Loss of a Friend

[lauraa]

Guest....I think it would be helpful for you if you would write a note to his family and tell them just how much he meant to you. When we are grieving it is just the little things like that that help us....it will help the family and it will help you, too! As little as it may seem it is really a huge gift to receive. I will be thinking of you and sending positive energy your way for healing.

[Kelly]

Hello,

We have had requests on the suggestion board for something that people can wear to show they are grieivng. We created a pin and a braclet to let people know that we are remembering the ones we have loved. You can see them at http://www.redjetmedia.com/pins/special.htm. In the future we can make a pin that might say remember my friend or honor my friend. This is the first in the series to see if these items appeal to people in helping them honor the memories of their loved ones.

Kelly

[ladyjaney]

Hi and thank you. I seem to be dealing with things a little better lately. I think I had to feel that level of sadness and grief before I could feel better. I still miss him and feel so sad that he is gone, but I'm taking it day by day. It seems to help.

I did send my friend's mother a card with some kind words in it. I have spoken to her a couple of times too just letting her know that I'm thinking of her and her family.

I think I will check out the memorial pins. There are a few people I have loved and lost over the years. Thank you very much Kelly and Lauraa for your kind replies--LJ (who was logged in as "Guest" in the May 1 post)

[tessiemae]

I just lost a good friend of mine on Thursday. His name was Jan, and I was friends with him for over a year. It hurts so bad!!! My head tells me that he's in a better place and he's not suffering anymore, but my heart is BREAKING!!! It hurts so badly! I can't listen to Monkees songs anymore because Jan and I used to listen to Monkees songs on the radio. Every time I hear one, I cry. I just don't want to hurt anymore, and it hurts so bad!!

I lost my best friend almost a year ago and i know how bad it hurts. Her name was Ashley, she killed herself and know one knows why. I have had a hard year trying to accept it and move on but i cant and i am so happy i found this site. it is comforting to know other people are going through something like this. i feel the same way you do. what i cant stand it when other people tell me they understand what i am going through when they really dont. its different when someone you know kills themself. i am very sorry for your loss.

[Guest Guest]

I lost my best friend last Saturday, and I can't believe how much pain I'm carrying around.

I had known M. since I was seventeen years old (I'm 34 now). We had always been friends, but when I divorced my bipolar husband eight years ago, M. offered me incredible support. Both of us had difficult relationships with our parents. We started taking our vacations together. We talked on the phone sometimes as little as every two weeks, sometimes several times a day. I loved her immensely, and I felt closer to her than almost anyone else in my life.

Except that I hadn't known her in some ways at all. She had told me she had various health problems, all of them serious. She tended to be irresponsible with money, and she often cancelled plans at the last minute. She was so kind, so generou and good, it never occurred to me that she might be hiding something, making up stories to cover up what she was really going through. But she was. She was an alcoholic. No one knew - not me, not her other friends, not her family. She went into the hospital a few months ago with liver and kidney failure. The doctors told us that all of the damage was from alcohol; nothign they could find indicated any of the other conditions she had claimed to suffer from. She was in a lot of pain - most good painkillers metabolize through the liver, so she was not allowed much to help her with the pain. I spent as much time at the hospital as I possibly could, and I was with her the morning she died, at the age of 33.

I can't believe she lied to me all those years; I can't believe she was so unhappy she drank herself to death; and mostly I can't believe she's gone. I keep expecting her to call. I can't imagine how this is ever going to stop hurting. The funeral was horrible, the sort of thing she would have hated. I feel so lost without her.

[Guest Guest]

I have not lost a loved one like a brother or sister or parents , but i have lost uncles grandparents how does one prepare for such a loss? ?

gterobert@yahoo.com is my email address.

www.spiritlessons.com

[Guest Guest]

I lost someone very dear to me recently. He was my "first love", my teenage crush. He never knew that and years later after i had gotten over the crush part, we became friendly. I was very glad for that. He stumbled upon rough times and I barely saw him around enough to ever know how I could have helped him. It was frustrating, because he was a kind good person but things just seem to get worse for him. He lost his struggle recently and suddenly. It was a tragedy to those who knew him. I wasn't able to attend his funeral and it breaks my heart because I feel so guilty for not being able to help him, feeling frustrated, angry and helpless for what he went through. I don't know his family well, and I feel bad because though we were friendly, he never knew just how much he meant to me. Many people didn't know how much he meant to me and how hard this has been for me. I feel as though I'm going through this all on my own. I visited his grave once and it was sad, because it made it real. I have so many memories of him that are too hard to think of right now. I am full of "what if's" and "Why's". I feel so helpless right now, I'm climbing up the walls with grief and sadness and I don't know what to do with it. A grief book I am reading and advice I have gotten has said just to feel your grief, go through it, and eventually you will heal. So that's what I'm doing. It just feels like it will never be right again right now. I didn't see him around alot, but I knew he was out there. I miss him very much and I'll never forget him. I'm just doing the beast I can right now. I'm just in a very lonely place while doing it. I'm hanging in there... Thanks--LJ

[annietina220]

Hi All,

Today is my best friend Tina Ayer's Birthday. She would have been 37 today

if she didn't die in The Station Nightclub fire a little over 3 years ago!

I am hurting and miss her more than mere words can ever say!

Happy Birthday((((((((Tina))))))),

37 years ago today you came into this world and was sent our way. A friend who was true through and through. Sending happiness to all she knew.

Tina, all of the above is true. Happy Birthday, Tina, our beautiful angel in heaven and know you are loved and missed a lot!!!

