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My beautiful Cat Ninja fell off my balcony and died within 24 hours


JillKl

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Yesterday I lost my best friend, daughter, love of my life, my everything. She was everything you could ever ask for in a companion, we truly had a bond that I don't think I'll ever get to have again. It was so pure, the love was very mutual. Her death was unexpected, on Sunday she fell off the balcony and she has done that a few times before. I don't know what went wrong this time but it ended in the most horrible way possible. She was only 3, I had her since the minute she was born and I am not ready to deal with it, I can't believe it's even happened. When I called the vet for am update they said she was improving but had fluids inside of her and they were going to wait for the morning to see if the IV stopped the bleeding, also they couldn't give her any pain meds or sedate her because of her state - but to their surprise she was on the way to recovering they said. 3 hours later I get a call that when they went to check on her she wasn't breathing. My beautiful girl is dead and I wasn't even there with her at the end to help her - she must have been so scared and in so much pain and I never even knew she was at that state until it was too late. I saw her this morning and my world just crumbled even more when I saw her cold body in her crate. I'm devastated, broken, lost.. I'll never wake up to her kneading/suckling me and then ever so lightly scratch my face in the morning while I stroke her, I'll never see her run to the door when it opens when I arrive home, I'll never get to say how beautiful she says and see that look in get eyes when i tell her..she's gone. I'm having such a hard time dealing with this and I don't know how I'm going to get through this. I don't think I ever can, my life has been turned upside down without having my best friend by my side, I just feel so empty. How can I deal with this? Everything doesn't make sense anymore.. Ninja baby, I miss you so much - more than words can say! I'm so sorry that this happened to you, you didn't deserve this and I'm so sorry you were alone when you passed. Thank you for being my best friend - you were truly my everything and I loved you with more love than I have ever given. I will never forget you and I will ALWAYS love you and I can't wait for the day we get to meet again. R.I.P. Lil' Ninja 11/17/2014 - your mom loves you forever and always!

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Swartkrs@yahoo.com

Jillki,I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your kitty,Ninja.Ninja knows you loved her unconditional.We have to keep all good memories with us,they know.

I recently had to make a tough decision on my senior feline with acute renal failure,10 Oct.I find it very hard at times,a lot,I cherish the years we had together though.

"If there ever comes a day we can't be together,keep me in your heart,I'll stay there forever."

Winnie the Pooh.

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Thank you swartkrs for your post. Does it ever get easier? I feel like there is a hole in my heart that's never ever going to fill up. I just feel hopeless and want her back. I wasn't ready to loose her yet and I don't even know if I will ever see her again..I just miss her uncontrollably and I am devastated

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Hello JillKi, 

I just came across your post - I know it is back from 2014, but I thought I'd respond to see if you get this. The same thing happened to me this year. 

I wake up every day and think about the accident non stop. I watched my poor baby fall 42 floors, and it was by far the most horrific experience I've ever had. I feel so guilty as I was told not to let him outside just in case he would jump or fall. I used to tell myself I was worrying needlessly and that he was just enjoying being out there. I truly thought his instincts would protect him.

I thought I'd reach out to see if you were any better, because I don't think I will ever recover from what I saw or the accident itself.

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I am so sorry for your loss. Ninja sounds like such a sweet cat and it truly does feel like a piece is missing when our pets are lost so suddenly. Speaking as someone who lost their Cleo 5 days ago its  not the easiest but it does get a little easier to breathe. I miss him but someone on here told me about the rainbow bridge where all our pets go. They play with all the other animals waiting for us. You’ll see him again one day. Please be well. 

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18 hours ago, CasMann said:

Hello JillKi, 

I just came across your post - I know it is back from 2014, but I thought I'd respond to see if you get this. The same thing happened to me this year. 

I wake up every day and think about the accident non stop. I watched my poor baby fall 42 floors, and it was by far the most horrific experience I've ever had. I feel so guilty as I was told not to let him outside just in case he would jump or fall. I used to tell myself I was worrying needlessly and that he was just enjoying being out there. I truly thought his instincts would protect him.

I thought I'd reach out to see if you were any better, because I don't think I will ever recover from what I saw or the accident itself.

