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sudden death of brother


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I am very sorry about the loss of your brother. I lost my brother years ago suddenly, in a car accident. It was two days before Christmas. We were all in shock and devastated. 

 

What feelings are you feeling? If it has only been a short while, you are probably still reeling, like everything is in slow motion, and perhaps even a weird fog, like a surreal nightmare. 

 

We will be here for you,

ModKonnie

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I would like to talk with someone who has lost a Brother or sister suddenly and about the feelings related to that. I lost my Brother for brain aneyrysm.

 

I lost my brother 2 days before christmas 2014. I am still struggling and although many say with time it gets better? truth is for me its not! I miss him so much and find life a struggle now. I feel completely alone and yet I have two sisters and a mother but still i wish my best friend and my brother was my life.

 

For the first few weeks I felt numb and could not accept it and tryed to stay strong for my family. even at the time of his death when it came time to withdraw life support it was surreal, like a strange haze i was in. My brother was on life support for 4 days and his passing was sudden to us, we did not expect it. Although my family seemed to have done well at accepting and moving on I am left feeling cold and alone.

 

I cant explain the loneliness its difficult to put it to words, but, day after day I feel no better and the time moves slowly for me. the endless days of missing him are just slowly wearing me down.

 

daily I may smile, talk and pass the time of day, but, inside I am dead and the sorrow sits on my brain like a blanket clouding my reasoning and making each day a task just to do the simplist things.

 

Truth be told I am heartbroken! I dont know what to do and how to stop this feeling. I feel that I have given in on life now and for my family's sake I will just live its day to day drudgery. I will do my best for them but I really don't want it anymore the thought of seeing the rest of this life without my bro is a dagger in my heart!

 

Everywhere I go i see Billy, my little brother, places, memories and times we shared, I sit in his seat at my mums and see his guitar standing there lonely in the corner and my heart just aches. I can't describe this pain. I have loved and lost before but nothing in my life compares to the feeling I have now.

 

Life has taken its toll on me and this was the last straw, I feel it stabbed me in the heart and smiled while it turned the knife. before this I thought as a family we had come through so much and because of that we where strong and learned from it but, no, nothing could have ever prepared me for this.

 

I guess what I wanted to say was words of wisdom and something comforting but ubfortunately I have nothing that can numb that pain and ease that burdon except to share what I feel so others whom feel like me know they are not the only ones to feel this and in that maybe there is a solice that we are truly not alone and that there are others, whom share the ubderstanding, anguish, loneliness and pain of loss.

 

I hope that in time I will live again i really don't know but all I know is tomorrow is going to be the same as today and just another day to add to this endless pain and longing.

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Hi Paulj,

My younger sister died at the beginning of February and I can completely relate to how you feel.

All her belongings are still lying about the family home and it's impossible to imagine that she'll never touch them again.

Sleep is the only solace for me (not that I sleep well) and then all too soon I have to wake up again and face yet another day in my new fake life. I go through the motions of showering, eating breakfast, going to work, but there is no joy or smiles or pleasure in anything. I can't concentrate and I'm in a bubble where I can see my old life but I can't access it anymore.

People at work and friends are supportive for a while but now I know they get bored or want to avoid asking about my sister because they never get a positive answer, just an honest one which makes them uncomfortable.

I'm in such anguish and feel so miserable and lost. It's sunny weather today and instead of enjoying it like I used to I just think "Francesca will never see a sunny day again". It tears me up. I don't think I'll ever be truly happy again. We were best friends and would speak to each other every day. I just don't have that bond and love with anyone else. Even when I get used to this (which I can't imagine being possible but I guess is that happens) I know everything will be tinged with sadness because my sister is dead. It's so, so difficult to process and accept.

All we can do is keep going, because we don't have a choice.

Xx

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It made me tear up to read your post because I remember all too well the first weeks and months after my brother died suddenly from a heroin overdose. The pain in that initial stage is overpowering and unbearable. It has now been almost 14 months since my brother died. I just said yesterday to my friend, I still can't believe that he's really gone. I think about him and miss him and feel sad every single day. But some days are better than others. The pain that plagued me in the beginning has lifted. Yes, it still hurts every day, but I am able to smile through my tears and to focus on my work and all the good, amazing things in my life. I can look at his picture and talk to him and I dream of him. Some times it becomes too much and I sob my heart out and I want to scream. But that's ok.

