year plan.) But I think that as time passes, although the bad days haven't disappeared, the good days outnumber the bad.

Love, prayers, and hugs

Joline

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Tylersmom,

Kylesmom is right... with time, the good days start to outnumber the bad days.

I felt a connection with you after I read that your son was a wrestler. My son, Chris, died on Jan 04, 02, from injuries sustained in a snowmobile accident. He too was a wrestler. Wrestling has always been very dear to my heart. We live in a wrestling community and I consider myself a "wrestling" mom. We traveled a lot and built a lot of memories around the wrestling circuit. My son did both collegiate and freestyle wrestling. I love the memories we made in such a truly difficult and dedicated sport. It's not for the weak at heart. Our wrestling team dedicated a year to my son, even though he had graduated that past year. It hurt...good. It has been three years since my son crossed over and I play that dedication through my mind often. I wonder how I ever made it to the high school to receive that dedication, just three weeks after my son crossed over. I also wonder what it all meant. I don’t know that I have found any answers, but what I do know is that his life made a big impact on a lot of people and he won't be forgotten. There was a team shirt made in his honor and to this day we still see wrestler’s wearing it. Maybe those kids will value life a little more, knowing that it can end in a blink of an eye.

Please know that there is no time frame, expectation, or script written for grieving. However, there are a few things that you can do that will “slowly” move you in the right direction- eat, sleep, journal your thoughts, drink water, and exercise when ever you can. These are all small, but very important tools to surviving your loss.

Peace to you, Tina (a wrestling mom)

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TYLERSMOM,

I lost my son travis in a car accident. He died on November 18,2004. We miss him so much. He was 16. His birthday is May 12. He was a great Athlete. He played Basketball, Football, and Baseball. The community of Westfield, In has been watching Travis through all of his sports. They have been so supportive. All of the basketball players have a pink and blue ribbon sewn onto their jerseys. The blue ribbon is for Travis and the pink ribbon is for Kristen who also died in the accident. She too was 16. Travis's nick name was T-dub. The dub is for W of Woerner, our last name. In Honor of Travis and Kristen, the basket ball players have sweat bands and arm bands with their initials. The SADD program at the school had pink and blue rubber bracelets made with their name and date of death. They have sold out of these several times. The whole student body is whering these bracelets. We also have a sticker with a shamrock and a pink and blue ribbon running across it saying never forgotten. Thes stickers go in the back window of our cars. These too have sold out. Travis and Kristen were Juniors at Westfield High School. We set up a webpage for Travis. Traviswoerner.com. Kristen is Kristenmarierice.com. This has been a blessing to read all of the entries in the webpage. The two kids were so loved by their peirs. Kristen was a swimmer.

Life is precious and we never no when it is our time. It is so unatural to lose children. I cry everyday with grief. I do read a lot about heaven, death and dying. I know that someday, I too will rejoice in Heaven with Travis and All others whom I have lost. The Purpose Driven Life is also a good book to read. Everyone needs to find out what God's purpose for their life is. Travis impacted so many people in his short life. He will never be forgotten. He loved everyone, he had no enemies and he made people laugh and feel good. There are a lot of things that I have learned about him through his friends that I didn't know which were all good. My heart goes out to all of you who have lost a child. May God Bless You and your families.

Lisa, Travis's Mom

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Lisa, it sounds like your school has it together as far as helping you in your grief. It is always good to hear about educational entities that are not afraid to help. There are way to many of them out there that don't understand or even want to try. Your school is an example of the way it should be.

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Lisa,

Our school has also done bracelets and t-shirts along with the window decals in Tyler and Chad"s memory.It is a nice way for the kids to deal with their grief but it is also a constant reminder of the loss which at times catches me off guard.

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Mom of Travis,

My son Justin was 15 when he died January 9, 2004. I felt compelled to respond to you because Justin's birthday is also May 12, 1988. Small world. We also live in Indiana. Justin wasn't a great athlete though. Due to being born with heart problems he never played sports.

Mother's Day always had more meaning to me because occasionally his birthday fell on Mother's Day, as I'm sure it did for you also. Usually his birthday was a much bigger celebration than Mother's Day, but that was okay with me. I was happy we had him. Last year we dedicated his memorial stone on Mother's Day. I miss him so much, and I am just trying to find a way to live with the pain day by day. I can't believe it's been a year and a month since I've last seen him.