It takes much time, I hope you read the other's recent threads and please be kind and understanding of yourself, this is a long arduous journey.  I am just so sorry for your loss, that anyone has to go through this.  :(

I hope this brings you comfort and peace as it has so many of us here:

 

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Kerryberry

Hello everyone. Kay C, I just lost my sweet Kitten Tango the same way a couple hours ago. I can’t seem to forgive myself. After coming home from the apple store, I called for him and he was nowhere to be found. I looked over the balcony and there he was. After running downstairs. He was lifeless. I knew I was too late but I still had a bit of hope in me and took him to the animal hospital. I’m ripped into pieces. He was the sweetest cat you can ever imagine to have. Every chance he got, he was on me. Hugs and kisses all day long. I have never met a more affectionate cat. I came here for support. I’m beside myself and feel like I’m going crazy. I won’t be able to heal from this I think. He was my baby and now he is gone. I have one more  so that helps a bit but he just isn’t like Tango. I had an angel for a pet and I hope in time I will be able to not be so hard on myself but I feel this is my fault for leaving the balcony door open while gone  :(

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One would never expect it.  Our cats are so agile, we think they can't fall, but it happens.  I am so sorry, I know how hard this hurts.

I know what it is to feel responsible for our pet's death...years ago our family dog, Fluffy, crawled into my van unbeknownst to me, the back end was open as we'd come back from the vet and were attending to our cat, giving him his meds, I shut the van and drove to work, it was a hot August day, the windows rolled up.  I came out that night, opened the door, and he rolled out into my arms, stiff as a board.  I too rushed him to the vet.  What did I think the vet could do?  He pronounced him dead.  He told me his brain would have burst, that it would have been 140 in there.  A piece of information that once given cannot be unthought.  I hope these articles will be of help to you...

http://www.griefhealing.com/comfort-grieving-animal-lovers.htm
A Dangerous Villain: Guilt
http://www.pet-loss.net/guilt.shtml
http://www.griefhealing.com/article-loss-and-the-burden-of-guilt.htm
https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2019/08/pet-loss-when-guilt-overshadows-grief.html
https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2017/07/pet-loss-when-guilt-goes-unresolved.html

I hope this short video brings you some comfort and peace.

 

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Kerryberry

Thank you so much for your response KC. And I’m so sorry about your pup with that tragic accident. I’ve already looked into one of the articles you attached, and also thank you for that. Be well. 

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I wish you the best, I know this is very hard.  :wub:

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My hearts just breaks reading this. I am so sorry for the loss of your kitty.

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Kerryberry

@KayC It is extremely hard. Today isn’t a good day. I’ve been crying all day everyday since his departure. Talking to him, calling out to him, telling him how much me and Tangy (short for tangerine) misses him, asking him to keep sending signs, and to please don’t leave me. Asking for his protection, and most importantly the emotional support, which is what he was best at. My baby was soo loving that he would make you question if he was human! I’ll tell you how it started. I spent the night at a friend’s last night but returned home this morning for work.(I work from home). I greeted Tangy, gave him extra hugs and kisses, was went on to clock in. I’ve been living on this marina on the 4th floor for about 3 years now and I’ve never seen a bird on my balcony ledge or railing; however, as I’m completing some modules, something caught my attention through the window. It was a bird, and kind of looked like an American Robin. It landed on the railing, moved to the same spot Tango would sit on and looked me right in the eyes. It stayed for about 15-20 seconds. The bird was black, but had a beautiful coat. It looked waxed lol but it also had blue and green on its back. I immediately thought of Tango. I really hope it was him and he is letting me know that he is ok and will always be near me.My sweet and precious baby wasn’t even a year yet but the thought that he had a spoiled happy little life as a house cat makes me feel a bit better. I just started his diet 3 days ago and stopped free feeding him because he was greedy little thing ever since he was a kitten and would like at his brother’s food lol. My big fat boy, wouldn’t have him any other way. He was more to love. I’m so torn but I’m very grateful for this support group. 

 -Kerry

 

 

@AJWCat Thanks so much, it’s hard. I’m just now slowly getting over the disbelief and not replaying everything over my head like seeing my baby lifeless on the ground, carrying him to the emergency room, etc., but I don’t think I’ve completely accepting it yet. I just want him here :(.
 

 

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Let yourself cry the tears, it helps relieve some of the pain, it takes a while to get through this, I bawled buckets for months, I think my eyes are cried out now, I have to use artificial tears they're so dry now!  I've learned to coexist with my grief, I carry it inside of me.  It sounds like you had a visitation, be open as there's much we don't know and can't explain about the other realm.  I hope each day gets slightly easier for you!

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I'm so sorry to read of your beloved companion. My heart goes out to you. Almost 5 months since my Goldie passed, and I'm in tears at points every day. I do believe there is a higher purpose, though at times it's hard to see. The bird sure seems like a sign, letting you know Tango is with you. 