Love,

Annie and Rick

Forever your best friends!

[annietina220]

Tina, since today is your birthday, I thought I would post the words to the your song. I love you and I want you and the world to forever know this. {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Tina}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} This song comes from my entire heart, thanks for coning into my life Tina and blessing me with your love. You saved me!

Heaven's Light (Tina's Song) by Annie O. & Rick Champagne Arrangement and music by Alex K.

My Best Friend,

you are wrapped up in...Heaven's light...tonight.

While we are here, still, missing you,

trapped in, these chains of pain,

so many, we could blame... Where you are now...

My best friend, you can, see all clear

you have no pain or fear,

but I am still right here,

living in a world, in a haze of pain and tears........

And your loving voice, I can no longer hear......... My Best Friend,

you are wrapped up in...Heaven's light tonight.

While we are here, still, missing you,

trapped in these chains of pain,

We'll never be the same... The night you left...

it left a overwhemling, gapping hole, in my heart,

and now that, we're apart,

I will, never ever know, a love, like, yours, again........

No matter, who I meet, or I call, my, best, friend..........My best friend........oooh.......ooh......ooh(Guitar Solo)

I have tears in my eyes, tears in my soul

tears in my heart, that I'll forever hold...

My Best Friend, till I cross myself,

and see you once again... My Best Friend,

you are wrapped up in...Heaven's light tonight.

While we are here, still, missing you...

[Guest Guest]

Well I'm new here....I found this website by searching for ways to deal with the lose of one of my friends recently.....I'm only 16 years old.....and a little of a month ago one of my best friends died I had known him my whole life because our parents were very close when we was growing up....he was my first kiss and my first real boyfriend.....It seems unreal still I keep expecting to wake up and see him outside or run into him at the store.....I don't understand why this happened to him and not someone who deserved it like a murderer or rapist or someone like that.....he was the greatest person you could ever meet he could make anyone smile no matter how bad their day was going.....I miss him so much it is unbearable at times I just sit and think of him and all the memories we had....like I remember one time when we was probably about 5 or 6 my cousin was pulling us in a wagon and he told me he didn't want to be friends with me anymore cause I was a girl and I started crying....as soon as I started crying he told me he was sorry that he could never not be my friend....that was our first kiss.....I miss him so much

Dream as if you'll live forever.....Live as if you'll die today....I Love you Rodney Lee and you'll always be my Rockstar

In Memory of Rodney Lee

12-10-89 to 5-27-06

[4myrockstar]

Well I'm new here....I found this website by searching for ways to deal with the lose of one of my friends recently.....I'm only 16 years old.....and a little of a month ago one of my best friends died I had known him my whole life because our parents were very close when we was growing up....he was my first kiss and my first real boyfriend.....It seems unreal still I keep expecting to wake up and see him outside or run into him at the store.....I don't understand why this happened to him and not someone who deserved it like a murderer or rapist or someone like that.....he was the greatest person you could ever meet he could make anyone smile no matter how bad their day was going.....I miss him so much it is unbearable at times I just sit and think of him and all the memories we had....like I remember one time when we was probably about 5 or 6 my cousin was pulling us in a wagon and he told me he didn't want to be friends with me anymore cause I was a girl and I started crying....as soon as I started crying he told me he was sorry that he could never not be my friend....that was our first kiss.....I miss him so much

Dream as if you'll live forever.....Live as if you'll die today....I Love you Rodney Lee and you'll always be my Rockstar

In Memory of Rodney Lee

12-10-89 to 5-27-06

I posted this message earlier and it was under guest I just wanted to re-post it so it had my username on it so it was easier to reply to

[nicolebrooke]

Hi 4myrockstar

I am so sorry about Rodney Lee. How did he die? As I read the memories you have it reminded me of my life with my brother who also died. He committed suicide. It sounds like you and Rodney were very close.

I remember feeling like you do now, still expecting to see him around and not really knowing how to accept it. I don't understand why these things happen either.

I want you to know that it will get easier. And what you are feeling is totally normal.

[4myrockstar]

Nicolebrooke...

Rodney died in a car accident...he wasn't speeding, he wasn't drinking, he was wearing his seatbelt....it is very hard trying to deal with it....I'm sorry to hear about your brother....how long ago did he die?...I know it has to be harder for someone close to you to commit suicide....you probably wonder why ever day....and yes I was very close to Rodney.....I had known him since the minute I was born.....

Dream as if you'll live forever....Live as if you'll die today...I love you Rodney Lee

In Memory of Rodney Lee

12-10-89 to 5-27-06

You'll always be my "Rockstar"

[nicolebrooke]

4myrockstar

Well, my brother died 6 yrs ago, when he was 19 and I was 23. I suppose the closer the person is the harder, but I think also any sudden death and especially a young person - those seem pretty hard for everyone involved. With a suicide we all have a lot of guilt. And anger. And the questions like you do, why. I mean a suicide chooses to go but there are always reasons and I wonder why those things happened to my brother. They are all victims in a way.

I wish the best for your and the families.

[4myrockstar]

Nicolebrooke,

I'm very sorry about your brother it had to be very hard to go through that....I went up and sat at Rodney's grave and listened to his favorite songs with him the other day and it helped alot it helped me feel close to him...people always say time helps heal all...but it seems like I miss him more today than I did yesterday and I'll miss him more tommorow than I do today....