Take Care,

Mom of Justin

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Hello everyone

This is my first post on this board,but I read the posts almost every day.On Thanksgiving we lost our son Dustin.We found him on his bedroom floor and later found out he died of an accidental overdose of methadone.This sunday is his 19th birthday and we are releaseing balloons with his name and picture and a poem on them.We have people from all over the U.S. joining us and would like to ask anyone interested in joining us to do so.His name is Dustin M. VanLoon-Bonser,Feb 20 1986-Nov.25 2004.You can add a prayer or poem or any kind of message you would like to.Thanks so much,and pray for nice weather(we live in Michigan)

Dustin-Forever in our hearts

Jeff & Christy

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michaelsmom4ever

Hi Lisa,

I lost my son Michael in a terrible car accident on Nov. 14, 2004. He was 18 years old. He had graduated high school May, 2004. He loved to play football in school. At the time of his accident his old football team was in the middle of playoffs. They had decals made with his number 55. Every player wore his number on their helments and all the coaches wore the decals. One of the parents made black ribbons with his #55 in gold writing on the ribbons and passed it out to all the spectators to wear in memory of my son. Michael's sister is a senior this year and they share alot of the same friends. The coaches came to the funeral and asked us if it was okay with us if they dedicated their next game to Michael. We felt obligated to go to the game even tho it had been only five days since the accident. The team ended up playing their best game ever and won against all predictions. The coach gave the game ball to my daughter. It was a very emotional night for the players and our family. It was the only bright spot I can remember in the last 14 weeks. My heart goes out to all the people who have lost their children so young.May we all find the strenght to start another day.

Lorraine

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Michaelsmom4ever,

Your son sounds like he was really adored by you and your community. I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my son, Chris, on January 4, 2002, from injuries sustained in a snowmobile accident. He was just 19 years old. I too miss him. He loved football and wrestling in high school and was also recognized by our community for his athletic attributes; we had a similar experience as you and feel that it was also the only "light" in all the darkness.

It has just been a little of three years since Chris crossed over and we have been able to get back to some kind of normal. We still miss him very much. There are days that I just can't believe that he is gone. However, those days are less than they were in the beginning. We smile, dream a little, and function far better than I would have ever thought we would. Writing, talking, eating, drinking water, and exercising are the glue that hold us together as we navigate through a world that is no longer familiar to us. Time helps us create a new "normal"- based on a family that extends beyond the physical realm.

Peace to you, Tina

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Michaelsmom4ever, I am so sorry about Michael, losing a child is the hardest thing we will ever experience. I am glad to see his school was so helpful in your hardest time. What they did was really nice and showed how schools can be compassionate and understanding when a family is experiencing the loss of a child.

Like Tina said as time passes life seems to get a little easier, we begin to get things back in order. In the beginning though our lives seem to be a mess and the constant thoughts of our children flood through our minds ever moment. It takes time, but life can return to some semblance of nomalacy, I know though that in the beginning it doesn't feel that way, it just takes time.

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Dear Michaelsmom4ever. I am sorry for your loss. The loss of a child is very tragic. It makes day to day task difficult. It does help when you have the communities help. 7 sixteen and seventeen year old kids died in Hamilton county from August to November. Most of them Passengers in cars with kids who were drinking or driving to fast. Most didn't have their seatbelts on in the back seats and were ejected. We as parents in Westfield, In. have come together in a small group and orginized a contract of the Heart pledge for all of the kids in the Highschool who choose to sign in in Honor of Travis and Kristen. There will also be a parent contract for parents to sign about being accountable for their kids and the kids of the community. We have set aside a kick off night with the mission of our group and the signing of the pledge in March. Those who sign will sign their names on a large matt behind Travis and Kristen's picture for all to see that they took the accountability pledge. We well have the pictures hung in the school for display and as a reminder to the teens to make better choices. We will have music and a video of Travis and Kristen and interviews with friends and family. The parents that sign the contract will then have their name and phone numbers put if a safe house directory. We will send invitation letters to all the parents and new freshman parents to be in westfield. We expect a large showing. A dodge ball tournament in there Honor will be the following day. we hope to make a huge impact.

