fiance died of heart attack in our house. anyone else experienced this?

[Barbara J]

I'm so sorry for your loss:(

[KayC]

57 minutes ago, McRalph said:

I will not let his legacy be that he destroyed me.  He was my biggest supporter and he gave me so much unconditional love.  I carry that forward with me every single day.

That is beautiful and I applaud your positive outlook!  I am very sorry for your loss.    We'd like to be here for you as you go through this, so I am glad you found this place.   

I want to share an article I wrote of the things I've found helpful over the years, in the hopes something will be of help to you either now or on down the road.

TIPS TO MAKE YOUR WAY THROUGH GRIEF

There's no way to sum up how to go on in a simple easy answer, but I encourage you to read the other threads here, little by little you will learn how to make your way through this.  I do want to give you some pointers though, of some things I've learned on my journey.

• Take one day at a time.  The Bible says each day has enough trouble of it's own, I've found that to be true, so don't bite off more than you can chew.  It can be challenging enough just to tackle today.  I tell myself, I only have to get through today.  Then I get up tomorrow and do it all over again.  To think about the "rest of my life" invites anxiety.
• Don't be afraid, grief may not end but it evolves.  The intensity lessens eventually.
• Visit your doctor.  Tell them about your loss, any troubles sleeping, suicidal thoughts, anxiety attacks.  They need to know these things in order to help you through it...this is all part of grief.
• Suicidal thoughts are common in early grief.  If they're reoccurring, call a suicide hotline.  I felt that way early on, but then realized it wasn't that I wanted to die so much as I didn't want to go through what I'd have to face if I lived.  Back to taking a day at a time.  Suicide Hotline - Call 1-800-273-8255 or www.crisis textline.org or US and Canada: text 741741 UK: text 85258 | Ireland: text 50808
• Give yourself permission to smile.  It is not our grief that binds us to them, but our love, and that continues still.
• Try not to isolate too much.  
• There's a balance to reach between taking time to process our grief, and avoiding it...it's good to find that balance for yourself.  We can't keep so busy as to avoid our grief, it has a way of haunting us, finding us, and demanding we pay attention to it!  Some people set aside time every day to grieve.  I didn't have to, it searched and found me!
• Self-care is extremely important, more so than ever.  That person that would have cared for you is gone, now you're it...learn to be your own best friend, your own advocate, practice self-care.  You'll need it more than ever.
• Recognize that your doctor isn't trained in grief, find a professional grief counselor that is.  We need help finding ourselves through this maze of grief, knowing where to start, etc.  They have not only the knowledge, but the resources.
• In time, consider a grief support group.  If your friends have not been through it themselves, they may not understand what you're going through, it helps to find someone somewhere who DOES "get it". 
• Be patient, give yourself time.  There's no hurry or timetable about cleaning out belongings, etc.  They can wait, you can take a year, ten years, or never deal with it.  It's okay, it's what YOU are comfortable with that matters.  
• Know that what we are comfortable with may change from time to time.  That first couple of years I put his pictures up, took them down, up, down, depending on whether it made me feel better or worse.  Finally, they were up to stay.
• Consider a pet.  Not everyone is a pet fan, but I've found that my dog helps immensely.  It's someone to love, someone to come home to, someone happy to see me, someone that gives me a purpose...I have to come home and feed him.  Besides, they're known to relieve stress.  Well maybe not in the puppy stage when they're chewing up everything, but there's older ones to adopt if you don't relish that stage.
• Make yourself get out now and then.  You may not feel interest in anything, things that interested you before seem to feel flat now.  That's normal.  Push yourself out of your comfort zone just a wee bit now and then.  Eating out alone, going to a movie alone or church alone, all of these things are hard to do at first.  You may feel you flunked at it, cried throughout, that's okay, you did it, you tried, and eventually you get a little better at it.  If I waited until I had someone to do things with I'd be stuck at home a lot.
• Keep coming here.  We've been through it and we're all going through this together.
• Look for joy in every day.  It will be hard to find at first, but in practicing this, it will change your focus so you can embrace what IS rather than merely focusing on what ISN'T.  It teaches you to live in the present and appreciate fully.  You have lost your big joy in life, and all other small joys may seem insignificant in comparison, but rather than compare what used to be to what is, learn the ability to appreciate each and every small thing that comes your way...a rainbow, a phone call from a friend, unexpected money, a stranger smiling at you, whatever the small joy, embrace it.  It's an art that takes practice and is life changing if you continue it.
• Eventually consider volunteering.  It helps us when we're outward focused, it's a win/win.