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hi, i was reading these posts to cope and i think writing about my loss will help. this has all happened in the last 24 hours so i think i need to write a long one.

I adopted two kittens about seven months ago and moved to a new apartment about a month ago. this apartment is on the 30th floor and has a balcony so i would usually take my two girls out with a leash and harness whenever i would go to read. one of them (nox) is very shy and cautious, she enjoys the balcony but hesitated to come out even if the door is wide open, and once she’s on the balcony she’s very careful of her surroundings. my other cat on the other hand (zorro) is an absolute maniac who loses all sense of saftey and height when she sees pigeons so i always make sure her leash doesn’t allow her to jump on the rails. two days ago i left to go camping for 1 day and 1 night, making sure the door to the balcony was locked. i kept the windows open so that they would have fresh air but all the windows have a mental screen. during camping one thing led to another and i decided to stay for an extra night. i was a little hesitant because i had never left my cats alone for more than a single night. i got back this afternoon missing them both so much, so excited to see them as they’re my best friends. once i got home i was greeted by nox but i didn’t see zorro which was odd since zorro is usually the first one to greet me. i started calling her name and looking everywhere but i couldn’t find her. then i noticed that the metal screen on the window that’s on the balcony door was completely off the door and on the ground. i went on my balcony and saw cat fences everywhere but still no zorro. i searched up and down my building knocking on doors and talking to security, putting up missing posters for almost 4 hours until i got an email informing me that they saw my cats body on top of a car parked right below my balcony and had moved it to the side, she also said that the body was later removed by city workers. i ran downstairs and i saw the car. the entire back window was shattered with a dent the size of zorro on the metal roof and once i saw that i absolutely lost it. i have been bawling my eyes out for the past 5 hours and nox has been cuddling with me this whole time. i know that this could’ve happened at anytime, the screen falling was out of my control, but i just can’t help it, i keep thinking to myself about how i stayed an extra day. if i had come back a day earlier zorro might’ve still been alive. i could’ve found her on the balcony and brought her in. i can’t help but to blame myself even though i know it was out of my control. 

1 minute ago, raha said:

hi, i was reading these posts to cope and i think writing about my loss will help. this has all happened in the last 24 hours so i think i need to write a long one.

I adopted two kittens about seven months ago and moved to a new apartment about a month ago. this apartment is on the 30th floor and has a balcony so i would usually take my two girls out with a leash and harness whenever i would go to read. one of them (nox) is very shy and cautious, she enjoys the balcony but hesitated to come out even if the door is wide open, and once she’s on the balcony she’s very careful of her surroundings. my other cat on the other hand (zorro) is an absolute maniac who loses all sense of saftey and height when she sees pigeons so i always make sure her leash doesn’t allow her to jump on the rails. two days ago i left to go camping for 1 day and 1 night, making sure the door to the balcony was locked. i kept the windows open so that they would have fresh air but all the windows have a mental screen. during camping one thing led to another and i decided to stay for an extra night. i was a little hesitant because i had never left my cats alone for more than a single night. i got back this afternoon missing them both so much, so excited to see them as they’re my best friends. once i got home i was greeted by nox but i didn’t see zorro which was odd since zorro is usually the first one to greet me. i started calling her name and looking everywhere but i couldn’t find her. then i noticed that the metal screen on the window that’s on the balcony door was completely off the door and on the ground. i went on my balcony and saw cat fences everywhere but still no zorro. i searched up and down my building knocking on doors and talking to security, putting up missing posters for almost 4 hours until i got an email informing me that they saw my cats body on top of a car parked right below my balcony and had moved it to the side, she also said that the body was later removed by city workers. i ran downstairs and i saw the car. the entire back window was shattered with a dent the size of zorro on the metal roof and once i saw that i absolutely lost it. i have been bawling my eyes out for the past 5 hours and nox has been cuddling with me this whole time. i know that this could’ve happened at anytime, the screen falling was out of my control, but i just can’t help it, i keep thinking to myself about how i stayed an extra day. if i had come back a day earlier zorro might’ve still been alive. i could’ve found her on the balcony and brought her in. i can’t help but to blame myself even though i know it was out of my control. 

i keep looking at their cat tree with two hammocks and now it’s just nox in there. i feel like i’m going to vomit 

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You had no way of knowing what would happen.  It took me a long time to understand that about my husband's death, as well as our two most special fur babies, but none of us are omnipotent and we can't see the future.  You obviously love both Nox and Zorro deeply and would never do anything to hurt them.  Please try as best you can to keep that knowledge in your heart and mind.

