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Charlee23

My Dad's Suicide

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Charlee23

My Dad committed suicide in February 2014 (almost 6 months ago) and I've been finding things hard to handle recently. He seemed to be such a happy, friendly guy who helped everyone. It was such a shock, despite feeling guilty I hadn't noticed his pain, I was so hurt that I thought I'd never bounce back. At the moment I have good and bad days but as soon as I started to feel that I've progressed I then started to feel down again. Is this normal?

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ModKonnie

Charlee23,

I am sorry about the loss of your father. Your feelings, your up and downs, and your shock, guilt and pain are all totally normal. You will have good days and bad days for quite awhile, but in time you will begin to feel less intense ups and downs. Eventually, you will be able to remember your father and smile or even laugh at some happy memory.

When I start to dwell on the last final minutes of my father's life and his death, I stop those thoughts and replace them with happier ones of him. I try to sit still at times and imagine him talking to me. It helps.

We will be here for you,

ModKonnie

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sincerelysherry

Charlee, I am so very sorry for the loss of your Dad. My Mother committed suicide 12/1/12 by shooting herself and my daughter and I found her. Never in a million years did I think my Mother would do that and I understand when you say you didn't see his pain. I didn't see any signs of Mother's thinking.

 

It is like being in a horrible nightmare and the roller coaster of emotions are unbearable at times. I cried violently everyday for a solid year and as time has gone by, it has gotten somewhat better. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of her or what I saw that day. Our lives have been changed forever and will never be the same. I think recovering from a loved ones suicide is so much harder than an illness or accident, because they chose to leave us and there are so many unanswered questions. We feel tremendous guilt, feeling we let them down or we didn't see. I carry an element of sadness within my heart, but God has helped me so much in coping. I just have to have faith that things happened the way they were suppose to and that my Mother's mission here on Earth was complete and God wanted her to come home.

 

My heart breaks for you and I am so sorry that you are having to go through this. Know that you are not alone, you are loved and your Dad does watch over you. I pray that God will give you peace, comfort and strength. Please feel free to write anytime. Sincerely, Sherry

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Charlee23

Charlee23,

I am sorry about the loss of your father. Your feelings, your up and downs, and your shock, guilt and pain are all totally normal. You will have good days and bad days for quite awhile, but in time you will begin to feel less intense ups and downs. Eventually, you will be able to remember your father and smile or even laugh at some happy memory.

When I start to dwell on the last final minutes of my father's life and his death, I stop those thoughts and replace them with happier ones of him. I try to sit still at times and imagine him talking to me. It helps.

We will be here for you,

ModKonnie

Thank you, I was starting to feel okay and things looked up and then I felt as though they came crashing down again..

Me and one of my sisters are always talking about the good times but it's so hard to overshadow his death and how he left us..

I'm sorry for your loss too and it seem to have found a great way of coping. Thank you so much for sharing and supporting me

Charlee x

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Charlee23

Charlee23,

I am sorry about the loss of your father. Your feelings, your up and downs, and your shock, guilt and pain are all totally normal. You will have good days and bad days for quite awhile, but in time you will begin to feel less intense ups and downs. Eventually, you will be able to remember your father and smile or even laugh at some happy memory.

When I start to dwell on the last final minutes of my father's life and his death, I stop those thoughts and replace them with happier ones of him. I try to sit still at times and imagine him talking to me. It helps.

We will be here for you,

ModKonnie

Thank you, I was starting to feel okay and things looked up and then I felt as though they came crashing down again..

Me and one of my sisters are always talking about the good times but it's so hard to overshadow his death and how he left us..

I'm sorry for your loss too and it seem to have found a great way of coping. Thank you so much for sharing and supporting me

Charlee x

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Charlee23

Charlee, I am so very sorry for the loss of your Dad. My Mother committed suicide 12/1/12 by shooting herself and my daughter and I found her. Never in a million years did I think my Mother would do that and I understand when you say you didn't see his pain. I didn't see any signs of Mother's thinking.

It is like being in a horrible nightmare and the roller coaster of emotions are unbearable at times. I cried violently everyday for a solid year and as time has gone by, it has gotten somewhat better. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of her or what I saw that day. Our lives have been changed forever and will never be the same. I think recovering from a loved ones suicide is so much harder than an illness or accident, because they chose to leave us and there are so many unanswered questions. We feel tremendous guilt, feeling we let them down or we didn't see. I carry an element of sadness within my heart, but God has helped me so much in coping. I just have to have faith that things happened the way they were suppose to and that my Mother's mission here on Earth was complete and God wanted her to come home.

My heart breaks for you and I am so sorry that you are having to go through this. Know that you are not alone, you are loved and your Dad does watch over you. I pray that God will give you peace, comfort and strength. Please feel free to write anytime. Sincerely, Sherry

Sherry I am so sorry for your loss, it must have been so awful for you and your daughter. I totally agree that with suicide the grieving is so difficult because the person you love decided that their life wasn't worth living anymore. I think I will always feel slightly guilty that I hadn't noticed my dad's mental state but I suppose no one else did either.

It's such a shock though because when I last saw him (the night before did it) he gave me a massive hug and a kiss and told me how much he loved me and that I'd always be his baby (because I'm the youngest) and then the next morning he's found dead, it made me feel lucky that I saw him just before and he told me that he loved me but it also made me feel as though he was saying his last goodbye and that I didn't even know about it!

I think your way of coping through god is so admirable! I have never really been the religious type but a few of my dad's friends were Muslims who completely disagree with suicide and they felt so angry about what he had done! My Gran is a Christian and after she had a stroke a few years ago has used God to find strength it's amazing really!

Thank you so much for your reply I hope you and your family are coping well. God bless

Charlee x

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lizabus

Thank you, I was starting to feel okay and things looked up and then I felt as though they came crashing down again..

Me and one of my sisters are always talking about the good times but it's so hard to overshadow his death and how he left us..

I'm sorry for your loss too and it seem to have found a great way of coping. Thank you so much for sharing and supporting me

Charlee x

Hi Charlee,

 

I'm so sorry for your loss. Give yourself permission to feel whatever you need to feel when you need to feel it. And as strange as it sounds, it can be very healing to stay with the pain and not try to avoid it by thinking of the good things. The pain is very real and you will need to work through it, probably for a very very long time. And it may never entirely go away. But you'll get better at coping with it. In healing from the pain of suicide of a loved one, it isn't just time that helps with the healing, but "going there", writing about it, talking to friends or a counselor, working through it, this is all really necessary for healing.

 

I'm also suffering a relatively new loss due to suicide of the mother of our child. I have so much compassion for you that you have lost a parent. It's such a terrible betrayal to you. And you are going to experience a range of emotions for a long time so I hope you just let yourself feel whatever you need to feel. And I hope you have people in your life that you can talk about your loss with. If not, I'm glad to see you are reaching out here.

 

Lizabus

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sincerelysherry

Thank you Charlee. I appreciate your compassion. Yes I understand about the last goodbye. I had spent the day shopping and lunch with my Mom and we had a good day. When I left her house, to go home, she said "I wish you wouldn't go." I said I had to get home and clean house. If only I had stayed longer. I didn't have a clue that hours later she would be gone.

 

God bless you as well on your painful road to healing.

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