Lisa

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Wanda, I so clearly remember the time when I first started teaching music and we were going to our first contest. There was this kid that now reminded me a lot of my son, how energetic and wild he could be. He skipped the contest and wasn't allowed to go on the fun trip to an amusement park that we had planned the next week. I hated not taking him, but he needed to understand that contest was important and that the amusement park was a reward for always being there. Anyway when we got back that night from our trip I was just starting to get out of the bus when someone waiting for us came up to me and told me that he had been killed in a car wreck while we were gone. That was my first experience, it was pretty devastating. At times after losing Kirk I would think about that time and wonder what it all meant, I still think about that kid. If Kirk and him would have been alive at the same time they probably would have been good friends. Through the years I have, like you, watched as other students have left us. Each time it was hard, maybe those death prepared me for losing Kirk, God knows I did think about it when he was at his worst. I suppose that going through those loses gave me some insight and as I think back I know they have helped me understand a lot about how everyone feels.

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am sorry to those who have joined this nightmare since i last came here xoxo

my son, lewis died sept 25th '04. heroin overdose. aged 15. i can't even figure out how long it is 'cos nothing seems real anymore. all i know is folks say when they see me crying, "you still doing that?"

i don't even respond just walk away. but i do find that the tears flow easier. now they just happen. does this make sense? are warm and come anytime regardless of where i am. it's hard to fight them back. the raw unending pain is now a boulder sitting where my heart used to be.

i no longer say, "thank god it's friday" i now hate fridays and saturdays.

the major problem i'm having is with guilt. can't get anyone to understand how guilty and responsible i feel. i was given this child and i didn't protect him enough and he was taken away from me. everyone says you did everything you could. there was nothing more you could do. it was his choice. so why do i feel so guilty ??? and others just looking in bewilderment as to how i couldn't know/where was i/how stupid was this kid?

and why can't i remember how long since his death? i remember the date/time/the events/the overwhelming grief. i just can't keep it straight as to how long, months/days/hours/. where do i count from the date 9/25 or do i count from the day of the week it happened, sat? he was pronounced dead sept 25 5:38am. it must seem odd that i don't know. i feel obsessive compulsive over this: i keep picking at it and can't get anywhere; i just can't get it straight in my mind. do you know what i mean?

love and hugs to us all ............. cal ........... xoxo

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I have just found this site I lost my 17 year old daughter on March 21 2004 five days before her 18th Bday she was on her way to a College Tea she was to attend the University of Alabama in the fall. As I get closer to the year mark I seem to feel so much worse I guess the numb is gone and the fact that I have gone almost a year without touching my baby is beyond my understanding. I always knew her every move and now I just can't believe that the relationship in this life is over. I know that I will see her again but I want her now as we all want our children back. I feel that is I cry and beg enough just maybe? But that is crazy but so is the path I travel everyday.

Please look at her on the web at www.fearends.com she is on my church website she was the most wonderful daughter a Mother could ever want my pride and joy sometimes I wonder if I loved her too much did I place her above God and other family and then I answer myself and say Yes I did but I would not change it for the world. My prayer has been that I come to a place where my heart wants to see Jesus first and then her second I am not there yet but I am trying.

Wendy Baker

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Wendy, your daughter is very beautiful. I am so very sorry for your loss, I lost my son Kirk at 17 and it was devastating. In a loss as difficult as this we have a tendency to think only about our kids. That is natural and human, I can't imagine a loving God would have a problem with that. There is no greater pain than to have a child die before us, but time does make a difference and life can get back to somewhat normal. It isn't something that happens that first year or even the second, but it does happen. Your church's memorial to your daughter is really nice. Again I am so sorry you have to be going through this, but this is a good place to write about our thoughts and how we are feeling. Sometimes sharing our pain with those that understand can make a big difference. Jim

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Wendy,

My son Tyler was killed in a car accident 11/24/04.He was 17.Since then I have asked the same questions.I actually spoke at Tylers funeral because the only sense I could make was that somehow in his death it would change the eternal outcome for his friends.We have seen several positive things happen since his death.Does that make me accept it?No!I plead with God every day that there had to be another way that surely he had a purpose to fulfill and that life at 17 couldn't be done.It is a hard road we walk and there are days that I don't think I can finish the walk.Your website is great and your daughter is beautiful.