Dream as if you'll live forever....Live as if you'll die today....I Love you Rodney Lee...you'll forever be my "Rockstar"

In Memory of Rodney Lee

12-10-89 to 5-27-06

[Guest Guest]

Hi all,

Kimmie here, I wanted, well, I don't exactly know what i want anymore, My best friend Tanya, took the lives of her 2 sons (my godsons) and then herself on Sat. July 1st around 11 pm. Needless to say I am devastated by the loss. I thought I knew Tanya better than anyone on this earth, we have been closer than sisters since the day we met in June of 1995.

I am finding out that there are many things about her that I didnt know, that she never told me, the family, (her husband etc) are looking to me for answers that I just don't have. I don't know what to do. The more I find out the more i feel as if I never really knew her at all. I just can't believe it happened. The Tanya I knew would NEVER hurt her children, or herself. The Tanya I knew just didn't have a mean bone in her body.... I need help... I miss my friend so Horribly that I cant even begin to put it into words, and the boys... I will never hear little Wyatt call me anttimmy again, or hear Garrett and my son yapping on the phone about their little boy interests, My kids grew up w/ them, Tanya and I were pregnant together, we shared everything... At least I thought we did... I just don't know what to do, or where to go from here w/ out her.

[peter1]

Surviving a Heart Attack (just read)

This one is definitely worth your minute: I suffered a heart attack recently and I did one thing that brought almost immediate relief.

With all my strength I tried to stretch my body and overcome the bending position one is forced to when suffering a heart attack.

I put myself in supine position, put my STRETCHED ARMS TO THE SIDES at slightly greater tha right angle and stopped tossing and turning and moving my fingers, which I thought was the best way to REDUCE ADRENALINE – the main culprit of a HA. I felt almost immediate improvement in the depth of my breath, the pain the muscle cramp started receding. After 15 minutes I was able to stand up.

Putting arms to the sides looks to make the chest and muscles inside it expand and that streches the cramped heart muscle (like soccer players stretch their cramped calf by bending the foot to the maximum, just raise your arms above the head level and you can see it does make the chest expand). Staying totally motionless seems to induce a state of maximum relaxation of the body (which reduces adrenaline.) and muscles (including the heart muscle).

Please try using this technique when facing death. It can really help you and your relatives survive a heart attack.

Greetings

Andrew

[blackmoon]

Hi,

I need a bit of advice. My mother's friend is dying. I'll call her "Kay". Kay and my mom have been best buddies since my dad passed in '98. They would go out to lunch, shopping, to the casino, and such. A few months ago Kay told my mom that she had lumps on her neck and that she was going to the doctor. The day of her appointment came and went. My mom sat waiting for her call. It never came. Finally, my mom called her and Kay told my mom that she was very "sick" and needed "strong" medicine. We figured out that maybe it was a type of lymphoma. My mother waited and waited and still Kay wouldn't call her. Mom called her again only to find that her phone was disconnected. Finally Kay's sister called and told my mom that Kay was indeed sick with cancer and that she was placed in a nursing home. Kay doesn't want anyone to know where she is and she would be angry at her sister if she found out that she told my mom. Kay is terminal. She is a very private person, and proud too. She stopped chemo treatments because of the side affects. We found out where she is living and I sort of feel that we should pop in on her...my mother is against the idea. I know she wants to see Kay, but she doesn't want to intrude. I think she should. No one should be alone at a time like this. What do you think??

[alwaysmyjennifer]

blackmoon, a brief moment of discomfort or embarassment or even anger will fade, but these two dear ladies were friends for many years. Take your mom to visit her. Stay with your mom so she has you for support in case things don't go quite as "planned". When a person is dying, they face many emotions, fear, anxiety, anger, depression, sadness, and other feelings of rejection, isolation, abandonment, finality. Your mom's friend needs a friend, so I think your mom needs to go to support her in her moment of need. From what you write, they were very close friends, so they may just hit it off again and have a grand visit. Please let us know how their visit goes, if they actually do have a visit.

[Guest Guest]

My name is Shelly. 6 months ago my best friend in the world was killed by a drunk driver as well as her 14 year old daughter. This was a bomb dropped on me as I never thought in my life I would go to visit my friend at the cemetery. She was my rock through all the hardships I had to endure growing up. I wouldn't be where I am today without the influence of her and her family. I can't bring myself to try to "forget" her. I think about her all the time. It is a little bit ironic that I think about her more in death than I ever did in life. She is gone. I just can't seem to put my mind around that. I visit her grave. I say prayers to God that he is looking out for her family she has left behind. She left behind 4 other children and a husband. I am mad as hell that this has happened. I don't think it is fair that some of her children won't even know her or remember her when they are grown except for pictures and peoples' accounts. I am a mother of two very young children. I haven't had time to properly grieve. I am greiving slowly which I don't think is all that healthy for me or my relationship with my husband. That is why I have found this website. Is there a time limit on grief? Will I still be crying in the dark late at night or in my car when the children are asleep in 2 years, 3 years, 5 years? I have been having to hide my grief from so many as they think it is a sign of weakness. I need somewhere to go with all of this inside of me. I have yet to find someone who understands. Where do you put all these feelings of losing your best friend of 25 years when you are 32 years old? She was my sister. She held onto so many memories and secrets of my life for 25 years. She held it and now I have no one to laugh about the time we went to her crush's house when we were 14 and his brother stared at me the whole hour we were there. Those memories are lost in a grave in our hometown. Tell me I am normal in my prolonged grief for her. Tell me that I am right for feeling like I have been abandoned because of someone else's stupid decision to get behind the wheel and crash head-on into my best friend's vehicle killing two very innocent people. I think that I need to tell the world what a beautiful person she was. She was a light to all who met her. Thank you for your time reading this and maybe you can shed some light on my grief.