Maybe it will help you a tiny bit if you comfort Nox and let Nox comfort you?  She is going to need you to help her through this difficult time.  Just take one day at a time, doing the best you can and knowing that some days will be more bearable than others.  And keep coming here to talk, cry, rant, or even "scream" if that's what you need.  Every member here understands your pain and grief.  Almost all of us understand why you feel guilty, even though feeling guilty doesn't actually mean you are.  Try to be as kind to yourself as you would be to a friend if this happened to them.  You deserve the same kindness and comfort that you would give to others.

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My cat passed away last night unexpectedly before my very eyes. I was laying on the bed and he did his zoomies and leapt out my bedroom window before me falling from the 10th floor. It happened in a split second. I screamed and panicked and quickly went down to find him. Brought him to the vet and he passed away shortly after from cardiac arrest. I’m so distraught. The death is painful but what is immensely tormenting is having flashbacks of him leaping through the window before me. I have been crying for hours since last night ridden with guilt and pain. Has anyone seen your pet die like that before you? I haven’t been able to function.

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I am so sorry for your loss, especially in such a traumatic way!  I have heard of this happening, I doubt they knew what they were doing, not sure what was going on inside their head, but yes, this happens.

I can only share that I believe in afterlife, yes for cats also...and am hoping this gives you a bit of comfort...for him, his trauma is over...I just wish it didn't keep replaying in your head, like a broken record no one can fix.  I pray it fades over time as you realize it's over and while we can't hit the undo button, I pray it subsides a bit for you.

Comfort for Grieving Animal Lovers

 

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Hi @Angelloi, that is the hardest thing to hear. Mine died from the 10th floor a month ago. It is still hard on some days for me. Im sure the pain is fresh and reeling for you now. Cry and be where you are now. My heart is with you. 

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I was trying to bring her back into the house cause apparatuses she climbed the window ledge only for me to go around to the living room to drag her in(cause she would put up a fight) and then I saw her body all the way down with people around her as she struggled to  live . My partner picked up her lifeles body and I was so broken. I just can’t believe how pets make us so emotional. It was like I lost my child 

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13 hours ago, Angelloi said:

My cat just fell off from the 8th floor now. I’m broken. She died after struggling to survive. 

I am so sorry.  I think it must be the most distraught feeling in the world to go through something like this, and to not even die instantly, OMG, I want to hug you!  I can't imagine.  My daughter (4th floor) has a wrap around balcony the cats loved, it would be horrifying...)
This place helps, to have a place to come to to get it out....I hope you'll keep coming here, reading/posting.  It is like you lost a child. :(
Comfort for Grieving Animal Lovers

 

3 hours ago, shadowlee said:

Hi @Angelloi, that is the hardest thing to hear. Mine died from the 10th floor a month ago. It is still hard on some days for me. Im sure the pain is fresh and reeling for you now. Cry and be where you are now. My heart is with you. 

Thank you for sharing...I thought of you as I read this...

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On 9/16/2022 at 3:34 PM, Angelloi said:

My cat just fell off from the 8th floor now. I’m broken. She died after struggling to survive. 

I'm so sorry you lost your precious companion.  They are part of our family, so of course you feel broken.  Your heart is no doubt shattered right now.  All I can offer is my sympathy.  Please know that everyone here understands and will help you through these most painful, devastating days as much as we can.  You are not alone.

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My beautiful, curious, social, special cat Luna died yesterday at night, She fell from the 10th floor and we kept looking for her all night until 4 am until the next day where we were able to go to the second floor with the building manager and ask the neighbors to check their balcony and she was their died alone, she was only 6 months I feel so guilty and sad I miss her so much, may god bless her soul. 

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@LunaandJoud  I have faith that God, in whatever way we believe, blesses the sweet loving souls who come into our lives in furry form.  Unlike us humans, there is nothing they can do that would take away that perfect blessing and grace.  Sometimes I think that our most precious animal companions are sent to us to show a tiny glimpse of heaven (again, in whatever way we each believe) and the perfect love that awaits us there.

I'm so very sorry you lost your Luna.  If you start to question yourself when you feel guilt, please remember that you had no way of knowing this would happen.  Feelings are not facts.  (KayC says that and she is so right.)  Your beautiful girl knew only love in her life with you.  That matters so much.  And she will be waiting for you some day, when it's your time, at the Rainbow Bridge (in whatever form that is) to be reunited forever.  Until then, you will feel the grief and pain of her loss, but I promise it won't stay the crushing weight it is now.  Over time, it evolves as we learn to carry it with us forward, along with the love and happy memories.