What I'm trying to say is...the pain does not go away but it gets EASIER. You learn to live with the sadness. That sounds painful in itself, but our siblings were such a vital part of out lives, of course the pain is not going to disappear! Their memory will live on in your heart until your dying breath when you are reunited.

Just breathe. Cry, write a letter, talk about the good times, look at pictures and allow yourself to feel everything you need to feel. And then have a bubble bath and listen to relaxing music, do something lovely to pamper yourself and make yourself feel better. You have been through so much already, you need to take such good care of yourself right now.

I am here if you want to talk or vent. Take care. I'm thinking of you xoxo

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Hi Kellie86 I found your post really inspiring, thank you.

We haven't even had a funeral for my sister yet (she died in China and they are taking forever to send her back). Until then I feel like I'm in some sort of suspended reality; I was in utter despair for the first 4 weeks but these last 2 weeks I've almost 'switched off' from this, and I know a big part of me is just hoping she's still off in China having a lovely time. There's no hope of moving forward until we have a funeral. Not that I want one because I don't want this to be real. But thank you for your post- it was nice to read and offers hope in what feels like a hopeless situation xx

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Paulina36

I am very sorry for your loss, I as well have just recently lost my older brother (he was 34 years old) I lost my brother to complications during/following a seizure (SUDEP) I wish I could help you with regards to the feelings,the pain the confusion the surreal moments that just don't seem possible. I am still working through this unimaginable hurdle that life has placed in front of me, some days are better then others but I have yet to experience a solid good day and I ask myself if or when will one come my way. I wish i could say "I know what your going through" but I don't, everyones situation is so different, but I have similarities and I do feel for you. Im so sorry

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Sarahleg

Hello. 
 

I lost my brother 2 weeks ago. I have been reading everyones posts on this website and I’m so scared for what the future has to offer. My brother died suddenly and it has forever changed our entire family. Even as I am writing now I still have that hope in the back of my head that this just a nightmare and I’m going to wake up. My family has always been very lucky with no exposures to close family deaths till this nightmare has occurred. Sometimes I feel the pain of watching my parents struggle is more heart wrenching then anything. Until the guilt of being angry at my brother for leaving us like this kicks in that for me has been unbearable. I have never in my life been so mad and so heartbroken at the exact same moment. I miss him so much but I’m so mad at the devastation, the hurt and all the missed experiences that we will never get to share. This has changed my entire way of thinking and my view on the world. Even the feeling of empathy that I have for other people has completely changed once you really experience how fragile life is and how precious time really is. This is something you really don’t know till you love someone completely and you run out of this. That no money or convincing will let you have back any of that time. 
 

i only have one question how has anyone’s parents dealt with the loss of your sibling. I am terrified for my mother and constantly worried she will not make it through this. 
 

so sorry to go on for so long. 

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Rachel42
18 hours ago, Sarahleg said:

Hello. 
 

I lost my brother 2 weeks ago. I have been reading everyones posts on this website and I’m so scared for what the future has to offer. My brother died suddenly and it has forever changed our entire family. Even as I am writing now I still have that hope in the back of my head that this just a nightmare and I’m going to wake up. My family has always been very lucky with no exposures to close family deaths till this nightmare has occurred. Sometimes I feel the pain of watching my parents struggle is more heart wrenching then anything. Until the guilt of being angry at my brother for leaving us like this kicks in that for me has been unbearable. I have never in my life been so mad and so heartbroken at the exact same moment. I miss him so much but I’m so mad at the devastation, the hurt and all the missed experiences that we will never get to share. This has changed my entire way of thinking and my view on the world. Even the feeling of empathy that I have for other people has completely changed once you really experience how fragile life is and how precious time really is. This is something you really don’t know till you love someone completely and you run out of this. That no money or convincing will let you have back any of that time. 
 

i only have one question how has anyone’s parents dealt with the loss of your sibling. I am terrified for my mother and constantly worried she will not make it through this. 
 

so sorry to go on for so long.

