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Jesse David & Taylor Mom

Grief Poems Writings & Songs on Loss of Child: Feel Free to Share Yours

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Tommy's mum

Grief is colour.

Grey, covers everything whilst your mind is clouded with shock.

Flashes of red, throbbing pain, and anger at what has happened.

Black, all consuming, swallowing up the light,

Smothering, choking,enveloping.

White is the nothingness, empty, devoid of feelings.

 Apathy, hopelessness, existing.

Blue is the beginning of recovery a new beginning.

Yellow is the sunrise and sunset,

Seeing a hope for the future. 

 

Blue is the beginning of recovery

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Tommy's mum

After thinking more about it I expanded this poem so here is the final piece.

Grief is coloured. 

Grey, covers everything like a thick mist.

Your mind is clouded with shock and disbelief.

Flashes of red, throbbing pain

And anger at what has happened

All consuming black, swallowing up the light,

Smothering, choking, enveloping.

White is the nothingness, empty

Devoid of feeling, uncaring.

Apathy, hopelessness ,existing not living.

Purple is the colour of my soul

Beaten, bruised and battered.

Showing the wounds I have had inflicted upon me.

Orange is the true colour of Tommy's hair.

Flaming, vibrant, eye catching.

The colour of my family's love is pink

Warm, and soft 

Wrapped around me like a tightly furled rosebud.

Blue is the start of recovery

A new beginning.

Yellow is the sunrise and sunset

Seeing light and hope for the future.

I have survived another day..........

 

To my eldest son Tommy I love you more than words can say and miss you with every breath I take. xxxx

 

 

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Jesse David & Taylor Mom

Tommy's mum, thanks for sharing your poetry on this thread. Sending you gentle thoughts and healing wishes.

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Tommy's mum

thank you. I have only recently been able to write down my thoughts, poems and observations, before i was too closed up and afraid to let them go because of the emotions they release.

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Jesse David & Taylor Mom

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Tommy's mum

Laurie that quote is so true. I want to learn to be a happier person, to find joy every day when life is just difficult to cope with not just grief, to be able to smile through problems and to enjoy being alive instead of just existing. I have sufferered with bad depression before my Tommy was killed but that increased exponentially along with anxiety. I read about people who just love life and i would love to know their secret. I try to enjoy simple things, a good cup of coffee, a message from a friend, a beautiful sunset, a stunning flower etc and try to make my mind peaceful but there is something missing.

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Devianz

Dodge Ball

The unannounced tragedy struck
Now a swift and silent menace
Which stalks my every intention
Throws dodge balls at my anxiety
Hoping for a direct hit
The target painted on my wounded heart
While the panic sets in
Fluttering in my stomach
Swallowed hard in an attempt to push
Ends up in my trembling hands
That I use to pry the words
From deep within my silent cries
Cries that echo in my lungs
Lungs that can't find my breath
In the darkness from where
My nightmares rise
Those unannounced unwelcome blows
I cannot blink away with the tears

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Devianz

Groves of Sorrow

I never noticed the sound that tree branches made when they bent in the wind,
Until I was listening for your soft sweet whistle and words that never came
I had never felt the warm sun on my eyelashes in the summer afternoon,
Until I was standing out there, eyes tightly shut, trying to wish you into being
I never noticed that the birds’ songs were all alarms and not greetings
Until they made me cry

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Devianz

Ticking Time

I would give you back the long sleepless nights
Where I paced the floor in worry
The hours of panicked pleading phone calls
Hoping that he could answer
To wind back the covers of your steel trap bed
Un-silence the treasure that lays within
The unmoving arms of ticking seconds
I am stunned by the cruelty of moment
As each and every minute known
Painfully pushes me closer to a limit
Tightly wound and ready to break
You stole those nimble hands
From the womb in my heart
Where he could have put it back together
Inside the case, who’s face lies empty
Bleeding gears and jewels lay scattered
Senselessly pried out by a knife
Never again being able to hold him
To put my ear against his chest
And hear his loudly ticking future

~mks 02/17/2017

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Tommy's mum

Devianz sometimes poetry or journalling can be the best way to be able to say the words or voice the emotions when your body cannot because the breath is stolen from your lungs and your heart is in so much pain. keep writing your words are heard.

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Allen B

To all of us heart broken Dad's, I found this on the web. But it rings so true for all of us that have lost.