[Guest Guest]

I just recently lost my friend/neighbor. Her name was Ruth. She was 101 years old. I am having a hard time. I helped in the transition with Hospice of helping her be comfortable. She was in pain and I gave her the medication. She passed away Aug 2nd 2006. She was more then a friend. She was a person that showed life. and Was very active and loving. She was fiesty and that kept her alive. I am upset she gave up. She was missing her husband, He died in 1985 and shes been alone ever since.

I have tried to communicate with her daughter. Might as well be talkling to a briock wall. She and her mom didnt get along. She didnt come when her mom was dying. She wouldnt help out at all. She didnt care about her mom and she lied in her moms face. She would tell her she loved her and turn to me and say she doesnt love her mom. Her daughter told me if I knew she was dying I would of come. I told Hospice that and they said they tried several times to contact her to say get down here and help. Her Daughter ignored them. Her Daughter and Grandson didnt care. Me and another caregiver was the only one who cared for her. We both cared for her. If she called I come running, If she needed me I was there. We bonded so strongly I never met someone so strong. Ruth had her times when she can really yell at you and get mad but later she would calm down. I would hug and kiss her and I tell her every day I see her that I love her. I was there when she fell. I was there when she came home from the hospital. I was there for her anytime.

Anyone had a friend that is elderly and the child doesnt care or want to help?

[jenny35k]

I was the Guest that wrote about Ruth. Today we had the Funeral and the Burial. It was hard seeing her go in the ground. I mioss her so much. I loved her a lot. She and I had a Bond. She was 101 years old and if you did little things she appreciated it. I miss her So much. I had cried off and on today. I cried really hard and I had not cried since she died on Aug 2nd. It hit me hard. I gave a good Eulogy and I spoke of her. I was her "Tree and her Tall Friend" I am having a hard time. It comes and goes. I am more upset with my manager of my park. I had cried when I got a visit from Hospice I was happy to see them because they did the best for her. I told my park manager they gave me a certificate of Appreciation and I cried hard. I talked to my park manager the next day and i told her and she said I heard you and Lucky for you there wasnt business today because i would of been afraid you would of scared off people wanting to buy in the park. I was like fine whatever. I said I am sorry and I said I had a cry and I needed that

Ruths Daughter she talks how good of a daughter she was and I am like I was more to her. I am thinking I was more close. I was the one she loved. I was the one that made her mom comfortable her last days. She said she come down a lot. I knew she was lying. She lied. I was there day and night. Those last days I was there Morning noon and night. I was there. She refused to come down and The hospice knew she lied because they tried calling her. Ruths daughter refused to come. Her Grandson Kevin wouldnt come. It is funny how she cares. I was the one. Ruths Neighbor Kaliegh when she came was for Money and her phone. I came over there because I wanted too. I brought things to her and not ever asked for anything. She would hug and kiss me. She tell me se loves me. I know she did and I told her a lot I love her and I still do.

[Guest Guest]

Hi. My name is Emily, and I’m here to talk about my friend Alix. Ten months and a day, on October 29th, 2005, she was killed in a car accident. Alix was the one person I had always ‘thought’ I would never lose. I met her in first grade, and we were friends since. (I am 21, a senior in college). I found this site from googling, after a song that came on my iTunes put me in tears. I never really wanted to spill my guts online, but I just keep realizing that I’ve not progressed at ALL in dealing with her death.

I was the only female in our family growing up, so Alix is pretty much my sister. She brought so much out in me, confidence, a lot. (We were, in her words, very “Yin and Yang”. She was very outgoing, and crazy, and I’m a bit more introverted. But we brought both sides out in each other.) She inspired me in so many ways, and she’s really the strongest connection I’d made in my life. Yeah I have other friends, but nothing is the same.

And at times, I get REALLY mad. Not just angry that she had to die so young, that I had to lose her. But she was cremated. I just really would like a lace to go and ‘visit’ her. I know the accident was BAD (she wasn’t drunk/high/under any influence, but it’s probable she was speeding. She was exiting the highway and somehow basically hit the median, flew over, and slammed into a large van. She was in a VW Golf Hatchback). So open casket wasn’t an option, but I just wanted to be so mad at her mother and father. I know I don’t have much right, but it just feels like she just *poof* disappeared.

I do think of myself as a…? not religious, but I believe in God, I do believe (or HOPE) for Heaven, and I don’t want to lose my faith, but it just doesn’t make sense. And I’m a smart girl, I realize life’s not fair. It’s just hard to swallow the truth. Recently, I’ve been wondering if maybe I need to do to a psychiatrist/whatever to help me with my grief, but I just don’t know. I’m an easily emotional one, so it’s tough for me to actually talk about things because I tend to get sobby. I’m sorry this is so long. I started writing it on your website, then lost some, so I’ve been typing into MS Word. To anyone that read this, thank you. I don’t know what else to say…

[racespeed]

i am 37 years old and on Feb 21 2002 I lost my bestfriend Rob, we had know each other since first grade, he was as close as a brother, he help me get through my childhood and a bad relationship, he would have done anything for me and I for him, on feb 21 we went and found a road to drag race on, at one point in the race a car was comming at us, I swerved over in front of Robs car and he lost control and crashed, he was killed almost instantly, but my grief and guilt over that day live on in me, i will never forget the sound, or the look of his car. day after day I go through all the " what ifs" but i know nothing can change what has happend, I guess what I would like to know is, has anybody gone through something like this and will it ever get better? I love you Rob I miss you and Im so sorry bra.