(((hugs))) Praying for you today.

[Carla0904]

So sorry for your loss. My boyfriend also had blocked arteries and that caused a blood clot and the clot caused his heart to stop and acute type of heart failure! It’s the worst thing I’ve ever been through! I wanted to go see him in the chapel of rest but his mum put a lock on and totally took over because she has a lot of guilt about their relationship but that’s another story! I never got chance to say bye and tell him I loved him and fought to save him! It rally hurts me but I know he was with me and I hope his soul stayed here with me! Stay strong! Lots of love to you and your children xx

[KayC]

Oh Carla, no one should go through that, it is probably as you say, she's probably out of her mind with grief, but to treat you this way is inexcusable.  You can talk aloud to him, I do, no one has hauled me off for it yet!  Neither can anyone prove he can't hear me so I keep talking to him...

[djtnjt]

On Tuesday, June 8, 2021 I did my usual thing in the morning before work. I noticed that my husband was up more than usual during the night. I got dressed and stood between my husbands legs as he sat on the bed. He put his head on my chest. I held him and we discussed the day ahead and I asked him if he was feeling okay. My husband said yes hon. You see my husband has had chronic pain since his botched knee replacements surgeries starting in 2008 through 2010. He managed his pain with aspirin and IB and the last few years a bit of pot. Back to June 8. He got up picked up the cat and as I did every morning I kissed the cat and my husband on his lips. At 0749 I received a test message "Morn, hon  ", I instantly replied with I love u! It was part of what we did to stay connected. Later that afternoon I sent him "Hi my guys!" No response but no big deal he offer worked around the house and maybe he did not have his phone. A couple of hours later I called him, no answer. Maybe he is taking a nap. I called again after I had it received a message or call. He usually sends me a message saying what we are having for dinner. I got home at 1800 hrs. Walk through the door, hon I'm home! He's not in the kitchen which he usually is because he loves to cook and we have a chair for the cat to help cook. The cat Francious walked to me gave me a few hello noises. I walked towards our bedroom I see his legs. I walk in and I think he's playing with me he was sitting up in bed leaning to his left side. Arms near his face eyes closed. I tried to move his hands from his face but they would not move. I put my hand on his face he was freezing! He had spilled his coffee, and his yogurt was partially spilled on the bed and in his bowl of graham crackers and his laptop had slipped off his lap! I started screaming, "NOT my Dan!" Dan Dan Dan honey wake up! I walked out of the room fell on the floor and realized like a robot dialed 911. The lady says get him off the bed, I was yelling he's dead, she said try to pull him off the bed! I tried over and over but he was too heavy. She told me to make sure he's on his back and to start CPR. I got on the bed on my knees and started CPR but it was hard to do because his arms were in the way. I was counting and yelling he's dead he's dead he's in rigor mortis! She said don't stop giving him CPR until someone comes to relieve you! All I remember after that was the Sheriffs were there and someone took me off the bed. My pain is horrific! My husband and I were truly best of friends and lovers for 26 years. He died one month after his 66th Birthday. It feels like yesterday my brilliant (brilliant mind so freaking smart very giving handsome) husband died but it feels like I haven't seen or felt him for a lifetime! My husband did not have any heart issues great cholesterol numbers all good... Coroner said it was an instant heart attack. I kept asking her if I was home could I have saved his life? She said no it was a split second. I said, but he had never had any heart issues. She said that she knows many people who died instantly that are very fit and had no signs of any issues. She said he died between 0900 and 1000. A few days later I was looking at the history on his laptop he loved research of history geography etc ... At 0934 he played his Pinochle game at 0935 he was at a couple of different news websites. So he died after 0935 so the Coroner was right. I'm rattling on but it hurts so much! Thank you for listening. I ache for him!