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Hello Everyone, I haven't been here in a while even though I still keep up with the posts. Tina and Cindy your dates did not go past with out me saying a few prayers for you both and your families. Jim, how is the little boy that had the sledding accident doing I didn't see any thing about him? There seems to be a great amount of new members to our group now and it really is so sad.I hope that all of you are comforted in some way by coming here! This site and Jim and Tina and Cindy and so many others really helped me.Please know that time makes things more bearable it doesn't really change the fact that we have lost our beautiful children ,but we all learn to cope a little better.So for everyone that is new and struggling and for those of you like me that have been walking this path a while I pray we find some peace.Love and hope to you all. Cat( Mom to Michael Reed)

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Cat, the little boy is doing well. He moved to a hotel room near Children's Mercy Hospital so they could do diagnostic test to see how well he was going to be able to get back into school. We went down and saw him this weekend. His parents of course looked like they had been dragged through hell, and I know they had. He looks good, but you can tell he is very tired and worn out. I am hopeful that in the next couple of weeks he will be able to start back to school at least part time. Only time will tell how much damage was caused, but the doctors are hopeful that he will make a complete recovery. Jim

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trubeliever

Jim,

I'm so glad to hear of another child making it through the valley and back. Today is the 5 month mark for us. I did make it through the day which is a big surprize to me. I miss him so, it is funny how it seems everyone is so out of touch except you folks here. Does the elephant in the room ever go away? Brian was disabled, had medical issues all his life. I felt he was treated so differently his entire life. This also made him a special boy and me a very lucky and special mom. Now I feel everything that made my life complete has disappeared. All that is left is the elephant in the room and a very sad mom.

4ever Brian's Mom

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Trubeliever, I don't know if I have gone through it long enough to be able to say the elephant ever goes away. It hasn't yet. Things keep changing, and I do feel so much better, but I have my moments, also, still. I don't know when that moment comes when we will ever be able to look at the death of our kids as anything, but the most horrible thing that could have ever happened. I am so thankful Kirk was in my life, but like all of us it just wasn't enough and the natural way of things would have had me going first. Jim

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I am asking for some more prayers. My nephew and his wife found out today that one of their twins, she is 7 months pregnant, has died and the other twin is under a lot of stress. I just don't understand why this has to happen. I know that everyone's prayers helped out the little boy with the brain injury and here I am asking again. I know we all have had a hard time, I just hate seeing anyone going through this and we all know what it is like when we see family going through this. It really sucks!

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missingchris

Our prayers are going up. Please know your family will be in our thoughts this weekend and our sympathy extended.

Becki, Rich & Dakota

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griffinsmom

My son is 17- will be 18 May 20- He was killed instantly in a car accident where his friend was driving too fast, lost control around a curve, and smashed Griffins car into a tree. The two boys in front were fins, Griffin did not survive. I am having a hard time, as I raised Griffin by myself- and we have a very close bond. As many of us know- I did not get to say goodbye, only see ya later as he walked out the door to go to his friends house on New Years Day. I have been married for 2 years- March 6, and have a 4 month old daughter- who Griffin did get to see and hold. I have started to attend Compassionate Friends meeting, as it does help to meet and listen to other parents who have experienced this horrific loss. You can see Griffins memorial website at www.memory-of.com, Griffin Schwartz. Seventeen years is a long relationship, and I miss my son so much it hurts- especially when the reality starts to sink in- that no matter what you do or say or how much you cry and beg- nothing can change the situation. All I can have is hope for the future that I will see my son again when I die. Really, I am 45, and am looking forward to the next 30 years to move along, so I can hold my boy again. Thats not really good, to live to die. Whats up with that?

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Kirksdad,

"I don't know when that moment comes when we will ever be able to look at the death of our kids as anything, but the most horrible thing that could have ever happened."

That moment comes when you pass through the veil and realize that the living, loving, thinking, remembering part of your son never died.

Even right now he's closer to you than your own heartbeat.