[elaine1231]

I know exactly how you feel! My Best Friend was murdered along with her two children, one was 13 and the other only 5 weeks old. Her husband murdered them and I still am in so much pain. This all happened 5/2/05 and I still think of them daily. I still have very bad days where I cry and can't sleep at night but I don't cry everyday like I used to. Andrea and I were best friends for 20 years (We knew each other longer but became best friends later)It doesn't help matters any that the murderer still contacts us (letters) with mean hateful things to say. Lord help me, but, I still hold so much hate for him for doing this to us! I really need help in that regard!! I really hope that you can get through this time in your life. I have to say it has gotten easier but I don't think the pain and disbelief will ever go away! Hope you are coping better now. Elaine

My name is Shelly. 6 months ago my best friend in the world was killed by a drunk driver as well as her 14 year old daughter. This was a bomb dropped on me as I never thought in my life I would go to visit my friend at the cemetery. She was my rock through all the hardships I had to endure growing up. I wouldn't be where I am today without the influence of her and her family. I can't bring myself to try to "forget" her. I think about her all the time. It is a little bit ironic that I think about her more in death than I ever did in life. She is gone. I just can't seem to put my mind around that. I visit her grave. I say prayers to God that he is looking out for her family she has left behind. She left behind 4 other children and a husband. I am mad as hell that this has happened. I don't think it is fair that some of her children won't even know her or remember her when they are grown except for pictures and peoples' accounts. I am a mother of two very young children. I haven't had time to properly grieve. I am greiving slowly which I don't think is all that healthy for me or my relationship with my husband. That is why I have found this website. Is there a time limit on grief? Will I still be crying in the dark late at night or in my car when the children are asleep in 2 years, 3 years, 5 years? I have been having to hide my grief from so many as they think it is a sign of weakness. I need somewhere to go with all of this inside of me. I have yet to find someone who understands. Where do you put all these feelings of losing your best friend of 25 years when you are 32 years old? She was my sister. She held onto so many memories and secrets of my life for 25 years. She held it and now I have no one to laugh about the time we went to her crush's house when we were 14 and his brother stared at me the whole hour we were there. Those memories are lost in a grave in our hometown. Tell me I am normal in my prolonged grief for her. Tell me that I am right for feeling like I have been abandoned because of someone else's stupid decision to get behind the wheel and crash head-on into my best friend's vehicle killing two very innocent people. I think that I need to tell the world what a beautiful person she was. She was a light to all who met her. Thank you for your time reading this and maybe you can shed some light on my grief.

[txlocal]

Dear Emily,

I'm so sorry for the loss of your friend, Alix. I know it is hard to deal with a loss of someone you love and thought would always be here. I know that she is around you; she is near by and you can express your goodbye to her at any time. Talk to her. It helps. I've also lost several friends over the years to suicide (more than one), drug overdose, stupidity (doing something they knew was dangerous), and I almost lost my husband to a very bad motorcycle accident. Thankfully, and thru God's grace, he survived with no complications. I'm glad to hear you believe in God. I don't think we could make it thru some of the awful things that comes from this world without Him. Prayer is a powerful tool; it can help you in all areas. That is the first place to start.

I recently sent a book to a friend of mine who lost her 18 year old son to a hit and run accident in December of last year. It helped her. I would like to recommend it; it may help you too. It is called 90 Minutes in Heaven. It is the true story of what one man went thru after a horrible car accident. He was pronounced dead at the scene for 90 minutes. During this time, a preacher came upon the scene and, thru God's direction, wanted to pray for the "dead man". It's a wonderful story that affirmed my belief of the power of God and prayer. After reading it, I also look at the anniversary of my loved ones death differently. I say, instead of the anniversary of their death, it is the anniversary of their journey to Heaven. It's hard to let sadness consume you when you look at it that way and know what a wonderful place they are in. It helped my friend on December 30th to think of it as her son's anniversary of his journey to Heaven rather than his death. It helps me too.

This site is a wonderful place to start for getting your feelings out. It also helps to know that others have had similiar experiences and to learn from on just lean on them in the "hard times". If you feel you still need more help, than seeing a professional is a great idea. I wish you all of God's love and healing.

Suzanne

[Kelly]

We just got back in our popular Remember Pins. Show that you are remembering a loved one by wearing these pins. The proceeds cover the cost of the pins and help support Beyond Indigo. Too see the pins and wristbands as well as place an order copy and paste this link into a new broswer window.

http://www.beyondindigo.com/sunshop/index.php?action=category&id=2

Kelly

[Guest Guest]

Hi, my name is Autumn.I have a dilemma that I don't know how to handle. i've been trying to on my own for years but I think it has caused me to start having anxiety.I lost my best friend almost 11 years ago but it is the way that I lost her that drags on. We were like sisters and I hooked her up with my uncle who wasn't a lot older than us because she had a crush on him. Well one day them and some of my other family went fishing. My uncle was playing with a gun and drinking and he shot her in the face. They were alone in the woods everyone else were fishing.My dad was there and he was the one who broke the news to me at my home.My uncle served 4 years and my familt act like it was no big deal. However I have been scarred deeply and just recently I was in the room with my family HIM included(only the 3rd time I;ve seen him since this happened I've never SPOKE to him)and I was the outsider. So not only has he took my best friend from me he keeps me from my family.They act like it's no big deal but I know my friends father(she was an only child) and this destroyed him and I guess me too. I guess my question is how do I deal with this. In the past yeay I have developed anxiety problems and I feel this maybe the core of it. Thanks for any advice.