An Eternal Memory.jpg

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Allen B

Life Without You

 

Life without you, now that you are gone, has my heart forever scorned,

So much life, dreams and wishes that will be no more, I ask why, oh why God, to no adjoin,

You were a light that everyone could see, but life without you, there is nothing left of me.

Nothing can take the pain away except the memories of you

Each day the pain I share because you were taken away too soon,

Days without a Son, that was so happy and true, now will always be days of mourning until I pass on to

Just over six weeks has passed now since you were called home

But My Love for you Son, will always be there for now and evermore.

Sixteen years I loved you and was so happy to be your Dad,

Those were the best time in my life that I ever had

A Son’s Love is priceless worth more than money and gems

But I will never hear you say I love you to me ever again

Knowing we will meet again in heaven with skies a blue

Has me looking forward to that day too

 

For my Son, Steven

3 December 2000- 28 January 2017

 

 

Written by Allen B.

 

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Jesse David & Taylor Mom

Thank you Allen B. for your post. I thank you for sharing about your precious son, Steven. If you wish, you can post in the Loss of an Adult Child section, there are some dads that post. The two main persons who moderate the thread have been there a long time.

Sending gentle thoughts.

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Allen B

Jesse David & Taylor Mom

Thank you.

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Jwcook73

Barely got to know your name

Hardly got to hold you in my arms

Always find myself to blame 

I couldn't keep you from harm

I want you to know you're in my heart 

You are forever on my mind

I pray our souls never part

This pain will heal on time

Oh little one I'm haunted by your memory

Haunted by what will never be

They say it's better to have loved and lost

But little one why at such a cost

All the laughter that I'll never hear

And the smiles that I will never see

Will be forever shared between you and me

Oh little one I'm haunted by your memory

Haunted by what will never be

They say it's better to have loved and lost

But little one why at such a cost

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Tommy's mum

I feel scared

Sometimes I don't know exactly where you are.

I look up to the sky

And hope you are ok

Flying free and without limits

Swooping and gliding

Laughing the laugh that is so infectious

Your bright red hair gleaming in the sun

Blue eyes smiling.

You left us so suddenly

Without any warning

A hero in every sense of the word

You saved Patrick

he has another chance of life

Unlike you my precious son.

 

Why you and not him?
I don't understand .

Why was your life worth less?

Your future snatched away

All your dreams and hopes

All the potential you had inside

I want to scream

All that rage and pain

Locked up inside of me

The overwhelming sadness

The endless flow of tears

From my broken heart

My very being is broken

because you are not here

I have four children

Each unique and special

Equally loved

With every fibre of my being.

Now there is a space

That can never be filled by anyone else.

A hole in family photos.

A forever missing presence

In all of our lives.

I don't know how

To fill that aching void

I miss you

I need you back

But I know that can never be.

Fly free in peace and joy son.

I will see you again

When it's my time

And you will be there 

Waiting for me

Arms outstretched

For that hug

that has been so long in coming.

I look forward to that day eagerly.

But first I have to do

Whatever I have been left here to do

On this earth.

Please guide me

Watch over us all

Help me to be ok without you for now

I love you, Tommy

xxxxx

 

 

 

 

 

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Jesse David & Taylor Mom

 

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Tommy's mum

beautiful laurie thanks for sharing.

here is my effort.

 

The news ,a blinding flash,

white hot agonizing pain,

blinding me

freezing me in motion.

i know neither time nor space.

then red

deep throbbing angry pain

beating along with my heart.

the crimson tide sweeps me up.

I tumble, fall, swept away

out to sea.

I am lost 

I am alone

I am scared

A castaway

on an island of despair

Drowning welcoming

the slow suffocation

begging for release

to end my sorrow.

Then blackness

overwhelming, all consuming

I know neither day nor night

there is nothing here for me

i do not want to be here

i want to be with you

My darling son.

But I cannot

The voices of my children 

left behind

echo in my mind

their fear of losing me

draws me back

I am needed here

I have to stay.

The blackness fades

a slowly lightening

of all around me

I hear sounds, see colours

where all before was a stark

black  with tones of white and grey.

I am still here

not yet standing

but on hands and knees

scrabbling towards reality

and life.