My prayers are with your nephew, his wife and their twins... one still lovingly carried by mother. The other lovingly carried by the Heavenly Father.

robinrenee

http://www.spirit-sanctuary.org

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Griffinsmom,

I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my son three years ago January 4, 2002. I have a living son, who I live for... and a son who has crossed over who I long to see. I take each day as it comes and pray for the strength to do another day.

Beyond Indigo is a great place to come for support. I have used this medium for over two years and believe that it is the tool that I use the most to get through each day. Please know that we are here to support each other.

Peace to you, Tina

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trubeliever

Griffinsmom

I know how you feel, I have been homesick since I lost my Brian last October. His birthday is in May also, he would be 14 this year. I often wish I had a younger child, but I am very lucky to have a 23 year old son. I just try to be thankful everyday for both of my sons. But it is so hard and I miss him so much. For now I just wait to go home so I can be with him again......

4ever Brian's Mom

PS Jim, my thoughts are with your family.

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Some good news tempered with the fact that one baby has gone to heaven. This morning my niece gave birth to Cameron who weighed in at 2 lbs and 8 ounces. The good thing was that he didn't need oxygen at the start. My sister says he is so cute and so small. I hope that my niece and nephew can understand eventually waht happened to cause this devatating problem. Jim

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Hello all,

First of all, i'm sorry i haven't been posting... I've been reading all of yours, but haven't had enough "strength" to post, you know?

I'm also sorry for bugging you all with my words of sadness...but...sometimes it helps to just let it out, you know??

Tomorrow (3/7) will be 4 months since my Jeffrey died and Thursday (3/10) will be the first birthday Jeffrey has spent in HEAVEN!

I just can't get my mind around all of this lately. I'm so sad, cry so often, so depressed.... it's so awful.

I've coordinated with everyone that I know from here (WA) to MA to the UK to Aruba to NC a balloon release on his birthday. Everyone will be releasing balloons at the same time and they'll have tags on them with his picture dob and dod and my email address in case someone finds them to let me know.....

It's a little thing, but I like the idea that everyone, at that moment, will be singing happy birthday to my beautiful Jeffrey.

I still can't believe it's been 4 MONTHS! It's just too awful for words sometimes. I am soooo sad and sooo lonely and am feeling like i'm losing my grip, you know?

Anyway, thanks for listening to my ramblings...Take care and thanks for listening

Meredith, Jeff's mom 4ever!

http://www.freewebs.com/jeffreypeak

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Meredith, four months without Jeff can seem like such a lifetime, but we all know it is just a beginning. I know I have said this before, but that first year was like a fog. I would get up in the morning, come home after work and crash and then go to bed. The next day it was the same thing. I can barely remember anything in my life that first year except the pain and thinking about Kirk every waking moment. It was so overpowering that everything else seemed insignificant and to be honest it was. When we have to confront the mortality we all face in the loss of a child it seems so unfair, so unreal, and so painful. It does get better in time, but that time is something we all have to realize rests with our feelings and our pain. It really took a good 3 years of adjustments to even feel human again, I am sorry to say that, but that was the way it was for me. I do know that I need to work everyday on keeping things in order and on track to some healing and I try. Things are looking up and I can look back on all the wonder that my son still is in my life and always will be.

It definately wasn't enough time with him, but I am so happy for the moments I had. Jim

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To Jeff and Griffins moms.I certainly understand your feelings of

loss.My son Tyler was 17 when he was killed 11/24/04 in a car accident.

No goodbyes just the same I'll be home later but the later never came.I can't imagine living the rest of my life without him.I can't wait for heaven so I can see him again.

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griffinsmom

I had a baby 4 months ago, and I know she deserves better than me being eager to leave this (her) life to be reunited with Griffin- although I am not afraid of death because I will be with Griffin again. It is very counterproductive, yet reassuring to have these feelings. Maybe this is the "insanity" people are talking about. I am 45 years old, by the way. I miss my son, my best friend, so much....I can't imagine our lives without Griffin physically present. I guess we all have to accept the new form our relationship with our children has taken, and make the best of it?

