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I recently lost my dog and am lost myself now


michellem

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It has been just over two weeks since I lost my dog and I cannot stop crying.  Shadow would have been 15 years old in April and although he was somewhat frail, it was so unexpected how we lost him.  The night before he ate fine and even had his favorite ice cream (just licked the bowl).  He was up often that night and appeared to be falling down a few times that we thought was his arthritis.  In the very early hours of the AM, he laid down by the bed barking (not on the bed as he usually slept) and we put him on the bed and he just laid there with his eyes open, but with a swollen stomach.  We called the vet and brought him in and she said he may have had a mass in his stomach that ruptured and inquired what our expectations were.  While they gave us time to be with him, he stopped breathing on his own.  The most difficult thing ever was to leave him after he died.  I keep having flashbacks to that and him barking that morning trying to tell us that he was hurt.  I can't sleep at night and the house feels so empty without him.

I thought we were prepared for it since he was old and a big dog, but nothing prepares you for how you are going to feel after.  It's like I still can't believe he is gone and yet, I feel like part of me died along with him.  I read others stories on how some are comforted by the memories - I hope to feel that someday.  For now, I only feel hurt and guilt that we should have done something else for him.  I also wish I could believe that I will be with him again someday - that is even hard for me to understand right now.  The vet said we had bonus years with him and I although I agree, it still doesn't help with the way I feel now.  Thanks so much for listening to my story - any suggestions to help cope with this loss from others experiences would be appreciated.  Michelle

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 [user=26867]michellem[/user] wrote:

It has been just over two weeks since I lost my dog and I cannot stop crying.  Shadow would have been 15 years old in April and although he was somewhat frail, it was so unexpected how we lost him.  The night before he ate fine and even had his favorite ice cream (just licked the bowl).  He was up often that night and appeared to be falling down a few times that we thought was his arthritis.  In the very early hours of the AM, he laid down by the bed barking (not on the bed as he usually slept) and we put him on the bed and he just laid there with his eyes open, but with a swollen stomach.  We called the vet and brought him in and she said he may have had a mass in his stomach that ruptured and inquired what our expectations were.  While they gave us time to be with him, he stopped breathing on his own.  The most difficult thing ever was to leave him after he died.  I keep having flashbacks to that and him barking that morning trying to tell us that he was hurt.  I can't sleep at night and the house feels so empty without him.

I thought we were prepared for it since he was old and a big dog, but nothing prepares you for how you are going to feel after.  It's like I still can't believe he is gone and yet, I feel like part of me died along with him.  I read others stories on how some are comforted by the memories - I hope to feel that someday.  For now, I only feel hurt and guilt that we should have done something else for him.  I also wish I could believe that I will be with him again someday - that is even hard for me to understand right now.  The vet said we had bonus years with him and I although I agree, it still doesn't help with the way I feel now.  Thanks so much for listening to my story - any suggestions to help cope with this loss from others experiences would be appreciated.  Michelle

Hey, you are bound to feel bad after losing your friend - you had him for almost 15 years and that is a long time.  You built up a bond with him, you knew him, his funny little ways.  Our animals are part of our lives, they live with us, they are there in the good and the bad times, giving us unconditional love and loyalty - when they go, they leave a huge paw shaped hole in our heart.

There is no set way to grieve.  Grieving is so very personal to each individual.  Crying is the most natural way of showing how much we love and miss our loved ones.  Crying is good for releasing stress and sadness - don't hold it back.  Going over those final last moments reminds us just how painful loving an animal can be.  You did all you could for Shadow and it was beyond your understanding what was going on inside of him.

Take each day slowly - the pain will ease with time, but the memories always stay.  If you want to think of something positive to do in Shadow's memory.  I love poetry and this sometimes is a good way of putting down our feelings.  I usually post on loss of a child, as I lost my son some time ago.  I also lost my dog about 4 months before my son and as it was his dog, this was particularly difficult.  She had cancer in her stomach and we made the decision to put her to sleep.  It was so hard.  Since then we have lost another two dogs - we have giant breed dogs so they only live a short while.  But each one is so precious to us.  When they go, I sometimes write a poem in their memory.  I find this helps.

Hugs

Gerry x

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celebratelife

My deepest sympathies go out to you for the loss of your dog.  Many people, including myself, treat their pets as their own children.  The loss you are feeling is normal.  Your dog was in your life for 15 years and that is a long time.  The bond humans have with dogs and all pets is very strong and it will take some time to begin to heal and move on with your life.  I had a beagle named Snoopy and he passed away almost 10 years ago and I still remember back to his puppy days!  I created an online memorial website for him.  http://www.Snoopy.EternalAngels.net.  It was a great way to think back on the memories we shared together.  I hope you are feeling better.  Your original post was at the beginning of February, are you doing better now?  I look forward to hearing an update!

 

Erik Bledsoe

My Personal Blog – http://www.SurfMyName.info

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Michelle,  I'm so sorry for the loss of your dear Shadow......I know 1st hand several times over what you are feeling.   I was single for many years and my dogs were always my 'children"-  I was blessed with a strong maternal instinct, but did not marry and have children until I was in my mid 30's, so my dogs fulfilled that role for me for many years.  I always had such a hard time understanding why we can love pets SO much and only be allowed to have them for a few short years.......it seems so cruel, doesn't it? 

My worst one was my dog Kit-  he was my 1st show dog and I got him when i was 19 years old.  I was so proud of him,  trained him myself and showed him to his championship.  He was so special,  and comforted me and kept me sane through many years of depression.  I took him in to the vet one day to have a cracked tooth removed. he was only 7 years old.  my vet called me at work an hour or later and me know he had passed away under the anesthesia-  I felt like I had been hit by a bus.  It was so unexpected, and so sudden,  I just couldn't fathom why this had happened.  It turned out that he had some kidney problems we didn't know about ( back then,  they didn't routinely screen pre-op like they do now)  and his system couldn't process the anesthesia.  He likely would have died a longer, slower death, which would have been impossible for me to deal with-  ultimately ( it took  many years) I realized this was the best way to have to lose him .  I prayed during those painful weeks and month after losing him that his death and that experience would have some greater meaning.  I found that meaning a few weeks ago when my dad passed away. 

I got a call, not unlike that call many years ago,  that my dad had passed away.   he was 81,  very healthy and active, we had just seen him a few weeks before when he and my mom came to visit us.   he had gone out to his car to go to my sisters to do his wood working in his shop, and passed away just as he turned the key to start his car,  that quick he was gone.  my mom and nephew found him several hours later.

my first thought as I hung up the phone from my sisters call,  was,  I know how to do this....I don't WANT to do this,  but I do know how.   I got through losing kit,  ( as well as many others since then) ,  if nothing else,  God taught me how to cope through those pets.  I miss my dad terribly,  but I could have never watched him die a slow death from some awful cancer or stroke-  no one can ask for a better death than he had.  He was the 1st person I was close to that I have lost,  and I am 45 years old........

Looking back I am so grateful for ALL of the things my pets taught me- they were practice for raising children, and having responsibilities,  they taught me about loving uncondtionally, and in the end,  they taught me about dealing with the death of someone I loved.  Amazing gifts ............ Jen

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