[freebirds]

Thank you Autumn for writing me and bringing me back to this website... I lost my bestfriend.. I met her in Kindergarden, we were the best of friends. did everything together. she was part of my family. always went on vacations with me. I lost her along with 2 other friends in a car accident we were 15. I'm 27 now but it seems like it happened yesterday. I named my baby girl after her.. Melissa.. My bestfriend's name was Melissa but we called her Missy.. I don't know if I can call my daughter Missy though.. It's too hard.. I can't believe that it has been 12 years and it still hurts. But I would like to tell everyone on this website what got me through this ordeal. God. He is the only one that can get anyone through anything. He wanted me to lose my bestfriend at a young age because He was trying to teach me something... I've learned a lot from this experience. We are only on this earth for a short time and we have to make the most of it. I loved Missy and I would have loved if we would have gotten our lisences together, gradutate highschool together, go off to college together, plan weddings together, have kids together and just grow old together. I grew up with her, she was my sister. Met her when I was 5 and we were unseparable until this happened. I felt responsible for a long time for what happened to her because she was supposed to come to a friends house with me that night.. But I left her at the party because I had to call my Mom at my friend's house before my curfew... And I was so selfish that I left her there so I could get to my friend's house in time.. little did I know that that was going to be the last time I would see her... It breaks my heart in two to think about how close I could have came to saving her... But see you can't think that way. It made me such a strong person.. I figured if I could get through that I could get through anything.. Sure I did go the wrong way for awhile because it hurt too bad not to try to escape it with drinking and drugs.. But I can say everything in my life that I have done has brought me to this particular moment... Maybe I'm helping someone who just can't take it anymore think that they are not the only one.. We can all help eachother by talking about it and sharing our experiences and tell eachother what helped us get through the really bad times.. Maybe we could even make new friendships that we thought we would never make again.. I know that I have never found a friend as good as Missy and I don't try to replace her either... It just stays with you though.. You miss that bond.. That one person who knew every little thing about you and always knew what to say.. you had so many inside jokes with... Someone who you could be silly with... Someone who you could spend time with without even saying a word and you were still having fun.. Yes, I miss all of that.. But I am thankful that I did have that for 10 years of my life... Some people out there never get a chance to have a great friend like that... Some people have no friends at all...

[Guest Guest]

I lost a dear friend in 96' her name was Misty Nichole Daigle.I first met her at the Y.M.C.A and that day was the best by far of any others.I heard she had died in a car wreck but as I would come to find out later that wasn't true.I had met a guy by the name of Van Creekant the last name might be spelled different.I met him at Misty's house he was polite so I thought nothing of it.I went to Misty's that day we met just to say hello and see how she was doing.I worked out at the Y.M.C.A it was close to her house and that I liked for the fact I could stop by after wards to see if she wanted to go grab a bite to eat.I know everyone lost a special person that day due to violence,someone having the control over such a small young girl and being the one in control.I heard Van had the wreck staged to look like the wreck had killed her.I believe Misty was dead before the wreck. I know god died for our sins but did not die for a "MURDERER" a coward that had to be in control may he burn in "HELL". Sincerely Jamie Lockridge

[Guest Guest]

I have created a website for Little Angel Elijah Simpson.

I want his memory kept alive forever. The brutal murder of this little boy touched my heart. It has saddened me to no end and i just felt like i wanted everyone to help me keep his memory alive so please visit his website and light a candle for this precious little angel!

http://elijah-simpson.memory-of.com/

[Guest Guest]

Young E-Published writer who has lost her mother, father, pets, friends, babies and many significant others is putting the finishing touches on a table book which captures the humorous and sometimes inappropriate remarks that children and adults make when choosing what to say to someone who has suffered the loss of a Parent, Spouse, Lover, Friendship, Pet, Child or Business Partnership is seeking your contribution today.

These stories are not exclusive to death as loss can include those who have moved away from us either physically or emotionally. We are NOT seeking stories relating to the loss of jobs, homes or other personal property.

Painful memories when shared in a safe environment can often be soul healers so we hope you'll take the time to share with our understanding group.

When replying, please include your first name, age and the subject of the loss on the subject line:

i.e. LOSS OF PARENT or LOSS OF CHILD, etc.

Please fill out a survey here:

http://www.zoomerang.com/survey.zgi?p=WEB226E49J9JZG

-OR-

Send your responses to:

tablebook2007@yahoo.com

-OR-

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/tablebook2007/

Many thanks,

[mofirefly]

I had hoped I wouldn't have to visit this site as losing a friend brings with it another level of grief. Our dear friend since high school was in a car accident Apr 27 and has been on life support since. We just found out by email that he passed away (while listening to Mash on TV) on Sun and will be buried near the Air Force Base where there are B52's the type of plane he and my husband use to work on. This has caused my husband to have to deal with death on a new level as he has not lost anyone really close to him except for a grandfather some years ago. For me it feels like I'm being slammed right back to the day I got the call about my mom's car accident. Friends are special people you choose to be a part of your life and they are usually close to your own age so you have lots in common - then when they are taken away, you feel like you have lost one of your own lifelines. It hurts because he was our friend - as I am aware how others who come here are hurting because of their friends - and so we begin to travel down another path to try to find comfort in this time of sorrow. May all the others on these boards have a peaceful day!