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Griffinsmom, I am sorry that it has taken so long for a reply, but my nephew and his wife lost one of their identical twins in her 7th month of pregnancy due to complications with the baby being wrapped too tightly in its umbilical cord. It has been a hard week for my family. I am sure they are experiencing some of what you are going through, just like we all do. It is so hard when one loses a teenager and there are younger siblings invovled. It is hard to comprehend that our feelings for our child will interfer with our feelings for our child that is still with us. We know this is happening, but being able to solve it in the first months is going to be very hard. It is like we have to force ourselve to be loving and understanding because our emotions are running in overdrive and we just don't understand how to fix anything especially when it comes to the feeling we experience after the death of a child. It is just hard to feel, but we have to work at it so our other children don't have to go through more than they have already. I can tell you from experience this is easier said than done. I wish there was a simple answer, but you know in your heart you love your new baby as much as any mother does and although we have to work at it just hold them close and know they love you too.

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missingchris

Today is a day of endless crying, and a heartache so deep I feel bottomless. I can't seem to function, and am of no use to anyone. I can't see the end of this, and I feel like it's so important that I do. How am I supposed to be a Mom and a wife and feel like this? I feel weary to the depths of my soul, what's left of it. What do I say to make my 5 yr old understand that the desperate longing to be in heaven with Chris is something he needs to get past when I feel the same way? The logical part of me knows better. It tells me I need to fill the dishwasher and set out 2 books to read to him tonite, set dinner out for my husband, and the mundane things that I used to do without thinking about them. But now........ everything takes so much effort. And I'm running almost on empty. I too feel guilty about looking at each day, not as a day closer to watching my little one grow up, but one day closer to being with Chris. It's such a hard thought to banish. Maybe if I had a handful of close friends who were beside me through this, or family that wouldn't rather bury what happened, but every day seems to bring another person who looks at you like you have a disease that they could catch, one less invitation to play cards, one less call each week...... one less child that is allowed to come play with the one you have left. When everyone leaves you to be alone, then how do you fight the pain?

Then I read everyone else's posts, and feel guilty that I'm not fighting harder to get past this. So many have it worse than we do. But it ends up feeling like a cross that you carry and no matter who walks beside you, your cross seems like the biggest, the heaviest. When I have the strength again, you'll all be in my prayers. God bless all of you

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Becki- I wish SO MUCH I could come see you and hug you and cry with you and laugh, yes laugh as we share happy memories of our beautiful sons.

I had a day like yours 2 weeks ago... but I bottomed out, and it's been better ever since. Please remember that you will feel better, maybe even OK, someday. Just keep breathing. You know that Chris would want you to keep going and make a good life for yourself and your family.

Hugs

Joline

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Hi everyone,

I'm adding Pictures and websites and your "testimonials to your Angels" to my Jeff's site of Angel children who have died WAY before their time, and I wanted to ask you if i could include yours??

If yes, please just send me a picture and a website link (if you don't have a website, I'd love to include your Angel's picture (full name and date of birth & Heaven Date and anything else you want to add) and I'd LOVE to add your baby to my site... my email is merry1227@yahoo.com, and my Jeff's website is: http://www.freewebs.com/jeffreypeak

I'd just like to put them all there because I believe that our angels were the ones who somehow got us together, you know?

Take care, ok?

Hugs & Peace, Meredith

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Meredith, Jeff's site looks really festive for his birthday today. I know how hard it is going through these dates. They come and go and the feelings of loss we feel are so intense during these times. Just know I am thinking of you and Jeff today.

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Hello all,

First of all I would like to thank you all for our kind words and support as I went through Jeff's birthday and 4 month anniversary of his death...They helped SO MUCH!

I need to stop reading and posting for a little while because I'm just over overwhelmed with life in general and I feel so bad that I just don't have it in me at the moment to be supportive at all... which bothers me to no end...

Having a tough time with depression, thoughts of suicide (don't worry I won't, just thinking about it every once in a while), awful panic attacks and just so out of sorts - i can't stand this... I think I need to get passed this "What's The Point" phase...

I'm still working on the website and getting all of the Angels that people have sent me to put on my website - the count is up to 28!...but anyway I just want to say you're all in my thoughts & prayers.. and I'm sorry I just can't be there for anyone at the moment....it's so not like me!

