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5 years a caregiver


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My mother passed 3 days ago. you loose it for a few days. My mother was terminal everything from cancer,liver and kidney . I was her caregiver 24 hours a day for 5 years. I hate to say its a rite to maturity. I know I will not get over this in a week . I was hoping for her to visit or make her presence known, Absolutely nothing . In-case she is here I have her TV on to her favorite shows. IT calms me to hear it on. In the last 5 years she was in the hospital over 55 times some with very extended stay of 100 days or more.

You know this helping just writing it out and rereading it.Today I have to go to the store to get food and supplies. It seems easy enough, but It feels like a ton of bricks on my chest.

Please don't say sorry for your loss . I would like to know If anyone has been through this so close to a parent.

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ElemmireAnini

I'm a care taker right now. I'm new to it. Taking care of my mom for the last month. I know it's not nearly as long as you, but it's something.

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traveler1959

I didn't go through the 5 yrs care giving, but I was my wife's caregiver the last two weeks of her life. I lost her just about 3 weeks ago. My wife was a true Christian, so I know where she is at, but that don't really help. Until one day I got a message from a niece of mine, she said that she had a dream of my wife coming out of a house at a lake, she sat down, put her feet in the water and started reading a book. She looked to be in her 20s, and looked like she felt so good and she seemed to very content. My niece told my sister after she wrote this message, that she got to thinking that this message might hurt me more than help me, so she was going to push the delete button, but by mistake she push the send button. My sister told her that she was meant to send it. My niece didn't know that being at the lake and reading was her most favorite things to do. I feel it was a message from my wife to help me with my hurt. And it did a little. Your mother might have to go through someone else to yet you know how she is......................... don't give up.

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Traveler - This is so neat to read!! I am currently listening to an audio book on After Death

Communication and this is exactly what this is!!! Your wife is letting you know that she is fine and

that she is happy. Gosh, I wish I'd get something like this from my husband!!!

I didn't go through the 5 yrs care giving, but I was my wife's caregiver the last two weeks of her life. I lost her just about 3 weeks ago. My wife was a true Christian, so I know where she is at, but that don't really help. Until one day I got a message from a niece of mine, she said that she had a dream of my wife coming out of a house at a lake, she sat down, put her feet in the water and started reading a book. She looked to be in her 20s, and looked like she felt so good and she seemed to very content. My niece told my sister after she wrote this message, that she got to thinking that this message might hurt me more than help me, so she was going to push the delete button, but by mistake she push the send button. My sister told her that she was meant to send it. My niece didn't know that being at the lake and reading was her most favorite things to do. I feel it was a message from my wife to help me with my hurt. And it did a little. Your mother might have to go through someone else to yet you know how she is......................... don't give up.

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How are you doing now, cnelson? I just joined the site recently. I was my mother's caregiver too, and her loss left a big hole in my life as we were very close. It's a huge shock. I'm still exploring what I can do with the rest of my life.

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myloss123

I was a caregiver to my fiancé for 2 years, cancer. People don't tell you what it takes, especially if you are the only one doing it. They're little things, but when compounded, they add up. Because of meds she was on , and chemo, she couldn't even smell coffee, one of her favorites, without violently throwing up. I remember one time i was boiling water for tea, and she literally asked me if i was boiling something because she could smell it and made her ill. It changes both lives completely. It's weird how you get used to that new "routine", Doctor appointments, chemo, radiation, visits with family pretending everything is normal, and than one day, it all ends. It's hard to adapt to a new routine knowing you don't have that someone, the only one, special enough to offer advice without saying what you want to hear, but being honest. That someone you can't wait to get out of work just to be with them, on a couch, eating dinner, watching a stupid show, even for a bit. 

I guess we just keep moving on. I hate that phrase, because it's not completely realistic, but i can't find better words for it. 

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reader

Dear myloss123,

I'm so sorry for your loss.  Everything you wrote is so true and no one ever understands till you're the one doing the work every day and going through the motions. It is another layer compounding our grief. Making us raw.

Take your time to mourn. It's very hard and I know for myself, I could only take it moment by moment.

It's important to have the right supports during this sad and difficult time.

Please know you are not alone.

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