Hi Sarah, 

My brother passed away 6 weeks ago. My mom is doing terribly, and I’m taking care of her most of the time. I am trying to get her professional help, but in covid times, everyone seems to be booked. She has struggled with addictions for a long time, but with my brothers passing her suicidal thoughts and drinking in particular have increased dramatically. I’m not often able to grieve myself. 
When I do though, I also am very mad and upset about all of the future plans my brother and I had together. I feel completely alone and like I don’t have a family anymore. My brother also changed all my views on the world. He was the kindness person I know and I hope I learned enough from his sweet heart to be someone he’d be proud of. I am humbled by the fragility of life and feel somehow closer to the human condition. 
I’m educating myself as best I can to assist my mom and gather local resources and services to help her too. I’m terrified for my mother too. 

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Sarahleg

Honestly it is the worst feeling in the world. When your hiding in a room and quickly have to cover your tears to make sure that they don’t see you upset. Or your trying to hide away little reminders so they are not triggered as well. I’m so sorry for your loss. 

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I just lost my brother 2 days before Christmas.  In the midst of COVID, it is devastating.  My family are strong in our faith.  We spent a lovely day with him, and he cooked dinner - red Chile enchiladas.  The next morning he died suddenly from a heart attack at the age of 43.  I find solace because I know that heaven is real, and my brother is certainly there.  

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ChaseR89

I lost my brother Nov 18th 2019... He was taken from us in a way we never thought. He was murdered.

The death of a loved one is the hardest thing ever.

All the regrets come to surface. It doesn’t help either when people tell you not to have those feelings of regret. Even if an ever so small part of you knows what they are saying is true.

In death all the things big and small come to surface. Things that you could of done different, better, shouldn’t of done, should of said, shouldn’t of said, more I love yous, and/or less time spent apart.

The dreams of them start to hurt. Because it’s fleeting moments of them but you don’t physically have them with you. They look the same and sound the same. But that hug isn’t real, the smell they had isn’t there, and that kiss on your head you don’t feel. You wake up at 3am in silent tears to make sure not to wake anyone. Your chest empty, trying to catch your breath, eyes opening and closing so fast to chase the tears away.

People tell you it gets easier but when? The saying “they would want you to live for them” or “you have to stay here cause that’s what they’d want” starts to annoy you and burden you. Yes it’s true, but the why sets it....WHY am I here carrying this feeling that’s indescribable!? WHY do I HAVE to carry on living?! WHY can’t we change places?! WHY are they gone?! WHY WHY WHY.... so many why’s.

Then the hows creep in to keep the whys company... HOW am going to live on!? HOW am I supposed to push the regrets aside?? HOW do I make it through milestone moments without them?? HOW HOW HOW... so many how’s.

But you push through every day not saying anything... smiling... even joking... just doing this to get by. You start to not talk about it much anymore because it’s a broken record. You don’t even talk to the ones closest to you because you’re too depressed, too tired from restless nights, and mentally drained from the constant days of pushing.


Sent from my iPhone using Grieving.com

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Hi Rachel -

My brother died 2 days before Christmas.  Completely unexpected.  We are grappling with this and leaning heavily in our belief in God.  We also joined a recent grief group through a local division of Compassionate Friends.  I am learning that connecting with others who have felt loss is important.  It is important to work through the emotions, and everyone grieves differently.  If you want any Christian resources, I know of some great books - if you are interested.  Many blessings.  Thinking of you. 

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hi my brother passed away from bowel cancer aged 44 may 2019, its been the toughest time for myself and and family as he was a massive character  , my brother and I had a deep bond, and now  I feel completely lost with out him, its  affecting my relationship , with my partner ,children and my other siblings I  feel myself drifting away at times and wishing I could be with him,  I Just feel that  I Should be further ahead like my other siblings getting on with life but my brother was everything to me , and I just don't feel that with anyone else , that makes me feel like  bad sister. selfish in my own grief .

I'm in the process of grief counselling for a second time , but i just cant seem to get out of this black hole , because i miss him soo much my heart just feels crushed.

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