You and Luna are in my heart tonight.

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40 minutes ago, foreverhis said:

@LunaandJoud  I have faith that God, in whatever way we believe, blesses the sweet loving souls who come into our lives in furry form.  Unlike us humans, there is nothing they can do that would take away that perfect blessing and grace.  Sometimes I think that our most precious animal companions are sent to us to show a tiny glimpse of heaven (again, in whatever way we each believe) and the perfect love that awaits us there.

I'm so very sorry you lost your Luna.  If you start to question yourself when you feel guilt, please remember that you had no way of knowing this would happen.  Feelings are not facts.  (KayC says that and she is so right.)  Your beautiful girl knew only love in her life with you.  That matters so much.  And she will be waiting for you some day, when it's your time, at the Rainbow Bridge (in whatever form that is) to be reunited forever.  Until then, you will feel the grief and pain of her loss, but I promise it won't stay the crushing weight it is now.  Over time, it evolves as we learn to carry it with us forward, along with the love and happy memories.

You and Luna are in my heart tonight.

Thank you so much for your beautiful words, this means a lot to me, your words made me feel better ❤️🩹  I do believe that like you too.

God bless your soul 🙏🏼

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On 9/27/2022 at 5:40 PM, LunaandJoud said:

My beautiful, curious, social, special cat Luna died yesterday at night, She fell from the 10th floor and we kept looking for her all night until 4 am until the next day where we were able to go to the second floor with the building manager and ask the neighbors to check their balcony and she was their died alone, she was only 6 months I feel so guilty and sad I miss her so much, may god bless her soul. 

I am so sorry, it's the hardest thing in the world!

Comfort for Grieving Animal Lovers

A Dangerous Villain: Guilt
Breaking the Power of Guilt
A Dangerous Villain: Guilt
http://www.pet-loss.net/guilt.shtml
http://www.griefhealing.com/article-loss-and-the-burden-of-guilt.htm
https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2019/08/pet-loss-when-guilt-overshadows-grief.html
https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2017/07/pet-loss-when-guilt-goes-unresolved.html

I hope this short video brings you some comfort and peace.

 

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My precious baby coco just passed away yesterday and i am in shock, guilt and extreme depression. He was the only thing i looked forward to when i came home. i loved him the most i gave him a very luxurious life. I just cant believe this. Our terrace door is broken since a month and the landlord was taking too long to fix it. I called and just told him on monday that please fix it i have to cater to guests coming and it’s my wedding in a month. He was being super lazy and just wasn’t getting it fixed asap. Tuesday night i went out and coco was at home with my mom sleeping on her prayer mat. when i came back everyone was looking for him and i had this feeling in my heart that something is not okay. Looked around everywhere, even to places he had never been but we could not find my baby. I live on the 24th floor, the top in my apartments. Coco was never allowed to go to terrace alone, every day around 5-6 my mom would take him for a walk but always under supervision. He was playful, always running after mosquitos birds all sorts of creatures. He was my mamas boy more than mine, he would not eat unless she gave him food, every night she would tuck him in his bed and only sleep with his bed beside hers. He was really moody but there was not a single thing i would want to change about him. He fell from the balcony and we found out later after hours of looking for him on the road. I was in utter denial after looking at him lying lifelessly on the side of the road. There was my beautiful white persian baby coco just 2 years old lying with no life in him and it broke me to pieces. I was furious at myself that i didn’t look after him. I am furious and guilty that i didn’t take care of him and i’m missing my baby to an extent that i can’t breathe or believe this happened. i can’t look at my terrace anymore it aches my heart i haven’t been able to sleep. I wasn’t a good mom and i hope he forgives me for not taking care of him like i was supposed to. I’m sorry coco, i hope you’re having a good time in heaven and i hope we reunite soon 

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I am so sorry for your lost, I hope your precious fur baby is happy where he is, and please remember he will always stay with you as an angel protecting you🥺🙏🏼 I’ll pray for you ♥️

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48 minutes ago, LunaandJoud said:

I am so sorry for your lost, I hope your precious fur baby is happy where he is, and please remember he will always stay with you as an angel protecting you🥺🙏🏼 I’ll pray for you ♥️

thank you for your kind words🤍 I wish god would show me my baby coco in a dream or as a memory so i can know he’s alright and happy. I hope he forgives me and i hope this guilt of leaving him alone goes away. I haven’t stopped crying since yesterday but i have hope that i will reunite with him one day. 🤍

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I am so sorry for the loss of your Coco.  It's the hardest thing in the world to get used to their being gone from us.  I fully believe they'll be in heaven and are in the meanwhile playing and enjoying life there while waiting for us.