[Anaana]

@djtnjt Hello dear, I'm so sorry for your loss. Just letting you know that I have been through the same, I lost my other half at only 30 years old with the same explanation. His heart just stopped. The pain is unbearable in the beginning, but please try not to completely lose hope and take one little step at a time, and you will see that you will start to slowly bear the pain a little bit more. Hang in there and keep coming here, it certainly did help me a lot. What they told you about the "if you have been there" scenario is probably true, I was next to him and did cpr immediately, and still did not manage to save him. Sometimes there is nothing you can do. Always here to talk. XX

[KayC]

@djtnjt  I am so sorry!  It must have been quite the shock, my husband died of a sudden heart attack,very unexpected, he wasn't a bit overweight, had just had his 51st birthday.  I didn't see how I could live one week without him!  How the sun could go on shining!  Everything in my life was before and after that moment in time.  It's been 16 years now.

I wish no one experienced this!  All I know is, somehow we do get through this, when we think we cannot possibly...eventually the intensity of pain begins to lessen some, into something we can carry inside of us.  It takes much time to process our grief, longer still to find purpose, and even more time to build a life we can live.  It took me many years, but everyone's timetable is unique, just as they are and our relationships are.  Try not to worry about how long anything takes, just do today, get up and do today, that is enough.  If you can get dressed and eat something, drink some water, it is enough.  Try to remember to breathe.  I hope you'll continue coming here and reading/posting, it helps to express yourself where others "get it."  You're not alone here.

I want to share an article I wrote of the things I've found helpful over the years, in the hopes something will be of help to you either now or on down the road.

TIPS TO MAKE YOUR WAY THROUGH GRIEF

There's no way to sum up how to go on in a simple easy answer, but I encourage you to read the other threads here, little by little you will learn how to make your way through this.  I do want to give you some pointers though, of some things I've learned on my journey.

• Take one day at a time.  The Bible says each day has enough trouble of it's own, I've found that to be true, so don't bite off more than you can chew.  It can be challenging enough just to tackle today.  I tell myself, I only have to get through today.  Then I get up tomorrow and do it all over again.  To think about the "rest of my life" invites anxiety.
• Don't be afraid, grief may not end but it evolves.  The intensity lessens eventually.
• Visit your doctor.  Tell them about your loss, any troubles sleeping, suicidal thoughts, anxiety attacks.  They need to know these things in order to help you through it...this is all part of grief.
• Suicidal thoughts are common in early grief.  If they're reoccurring, call a suicide hotline.  I felt that way early on, but then realized it wasn't that I wanted to die so much as I didn't want to go through what I'd have to face if I lived.  Back to taking a day at a time.  Suicide Hotline - Call 1-800-273-8255 or www.crisis textline.org or US and Canada: text 741741 UK: text 85258 | Ireland: text 50808
• Give yourself permission to smile.  It is not our grief that binds us to them, but our love, and that continues still.
• Try not to isolate too much.  
• There's a balance to reach between taking time to process our grief, and avoiding it...it's good to find that balance for yourself.  We can't keep so busy as to avoid our grief, it has a way of haunting us, finding us, and demanding we pay attention to it!  Some people set aside time every day to grieve.  I didn't have to, it searched and found me!
• Self-care is extremely important, more so than ever.  That person that would have cared for you is gone, now you're it...learn to be your own best friend, your own advocate, practice self-care.  You'll need it more than ever.
• Recognize that your doctor isn't trained in grief, find a professional grief counselor that is.  We need help finding ourselves through this maze of grief, knowing where to start, etc.  They have not only the knowledge, but the resources.
• In time, consider a grief support group.  If your friends have not been through it themselves, they may not understand what you're going through, it helps to find someone somewhere who DOES "get it". 
• Be patient, give yourself time.  There's no hurry or timetable about cleaning out belongings, etc.  They can wait, you can take a year, ten years, or never deal with it.  It's okay, it's what YOU are comfortable with that matters.  
• Know that what we are comfortable with may change from time to time.  That first couple of years I put his pictures up, took them down, up, down, depending on whether it made me feel better or worse.  Finally, they were up to stay.
• Consider a pet.  Not everyone is a pet fan, but I've found that my dog helps immensely.  It's someone to love, someone to come home to, someone happy to see me, someone that gives me a purpose...I have to come home and feed him.  Besides, they're known to relieve stress.  Well maybe not in the puppy stage when they're chewing up everything, but there's older ones to adopt if you don't relish that stage.
• Make yourself get out now and then.  You may not feel interest in anything, things that interested you before seem to feel flat now.  That's normal.  Push yourself out of your comfort zone just a wee bit now and then.  Eating out alone, going to a movie alone or church alone, all of these things are hard to do at first.  You may feel you flunked at it, cried throughout, that's okay, you did it, you tried, and eventually you get a little better at it.  If I waited until I had someone to do things with I'd be stuck at home a lot.
• Keep coming here.  We've been through it and we're all going through this together.
• Look for joy in every day.  It will be hard to find at first, but in practicing this, it will change your focus so you can embrace what IS rather than merely focusing on what ISN'T.  It teaches you to live in the present and appreciate fully.  You have lost your big joy in life, and all other small joys may seem insignificant in comparison, but rather than compare what used to be to what is, learn the ability to appreciate each and every small thing that comes your way...a rainbow, a phone call from a friend, unexpected money, a stranger smiling at you, whatever the small joy, embrace it.  It's an art that takes practice and is life changing if you continue it.
• Eventually consider volunteering.  It helps us when we're outward focused, it's a win/win.

