Jump to content
Forum Conduct & Guidelines Document ×

My oldest child died in a car accident 11-03-2013...


maddogdolly

Recommended Posts

  • Members

Hello,

I'm Dolly. I can't believe I'm joining my second online support group in 2 years. My oldest child, a beautiful and gentle soul named Matthew, died in a car accident on Nov. 3, 2013. It is 8 weeks today since we lost him. As if this loss is not horrific enough in and of itself, it happened just 2 years after losing my husband of 35 years (Matt's dad) to liver disease. This sucks! I was widowed at 55, and lost my 27 y/o son at 57. I do have two younger kids, a daughter 25 and a son 21. All three of us are devastated by what has happened. We went through hell when my husband was diagnosed with liver disease (and unable to get a transplant -that's another story), and he died a day shy of 2 months after his diagnosis. A few months later I joined an online support group for widowed people. That was helpful. Two years passed. I finally, finally got to a place where I thought, ok --what I thought would be the rest of my life is not in fact, the rest of my life. Apparently I'm supposed to turn the page and write a new chapter. I didn't want to...but finally got to a place of peace within me to make the shift. I became hopeful about the future. 3 months later, Matt was killed in a single car accident. It was the day after what would have been my husband's 59th bd. My other 2 kids and I have been in a state of 'what the **** just happened?!' ever since. We cannot believe it. And yet -every day we wake up, and BAM- it smacks you in the face. We are each trying to cope in our own ways. Unfortunately, for us there is a lot of anger. We don't know where to direct it, or where to go with it -so we've been turning on each other. It's not a question of blame. Matt made some bad driving decisions, which resulted in his death (though it wasn't alcohol or drug related). So we're not blaming each other. It's just....all this ANGER....at the world? Who knows. I'm angry that this is the 2nd major loss I've had to endure in 2 years (Don't anybody talk to me about God right now). I'm angry at my son for making stupid decisions that I now have to live with for the rest of MY life. I'm angry at my remaining two 20-somethings for thinking like 20-somethings instead of....I don't know...older. I'm angry at other parents who haven't had to endure this kind of loss (sorry, losing your parents or siblings are NOT the same thing! And I know this because the first loss I had to go through in my life was losing my 18 y/o brother, when I was 14 yrs old. That was a car accident too.. So I got to watch my parents suffer through that. My father never got over it, even though he lived another 35 years. Now...it seems to be my turn. And I'm pissed off! Well, that's the emotion at the moment. I tend to bounce around between anger, depression/despondency, and on a good day -mindless function through the minutia of daily routine. I'm also angry that I know Death as well as I do, considering I haven't experienced it first hand. But I've certainly watched my family members (except my 2 surviving kids) and many friends die. I'm angry that I have to once again live in this place of GRIEF. Even worse this time --I feel like I can't get a break here. Yet, I try to remind myself -at my whiniest- that there are others who've had it worse and will have it worse. I know I should be grateful for the 27 years I had Matt. Perhaps I'll get there one day, but not today! Today I'm angry --I'm tired---and drained. And just screaming sad. The 3 of us managed to 'escape' for the holidays --no Christmas here this year--but now it's back to the real world. Only the kaleidoscope through which we lived our lives has forever shifted. Again. I haven't figured out how to adjust. Everybody says, 'Take all the time you need'. Haha, right. 'All the time I need' won't pay the bills. ...Well, I guess I've ranted on enough for my first time here. Thanks for listening. --Dolly

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
mybeautifulgirl

Hello Dolly,

I am saddened to hear of your losses! I am only relatively new to this also and I share your feelings of loss. I know you will find comfort here. It is a safe and supportive network of friends who will listen to your heartache . We all have experienced the anger that comes with loss. It certainly adds strain on relationships (as if we want further trauma in our life! )

I lost my young daughter to liver disease also , this was as a result of an unsuccessful transplant in 1993.

She died an horrific death and I will never get over it. She was a beautiful person and we were soul mates.

You have come to a good place and I'm sure others here will support you.

Jan

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Dolly,

I was right there with you. I wore my anger like a badge for a couple years until the anger stole energy from me that I needed.

You have every right to be angry, please try to be kind to each other. We bought my son a punching bag, because he kept destroying other peoples property.

Please join us on the Loss of an Adult child thread.

Colleen, Brian's Mother forever

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

I feel you pain my son died the same way on November 14 2013 single car bad choices driving to fast sorry for your loss

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

I am so sorry for your loss. I know those are just words but they are all I have right now. I just lost my husband last month and am grieving so badly but I can't even imagine losing my son too who is also named Matthew and is 27 years old. You are entitled to have any feelings you want after all the devastation that has come into your life. Again I am so sorry. Mickey

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Unfortunately I know exactly how you feel. My son was killed in a single car accident early New Years morning. He was driving too fast on his way to work. I have been cycling through every emotion there is and trying to make sense of it all. Just know you are not alone.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

This site uses cookies We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better. You can adjust your cookie settings, otherwise we'll assume you're okay to continue. and uses these terms of services Terms of Use.