[4everjoeysmom]

Mofirefly, I'm so sorry. Losing a friend is so hard. It's so weird and different when it's a friend--someone your age--so close to home. In my early 20's a young man I had dated when in high school died in a terrible accident. I remember when I was in my mid 20's, one of my very closest childhood friends passed away. I remember how very weird it felt walking into the funeral home, seeing her mother, seeing margot lying in that coffin, and seeing all of my childhood friends gathered around to mourn "one of ours". The mortality hits you square in the face. It's so surreal... and painful...

Please accept my deepest sympathies on your loss. Blessings, Claudia

[mofirefly]

Claudia - I knew that if anyone responded it would probably be you and I want you to know that it brought me a great deal of comfort. I've been doing my best to let my husband talk about his friend as much as possible - they met in the 8th grade and have been friends forever it seems. It was strange when I told his mother of the death that her remark was she'd be sure to not mention it around him????? Just one more reminder of how differently people react to a death of someone they didn't really know. I've always tried to let people express their emotions no matter if I knew the person or not. Oh dear, I'm rambling again, and it's close to time to think about fixen something to eat. I do hope you have had a peaceful day and again thank you for your kind words.

[Kelly]

Good Afternoon,

Beyond Indigo is undergoing a redesign and upgrade. We have been working on this project for many months now and have a few more updates to make before it will go live. One of these updates or new features is an e-card program. People will be able to send out I am thinking of you cards, birthdays, anniversary of the loss cards, etc. We are looking for people to submit e-cards they have created to be included in this program. We do have the ability to send out the cards with a watermark on them. The artist would retain the copyright unless we purchased the e-card or it was given to us freely. If you have some e-cards you have created and want them to be considered please email them to Kelly@beyondindigo.com.

Thanks!

Kelly Baltzell, MA

President

Beyond Indigo

[Guest Guest]

um, being reading your messages and finding some comfort i guess in that im not alone, however some of the comments scare me witless as grief is obviously so profoundly felt even after many years. i recently (7 weeks) ago lost my very best friend in a completely unexpected freak accident, and i cant imagine still feeling like this for years. outwardly im "getting on with it" but inside im a mess - a big one. i was kinda looking for reassurance that at some point it wont fell like someone has punched me in the chest.

[4everjoeysmom]

Dear Guest, I'm so sorry for your loss. 7 weeks is not very long--barely enough time for the shock to wear off. You will feel this deep hurt and loss for some time, but I assure you it won't always feel like someone is puching you in your chest, knocking the wind from your sails. Catastrophic loss affects us all so differently, but yet so similar in many respects. We all can only hope that in time the good memories are enough to sustain us as we cope with the void that has opened in our lives. Losing ones very best friend is so painful--that person you shared so much with. I lost my 24 year old son last year. It still hurts deeply because I miss him so much. But I am learning to walk forward and to breathe again without the heaviness that hurts with each breath. There will always be that void. And in those moments when I miss him so much for conversations I wish I could be having now, I talk to him. I know he can't hear me, but my heart doesn't care about that. It just feels good sometimes to say his name and to talk to him as if he were here. You will have moments that are tougher than others. But you will learn to laugh out loud again and to not feel scared to let others be close to you. It all takes time. Through all the loss I've endured over the years, nothing has hit me like the loss of my child. And even so, I am surviving it, amazingly, and with a heart that still loves deeply. You can do this too. It's not easy, but you definitely are not alone. You can always find a friend here to talk to as you hourney through your loss and grief. I've connected with so many caring people here. Some do suffer much longer than others. But I've also seen many heal in amazing timeframes. I think what we choose to focus on is a catalyst too for how long we despair and stay in the moment. We all suffer "the missing" for what seems an eternity as we carry out our lives here. But when we can wrap ourselves in the love and cherished memories, it warms like a blanket through the pain. Try to imagine how your friend might want you to carry on. Find ways to honor your friend in things you do, and continue the dreams you shared together when possible. All of that helps to ease the pain. Time is really all that helps, and it's really all we have. I can't imagone my pain being so deep for many, mnay years. It's there still, but it is morphing into a less jagged edge. Yours will too in time. Your friend will always be with you, in your heart and soul. Not even death can steal away the love we share so deeply with another. Love lives for eternity. I know there isn;t much comfort in all of that right now, but I hope and pray you will find comfort along the journey and in knowing that the connection to your friend lives on in you. Blessings & Hugs, Claudia

[Guest Guest]

I have a new book to recommend to those of you who are struggling with the loss of a friend:

Last Writes: A Daybook for a Dying Friend by Laurel Richardson, Ph.D.

This new ethnographic work intimately chronicles a long-term friendship in its final months of life as one of the friends succumbs to emphysema. Last Writes: A Daybook for a Dying Friend began as a tool to help author Laurel Richardson cope with the illness and eventual death of her dear friend and colleague, Betty Frankel Kirschner. Rich in emotional detail, honesty, and reflection, this daybook becomes part memoir, part sociological analysis, and part eulogy as it portrays the deep relationship between two women as one dies, the care each gives the other through the process, and the impact that illness, death and dying has on friends and family alike. A very touching expression of intimate emotions and a very engaging analysis of the social and emotional management of death and dying from the unique perspective of a close friend.

Paperback (978-1-59874-187-2) $24.95

Hardback (978-1-59874-186-5) $65.00

A 15% discount on web orders to the United States at www.LCoastPress.com.