(((hugs))) Praying for you today.

[djtnjt]

Thank you all for your kind words and suggestions. Today I'm feeling numb. Trying to stay positive for my cat. He's also mourning the lose of his dad.

[KayC]

  https://www.countryliving.com/uk/wildlife/pets/a29586357/help-grieving-dog/ (Applies to cats too.  Our cat ran away two months after George passed.)

[Madi1507]

I lost my fiance to cardiac arrest 7 days ago and I just don't know how to go on anymore. I feel your pain. My fiance was only 26, my brain can't process how this has happened. He was the love of my life and my high school sweetheart. I don't understand how to deal with this pain either. 

[Barbara J]

I'm so sorry for your loss :'(

[Hewasmysunshine]

I am sorry for your loss. My husband had his heart attack at home May 14th, 2021. May 18th he had open heart surgery, a stroke, and a brain bleed. He came through the surgery fine. The stroke left his right arm paralyzed, face and right leg not affected. He contracted pneumonia 10 days later. Drs. got that cleared up, did a trac for his breathing tube, got him stable enough to be transported to a long term nursing home. He seemed to be doing better, small glimpse sof him getting better each day I was with him. Saturday he was moving his legs, I caught a brief smile as I was holding his hand, breathing on his own. Got a call from the nursing home that they had to call 911 for transport back to the hospital, he had cardiac arrest. I was own my way there when I got a call from the hospital he had passed away. He held on for 42 days. We were married 38 years, would have celebrated our anniversary in August. I am so lost right now. I have wandered around the house, turning lights on and off, going through papers, looking at photos, crying uncontrollably. Decided to find a place to vent, found this one. Sorry I rambled.

[KayC]

21 hours ago, Madi1507 said:

I lost my fiance to cardiac arrest 7 days ago and I just don't know how to go on anymore. I feel your pain. My fiance was only 26, my brain can't process how this has happened. He was the love of my life and my high school sweetheart. I don't understand how to deal with this pain either. 

 

8 hours ago, Hewasmysunshine said:

I am sorry for your loss. My husband had his heart attack at home May 14th, 2021. May 18th he had open heart surgery, a stroke, and a brain bleed. He came through the surgery fine. The stroke left his right arm paralyzed, face and right leg not affected. He contracted pneumonia 10 days later. Drs. got that cleared up, did a trac for his breathing tube, got him stable enough to be transported to a long term nursing home. He seemed to be doing better, small glimpse sof him getting better each day I was with him. Saturday he was moving his legs, I caught a brief smile as I was holding his hand, breathing on his own. Got a call from the nursing home that they had to call 911 for transport back to the hospital, he had cardiac arrest. I was own my way there when I got a call from the hospital he had passed away. He held on for 42 days. We were married 38 years, would have celebrated our anniversary in August. I am so lost right now. I have wandered around the house, turning lights on and off, going through papers, looking at photos, crying uncontrollably. Decided to find a place to vent, found this one. Sorry I rambled.