If you need to contact me for whatever reason, my email is merry1227@yahoo.com

Take care & God Bless, Meredith

http://www.freewebs.com/jeffreypeak

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To all of you who have suffered the loss of a teen child; I acknowledge your overwhelming loss and grieve with you. I, too, am a bereaved parent of nine years, and have authored my first grief/self-help geared for parents who have lost a teenage son or daughter. Details of my book listed at www.sdspublishing.com - when ordering online, I offer a 45% discount to all the bereaved, their family and friends. To have your book personalized in memory of your loved one, please email me at SallysBook@aol.com -

I wish you all comfort, hope and peace in each new day.

Warmly,

Sally Silagy

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titoyginasmom

I am new to this site. I joined this afternoon after hitting what I guess would be termed "rock bottom." I spent most of the afternoon crying over what "most" people seem to think is nothing. I decorated the site where my two children died in a car wreck for St. Patrick's Day. Since I have been decorating for all holidays this shouldn't have bothered me, but today I sat there crying like there was no tomorrow. I just couldn't make myself even get up from the ground to leave.

See my two children died in a car wreck on the way to school last October 1st with two of their friends. Per both their wishes, and our family's beliefs I had them creamated so I have no grave to visit now. So I have no real way to "move on" as well meaning friends and even family has said to do. I feel so lost! I don't KNOW how to move on!

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Titoyginasmom, I don't know what to say when a parent has to live with the loss of two children. I lost my son Kirk and the grief was not explainable to anyone. The loss of two is just not imaginable to me.

I am so very sorry. First of all let me say that having been going through this pain since October is not a lot of time and if there are people around you that feel you should be getting on with your life then they of course have not experienced this and do not have any idea of how you are feeling. Therefore they shouldn't be making a diagnosis about how you should be getting along. That first year for me was a blur and to be honest there is not much about that year I remember except the constant feeling of pain and hurt and wondering about everything associated with what was happening in my life because of my son's death. He was on my mind 24/7 and there was hardly a moment I didn't think about him. That is the natural thing that is going on in your life now and unless another experiences this they have no idea. If you have no place to visit your children because their ashes were placed else where or scattered then I might suggest you go back to place where you had a good time with the kids and use that as your permanent place to be with them. If there is a place where their ashes were scattered that would be the same in my mind as having them buried at a cemetary. I truly believe they are watching over us and know how much we miss them, but they also know that eventually we will be better and able to get into a life that is different because of their deaths. Our lives will never be the same again no matter how long our lives are. I can tell you that eventually we do feel better and are able to laugh again and have a good time, that doesn't mean we don't miss them with all our heart and soul, it just means we have come to a different place in our sorrow and pain. If you need to talk this is a good place to just vent when one needs to. Jim

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Titoyginasmom... Jim is so right with all of the comments he added. Although I do not as often return to the site. I lost my son Mikey in May 2001. He will be celebrating his 4th angel day in about 6 weeks. Not for religious beliefs, oddly enough my children and I discussed if we should die what sort of party would we have. My son, very clear told me he wanted to sit on my coffee table so I could sit and watch TV with him. That is where he is.

I am not sure if you released your children's ashes or if you still have the container but either way having something tangible to hold can add comfort and add to a place of belonging. If your children's ashes were release, maybe you can take a container and find momentos of each of your children and put in it the container. Then you can any time you want, pick them up, even lay down with them.

Honestly I can not tell you how many times I would take a nap and have Mikey's container under the blanket. Or I would simply take him in the car, put the seat belt on and do a road trip. I have traveled with him to hawaii, london and other places as well. After all I couldn't leave him at home.

Jim again is so right when he adds the first year was a blur... I think I can add when I think of how it is possible for three and a half years to have gone by... it still is a blur. The difference now even knowing it's been a blur, you do cope with it better, you breath a little easier, things just come to a place.

I can not imagine the magnitude of losing two children, my heart aches for you.

and know this site became a place where I could go do anytime, day or night, laugh or cry, share and grieve.

I am so sorry that you have the need to be here. But I am glad you did find this group of people who really do understand

God Bless..