The what ifs blame game happens to most of us going through early grief, it did me when my husband died 17 years ago...it's not that we are guilty of anything but loving them, and the truth is feelings are not facts, but it's that we can't wrap our heads around what happened, and our mind is trying to find some different possible outcome so it searches all the what ifs...

Comfort for Grieving Animal Lovers

A Dangerous Villain: Guilt
Breaking the Power of Guilt
A Dangerous Villain: Guilt
http://www.pet-loss.net/guilt.shtml
http://www.griefhealing.com/article-loss-and-the-burden-of-guilt.htm
https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2019/08/pet-loss-when-guilt-overshadows-grief.html
https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2017/07/pet-loss-when-guilt-goes-unresolved.html

I hope this short video brings you some comfort and peace.

 

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10 hours ago, KayC said:

I am so sorry for the loss of your Coco.  It's the hardest thing in the world to get used to their being gone from us.  I fully believe they'll be in heaven and are in the meanwhile playing and enjoying life there while waiting for us.

The what ifs blame game happens to most of us going through early grief, it did me when my husband died 17 years ago...it's not that we are guilty of anything but loving them, and the truth is feelings are not facts, but it's that we can't wrap our heads around what happened, and our mind is trying to find some different possible outcome so it searches all the what ifs...

Comfort for Grieving Animal Lovers

A Dangerous Villain: Guilt
Breaking the Power of Guilt
A Dangerous Villain: Guilt
http://www.pet-loss.net/guilt.shtml
http://www.griefhealing.com/article-loss-and-the-burden-of-guilt.htm
https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2019/08/pet-loss-when-guilt-overshadows-grief.html
https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2017/07/pet-loss-when-guilt-goes-unresolved.html

I hope this short video brings you some comfort and peace.

 

Hi KayC, i am so sorry to hear about your husband, i am about to get married in a month and the thought of losing him just makes me have an emotional breakdown. Stay strong and thankyou for the beautiful words. I really need all the support right now, i’m already in a really  emotional phase due to my wedding and my coco dying just cannot handle the stress or trauma rn. please please pray God gives me patience to deal with this. Thankyou for the links and videos, I’ll check them out.♥️♥️

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Heartbreaking loss, I am so sorry about sweet Coco. I promise in time you will find peace, but be patient. It took me a long time to deal with the tragic death of my cat, too. 

Guilt and anger were my constant emotions. Time is the only thing that seemed to help. And trying to find the joy in life as hard as can be sometimes. 

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5 hours ago, AJWCat said:

And trying to find the joy in life

That's what I've found too.  
I wrote this ten years after my husband died...I find it interesting I suggested getting a dog...what do you do when you've lost your dog?!

Grief Process

This is not a one-size-fits-all, what strikes us one day will be different a few months/years from now, so please save/print this for reference!

I want to share an article I wrote of the things I've found helpful over the years, in the hopes something will be of help to you either now or on down the road.

TIPS TO MAKE YOUR WAY THROUGH GRIEF

There's no way to sum up how to go on in a simple easy answer, but I encourage you to read the other threads here, little by little you will learn how to make your way through this.  I do want to give you some pointers though, of some things I've learned on my journey.