I am so sorry for both of your losses.  It's been the hardest thing I've gone through and I've learned this is a lifelong journey but it doesn't always stay as it is now...it's been 16 years for me now.  

I want to share an article I wrote of the things I've found helpful over the years, in the hopes something will be of help to you either now or on down the road.

TIPS TO MAKE YOUR WAY THROUGH GRIEF

There's no way to sum up how to go on in a simple easy answer, but I encourage you to read the other threads here, little by little you will learn how to make your way through this.  I do want to give you some pointers though, of some things I've learned on my journey.

• Take one day at a time.  The Bible says each day has enough trouble of it's own, I've found that to be true, so don't bite off more than you can chew.  It can be challenging enough just to tackle today.  I tell myself, I only have to get through today.  Then I get up tomorrow and do it all over again.  To think about the "rest of my life" invites anxiety.
• Don't be afraid, grief may not end but it evolves.  The intensity lessens eventually.
• Visit your doctor.  Tell them about your loss, any troubles sleeping, suicidal thoughts, anxiety attacks.  They need to know these things in order to help you through it...this is all part of grief.
• Suicidal thoughts are common in early grief.  If they're reoccurring, call a suicide hotline.  I felt that way early on, but then realized it wasn't that I wanted to die so much as I didn't want to go through what I'd have to face if I lived.  Back to taking a day at a time.  Suicide Hotline - Call 1-800-273-8255 or www.crisis textline.org or US and Canada: text 741741 UK: text 85258 | Ireland: text 50808
• Give yourself permission to smile.  It is not our grief that binds us to them, but our love, and that continues still.
• Try not to isolate too much.  
• There's a balance to reach between taking time to process our grief, and avoiding it...it's good to find that balance for yourself.  We can't keep so busy as to avoid our grief, it has a way of haunting us, finding us, and demanding we pay attention to it!  Some people set aside time every day to grieve.  I didn't have to, it searched and found me!
• Self-care is extremely important, more so than ever.  That person that would have cared for you is gone, now you're it...learn to be your own best friend, your own advocate, practice self-care.  You'll need it more than ever.
• Recognize that your doctor isn't trained in grief, find a professional grief counselor that is.  We need help finding ourselves through this maze of grief, knowing where to start, etc.  They have not only the knowledge, but the resources.
• In time, consider a grief support group.  If your friends have not been through it themselves, they may not understand what you're going through, it helps to find someone somewhere who DOES "get it". 
• Be patient, give yourself time.  There's no hurry or timetable about cleaning out belongings, etc.  They can wait, you can take a year, ten years, or never deal with it.  It's okay, it's what YOU are comfortable with that matters.  
• Know that what we are comfortable with may change from time to time.  That first couple of years I put his pictures up, took them down, up, down, depending on whether it made me feel better or worse.  Finally, they were up to stay.
• Consider a pet.  Not everyone is a pet fan, but I've found that my dog helps immensely.  It's someone to love, someone to come home to, someone happy to see me, someone that gives me a purpose...I have to come home and feed him.  Besides, they're known to relieve stress.  Well maybe not in the puppy stage when they're chewing up everything, but there's older ones to adopt if you don't relish that stage.
• Make yourself get out now and then.  You may not feel interest in anything, things that interested you before seem to feel flat now.  That's normal.  Push yourself out of your comfort zone just a wee bit now and then.  Eating out alone, going to a movie alone or church alone, all of these things are hard to do at first.  You may feel you flunked at it, cried throughout, that's okay, you did it, you tried, and eventually you get a little better at it.  If I waited until I had someone to do things with I'd be stuck at home a lot.
• Keep coming here.  We've been through it and we're all going through this together.
• Look for joy in every day.  It will be hard to find at first, but in practicing this, it will change your focus so you can embrace what IS rather than merely focusing on what ISN'T.  It teaches you to live in the present and appreciate fully.  You have lost your big joy in life, and all other small joys may seem insignificant in comparison, but rather than compare what used to be to what is, learn the ability to appreciate each and every small thing that comes your way...a rainbow, a phone call from a friend, unexpected money, a stranger smiling at you, whatever the small joy, embrace it.  It's an art that takes practice and is life changing if you continue it.
• Eventually consider volunteering.  It helps us when we're outward focused, it's a win/win.

(((hugs))) Praying for you today.