Terry

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Titoyginasmom,

My heart goes out to you. I cannot imagine the pain of losing two children as the pain of losing my daughter has been unbearable. You are in my prayers. I am still traveling the first year of this grief journey and I am still in a haze. This is definately the place to come to, to talk, to cry, to rant, whatever. Everyone understands. Have you considered planting a tree or garden for your children? If you don't have a yard, maybe a container garden. A day does not go by that I don't think of Ashley in every thought. I am constantly trying to think of ways to memorialize her. I have had my girls tatooed on me, I have had jewelry made, I have had her cellphone message put into a build-a-bear so that I will always have her voice. All of these things have been helpful. May God bless you and yours, Dottie

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Dear Jen, Chris and Everyone here,

I am trying to give good advice here. It's difficult for me as I am 800 miles away from my family (siblings). I don't know if that is a good or bad thing. I don't have the comments or opinions to deal with like you guys. I just stay pretty much isolated from situation on purpose. I have tunnel vision...don't get me wrong I do the everyday things but I just avoid certain situations. I have learned how to time and place myself and I just avoid situations that are uncomfortable for me. From the beginning I knew that nobody could take my pain away. If anyone says anything negative to me which doesn't happen really because I don't let it by putting myself in that position...Occassionally if that were to happen I have an honest rely and they usually quiet down. It takes alot of work on my part and is difficult as my energy level is low anyway. If I were you guys I would suggest that you have an arsenal of replies for people that you keep up your sleave and ready to go. Just things that will stop the comments and make them think about how inconsiderate they are being. Reclaim your position here. You know in your heart that you were/are #l in their lives...Claim that and stand firm....don't let anybody take that away. I guess because I am so far away from my support system that I am only really exposed to my neighbors and community...that is lonely because most people don't know what to say and just act like life must be back to normal for me...They have absolutely no idea what life is like for me! I just look at people now and think to myself enjoy life because you never know when you will be in my position. I hope that I am showing people what dignity and grace is all about. I miss my husband more with each passing day and can honestly say it is not getting easier for me. I struggle each and everyday. I wake up in the middle of the night sad and lonely for him, I wake in the morning thinking I have to get thru another day without him. I think of all his suffering and the cross he had to carry and now I am carrying that cross. I think what it will be like when we meet again? Will this time suffering here without him seem like a flash of a second and it will all be worth it? Will that love then outweigh the love we had when he was here? I think about what is keeping me from loosing my mind with this profound grief? I wonder if I will ever find my zest and love for life again, truely and without faking it? A priest at our church said once that the closest to heaven we will ever experience while here on earth is when we have that intimate relationship with our "soulmate"...I remember agreeing with him when he said that....now, my husband is gone...what do I do now....I just ache from this void in my life...I am actually short of breathe from the anxiety of it all.....I just don't know how I can get over this and feel whole again. It seems everything for me has been shattered. I'm not certain time can heal this kind of pain no matter how strong I am. And, right now I am so angry after watching the news of that child sex offender killing that little girl in Fl. Why would a piece of _ _ _ _ like that be able to live on in this world and all the good ones are taken from us???? That is the stuff that sends me flying and I will never ever understand.......................................

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titoyginasmom

I want to thank Kirksdad, Terryd, and Ashleysmom for the wonderful reponses to my post. Looking back and reading it now it is a wonder you were even able to understand it. **smile** I do have some things in my "memorial cabinet" that belonged to the kids. I have my son's Army rank, medals, and parts of his uniform even. I have my daughter's JRROTC ribbon rack, name tag, favorite neck scarf, and a teddy bear. I have some rose bushes we have planted now that the weather is warming up outside that I can "mother." I tend to their crash site all the time. I even decorate it with the changing seasons. Since they were killed on such a busy road, I do it partly for me, partly in their honor, and parlty to remind other teens to slow down.

My son's Army unit has kept in touch, and has been wonderful. See, my son would have graduated in January then went to Iraq at the end of January. He was so very, very proud to serve his country! A few of the children's friend's have stayed in touch, though they seem to feel unsure how to act around me.

My two surviving children have begun to go places with their friends again. At first I would have full blown painic attacks, but I am getting better now with the idea that they are in cars with other teens. Our priest says that the kids had both been in to see him just days before they were killed..so I know they made their peace. I know where they are, I know I will see them again. It is the day to day living that is getting me right now. Some days I can barely function at all. Some days are better than others. I made a cd of some of the children's favorite music that I play in my truck. It drives my husband crazy, but it brings me peace. I have been hearing it for years, so it makes it seem, if only for a second, like they are there with me.

God Bless you all...

Kathie

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