[Guest Guest]

I just lost my little sister 6 weeks ago. She was out for a run with one of her teammates from Minnesota State University Mankato and an SUV crossed 2 lanes of traffic and went up on the curb and hit her. She died instantly. She was 18 and had graduated from high school this last spring as valedictorian. She would have been Mankato's top female runner had she gotten the chance to run - she'd been sidelined with an injury the first 2 months of the season. The day she died was actually the first day in a month and a half that the trainer let her go out and run instead of cross training. She was my best friend. We were both at school in Mankato, but now I've moved back with my parents cuz I can't stand to stay there anymore without my sister. They say time heals but I think u just learn to live with the pain. I don't think that this kind of pain ever heals.

[amberi]

I have been posting for awhile on I miss him cuz my husband passed this year in May. But I came here cuz recently as in last sun. my good friend and ex-boyfriend killed himself. and about a month ago my cousin killed himself. Both were on antidep. and had drinkin beer. I dont know what or why exactly they did it but they are both gone. I was not close with my cousin really didnt know him well, but I miss my friend.

When he found out my husband passed he was very careing, he called my mom and talked to her. I never got to talk to him, I waited to long always said someday and now that day is gone and will never again have that opportunity.

My thoughts and prayers go out to all, grief is grief no matter what the relationship it still hurts and it still sucks and we want them back.

Take care all,

amber

[Guest jess]

never loose hope in life.. you would be very surprised by how many people really do like you in life. im sure debbie is watching you from heaven and praying for you. stay possitive and remember there is always someone out there for everyone:) 

[Guest jeka]

You're so right ... this pain never heals and time doesn't help... It's all in the way you decide to continue your own life ... Everyday I have to tell myself that I can't let my life stop because my loved ones are gone ... I have to continue to make them proud as if they were still here with me ... I too lost my little sister along with my father in a car accident two years ago and I pray one day to understand the hows and whys ... the what ifs and what could have been ...

I feel your pain ...

[marzipan5491]

Hi, my name is Meg and I'm 16.  3 years ago on December 8th one of my best friends, Nora, died from complications of leukemia.  We were friends for as long as I can remember.  Our moms met when we were two and our families were always friends.  She went to a different school so we didn't have any "friends in common".  Even though our friendship began through our families, we sustained it on our own.  When we couldn't see each other, we had long phone conversations.  We spent our summers together at various day camps from ages 4 until we were 12.  She was the only friend I had that liked all the same things as I did when I was younger-- we traded books, obsessed about horses, wrote plays and invented "recipes" that we made our families eat.  Even though its been 3 years since she died I'm just beginning to deal with it.  So many memories or painful things surrounding her death are coming back to me and at random times during the day I feel like crying or like I want to kick something.  It so unfair!  I don't understand why she got sick and I don't understand why she died.  Since we went to different schools, I was left out of a lot of things that her school friends did for her after she died and I don't have anybody to talk to about her.  My friends try to understand but they can't because they didn't know Nora and they haven't experienced someone so close to them die.  I don't have anybody to talk to!  I'm still in touch with her family but its a weird relationship. I  know its hard for them to see me because I remind them so much of her and how she would be growing up and all the things she would be doing, and its also hard for me to see them and see her little sister growing up.  At the same time though, I feel like they're the only ones who understand how much I miss her.  Her mom says she loves to see me but she never initiates anything because it IS really painful, so its kind of up to me.  At what point am I intruding on their lives?  Do you think it would be weird if I called her sometime and asked to meet her?  Her little sister is the most adorable, precocious 10 year old and she's so friendly and I would love to get to know her more, but its such a delicate situation. 

I'm seeing a therapist because I've been having a LOT of trouble sleeping the past few months (it all started with the anniversary of her death in December), but I just can't seem to open up to her. I really have trouble talking to people about how I feel, which, I guess, is why I'm here.

Any advice on how to approach my relationship with Nora's family would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you!

[Guest gary carlow]

that was my aunt

[Guest Zuza]

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[cryingeyes]

Last year on April 27 my best friend lost her Mama to ovarian cancer. Well, this year it really has sunk in for me that she is gone.

See, when I was in highschool my bf's family sort of took to me and I spent alot of time at their house.  They were always so good to me. Even when my own mother couldn't be for whatever reasons.

I lost my dear Daddy 2 and 1/2 years ago. I miss him so and I miss Mama Mims now too.

You will always be in heart and thoughts, I miss you and love you always and forever and ever, my other Mama,

Love,

you know who

[Guest guest]

hi,

four and a half weeks ago i was having a nice conversation with my best friend paul on the  phone who told me that he would always look after me, was very proud of me and would love me with all his heart forever, a month on and im lying in bed crying myself to sleep every night and lockin myself away from the world because he commited suicide in one of the worse possible ways,

it bloody hard losing someone through illness or accident but to think he thought  that he had no one to talk to or no one that loved him and to take his own life at the age of 19 is one of the hardest things in the world, i have become very ill because of all this and he would not want this for me, so i would be very grateful if someone could please just help me get out of the horrible place i am in at the min. 

[Guest ash,]

hiya,

i lost my best friend a month ago to suicide and i am now deeply depressed i dont no how im ment to handle this at all i am only 17 and he was 19, i can deal with this i dnt no if i shud feel happy that hes were he wants to be or guilty because he thought i dint love him enough for him to come and talk to me,

how did you manage to come to terms with your loss any help would be most appriciated as i am becoming very ill silently and feel i cant speak to anyone.

 

[cryingeyes]

Dear Ash,

I'm really sorry to hear of your loss.

Regina