Jump to content

Find out how to register Here!!

Check out how to register on the site!.

Share Your Loved One's Pictures

In our beautiful Gallery

Grief Support Marketplace

Check Our New Products In The Marketplace

Take Grieving.com on the Go!

Buy on Apple and Google Play
New Members - Check Your Spam/Junk Folder for Confirmation Email ×
Sign in to follow this  
summerwilson

My father committed suicide

Recommended Posts

summerwilson

I lost my dad this September. He was driving when he and his two best friends got in an accident. He was the only survivor of the accident. He was then facing legal persecution. He had so many lawyers, and those aren't cheap. We put our house on the market because we couldn't afford to live there with all of the lawyer fees. My mom told me I was going to have to find new homes for our dogs. It seemed as if I was losing everything around me.

 

3 months after the accident I woke up and was getting ready for school, just like any other day. My mom had been going to work with him since the accident. He didn't want to drive and needed her constant presence to keep himself together. My mom walked through the door and I was confused because she should've been at work with my dad. She then asked me if I had seen or talked to him this morning. I hadn't, I had no clue he was home. She told me he was bad, he couldn't get himself out of bed this morning and we needed to talk him to the hospital. When we went up stairs and he wasn't in bed I started to panic. My mom and I were screaming for him. We searched the whole house and couldn't find him. I ran outside into our shop. I opened the garage door and there he was, to my right, hanging. It's an image that'll never leave my brain. I knew I had to protect my mom from seeing what I had seen. So I ran to find her and had to fight her to keep her out of there. I called 911 and sat in our driveway crying with my mom. The cops came, they asked us question. I was in such a fog, I didn't want to believe what was happening. The police searched his room and found the letters he left us. He left my brother, sister, mother, grandma, and myself letters. Reading his handwriting telling me he couldn't do it anymore and to make sure I took care of my mom and sister made me realize this wasn't a dream. I've numbed myself to all of this.

 

It's been 13 weeks and it doesn't feel the slightest bit easier. The past 2 months I've been trying to face these things but it only seems to get worse. I constantly feel sick to my stomach, I've lost 15 lbs that I didn't have to lose. He is always there in the front of my mind, making it hard to think and act normally. I know why he did this, I get it. He was a logical man, this was a logical solution. He couldn't live with himself. His life insurance made it so we can stay in our house and my mom will never have to work again. We were going down with him for his mistakes but he turned us into the victims now.

 

I'm in counseling and I don't think it hurts, I just feel so stuck. I used to always be happy and now it seems as if I'll never be happy with him gone. It's hard to see the shop everyday as a constant reminder to what I saw. I'll be graduating this May and he was the reason I tried so hard in school. He was so smart and I wanted to live up to that and make him proud. Now, he won't even see all of my work pay off. I feel stuck in the rutt of sadness. I want to be able to accept this, and begin to move forward with my life. I want the motivation I used to have.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
sincerelysherry

I lost my dad this September. He was driving when he and his two best friends got in an accident. He was the only survivor of the accident. He was then facing legal persecution. He had so many lawyers, and those aren't cheap. We put our house on the market because we couldn't afford to live there with all of the lawyer fees. My mom told me I was going to have to find new homes for our dogs. It seemed as if I was losing everything around me.

 

3 months after the accident I woke up and was getting ready for school, just like any other day. My mom had been going to work with him since the accident. He didn't want to drive and needed her constant presence to keep himself together. My mom walked through the door and I was confused because she should've been at work with my dad. She then asked me if I had seen or talked to him this morning. I hadn't, I had no clue he was home. She told me he was bad, he couldn't get himself out of bed this morning and we needed to talk him to the hospital. When we went up stairs and he wasn't in bed I started to panic. My mom and I were screaming for him. We searched the whole house and couldn't find him. I ran outside into our shop. I opened the garage door and there he was, to my right, hanging. It's an image that'll never leave my brain. I knew I had to protect my mom from seeing what I had seen. So I ran to find her and had to fight her to keep her out of there. I called 911 and sat in our driveway crying with my mom. The cops came, they asked us question. I was in such a fog, I didn't want to believe what was happening. The police searched his room and found the letters he left us. He left my brother, sister, mother, grandma, and myself letters. Reading his handwriting telling me he couldn't do it anymore and to make sure I took care of my mom and sister made me realize this wasn't a dream. I've numbed myself to all of this.

 

It's been 13 weeks and it doesn't feel the slightest bit easier. The past 2 months I've been trying to face these things but it only seems to get worse. I constantly feel sick to my stomach, I've lost 15 lbs that I didn't have to lose. He is always there in the front of my mind, making it hard to think and act normally. I know why he did this, I get it. He was a logical man, this was a logical solution. He couldn't live with himself. His life insurance made it so we can stay in our house and my mom will never have to work again. We were going down with him for his mistakes but he turned us into the victims now.

 

I'm in counseling and I don't think it hurts, I just feel so stuck. I used to always be happy and now it seems as if I'll never be happy with him gone. It's hard to see the shop everyday as a constant reminder to what I saw. I'll be graduating this May and he was the reason I tried so hard in school. He was so smart and I wanted to live up to that and make him proud. Now, he won't even see all of my work pay off. I feel stuck in the rutt of sadness. I want to be able to accept this, and begin to move forward with my life. I want the motivation I used to have.

Edited by sincerelysherry

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Sign in to follow this  

×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

This site uses cookies We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better. You can adjust your cookie settings, otherwise we'll assume you're okay to continue. and uses these terms of services Terms of Use.