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10 years doesn't go away.......


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Sarah was my first friend I made here. I moved to the east coast from California because my parents divorced and my mom had no money. I didn't know that at the time, because I was only nine. I was sent to a private school by my wealthy grandparents and I never fit in. I made one friend. I was young and I attached to this new friend. Sarah attached to me too, and we did everything together. When I got bullied, she stood up for me and never let me feel like I was alone. We spent nine years like that, caring for each other.

2011 came and I was sitting in my high school science class when I got a text from her. I know I shouldn't have been looking at it, but I felt like something was wrong. I opened it and she asked if I had a second, she had to tell me something. I texted back that I did. I'm one of those people who assumes the worst, so my mind floated to cancer but I shoved it side because she was my best friend. She couldn't be sick. When I got the text back, I still can't remember to this day what exactly it said. All I can remember is yelling at my teacher that there was an emergency and running down to the office. I called my mom, in a panic and she burst into tears on the phone, telling me how sorry she was.

Again, I don't remember much about the rest of that day. I remember a lot of crying but I kept telling myself she had to be okay. She was my Sarah.

Months went by, and she seemed to be getting better. I kept my distance because I honestly couldn't handle it. I didn't want to see her suffer. She went into remission and I cried out of joy. We went to a movie together, the latest Mission Impossible, and we had chinese food. I found out that day that I was the last of her friends to know. I asked her why, and she said because I was the hardest to tell.

She got worse and had to have a experimental treatment. It had a 50% chance of killing her, and a 50% chance of curing her. She told the doctors she had one shot and she wanted to take it. She was the bravest person I know.

She didn't wake up. She passed away July 13th 2012. I cry, most of the time now.

She was everything to me. She was the one thing who never hurt me, who never changed. She was so popular, but she chose me, the looser, to be her best friend. She was my own miracle No one wants to listen to me talk about her anymore. I can't let it go. Little things make me burst into tears, like a death on a tv show, a David Archuleta song, a picture of her. I don't know how to cope. Sometimes, I wake up and I can't breathe because I miss her so much. What do I do? Am I loosing my mind?


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You are not loosing your mind. You are grieving the loss of someone you loved. Talking about your feelings, writing about them, composing songs or creating memorials are great ways for you to keep your hurt and pain from building up inside. It's totally okay to feel hurt, anger, anguish, loneliness, fear, sadness and everything else you are feeling. Just keep letting them all out. It will be okay, and in time, you will be able to remember with fondness and even laughter some of those best memories of you and Sarah. We will be here for you--ModKonnie

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Alenah DeCamp

I am very sorry for your lost and I can only say that there will be good days and bad days. I will say I can't understand how you're feeling but I can imagine the difficulty. I have lost friends in different ways and it does feel like they've died in a way. Something that's helped me with the grief and the stress or depression that comes with it is this article linked below. I will offer one thing and that is a listening ear. You would never be a bother if you're up to talking.


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