Almost 9 years and it's still raw....

[LDAB22]

I met my best friend Rachel when we were in 6th grade, we became best friends in 7th grade though and remained best friends until she passed in 2005. She's been gone longer than we were friends but she was the absolute best friend I have ever had. I do not have a sister and she was my sister.

I some times wonder if part of the reason why it still feels so raw after all this time is because of how she passed. She had run away from home because her mom forbid her to see her boyfriend who was older than her, she was only 16 at the time. She had been gone a couple of days but apparently had been planning on going back home according to another friend. She was staying with her boyfriend at a friends house and apparently the two guys were drunk and the friend shot himself in the foot being careless with a gun. She was driving him to the hospital when she rear ended someone and a police officer saw. She ran from the scene for some reason, I can only assume because she was scared of being in trouble for the accident and running away. She was chased by the police and she jumped into a canal. The officers were yelling at her to get out and apparently she went under and never came back up. When they found her she was already gone. 

My parents had moved us to another state the year before this happened so I had not seen her in a year and we didn't talk as often but she was still my best friend. Another friend called me to tell me about her death. I am still very close with her mother and talk to her frequently. 

Of course it isn't as bad as it used to be but I still feel so broken over losing my best friend. I did go to see a counselor after she passed for a while. I'm just wondering if it's always going to be this way? Am I ever going to feel better, and not broken from losing my best friend? My husband is the only person who I have ever been closest to as a friend with since her death. Why does it still hurt so badly?

[ModKonnie]

LDAB22,

It always hurts to lose a friend, especially in a tragic accident. One of my best friends fell off a cliff while he was hiking when he was only 18. He laid on a ledge for 24 hours until rescue workers could get to him. For many years, I felt tormented over what he must have been feeling and thinking while he lay there in agony. But, I know it sounds useless at times, but time does lessen pain. Do you feel really broken because she didn't get to live a long life? Or are you bothered by the fact you didn't get to talk to her for a year before all of this happened?

You will feel better. Talking about her and how you feel does help.

We will be with you,

ModKonnie