  • Take one day at a time.  The Bible says each day has enough trouble of its own, I've found that to be true, so don't bite off more than you can chew.  It can be challenging enough just to tackle today.  I tell myself, I only have to get through today.  Then I get up tomorrow and do it all over again.  To think about the "rest of my life" invites anxiety.
  • Don't be afraid, grief may not end but it evolves.  The intensity lessens eventually.
  • Visit your doctor.  Tell them about your loss, any troubles sleeping, suicidal thoughts, anxiety attacks.  They need to know these things in order to help you through it...this is all part of grief.
  • Suicidal thoughts are common in early grief.  If they're reoccurring, call a suicide hotline.  I felt that way early on, but then realized it wasn't that I wanted to die so much as I didn't want to go through what I'd have to face if I lived.  Back to taking a day at a time.  Suicide Hotline - Call 1-800-273-8255 or www.crisis textline.org or US and Canada: text 741741 UK: text 85258 | Ireland: text 50808
  • Give yourself permission to smile.  It is not our grief that binds us to them, but our love, and that continues still.
  • Try not to isolate too much.  
  • There's a balance to reach between taking time to process our grief, and avoiding it...it's good to find that balance for yourself.  We can't keep so busy as to avoid our grief, it has a way of haunting us, finding us, and demanding we pay attention to it!  Some people set aside time every day to grieve.  I didn't have to, it searched and found me!
  • Self-care is extremely important, more so than ever.  That person that would have cared for you is gone, now you're it...learn to be your own best friend, your own advocate, practice self-care.  You'll need it more than ever.
  • Recognize that your doctor isn't trained in grief, find a professional grief counselor that is.  We need help finding ourselves through this maze of grief, knowing where to start, etc.  They have not only the knowledge, but the resources.
  • In time, consider a grief support group.  If your friends have not been through it themselves, they may not understand what you're going through, it helps to find someone somewhere who DOES "get it". 
  • Be patient, give yourself time.  There's no hurry or timetable about cleaning out belongings, etc.  They can wait, you can take a year, ten years, or never deal with it.  It's okay, it's what YOU are comfortable with that matters.  
  • Know that what we are comfortable with may change from time to time.  That first couple of years I put his pictures up, took them down, up, down, depending on whether it made me feel better or worse.  Finally, they were up to stay.
  • Consider a pet.  Not everyone is a pet fan, but I've found that my dog helps immensely.  It's someone to love, someone to come home to, someone happy to see me, someone that gives me a purpose...I have to come home and feed him.  Besides, they're known to relieve stress.  Well maybe not in the puppy stage when they're chewing up everything, but there's older ones to adopt if you don't relish that stage.
  • Make yourself get out now and then.  You may not feel interest in anything, things that interested you before seem to feel flat now.  That's normal.  Push yourself out of your comfort zone just a wee bit now and then.  Eating out alone, going to a movie alone or church alone, all of these things are hard to do at first.  You may feel you flunked at it, cried throughout, that's okay, you did it, you tried, and eventually you get a little better at it.  If I waited until I had someone to do things with I'd be stuck at home a lot.
  • Keep coming here.  We've been through it and we're all going through this together.
  • Look for joy in every day.  It will be hard to find at first, but in practicing this, it will change your focus so you can embrace what IS rather than merely focusing on what ISN'T.  It teaches you to live in the present and appreciate fully.  You have lost your big joy in life, and all other small joys may seem insignificant in comparison, but rather than compare what used to be to what is, learn the ability to appreciate each and every small thing that comes your way...a rainbow, a phone call from a friend, unexpected money, a stranger smiling at you, whatever the small joy, embrace it.  It's an art that takes practice and is life changing if you continue it.
  • Eventually consider volunteering.  It helps us when we're outward focused, it's a win/win.

(((hugs)))  Praying for you today.

 

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6 hours ago, AJWCat said:

Heartbreaking loss, I am so sorry about sweet Coco. I promise in time you will find peace, but be patient. It took me a long time to deal with the tragic death of my cat, too. 

Guilt and anger were my constant emotions. Time is the only thing that seemed to help. And trying to find the joy in life as hard as can be sometimes. 

Hi AJWCat, thankyou for your kind words and support in this difficult time. Taking one step at a time and trying to distract myself by getting busy in my wedding preps. There’s times when i come home and just miss him coming to the door to greet me or running after my mom to give him fresh food. I miss him showing us attitude and then tucking him in bed with his little blanket that was once mine. It’s like losing a part of me and so unexpectedly that i don’t even know how to accept it. I’m really sorry to hear about your tragic loss, i’m glad to hear u found peace and please pray i do too. Im glad i found this place where i can share what i feel without feeling judged. i’m thankful for all of you who showed support and told me it will be okay. 💛

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Coming across this website gave me some comfort today. Today was the worst day of my life…I lost my poor baby teddy. He was only 1 year and 2 months old, the most loving affectionate kitten ever. I have always been so careful when it comes to the balcony door, I have taken him out on the balcony ensuring I hold him tight and nothing ever happened. One time I even  left the balcony door open because I wanted to get the food smell out and I locked him in a room but I let teddy out but forgot to close the balcony door that was open. I was in the kitchen grabbing something and as I came back I noticed he was on the railing and I grabbed him right away and thank god he was okay…but today I was confident when I took him out tor he balcony for some fresh air that everything would be fine but as I was about to walk back, a pigeon landed flapping its wings really fast and it made him so anxious, he turned his whole body, jumped out of my arms, left his scratch marks on the left side of my chest and fell off the balcony. I witnessed my poor beautiful baby fall 12 floors down and I rushed downstairs hoping he would still be alive…he was in so much shocked and eventually died…I took him to the emergency within 25 mins hoping they could do CPR to prolong his life but sadly they couldn’t do anything..and even if he lived after that he would suffer a lot. It was so heart breaking, im in complete shock I still can’t believe it’s real. Reading others stories who has gone through the same thing  I totally get why they felt guilty and responsible because I feel that too. If I hadn’t gone to the balcony with him he would have been next to me. This is so traumatizing 

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I am so sorry, it's the hardest thing in the world, let alone to witness, the death of our beloved pets.