 

 

 

 

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Jesse David & Taylor Mom

Lesley, I thank you for sharing here. I would say these lines stand out to me, 

The voices of my children 

left behind

echo in my mind

their fear of losing me

draws me back

I am needed here

****************

I think there is always a part of us that longs for the final release from this agony. At least for me it does. But I know with each passing day, I am a step closer to being reunited with him in the next world. 
I will never understand the why of it all, nor I do not ever see myself coming to an acceptance of it all...I drift back and forth, some days are better and some days worse.  It is an honest assessment of my loss. Perhaps when I am in that other world a hundred years or more, the sting of the injustice will be faded, and the horror of this all dimmed. In the meantime, I will share a piece from Elie Wiesel, holocaust survivor, and nobel prize winner. 
 

 

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Jesse David & Taylor Mom

Written for a mom loss, but still a touching song. 

Supermarket Flowers
Ed Sheeran

I took the supermarket flowers from the window sill
I threw the day old tea from the cup
Packed up the photo album Matthew had made
Memories of a life that's been loved.
Took the get well soon cards and stuffed animals
Poured the old ginger beer down the sink
Dad always told me, "don't you cry when you're down"
But mum, there's a tear every time that I blink.
Oh I'm in pieces, it's tearing me up, but I know
A heart that's broke is a heart that's been loved.

So I'll sing Hallelujah
You were an angel in the shape of my mum
When I fell down you'd be there holding me up
Spread your wings as you go
And when God takes you back we'll say Hallelujah
You're home.

I fluffed the pillows, made the beds, stacked the chairs up.
Folded your nightgowns neatly in a case.
John says he'd drive then put his hand on my cheek
And wiped a tear from the side of my face.
I hope that I see the world as you did cause I know
A life with love is a life that's been lived.

So Hallelujah
You were an angel in the shape of my mum
When I fell down you'd be there holding me up
Spread your wings as you go
And when God takes you back we'll say Hallelujah
You're home.

Hallelujah
You were an angel in the shape of my mum
You got to see the person I have become
Spread your wings
And I know that when God took you back he said Hallelujah
You're home
.

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PieceofCate

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Devianz

mother I 

weeping deepest indigo 

from heart and eyes 

I know the shoes 

the depth --breadth 

the darkness you must travel now 

things others will unknowingly take

with words and actions borne

of misunderstanding by ignorance 

it will not make it less lonely 

they will avoid your gaze 

trying not to see their own possible loss

to avoid seeing their future

in your eyes

the journey is long

fraught with pain and dust

and will feel like time nearly stops

until you feel crushed by the weight 

of all the things unsaid 

the feelings never shared 

and all the regrets held within

we cannot travel back... 

unwind the time

set the clock again 

so that the pendulum sways 

freely and serenely 

we can only release it

hoping it's not too heavy to swing

so shake the dust from your fingertips

if only to touch what is real

and begin to connect anew

listen for the ticking

it's been there all along

inside all our hearts

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Todd's Mom
Quote

 

Reflections and Reminders

©2019 Susan Noyes Anderson (Todd's mom)

 

New Year’s Eve, and a wave of grief
carries me back in time,
back to the days when the air was sweet
and the fruit was on the vine.
The skies were blue; the skies were gray,
but what I loved was mine,
back in the days when the air was sweet
and the fruit was on the vine.

I long for unplucked branches
and the scent of clementine,
for every golden memory
my thoughts of you define.
I gather these around me now,
reminded you are mine
in grief and grace, through time and space,
sweet fruit of God’s design.

∞§∞

“Resting on the roots of this old oak, I lean back against his knotted trunk, shine my granny smith on my sleeve, and ponder the golden days…”
Kellie Elmore

“Memories warm you up from the inside. But they also tear you apart. 
Haruki Murakami

“The past beats inside me like a second heart.”
John Banville

“Nothing is ever really lost to us as long as we remember it.”
Lucy Maud Montgomery

“Tears…Rise in the heart, and gather to the eyes in looking on the happy autumn fields, and thinking of the days that are no more.”
Alfred Lord Tennyson

“Songs and smells will bring you back to a moment in time more than anything else. It’s amazing how much can be conjured with a few notes of a song or a solitary whiff of a room. A song you didn’t even pay attention to at the time, a place that you didn’t even know had a particular smell.”
Emily Giffin

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Jesse David & Taylor Mom

Thank you for all who have shared their heart on this thread. The journey is hard.

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