OMG, how horrible for you and your kitty to go through!  I have heard of this happening before, but to see it....that is truly hard.  I am so sorry.

You can rest assured your kitty is at peace now...

The what ifs blame game happens to most of us going through early grief, it did me when my husband died nearly 18 years ago...it's not that we are guilty of anything but loving them, and the truth is feelings are not facts, but it's that we can't wrap our heads around what happened, and our mind is trying to find some different possible outcome so it searches all the what ifs...

Comfort for Grieving Animal Lovers

A Dangerous Villain: Guilt
Breaking the Power of Guilt
A Dangerous Villain: Guilt
http://www.pet-loss.net/guilt.shtml
http://www.griefhealing.com/article-loss-and-the-burden-of-guilt.htm
https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2019/08/pet-loss-when-guilt-overshadows-grief.html
https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2017/07/pet-loss-when-guilt-goes-unresolved.html

I hope this short video brings you some comfort and peace.

 

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On 7/13/2022 at 11:45 PM, shadowlee said:

My cat passed away last night unexpectedly before my very eyes. I was laying on the bed and he did his zoomies and leapt out my bedroom window before me falling from the 10th floor. It happened in a split second. I screamed and panicked and quickly went down to find him. Brought him to the vet and he passed away shortly after from cardiac arrest. I’m so distraught. The death is painful but what is immensely tormenting is having flashbacks of him leaping through the window before me. I have been crying for hours since last night ridden with guilt and pain. Has anyone seen your pet die like that before you? I haven’t been able to function.

Hi Lee. I’ve been reading these posts in a wavering attempt to find solace. I understand exactly how you feel. Last night, our first ever pet, Mezcal, jumped 13 stories to his death. He was just about to turn 1 year old in 2 weeks. Mezcal was used to the balcony, we trusted him, to a fault, clearly. He spent time out there, monitored, and often in his harness. I opened the door to let some air in, Mezcal walked outside, and immediately leaped. As I had one foot on the balcony, and one foot inside our apartment, all I could do was scream at the top of my lungs. I ran downstairs, not to find him anywhere in sight, back up to look over the balcony and see him caught on a ledge, lifeless just above the first floor, I ran down the stairwell and banged on doors until someone let me in and I could scale the building to the ledge to pick him up. I knew he was dead before I made it. My partner and I have been sporadically bursting into tears all day. He’s was an absolute angel. I’m still in denial. We never let our other cat outside on the balcony, we thought Mezcal was so passive that he would never do anything so erratic, particularly within a couple of second of getting out there. He was the love of our lives, our first baby to look after. We had been just talking about how these two little guys were going to be still alive when we have children and they become teenagers, what we were going to do for his birthday in two weeks. Never take anything for granted. I can’t help feeling like I failed him, I was meant to look after his tiny little life. Watching him jump, and being utterly unable to act, but wishing I was 2 feet closer, and dwelling that I wasn’t, will forever been burnt into my memory. RIP Mezcal, forever loved. 

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I am so sorry!  I've heard this before, that a cat fell from a balcony, that is more stories than I've heard of before though.  

OMG, how horrible for you and your kitty to go through!  I have heard of this happening before, but to see it....that is truly hard.  I am so sorry.

You can rest assured your kitty is at peace now...

The what ifs blame game happens to most of us going through early grief, it did me when my husband died nearly 18 years ago...it's not that we are guilty of anything but loving them, and the truth is feelings are not facts, but it's that we can't wrap our heads around what happened, and our mind is trying to find some different possible outcome so it searches all the what ifs...

Comfort for Grieving Animal Lovers

A Dangerous Villain: Guilt
Breaking the Power of Guilt
A Dangerous Villain: Guilt
http://www.pet-loss.net/guilt.shtml
http://www.griefhealing.com/article-loss-and-the-burden-of-guilt.htm
https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2019/08/pet-loss-when-guilt-overshadows-grief.html
https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2017/07/pet-loss-when-guilt-goes-unresolved.html

I hope this short video brings you some comfort and peace.

 

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